Tis the season to be trolling

Merry Christmas readers, except if you’re Scottish, an immigrant, a refugee, a Muslim, a supporter of Jeremy Corbyn, a pacifist, a republican, disabled, unemployed, on a zero hours contract, European, or a council tenant, in which case you’re a dangerous threat to decent society and the Daily Mail will shortly be coming to Rothesay to expose you. The Mail’s most recent foray into hyperbolic racist shit-stirring is only the most egregious example of press trolling this past week, but it’s by no means the only one and by no means will it be the last.

An article ‘exposing’ the fact that the Syrian refugees settled in Bute are being treated kindly and humanely was filed by someone who writes for the Mail, someone who’s a disgrace to journalism. Let’s be honest here, it’s pretty hard to disgrace a profession which human organ traffickers are able to look down on with a sense of superiority, but the Mail managed it. Organ traffickers may steal your kidney, but at least they don’t hypocritically pretend they’re doing it for the benefit of society, and they don’t occupy the moral high ground by shoving off the people who really deserve to be there. The British press does that. Organ traffickers are scum and they know they’re scum. Daily Mail journalists are scum who sell themselves as the cream on your full fat milk of human kindness.

In the Daily Mail, and in the British press as a whole, we’re supposed to be outraged that people who’ve fled death and destruction – death and destruction to which Britain is now contributing – should be living normal lives like normal people. We’re supposed to be angered that they’ve got normal things like mobile phones, and washing machines, and kids’ bicycles. We’re supposed to see kids playing innocently as an Islamofascist threat to social order. We’re supposed to be suspicious, jealous, and resentful of anyone who isn’t white, well-off, heterosexual, Conservative and a flag waving British patriot. We’re told to hate anyone who isn’t like a Daily Mail journalist. But it’s the Daily Mail journalists who are the loathesome ones.

According to a recent survey, the British press is the least trusted and the least liked of any media in any developed nation. The survey didn’t ask about the media in Scotland, but I’d put money on it being even less trusted and even more disliked than its English counterpart. Oh no, I said English. I must be a racist. That’s the level the Unionist Scottish media operate on in the strangest one party state in the world.

In Scotland, the claim that we’re a one party state is given serious airtime by a media which loses another bit of its rapidly diminishing credibility every time the claim is published. Scotland is the strangest one party state in the world. It’s the only one party state where the media is almost entirely opposed to the one party. It’s the only one party state where the opposition is never scrutinised or held to account. It’s the only one party state which is a one party state because the opposition is useless, not because they’re oppressed. In the real world you don’t get to claim victimhood because you’re a hopelessly incompetent mendacious clown, but you do if you’re a Unionist in Scotland. And their trolling bleats of complaint are presented in all seriousness by a media which lost the plot years ago. It’s the fault of the SNP that Labour in Scotland are clueless balloons.

Over the past couple of weeks we’ve seen the Scottish media going into a full scale assault on the Scottish government. Again. It’s all so boringly SNPBad predictable. The Forth Road Bridge closure was all the fault of the SNP. If you believed what you read in the papers, then Nicola Sturgeon had personally created a crack in the bridge structure by wantonly marching into Fife in a pair of tartan high heels and there was no money to repair because the entire Scottish budget was being spent on a giant chocolate sculpture of Alex Salmond.

This came shortly after sustained attacks on the party of Scottish government for the alleged misdemeanours of a couple of its MPs. MPs who were convicted, sentenced and hung out to dry by a media long before any investigation into what they may or may not have done was completed, or indeed even begun. Investigations which, it needs to be pointed out, do not include allegations of criminal behaviour. Yet at the same time the actual criminal charges being faced by a Labour MP concerning an alleged assault at a Glasgow polling station during the independence referendum went unremarked.

The Scottish media thinks that ordinary punters don’t notice that they’re doing this, that we don’t see the double standards. You see, it’s not that we think that the SNP can do no wrong. It’s not that we think that the Scottish Government is beyond criticism. It’s just that we’re not going to listen to the criticisms and cavils of a discredited media which thinks that portraying the SNP as just as bad as Labour is going to persuade us to start voting Labour again. You don’t make people start liking someone they believe is a bastard by claiming that someone else is a bastard too, and certainly not when the claims are being made by the first bastards’ pals. But that’s what the Scottish media are reduced to.

It’s comically pathetic if nothing else. It’s almost as comically pathetic as the fond delusion amongst the Unionist media that they’re neutral and unbiased. I don’t actually mind bias. I’m biased. Severely biased. But I wear my bias on my sleeve. I don’t pretend to be neutral when I’m not. The Unionist media pretends to be the sensible and dispassionate voice of a disinterested observer, when in fact they’re the self-selecting spokespersons for corporatism and the British establishment. An ocean of lies is invisible to the fish who swim in it, but clearly visible to everyone else.

And the comically pathetic self delusion of the Scottish Unionist media is comically ineffective. This week a new opinion poll showed that the SNP now enjoy an increased lead of 34% over Labour in the constituency vote for Holyrood. The media will howl, they’ll constantly predict that this time, this time, the fightback has begun and the dead horses of Labour and the Tories are responding to the whippings. But nothing will change and they’ll keep on shouting in the dark. Every season is the season to be trolling in the British media – and no one is listening any more.

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36 comments on “Tis the season to be trolling

  1. Steve Bowers says:

    Another excellent piece Paul, cutting and delightful, straight to the point. have a good xmas.

  2. BampotsUtd.wordpress.com says:

    Reblogged this on Bampots Utd.

  3. katherine hamilton says:

    Merry Christmas and a victorious New Year! Congratulations on you’re upcoming nuptials, too. You’re right of course. They do talk the most utter s***e. Habit is a hard thing to break, but even the most die hards must smell it. Really. It’s becoming an insult to all our intelligences.
    The sad bit is the perpetrators of this s***e know it’s s***e.
    Judas’s gold, the lot o’ them. Rot in hell.

  4. Anne Bruce says:

    Well said.

    Unfortunately, it will make no difference to BUM. They will continue in the same vein until they disappear off the shelves, which isn’t coming quickly enough in all honesty.

  5. barpe4 says:

    A cracking critique of our beloved BUM, they seem to have a death wish – so let’s just help them along by not buying their biased rags!

  6. Margaret says:

    Did Nicola cause the fracture that occurred on the Channel Tunnel rail causing the tunnel to be closed and tailbacks of 6hours plus. Why was it not repaired 5years ago?

    Funny how there has been no outrage about this, it must have been obvious that rails
    made from steel would fail

    • Fae Queen says:

      No, Margaret, that was caused when the SNP’s freight train full of chocolate Salmonds was rammed by the hourly Westminster gravy train going in the opposite direction on the wrong track as usual.

    • WRH2 says:

      The SNP are responsible for everything, especially the bad stuff. And if it’s not necessarily bad, well it can be spun as bad.

  7. jivetoaster says:

    Fun fact: if you type “hated by” into Google, the autocomplete will provide “the daily mail” as the first non-generic option.

  8. Fae Queen says:

    In Christmas Cracking form! Looking forward to curling up with both collected Yaps and Barking over the hols. Happy Yule x

  9. davy1600 says:

    The Daily Mail and its journalist’s are shite, sounds right.

  10. macart763M says:

    You have an uncanny knack for putting into words what we feel.


  11. Simon Dewar says:

    FFS! Paul, will you stop with the facts and accurate reporting of exactly how the rancid arse end of the gutter press & medja are actually behaving, it’s f**kin embarrassing!

  12. Walter Scott says:

    The really awful thing is that the Mail, Record, Scotsman etc think they’re readers are gullible morons. Does any European country have a worse press media than Scotland? Do they think their readers are 5 year olds?

  13. […] Source: Tis the season to be trolling […]

  14. Hugh Bryce says:

    Is there such a thing as the Scottish Press. I wouldn’t know as i haven’t bought a paper since the referendum.

  15. Hector says:

    “An ocean of lies is invisible to the fish who swim in it, but clearly visible to everyone else”. What a beautiful, eloquent line. So apt, I think it should be used in any advertising campaign for Wee Ginger Dug, Wings Over Scotland etc.

  16. Indycat says:

    Yes Kelty loves your work Paul – Merry Christmas🙂

  17. WRH2 says:

    “The Unionist media pretends to be the sensible and dispassionate voice of a disinterested observer, when in fact they’re the self-selecting spokespersons.” I’ve just managed to stop laughing at that line and mop the tears of laughter that flowed down my face. Sensible? The Scottish unionist media? That’s some pretence/delusion for them to be struggling with.
    Have a restful Xmas and New Year. We will be needing you in the New Year to keep us sane.

  18. David Agnew says:

    UK media, particularly in Scotland have become nothing more than cringe peddlers. Nothing they do is working because the target audience – the snp voter – have stopped listening. Non snp voters who are moderate in their views are slowly being repulsed by the argument. That leaves the only folk who think the MSM is doing a good job are the foaming mouthed pouters or yoons as they are now being called.

    This is the fruit of victory for them – poor bastards.

    • Luigi says:

      David, I think they have already given up on the snp voters. The red tories continue to haemorrhage what is left of their support in Scotland. This is all about stopping the rot, holding on desperately to what they still have. The unionistwagons have been circled. The crazy thing is; more desperate they become, the more they offend those that have moved to the SNP, thus hardening SNP support, which is now more or less immune to the establishment propaganda spewed continuously by the corporate media.

      This last great throw of the dice, the all out propaganda assault on the SNP; which is now in full swing, may indeed slow down the move to independence. But the process still continues, albeit at a slower pace, and those that have seen the light have been forged in the fires of adversity. They are hardened and will never be persuaded to return to the fold. This is actually what we want, hardened supporters, not flakies who may bottle it once again at the last minute. Aye, we actually have much to thank the corporate media for – by slowing the process they have actually strengthened us. The cat is out of the bag, processes have begun which cannot now be reversed. It’s only a matter of time.

  19. Brilliant once again Sir.

  20. Macart says:

    The difference between a UK Prime Minister and a First Minister of Scotland?

    The First Minister of Scotland is in the job despite the best/worst efforts of the media.

  21. Dan Huil says:

    It’s a vicious circle for BritNat journalists. They heavily, hysterically criticise the SNP government then stand open-mouthed when the public’s reaction does not compute with their own. So they increase the hysterical criticism and the public reacts accordingly. It’s a form of arrogance on the Britnat media’s part. They still think that because they are printed in traditional newspapers their views are more important than internet journalists. No wonder newspaper circulation is falling. No wonder the bbc is a laughing stock. No sympathy.

  22. Helena says:

    Brilliant article.

    I know I keep repeating myself but the SNP baaad flood from the corp media is also for the benefit of those South of the border. I was exposed to the idiotic, ignorant and dangerous views of Scotland and the Scotgov, when in NE England in October this year, visiting some very long standing friends.

    My cousin and partner just visited us last weekend, from Gateshead. We talked a bit about politics, and when I mentioned UKOK, they were quite horrified as they had not heard the yookay, called UKOK before. They didn’t like it one bit!

    When I said I would not shop at certain shops as they threatened to leave if we voted yes, my cous and partner said they did not hear or see any of that kind of thing. They were oblivious to the hatred, smearing and lies from ‘Project Fear’, and think the Indy ref was all a democratic process in 2014.

    The thing is they do not equate the media demonisation of Scotland, the SNP and in particular A Salmond, with the nastiness shown towards J Corbyn. They do however see Labour as tory now, still pinning their hopes on JC. Sadly.

    So, if you ensure your neighbour looks like a dictatorship, they become your enemy. And we all know what the yookay do to their perceived enemies.

    Dangerously ratcheting up the hatred and fear, the corp media may try to steer such a negative mindset in our neighbours, that an attack on Scotland could be seen as justified, or self inflicted!

    I know, it’s far fetched, but stranger things have happened.

    Happy Xmas to all.

  23. gavin says:

    David Torn-Erse claimed in the Herald that the Daily Mail was just hunky-dory with him, and that all the Brit Nat propagandists that pollute our media are the last word in fairness, metropolitan wisdom and the British Way.

    You just have to read the couthy words in the columns of Alan Cochrane and Jinty Hjul, and read about the warm welcome they gave to a next door neighbour during the referendum. Yes, a lovely pair, so well matched!

  24. Sue de Nymme says:

    Come on now chaps, let’s have a laugh. It is Christmas after all.

    Here is the Cons latest revelation about how bad SNP is. SNP have caused a collapse in Scottish Country Dancing.

    No, really, here it is……. http://www.scottishconservatives.com/2015/12/7905/

    • Sue de Nymme says:

      It gets even funnier when you go to what they stand for. They say, “We are a party of localism. Scottish Conservatives believe that decisions should be made as close to the people as possible. Big government stifles local action. We believe in re-empowering local communities.”

  25. Merry Xmas and a Happy New Year to you Paul and your husband -to-be and all your legion of fans.

    Latest name for SCottish Unionist Media -SCUM.

    You’re the top blogger for critical dissection and weapons grade analysis,lang may yer lum reek.

    Keep up the good work.

  26. xsticks says:

    Thanks so much for all your superb writing Paul. Have a Merry Xmas and I wish you, the dug and your new partner all the best for the New Year.

    You’ve managed to highlight all the highs and lows that we have all felt throughout our journey to independence and done it better than almost anyone else. You are quite a wordsmith Mr Kavanagh and we’re very lucky to have you on our side.

  27. Not sure if you are going to do another post today but just in case you aren’t I hope you have a fantastic Christmas.

  28. macart763M says:

    Heh, Steve beat me to it.🙂

    Wishing all the very best to you and yours Paul.

    In fact the very best of the season to all the readers of WGD.

  29. diabloandco says:

    Hope you and yours , indeed everyone had a good Christmas and will have a fantastic 2016 – I do not extend those good wishes to the churnalists of Scotland

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