The stink of a dead goldfish

Dianne Abbott,Labour’s shadow International Development Secretary, has upset the pouters and pettit lips of Labour in Scotland – which to be fair isn’t hard to do – by pointing out the bleedin obvious. All she said is that Labour is screwed and won’t get itself unscrewed in time for May’s Holyrood election. And it’s blatantly clear to any observer of Scottish politics that the entire contents of B&Q’s tools department isn’t enough to unscrew Labour in Scotland. Give the party access to the contents of your average DIY store, and they’d only use the spades to dig themselves even deeper into the hole that they’re in.

A nameless spokespouter huffed that no one pays any attention to Dianne Abbott in Scotland, adding that she doesn’t have a clue about Scottish politics. Sadly for the pouter, you could say exactly the same about the Labour party in Scotland, which goes a long way to explaining why they’re in such a mess.

What a difference a year makes. A year ago Labour had just elected Jim Murphy as its leaderette, and he was striding the stage of the Scottish media and making regular appearances on every single bloody episode of Reporting Scotland telling one and all how Labour, but Jim in particular, was going to kick the arse of the SNP. The Scottish media lapped it up. This was a big hitter hitting big. While the indy supporting part of Scotland laughed with glee, Jim was confidently claiming that the only reason we were laughing was to cover up our existential terror that Jim was going to wipe the floor with us.

The Unionist media cheered in agreement. Without a shred of objective evidence, they accepted Jim’s bluster and got out the red white and blue bunting. Scotland had narrowly voted no, and they wanted to believe so hard that Scotland had passed peak SNP. And then without the slightest hint of irony, they accused independence supporters of being cultists who base their views on emotion without evidence.

Events proved the mockers on the indy side correct. We were not laughing to cover our fear. We were laughing because Jim was risible. He was a big hitter hitting big, but he was just walloping himself in the bollocks with a big heavy hammer from B&Q. The only people incapable of seeing that were the blinkered geldings of the Scottish Unionist media, who promptly decided that the fact they’d lost touch with reality was because reality was delusional, not them. Who’s the culty culty cultbags noo?

Oh right, it’s still us, because once you’ve got a job screaming crap in the Daily Mail you’re never wrong about anything. But then it’s easy to be right about everything when you live in a fantasy world where Jim Murphy was going to trounce the forces of yesness and the Scottish Tories and Labour are perched on the edge of recovery – and not on the edge of a cliff.

But back to December 2015. Despite the concerted campaign of cheerleading over the past year, Labour is as dead in the pond of Scottish politics as an upside down goldfish, just waiting to be flushed away. The party, and the Scottish Unionist media, have the same attention span as the dead goldfish, so hope that if they keep on doing what they’ve been doing for the past year, only do it louder and more vehemently, then they’ll convince the rest of us that the dead goldfish is about to win a gold medal in swimming for team GB.

You’d think that they’d have realised by now that screaming SNPBad isn’t going to change their fortunes any, because the electorate of Scotland has already decided that Labour is as much use as a dead goldfish. Actually that’s unfair, because you can trust a dead goldfish, you can’t trust Labour. But the point remains, Labour screaming that the SNP is bad bad really really bad isn’t going to change anyone’s opinion about the Labour party. In effect, all Labour are trying to do is to make a pitch to the voters of Scotland that the SNP is as crap as Labour is. This is not a positive selling point, even a dead goldfish is more attractive than the Labour party in Scotland – at least the goldfish was pretty once.

The real reason that the remains of Labour are going to be flushed away next year is because no one trusts them any more. It’s not that Labour doesn’t have policies – although aside from SNPBad you’d be hard pushed to find any policies. It’s that even if Labour did have policies, even if those policies were properly costed and accounted for by something more than the Jackie Baillie School of Creative Arithmetic, we’d still not believe a word the party said. Labour has lied too often. Labour have no purpose any more other than to get into power, and just like their idol Gordie Broon they don’t have the slightest idea of what to do once they get there. So the punters will make sure that they never do.

The reason Labour is about to be flushed is the lying eyes of Tony Blair, the self-serving tongue of Gordie Broon, the blustering buffoonery of Jim Murphy, the oafishness of George Foulkes, and the whining excuses of Kezia. And every time one of the party’s media apologists tells us that Scotland has got over the SNP and Labour is about to ascend again, every time that they try and pin the blame for Tory cuts on the Scottish government, another couple of voters decide to prove them wrong.

Now the selfish self-serving time servers of Labour and its media pals are trying to tell Scotland that Tory cuts are the fault of the SNP. The cuts that we’re only experiencing because Labour and its media friends campaigned to keep Scotland under the boot of the Tories, because Labour and its media friends would rather Scotland is powerless because that means Labour can get power. The party that calls itself the people’s party always puts party before people. That’s why they’re dead like a rotten goldfish and the smell reaches all the way to London, and the nostrils of Dianne Abbott.

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40 comments on “The stink of a dead goldfish

  1. tom donald says:

    Ms Abbott is a decent sort, she spoke up against the nonsense about the 56 SNP MPs being hooligans in the period after the May election, and expressed her respect for them as MPs. She’s come out with some howlers over the years, but she’s never consulted a focus group before opening her gob.
    Good luck to her, if SLab had had some strong and dedicated individuals like her it might have limped on for a few more years, but it didn’t, and it doesn’t, and… it’s done.

  2. says:

    Reblogged this on Bampots Utd.

  3. Margo Sharp says:

    Spot on as usual. Well written Paul.

  4. […] Source: The stink of a dead goldfish […]

  5. davy1600 says:

    They had the chance to become a true political party of Scotland, putting the needs and hopes of our nation and its people first and foremost.

    Instead they backstabbed our country right to the hilt, apart from “labour for independence” the rest of the labour party showed their true colours, being prepared to court the tories & libdems to scare, misinform, and f-ing bareface lie to the most vulnerable of our nation, to get the result to suit their london masters.

    To me, so-called scottish labour and the rest of their fellow tories are nothing more than “tractors and quizmasters” to my country and I will never trust any f-ing labour politian of the present generations ever.

    If labour was a dead goldfish, I would stamp on it, the one good thing that came out of the referendum was finally Scotland got to see labour for the selfcentred, grasping bunch of wasters they really were.

  6. Neil Anderson says:

    I have no time at all for the likes of Diane Abbott, the cheerleader (along with Miguel Porteeho, He keek your ass! Anyone remember that?) for Brillo Pad and a generally anodyne pundit on all subjects. Promotes the idea that she is some sort of left-winger. Aye right. Winger that is. She has astutely (ahahaha) surmised that the labour remnants in Scotland are humped. Well spotted, Diane, 10 out of 10 for observation. What a rapier-like mind you must have! In your own opinion no doubt. Anyway, enough sitting on the fence. She’s an eyes on the prize chancer and there’s an end to it.
    Aye, Jim Murphy. I remember the cretin creeping around Auchenback (for those not familiar, Auchenback is a large scheme – and one I am proud to have lived in almost all of my life – on the south end of Barrhead) studiously avoiding the houses which still had (and still have) their Yes posters in thur windaes during the election campaign. And the SNP posters tae. Never wan tae avoid a challenge is big Bru-ster Jim. Skeletor in a trench coat. He didnae look happy. Just as well his pals had a joab sorted for him as a peace envoy. Peace envoy? He couldnae even be a piece envoy, widnae know plain fae pan. Good riddance and don’t haste ye back.
    I could well be deed before Independence comes but I will rest assured that it is as inevitable as night following day.

  7. daibhidhdeux says:

    Txs for this.

    Suspect Ms Abbott is thoroughly embarrassed by the fishy stink wafting Islington/Hampstead way from the Jockistan branch office – pity it has taken London HQ so long to detect the lingering stench for it has been clinging to and cloying the “Scotch” body politic air long before “Crash” Gordie Broon and the mega self-erotic, Brit baron “Ally-Pally” Darling went fins up, belly wise.

    Indeed, it predicated and called forth their very existence, for Foulkes’s sake.

    Will La Dug be the last predatory, Blairite goldfish heid bummer to be emptied from the bowl of Scottish political discourse and action?

    Am betting so.

    And before “Woofie” Davidson and “Whaur’s Ma Wullie” Rennie get too gallous, and despite the Brit MSM hype, they will join “Fifi” La Dug down the toilet pan, too.

    They are fish out of water gasping for their last breaths in fresh air as they are panned and flushed in to the aforesaid cludgie.

    Perhaps Carmichael of the Carmichaels has helped this ditching along? If so. kudos to the afore-mentioned liar judged so by their lairdships and hauled up before them by the Orkney 4.

    Given the foregoing comes to pass, may there be great jubilation rung out about the land they refuse to name, and may we make fish suppers of the rest of them fried on the burning pyres of their democratic demise.

    Love and happiness to you and your beloved

  8. I had a wee exchange on Twitter about BBC bias which I said was pro Labour and anti SNP in Scotland, whilst anti Labour in England, with some Corbyn supporters.

    They poo pooed me and ansked me to prove it. Sent them Prof Roberston’s self published book, Lena the Hyena’s family Labour tree and explained who Sarah Smith was and why despite failing in our evening politics slot (maybe off jictar’s scale, she was promoted.

    Cue rolling tumbleweed and silence.

    I wonder if the penny is dropping with some of them.

  9. Steve Asaneilean says:

    Nothing much to add – they are truly stuffed and deservedly so.

    They have let us down in Scotland all my adult. When I was growing up in one of the poorest areas in Scotland in the 1970s where we’re they?

    They were feathering their own nests and lining their own pockets through favouritism and nepotism. They did nothing about the terrible housing or the crumbling infrastructure or the lack of access to essential services.

    Four decades later they have done nothing to convince me they have changed – no matter how many times they put that word on a big screen or billboard.

    If the SNP are bad how are (Not) Labour better? I have yet to see or hear one convincing piece of evidence from Kez or any of the also rans.

    What contact I have had with any has been an overwhelming negative experience (Dr Richard Simpson being a particularly bad experience).

    In the spirit of the Sound of Music – “so long, farewell, auf wiedersehn, adieu”

  10. Albawoman says:

    I had the unfortunate experience of becoming involved with Slab. It was the worst experience of my life in many many ways. The communities I worked with were treated with total disrespect and blatant cruelty. I have waited several years for the realities of the comrades to be exposed.
    Thankfully, I managed to escape without losing my physical and mental health. Other folk were not so fortunate.

  11. macart763M says:

    Well spotted Ms Abbott, but then the lady is stating the bleedin’ obvious. To anyone who watched John Swinney’s budget speech and JBs response? A medal should be awarded for courage in the face of inevitability. Did we hear counter policy, counter proposal? Did we heck as like. No, what we got was loads of sniping followed by SNP bad from the never knowingly factual Ms Baillie.

    At this point the admirable Mr Swinney challenged Labour to basically shit or get off the po. A thing we’ve been waiting to hear from the SNP bench for some time, and boy was it a breath of fresh air. I damn near cheered at the telly screen in my dads livingroom, drawing a surprising smile from the old fella.

    Anyroads, THIS example highlights in living technicolour why Labour are unelectable. They have no vision, no drive, no policies and no purpose in or for Scotland. They have soundbite, focus groups, triangulation and more importantly, no autonomy. They can dress the elephant of conformity and accountability in a suit that blends perfectly with the drapes in Labour Hame, but its still there all the same. An enormous unicycling pachyderm with a spinning bow tie and a penchant for yodelling in yer face and dropping air biscuits. Labour in Scotland can have no cohesive policy or plan unless it is given to them by head office.

    The public know this. They know who does have a purpose and reason for being and they know why there are cuts. The unenviable job of government is to prioritise effectively and do their sums right to back up those priorities. That’s where we are today. The cuts and policies of the Conservative government are really starting to bite, travelling up the societal chain from the poor, to the working class, to the lower middle class and small business owner. There’s more to come and it will get worse, not better.

    Now, more than ever, we need people with purpose and capability managing our ‘devolved’ government.

    So Kezia, Ruth or Willie for FM?

    Mibbies no eh?

  12. Phil says:

    You forgot to mention the quisling Lords Darling and Robertson…

  13. douglas clark says:

    I cannot imagine ever voting for Jackie Baillie, Yet some folk still do.


    And Councillor Kelly has his fans too.

    Utterly astonishing.

    Labour is a busted flush, imho.

    • Just a word of caution. As douglas points out there are still people who will vote for the Labour party come next May, and they are a sizeable number. O.K, it’s far less than used to, but if anyone tthinks they are finished, think again.
      Yes, so far our canvassing results are even better than last year, but there is a long way to go, so no complacency please.

      • Patience is a Virtue says:

        Yes, certainly a week is a long time in in politics, let alone several months, have seen forecasts from canvassing of first vote for Scottish Parliamentary Elections in May being: SNP = 67, Conservative = 5, Liberal = 1 and Labour = 0. Second vote:- Labour 23, Conservative 16, SNP = 8, Greens 5 and Liberals = 4.

  14. ScotsCanuck says:

    ‘class in a glass’ analysis, Paul ….. guid tae hae ye back !!

  15. kevinparafinlamp says:

    It must rile the hell out of garbage-press in Scotland when the likes of Abbott destroys their raison d’être in a fell-swoop.

    But Diane Abbott or Owen Jones aside, the unequivocal point remains that for every scurrilous headline the Crap-Brigade concoct, there is an army of willing pro-indyists out there who are quickly off their mark to completely expose it – and it’s not even difficult to do.
    Just think about it; a multitude of Scottish men and women speaking simple politics to their family, friends, neighbours, educating the population and enlightening it, bringing attention to lies and misinformation.

    This is why the Daily Record – ‘Scotland’s Champion’ – is a ba’-hair away from a lowly sub-200k readership, and it’s why the BBC in Scotland is now regarded by many as enemy.
    You know, my close family aren’t really politically-minded (whatever that means), and I’m no Alex Salmond when it comes to politically astute, but they generally go by MY political opinion and guidance as opposed to THEIRS – what does that tell you? It tells you that they’ve as much political clout as a burst bag of totties on the banks of the Clyde

    Thanks, Paul; you are such a valuable resource for us.
    Merry Christmas to you and yours, mate

  16. diabloandco says:

    Well done ! and to Ms Abott too – after all there appear to be few south of the border MPs who recognise the idiocy of those in ” Scottish” Labour.

    Merry Christmas Paul and may 2016 be a happy, healthy and rewarding experience!

  17. Carntyne says:

    Deliciously funny and meticulously accurate article.

    Labour is a deid dug.


  18. Walter Hamilton says:

    AS ever, brilliant analysis of the politics in Scotland, and congratulations on you engagement, to you hansom lad from Boston.

  19. bjsalba says:

    I think, to be fair, that pre-Corbyn, the heid yins at Labour HQ were incapable of understanding or believing what was going on in Scotland and and you can be sure that Murphy, Curran et al were not of a mindset to disabuse the upper party echelons of their delusions.

    The Corbynites in Westminster have enough on their hands dealing with the Blairites holding English/Welsh constituencies to have had any time to study what has gone wrong in Scotland. Just look at the campaign against Corbyn and the unceasing stream of critical articles prophesying doom and gloom for Labour by some “leading figure” or other from the Blair era. Of course the fact that we frequently haven’t heard of these people and the article appears in Tory papers is a clue to what is going on.

    I would like to think that some measure of reality is beginning to seep into the consciousness at Labour HQ. However from a more cynical viewpoint, it is likely that the Blairites would dearly like to make failure to sweep SNP from Holyrood next May a reason for ousting Corbyn. Ms Abbott’s reality check could be regarded as a pre-preemptive strike, a countermeasure to thwart those machinations rather than any heartfelt coming to terms with the situation Labour now finds itself in.

  20. arthur thomson says:

    Another brilliant post. Thank you Paul.

    ‘Labour and its media friends would rather Scotland was powerless because that means Labour gets power’.

    As Alex Beveridge says, we can’t just assume Slab are finished. We have to finish them off. That quote from your post sums up so much.

    I am no Tory – of any shade. I honestly think the present lot are heading towards fascism.

    At the same time, I see the Labour party as still being the key obstacle to achieving the next important steps towards independence. Labour have been the vanguard in blocking Scottish self-government for a century and their commitment to that is undiminished.

    At the moment, I think the biggest risk comes from the promotion of ‘Corbyn’s Labour’. I listened to Len McCluskey on the radio this morning talking about Labour holding the SNP Scottish Government to account and stating that Unite would continue to support Labour. British Labour has not given up on Scotland, Corbyn is a 1970’s Labour man and they are giving one hundred percent backing to all the lies and spin about the SNP. The battle we face is with British Labour, not Scottish Labour.

    Whereas British Labour had their own election to fight in May 2015 I think we will see them much more involved in Scotland in 2016. Some red tories may defect to the real tories but I anticipate a campaign that says ‘give Corbyn a chance to restore real Labour values in Scotland’. Last chance Labour. This will appeal to older Slab voters, to those on the left who only supported indy because they thought it might be expedient and to young people who have been brainwashed into believing the hype about the party of the people that was wonderful but got hijacked.

    Labour doesn’t give a toss for Scotland or its people but the Holyrood election will be a major test of his popularity with what he perceives to be an integral part of the UK electorate. He knows it and is no doubt working on it.

  21. Lorna McGowan says:

    It is a matter of supreme importance to ensure Margaret Curran is not elected to the Scottish Parliament

    Sent from my iPad


  22. Macart says:

    I see the party political and meeja strategy is working well then. 😀

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