The mystic mutt’s predictions for 2016

January
An asteroid narrowly misses the Earth. Labour issues a press release with the shocking revelation that in the event of a global mass extinction, the SNP have failed to ensure that five million beds are available in the Scottish NHS. Worse, the Scottish Government have done nothing to invest in flood defences to protect the country from the 2000 metre high tsunami that would follow a rock the size of Labour’s sense of entitlement plunging into the North Atlantic. The Daily Record prints an editorial saying that the demise of the SNP in the polls is only a matter of time.

February
Following the news that a teenager in Paisley had to wait three hours in A&E with a saucepan stuck on his head, the BBC’s Reporting Scotland broadcasts a special edition about the crisis in the NHS and the inability of the teenager’s maw to make the dinner because her best pan was ruined. Despite the fact the family have been forced to live on microwaved ready meals for a week, not a single minister from the Scottish Government has visited them to apologise. The Scotsman prints an editorial saying that the demise of the SNP in the polls is only a matter of time.

March
This month, like every preceding month, a Unionist commentator publishes an article bemoaning the fact that the entire country has been overtaken by an SNP cult preying on the weak minds of the terminally dull and stupid. He bewails the fact that no one in Scotland is as erudite and cosmopolitan as him and his Westminion chums, what with his ability to name drop 18th century philosophers, and predicts that it’s only a matter of time before the great Scottish unwashed realise just what a genius he is and start voting Tory. Then he gets upset because everyone is laughing at him. The Herald prints an editorial saying that the demise of the SNP in the polls is only a matter of time.

April
With the Scottish election campaign in full swing, the press is full of commentators swearing blind that the SNP can’t possibly do as well as the polls suggest and praising the stalwart efforts of Kezia Dugdale to stem the tide of swivel eyed separatism. There’s a torrent of SNPbad leading to flooding in low lying areas of Edinburgh, and Arbroath is cut off by a deluge of stories about how Nicola Sturgeon is personally responsible for the national shortage of tartan high heels. The Press & Journal prints an editorial saying that the demise of the SNP in the polls is only a matter of time.

May
Labour gets gubbed in the Holyrood elections and the much heralded Tory resurgence fails yet again to resurge despite Davie Mundell, or more likely because of him. The SNP and the Greens both return to Holyrood with much increased representation. Labour is reduced to a rump of list MPs, although most of Scotland knows that it’s not so much a rump as an arse. Despite the victory of the forces of independence, the media assures us that the SNP is still very very bad, and the Scottish nationalist bubble is about to burst. The Daily Record prints an editorial saying that the demise of the SNP in the polls is only a matter of time.

June
One month into its new term in office and the SNP is still really really bad. Several unionist commentators run out of epithets for badness and are reduced to recycling articles that they wrote last year. No one notices. Naturally this is all the fault of the SNP. Meanwhile the BBC broadcasts an anthropology documentary tracking down the very last Telegraph reader in Scotland, a retired insurance executive in Crieff who suffers from dyslexia and severe short sightedness and only buys the Telegraph because he thinks it’s really the Tits And Arse jizz mag. He confesses that he’d always thought he suffered from erectile dysfunction but has been cured now that he realises he was mistaking Alan Cochrane for an erotic model. The Scotsman prints an editorial saying that the demise of the SNP in the polls is only a matter of time.

July
There’s a snap referendum on the UK’s membership of the EU. Despite a Project Fear campaign that makes the Scottish Project Fear look like an end of the pier ghost train ride, England votes to leave the EU. Scotland votes to stay. The Scottish Government announces that this is the trigger for another independence referendum, only this time Westminster can stick its you’ll get kicked out the EU threat up its select committee. David Cameron announces that he’s retiring in order to spend more time with Peppa Pig. The Herald prints an editorial saying that the demise of the SNP in the polls is only a matter of time.

August
New Prime Minister George Osborne will be an utter bastard, although that’s not so much a prediction as a statement of fact. After appearing on the BBC show Who Do You Think You Are? a really not at all surprised nation discovers that George is in fact the offspring of Darth Vader and a syphilitic merchant banker. New Tory policies announced by the new PM include the mandatory exclusion of Scottish MPs from the Commons Tearoom whenever strawberries and cream are being served, in future Scottish MPs will only be allowed to purchase scones. The BBC hails this as a massive extension of Scotland’s devolved powers. The Press & Journal prints an editorial saying that the demise of the SNP in the polls is only a matter of time.

September
Scotland’s new powers over road signage come into force, and immediately there is traffic chaos as the last remaining Unionist MSPs are befuddled by the Gaelic translation of One Way Street despite the fact they’ve been stuck up one for the past decade. The Unionist introduce a motion in Holyrood condemning the fact that Scotland has a culture, as this undermines their contention that the only reason anyone wants independence is because they hate Nicolas Witchell. A petition on the internet for people to express their hatred of Nicolas Witchell gains 55 million signatures. The Daily Record prints an editorial saying that the demise of the SNP in the polls is only a matter of time.

October
As the US Presidential election campaign goes into its final weeks, Republican candidate Donald Trump threatens to ban Scottish people from visiting the US if they’ve ever expressed support for wind farms. The Scottish Government retaliates by planting a wind turbine in the middle of Hole 18, specially designed to lift Donald’s comb-over. David Torrance pens an article in the Herald condemning the move, claiming that he’s the only person in Scotland who knows what a comb is for. The article wins a press award as comb use is univerally recognised as David’s area of expertise. The Scotsman prints an editorial saying that the demise of the SNP in the polls is only a matter of time.

November
A new SNPBad scandal dominates the headlines. SNPBad scandals have been dominating the headlines every week this year, but this one is really really really bad. It is revealed by a stunned Unionist press corps that when Nicola Sturgeon was entertaining an official delegation to Holyrood from Catalonia, she bought some yum yums from Greggs on expenses. Convinced that the scandal of separatist baked goods will turn the nationalist tide, the Unionist media embark on a full scale assault on the Scottish Government just like the one they embarked on last week, and the week before that. Glenn Campbell flies off to the USA to interview an elderly tourist from Akron Ohio who sampled a yum yum while on holiday but who is now appalled to discover that she was stoking the fires of nationalism. It’s Scotland’s sugary shame. The Herald prints an editorial saying that the demise of the SNP in the polls is only a matter of time.

December
As Scotland gets ready for another independence referendum, the EU announces that if Scotland votes yes it can inherit the UK’s place in the EU. Since Osborne’s government is at the very same time desperately negotiating to keep free access to the EU even after the Brexit, no one believes the threats that there will be a chain fence and watch towers along the Scottish-English border. Well no one except the Unionist media which is also predicting that the demise of the SNP in the polls is only a matter of time. But no one believes them anyway. Scotland is looking forward to a new year and the yum yums of self-determination.


BUTRT cover front(1)BARKING UP THE RIGHT TREE Barking Up the Right Tree has now been published and is an anthology of my articles for The National newspaper. You can submit an advance order for the book on the Vagabond Voices website at http://vagabondvoices.co.uk/?page_id=1993

Price is just £7.95 for 156 pages of doggy goodness. Order today!

A limited number of signed copies of the two volumes of the Collected Yaps is also still available. See below for order details.


Donate to the Dug This blog relies on your support and donations to keep going – I need to make a living, and have bills to pay. Clicking the donate button will allow you to make a payment directly to my Paypal account. You do not need a Paypal account yourself to make a donation. You can donate as little, or as much, as you want. Many thanks.

Donate Button

Order the Collected Yaps of the Wee Ginger Dug Vols 1 & 2 for only £21.90 for both volumes. A limited number of signed copies is still available, so get your order in now! P&P will be extra, approximately £3 per single volume or £4 for both sent together. If you only want to order one volume, please specify which. Single volumes are available for £10.95 per copy.

To order please send an email with WEE GINGER BOOK ORDER in the subject field to weegingerbook@yahoo.com giving your name, postal address, and email address and which volumes (1, 2 or both) you wish to order. I will contact you with details of how to make payment. Payment can be made by Paypal, or by cheque or bank transfer. Get your order in today – an ideal Christmas present!

When crying wolf is the fault of the wolf

The SNP is bad. It’s very bad, terribly bad, badly bad. Scarcely a day goes by without the Unionist media telling Scotland just how badly bad bad the bad SNP is. Everything about them is bad, everything the Scottish government does is bad. Scotland is full of stupid cultists who insist on supporting the SNP out of badness, because they’re bad, and stupid, and culty. And it’s all the fault of the SNP for being bad, and controlling the populace with bad mind control rays and neurolinguistic programming that penetrates the thickest tin foil hat fashioned from a handy cut out and keep guide in a Jenny Hjul column in the Scotsman.

On Saturday we had peak SNPbad. Magnus Gardham of the Herald wrote an article complaining that saying SNPbad was bad, that it has become a means for the SNP to dodge all criticism. Only he neglected to mention why SNPbad ever became a meme in the first place. That would mean he’d have to look at his own behaviour and that of his Unionist media chums, and that would never do. It’s only cybernats who merit criticism, when you criticise anyone else it’s bullying and abuse.

With a media which is, with the exception of one Sunday and one daily newspaper, entirely Unionist, the message that the bad SNP is bad bad dominates the press agenda. SNPBad is the agenda, and the only agenda, because the only press outlets which aren’t Unionist are of course badly bad, and cultishly tin foil hattish too. They’re not at all like the worldly wise Unionists. Not like the Unionists with their outward looking tolerance and lack of bias and willingness to see all sides of an argument, oh no. It’s that unbiased neutrality that allows them to publish stories about how terrible it is that the Forth Bridge was closed even though the Unionist parties were the ones opposing a new bridge, about how Scotland’s NHS is so rubbish even though it’s better than England’s, and about how it’s scandalous that Nicola Sturgeon has a posh coffee making machine. And on and on and on in an unending torrent of stale mince based crapulosity.

When you live next door to a sewage plant, your nose eventually gives up and no longer smells the crap. You can walk out into your garden and the only odour you’ll detect is the sweet smell of the flower on a thistle. That’s what’s happened in Scotland with our Unionist media and their constant deluge of SNPcrap. We no longer smell it. We’ve given up caring. Scotland no longer pays any heed to those who fancy themselves as opinion makers, because what ordinary Scots learned during the independence referendum was that we are perfectly capable of forming our own opinions and we need the opinion formers of the Unionist press like we need bog roll made from sandpaper.

The three ply sandpaper isn’t best pleased by the discovery that it’s being left on the shelf by the news shoppers. It clearly isn’t the fault of their product, which comes with the seal of approval of the British establishment. Purveyors of sandpaper based lavatorial cleansing products get awarded knighthoods and OBEs and are granted interviews with really important politicians – you know, the ones who don’t live in Scotland. This is clearly a testament to the utility and product worthiness of an arse scraped raw. So the fact that this award winning product is being rejected by the punters can only be because they have been seduced by an alien cult which tells them stupid idiocies like they can wipe their behinds with something soft. The very idea.

The Unionist media doesn’t understand why its message has lost traction and continues to lose traction. It prefers to console itself with the familiar nostrums that it’s all because the SNP is bad. This makes the Scottish Unionist media the only media on the planet which reports the story of the boy who cried wolf as being all the fault of the wolf.

When it’s not the fault of the SNP bad wolf, it’s the fault of the evil cybernat. It’s the fault of everyone but the Unionist media. The Unionist media is professional, they fancy that they are able to distinguish between the BMW of the Scotsman and the rickety bicycle of a cybernat blog. It’s just a shame for them then that when the professionals of the Scottish Unionist media see a shiny powerful motor, the rest of us see a canoe up shit creek without a paddle. The only direction it’s headed in is downwards as fewer and fewer of us buy newspapers, as fewer read their commentary, as trust in them is flushed away like the only use left for the Daily Record.

The term cybernat is Unionist shorthand for anyone who supports independence and who has access to the Internet. It’s a term which attempts to diminish, discredit and disgrace ordinary Scots who are interested in politics, the very people who would in the normal course of events be most interested in reading the opinions of a columnist in a newspaper who writes about politics. The very people who are most likely to read a newspaper column by the likes of Magnus Gardham. Every time they use the term, they’re destroying their own career. Now what was once the strength of the Unionist media has become its weakness.

Scotland deserves better. Scotland deserves a media that actually reflects the breadth and variety of opinions in this country. We deserve more than a constant litany of SNPbad and independence mad. The half of this country that supports independence demands that our views and opinions are treated with the same respect that the Unionist media demands for itself. For too long the Unionist parties and their followers in the media have had it all their own way, for too long they’ve been able to ignore and marginalise the voices that say – things don’t have to be this way, things can be different, things can be better.

They can’t do that any more, there are too many of us. Our voices are too numerous to be silent, our tongues will not be held. It’s going to be a very happy new year. Just not for the Unionist establishment.


BUTRT cover front(1)BARKING UP THE RIGHT TREE Barking Up the Right Tree has now been published and is an anthology of my articles for The National newspaper. You can submit an advance order for the book on the Vagabond Voices website at http://vagabondvoices.co.uk/?page_id=1993

Price is just £7.95 for 156 pages of doggy goodness. Order today!

A limited number of signed copies of the two volumes of the Collected Yaps is also still available. See below for order details.


Donate to the Dug This blog relies on your support and donations to keep going – I need to make a living, and have bills to pay. Clicking the donate button will allow you to make a payment directly to my Paypal account. You do not need a Paypal account yourself to make a donation. You can donate as little, or as much, as you want. Many thanks.

Donate Button

Order the Collected Yaps of the Wee Ginger Dug Vols 1 & 2 for only £21.90 for both volumes. A limited number of signed copies is still available, so get your order in now! P&P will be extra, approximately £3 per single volume or £4 for both sent together. If you only want to order one volume, please specify which. Single volumes are available for £10.95 per copy.

To order please send an email with WEE GINGER BOOK ORDER in the subject field to weegingerbook@yahoo.com giving your name, postal address, and email address and which volumes (1, 2 or both) you wish to order. I will contact you with details of how to make payment. Payment can be made by Paypal, or by cheque or bank transfer. Get your order in today – an ideal Christmas present!

Tis the season to be trolling

Merry Christmas readers, except if you’re Scottish, an immigrant, a refugee, a Muslim, a supporter of Jeremy Corbyn, a pacifist, a republican, disabled, unemployed, on a zero hours contract, European, or a council tenant, in which case you’re a dangerous threat to decent society and the Daily Mail will shortly be coming to Rothesay to expose you. The Mail’s most recent foray into hyperbolic racist shit-stirring is only the most egregious example of press trolling this past week, but it’s by no means the only one and by no means will it be the last.

An article ‘exposing’ the fact that the Syrian refugees settled in Bute are being treated kindly and humanely was filed by someone who writes for the Mail, someone who’s a disgrace to journalism. Let’s be honest here, it’s pretty hard to disgrace a profession which human organ traffickers are able to look down on with a sense of superiority, but the Mail managed it. Organ traffickers may steal your kidney, but at least they don’t hypocritically pretend they’re doing it for the benefit of society, and they don’t occupy the moral high ground by shoving off the people who really deserve to be there. The British press does that. Organ traffickers are scum and they know they’re scum. Daily Mail journalists are scum who sell themselves as the cream on your full fat milk of human kindness.

In the Daily Mail, and in the British press as a whole, we’re supposed to be outraged that people who’ve fled death and destruction – death and destruction to which Britain is now contributing – should be living normal lives like normal people. We’re supposed to be angered that they’ve got normal things like mobile phones, and washing machines, and kids’ bicycles. We’re supposed to see kids playing innocently as an Islamofascist threat to social order. We’re supposed to be suspicious, jealous, and resentful of anyone who isn’t white, well-off, heterosexual, Conservative and a flag waving British patriot. We’re told to hate anyone who isn’t like a Daily Mail journalist. But it’s the Daily Mail journalists who are the loathesome ones.

According to a recent survey, the British press is the least trusted and the least liked of any media in any developed nation. The survey didn’t ask about the media in Scotland, but I’d put money on it being even less trusted and even more disliked than its English counterpart. Oh no, I said English. I must be a racist. That’s the level the Unionist Scottish media operate on in the strangest one party state in the world.

In Scotland, the claim that we’re a one party state is given serious airtime by a media which loses another bit of its rapidly diminishing credibility every time the claim is published. Scotland is the strangest one party state in the world. It’s the only one party state where the media is almost entirely opposed to the one party. It’s the only one party state where the opposition is never scrutinised or held to account. It’s the only one party state which is a one party state because the opposition is useless, not because they’re oppressed. In the real world you don’t get to claim victimhood because you’re a hopelessly incompetent mendacious clown, but you do if you’re a Unionist in Scotland. And their trolling bleats of complaint are presented in all seriousness by a media which lost the plot years ago. It’s the fault of the SNP that Labour in Scotland are clueless balloons.

Over the past couple of weeks we’ve seen the Scottish media going into a full scale assault on the Scottish government. Again. It’s all so boringly SNPBad predictable. The Forth Road Bridge closure was all the fault of the SNP. If you believed what you read in the papers, then Nicola Sturgeon had personally created a crack in the bridge structure by wantonly marching into Fife in a pair of tartan high heels and there was no money to repair because the entire Scottish budget was being spent on a giant chocolate sculpture of Alex Salmond.

This came shortly after sustained attacks on the party of Scottish government for the alleged misdemeanours of a couple of its MPs. MPs who were convicted, sentenced and hung out to dry by a media long before any investigation into what they may or may not have done was completed, or indeed even begun. Investigations which, it needs to be pointed out, do not include allegations of criminal behaviour. Yet at the same time the actual criminal charges being faced by a Labour MP concerning an alleged assault at a Glasgow polling station during the independence referendum went unremarked.

The Scottish media thinks that ordinary punters don’t notice that they’re doing this, that we don’t see the double standards. You see, it’s not that we think that the SNP can do no wrong. It’s not that we think that the Scottish Government is beyond criticism. It’s just that we’re not going to listen to the criticisms and cavils of a discredited media which thinks that portraying the SNP as just as bad as Labour is going to persuade us to start voting Labour again. You don’t make people start liking someone they believe is a bastard by claiming that someone else is a bastard too, and certainly not when the claims are being made by the first bastards’ pals. But that’s what the Scottish media are reduced to.

It’s comically pathetic if nothing else. It’s almost as comically pathetic as the fond delusion amongst the Unionist media that they’re neutral and unbiased. I don’t actually mind bias. I’m biased. Severely biased. But I wear my bias on my sleeve. I don’t pretend to be neutral when I’m not. The Unionist media pretends to be the sensible and dispassionate voice of a disinterested observer, when in fact they’re the self-selecting spokespersons for corporatism and the British establishment. An ocean of lies is invisible to the fish who swim in it, but clearly visible to everyone else.

And the comically pathetic self delusion of the Scottish Unionist media is comically ineffective. This week a new opinion poll showed that the SNP now enjoy an increased lead of 34% over Labour in the constituency vote for Holyrood. The media will howl, they’ll constantly predict that this time, this time, the fightback has begun and the dead horses of Labour and the Tories are responding to the whippings. But nothing will change and they’ll keep on shouting in the dark. Every season is the season to be trolling in the British media – and no one is listening any more.


BUTRT cover front(1)BARKING UP THE RIGHT TREE Barking Up the Right Tree has now been published and is an anthology of my articles for The National newspaper. You can submit an advance order for the book on the Vagabond Voices website at http://vagabondvoices.co.uk/?page_id=1993

Price is just £7.95 for 156 pages of doggy goodness. Order today!

A limited number of signed copies of the two volumes of the Collected Yaps is also still available. See below for order details.


Donate to the Dug This blog relies on your support and donations to keep going – I need to make a living, and have bills to pay. Clicking the donate button will allow you to make a payment directly to my Paypal account. You do not need a Paypal account yourself to make a donation. You can donate as little, or as much, as you want. Many thanks.

Donate Button

Order the Collected Yaps of the Wee Ginger Dug Vols 1 & 2 for only £21.90 for both volumes. A limited number of signed copies is still available, so get your order in now! P&P will be extra, approximately £3 per single volume or £4 for both sent together. If you only want to order one volume, please specify which. Single volumes are available for £10.95 per copy.

To order please send an email with WEE GINGER BOOK ORDER in the subject field to weegingerbook@yahoo.com giving your name, postal address, and email address and which volumes (1, 2 or both) you wish to order. I will contact you with details of how to make payment. Payment can be made by Paypal, or by cheque or bank transfer. Get your order in today – an ideal Christmas present!

The stink of a dead goldfish

Dianne Abbott,Labour’s shadow International Development Secretary, has upset the pouters and pettit lips of Labour in Scotland – which to be fair isn’t hard to do – by pointing out the bleedin obvious. All she said is that Labour is screwed and won’t get itself unscrewed in time for May’s Holyrood election. And it’s blatantly clear to any observer of Scottish politics that the entire contents of B&Q’s tools department isn’t enough to unscrew Labour in Scotland. Give the party access to the contents of your average DIY store, and they’d only use the spades to dig themselves even deeper into the hole that they’re in.

A nameless spokespouter huffed that no one pays any attention to Dianne Abbott in Scotland, adding that she doesn’t have a clue about Scottish politics. Sadly for the pouter, you could say exactly the same about the Labour party in Scotland, which goes a long way to explaining why they’re in such a mess.

What a difference a year makes. A year ago Labour had just elected Jim Murphy as its leaderette, and he was striding the stage of the Scottish media and making regular appearances on every single bloody episode of Reporting Scotland telling one and all how Labour, but Jim in particular, was going to kick the arse of the SNP. The Scottish media lapped it up. This was a big hitter hitting big. While the indy supporting part of Scotland laughed with glee, Jim was confidently claiming that the only reason we were laughing was to cover up our existential terror that Jim was going to wipe the floor with us.

The Unionist media cheered in agreement. Without a shred of objective evidence, they accepted Jim’s bluster and got out the red white and blue bunting. Scotland had narrowly voted no, and they wanted to believe so hard that Scotland had passed peak SNP. And then without the slightest hint of irony, they accused independence supporters of being cultists who base their views on emotion without evidence.

Events proved the mockers on the indy side correct. We were not laughing to cover our fear. We were laughing because Jim was risible. He was a big hitter hitting big, but he was just walloping himself in the bollocks with a big heavy hammer from B&Q. The only people incapable of seeing that were the blinkered geldings of the Scottish Unionist media, who promptly decided that the fact they’d lost touch with reality was because reality was delusional, not them. Who’s the culty culty cultbags noo?

Oh right, it’s still us, because once you’ve got a job screaming crap in the Daily Mail you’re never wrong about anything. But then it’s easy to be right about everything when you live in a fantasy world where Jim Murphy was going to trounce the forces of yesness and the Scottish Tories and Labour are perched on the edge of recovery – and not on the edge of a cliff.

But back to December 2015. Despite the concerted campaign of cheerleading over the past year, Labour is as dead in the pond of Scottish politics as an upside down goldfish, just waiting to be flushed away. The party, and the Scottish Unionist media, have the same attention span as the dead goldfish, so hope that if they keep on doing what they’ve been doing for the past year, only do it louder and more vehemently, then they’ll convince the rest of us that the dead goldfish is about to win a gold medal in swimming for team GB.

You’d think that they’d have realised by now that screaming SNPBad isn’t going to change their fortunes any, because the electorate of Scotland has already decided that Labour is as much use as a dead goldfish. Actually that’s unfair, because you can trust a dead goldfish, you can’t trust Labour. But the point remains, Labour screaming that the SNP is bad bad really really bad isn’t going to change anyone’s opinion about the Labour party. In effect, all Labour are trying to do is to make a pitch to the voters of Scotland that the SNP is as crap as Labour is. This is not a positive selling point, even a dead goldfish is more attractive than the Labour party in Scotland – at least the goldfish was pretty once.

The real reason that the remains of Labour are going to be flushed away next year is because no one trusts them any more. It’s not that Labour doesn’t have policies – although aside from SNPBad you’d be hard pushed to find any policies. It’s that even if Labour did have policies, even if those policies were properly costed and accounted for by something more than the Jackie Baillie School of Creative Arithmetic, we’d still not believe a word the party said. Labour has lied too often. Labour have no purpose any more other than to get into power, and just like their idol Gordie Broon they don’t have the slightest idea of what to do once they get there. So the punters will make sure that they never do.

The reason Labour is about to be flushed is the lying eyes of Tony Blair, the self-serving tongue of Gordie Broon, the blustering buffoonery of Jim Murphy, the oafishness of George Foulkes, and the whining excuses of Kezia. And every time one of the party’s media apologists tells us that Scotland has got over the SNP and Labour is about to ascend again, every time that they try and pin the blame for Tory cuts on the Scottish government, another couple of voters decide to prove them wrong.

Now the selfish self-serving time servers of Labour and its media pals are trying to tell Scotland that Tory cuts are the fault of the SNP. The cuts that we’re only experiencing because Labour and its media friends campaigned to keep Scotland under the boot of the Tories, because Labour and its media friends would rather Scotland is powerless because that means Labour can get power. The party that calls itself the people’s party always puts party before people. That’s why they’re dead like a rotten goldfish and the smell reaches all the way to London, and the nostrils of Dianne Abbott.


BUTRT cover front(1)BARKING UP THE RIGHT TREE Barking Up the Right Tree has now been published and is an anthology of my articles for The National newspaper. You can submit an advance order for the book on the Vagabond Voices website at http://vagabondvoices.co.uk/?page_id=1993

Price is just £7.95 for 156 pages of doggy goodness. Order today!

A limited number of signed copies of the two volumes of the Collected Yaps is also still available. See below for order details.


Donate to the Dug This blog relies on your support and donations to keep going – I need to make a living, and have bills to pay. Clicking the donate button will allow you to make a payment directly to my Paypal account. You do not need a Paypal account yourself to make a donation. You can donate as little, or as much, as you want. Many thanks.

Donate Button

Order the Collected Yaps of the Wee Ginger Dug Vols 1 & 2 for only £21.90 for both volumes. A limited number of signed copies is still available, so get your order in now! P&P will be extra, approximately £3 per single volume or £4 for both sent together. If you only want to order one volume, please specify which. Single volumes are available for £10.95 per copy.

To order please send an email with WEE GINGER BOOK ORDER in the subject field to weegingerbook@yahoo.com giving your name, postal address, and email address and which volumes (1, 2 or both) you wish to order. I will contact you with details of how to make payment. Payment can be made by Paypal, or by cheque or bank transfer. Get your order in today – an ideal Christmas present!

I’m a nonentity get me out of here

Well having been away for a week, I’ve missed all sorts of developments in Scottish politics. The Daily Record announced that it was really sorry for all the pish about the vow and vowed never to make crap up ever again, Jackie Baillie said something truthful – admittedly it was just during a conversation about what she’d had for her tea the previous evening, but still – and Kezia Dugdale stood up at Furst Meenister’s Questions and made a useful suggestion about what Labour would like to do if they were in office and didn’t mention once that the SNP are really REALLY bad.

Oh wait. No. That was a mad dream caused by jetlag and e-numbers in Twinkies. The Record is still a rag, Jackie’s still mendacious, and Kezia’s whine is higher pitched and louder than the jet engine that brought me home across the Atlantic. Mind you, the plane engine didn’t try to convince me that the SNP is really REALLY bad. Although if I were a member of the Labour party I’d probably blame the SNP for the really shitty tea in the café at Boston airport.

Back on Planet Scotland, this week saw James Kelly MSP starring in his very own production of I’m a Nonentity Get Me Out of Here when he challenged Holyrood’s Presiding Officer to a skwerr go in the car park at the back of the parlie. It was a desperate bid for attention from a man who is blessed with the charm and charisma of a burst plastic bag from Iceland. One of the 5p ones.

As a Labour constituency MSP James has a rapidly approaching use by date, and he’s now made the belated realisation that he’s used the past five years playing second fiddle to Iain Gray, and no one knows who Iain is either. It’s a bit like hoping that a gig as an understudy to the Krankies will lead to the offer of a leading role in the Royal Shakespeare Company. A stand in for a panto performer is a reasonable assessment of James’s career to date, so he has to do something to persuade those who select candidates for Labour list seats that he’s capable of getting his name in a newspaper other than the Daily Record. Otherwise his career goes much the same way as Janette Krankie’s career as a race equalities spokesperson in Japan.

The occasion of James’s bid for fame, desperately needed since he’s not even famous in his own bathroom, was a debate in Holyrood on the Tory government’s evil Trades Union Bill. Both the SNP and Labour are opposed to the bill, so for once Labour was deprived of a chance to blame it all on Nicola Sturgeon. However the Presiding Officer of Holyrood, Tricia Marwick, ruled that on legal advice the debate wouldn’t be able to go ahead since it dealt with a matter reserved to the Westminster Parliament. In the UK, only Westminster and the Tories are legally permitted to screw over the working classes.

James wasn’t going to take this sitting down. I’ve got a point of order, he said, repeatedly, without bothering to inform anyone what that point might have been. He used that excited voice of his that he uses when he’s just thought of a way of saying that the SNP are bad that hasn’t yet appeared in the Daily Record. It’s not really that different from the boring nasal monotone that he uses the rest of the time, so you’d be forgiven for not noticing. Tricia Marwick certainly didn’t notice, and asked him to get to the point that he was pointing about. James kept on in his nasal monotone, something about how he’d once been to Rothesay for the weekend and it wasn’t shut. Or maybe it was something else entirely. Whatever it was, it wasn’t a point of order, or indeed any sort of point at all. All we saw was a burst plastic bag waft aimlessly about the debating chamber while the Presiding Officer tried to run it over with a trolley. Eventually she succeeded, and demanded that James be escorted from the premises and denied the right to participate in the two for one offer for deep frozen profiterole sundaes. James went off to spend his exile looking for a list selection panel to impress.

James’s eviction gave the Labour party the opportunity to complain about the SNP again, as Tricia Marwick used to be an SNP MSP before she was elected Presiding Officer and resigned the party whip as she is now officially neutral. One party state, muttered Iain and Neil, the Ant n Dec of Labour in Scotland and equally irritating, before they went off looking for some kangeroo testicles which they’d unsuccessfully insist that John Swinney had to eat for breakfast.

This week also saw the Scottish budget. Jackie Baillie went on Scotland Tonight to complain about it, although she was unable to say exactly what she’d do differently if she was the Finance Secretary. Jackie sees herself as being the royalty of Labour in Scotland, and comports herself like she’s on a work placement in the annoyingly smelling sprays and lotions section of a mid level department store. Whereas James Kelly is a burst 5p plastic bag from Iceland, Jackie aspires to be a 10p bag from Waitrose. Although she’s still burst. According to some theories of physics, there is an infinite number of parallel universes forming the multiverse, each one slightly different from its neighbour. And in every one of them Jackie Baillie is an embarrassment who wouldn’t recognise numeracy if it slapped her on the bum with a Trident missile.

The opposition parties in Holyrood are just going through the motions. They’ve already accepted that they’re going to lose the next Scottish elections, and instead of putting forward any programmes of their own, they’re spending their time desperately trying to secure what’s left of their own futures. The effective political extinction of Unionism as a real force in Scotland is looming ever larger. You can hear it in the whine in James Kelly’s voice, and the burst bag bluster of Jackie. Meanwhile Ruth Davidson congratulates herself because her party is standing still, although she’s not so happy when it’s pointed out to her that in Scotland the Tories are standing still at the bottom of a very deep cesspit without a ladder.

But Ruth is still cheerful, soon she’ll have Labour for company down there in the dark. And on the wall of the pit is a sign that says – you’re nonentities who are never getting out of here.


BUTRT cover front(1)BARKING UP THE RIGHT TREE Barking Up the Right Tree has now been published and is an anthology of my articles for The National newspaper. You can submit an advance order for the book on the Vagabond Voices website at http://vagabondvoices.co.uk/?page_id=1993

Price is just £7.95 for 156 pages of doggy goodness. Order today!

A limited number of signed copies of the two volumes of the Collected Yaps is also still available. See below for order details.


Donate to the Dug This blog relies on your support and donations to keep going – I need to make a living, and have bills to pay. Clicking the donate button will allow you to make a payment directly to my Paypal account. You do not need a Paypal account yourself to make a donation. You can donate as little, or as much, as you want. Many thanks.

Donate Button

Order the Collected Yaps of the Wee Ginger Dug Vols 1 & 2 for only £21.90 for both volumes. A limited number of signed copies is still available, so get your order in now! P&P will be extra, approximately £3 per single volume or £4 for both sent together. If you only want to order one volume, please specify which. Single volumes are available for £10.95 per copy.

To order please send an email with WEE GINGER BOOK ORDER in the subject field to weegingerbook@yahoo.com giving your name, postal address, and email address and which volumes (1, 2 or both) you wish to order. I will contact you with details of how to make payment. Payment can be made by Paypal, or by cheque or bank transfer. Get your order in today – an ideal Christmas present!

Back from Boston with big news

I’m getting married. I was going to dress it all up in fancy words, but well – I’m getting married. Woo Hoo! I told my handsome American boyfriend Peter that the reason I was flying over to Boston for a long weekend was because I miss him and didn’t want to wait until the spring before seeing him again. While that wasn’t actually a lie, I did have an ulterior motive that I hadn’t told him about – and that reason was that I wanted to propose. I was terrified that if I had waited until spring that I’d have blurted it out in a text message, and I wanted to do it properly, in person, on one knee in a romantic location after a posh meal in a posh restaurant. And that’s exactly what happened. Then he said yes, and it was magical.

We’ve not set a date yet, it’s going to take a good while before we can sort everything out, transatlantic relationships are a bummer involving lots of paperwork and visa applications and all sorts of other red tape. We hope that Peter will eventually move over here, but UK immigration is horrendous. There may be a way around things involving a German passport, because there’s a chance that my hunky American boyfriend is really my hunky American boyfriend with dual US-German citizenship, but Peter will have to speak to a specialist lawyer in the US first.

The point however is that whatever the obstacles we will overcome them, and the man I love and I are now officially on a journey together, one which ends with us living together as husband and husband. Nothing is going to happen quickly, but everything worthwhile is worth waiting for, whether that’s living with the person you love, or indeed Scottish independence. Both those things are going to happen.

This is just a short blog update. I’ve got a lot to do today. I’ll be back tomorrow being ascerbic. I just wanted to share my news.


BUTRT cover front(1)BARKING UP THE RIGHT TREE Barking Up the Right Tree has now been published and is an anthology of my articles for The National newspaper. You can submit an advance order for the book on the Vagabond Voices website at http://vagabondvoices.co.uk/?page_id=1993

Price is just £7.95 for 156 pages of doggy goodness. Order today!

A limited number of signed copies of the two volumes of the Collected Yaps is also still available. See below for order details.


Donate to the Dug This blog relies on your support and donations to keep going – I need to make a living, and have bills to pay. Clicking the donate button will allow you to make a payment directly to my Paypal account. You do not need a Paypal account yourself to make a donation. You can donate as little, or as much, as you want. Many thanks.

Donate Button

Order the Collected Yaps of the Wee Ginger Dug Vols 1 & 2 for only £21.90 for both volumes. A limited number of signed copies is still available, so get your order in now! P&P will be extra, approximately £3 per single volume or £4 for both sent together. If you only want to order one volume, please specify which. Single volumes are available for £10.95 per copy.

To order please send an email with WEE GINGER BOOK ORDER in the subject field to weegingerbook@yahoo.com giving your name, postal address, and email address and which volumes (1, 2 or both) you wish to order. I will contact you with details of how to make payment. Payment can be made by Paypal, or by cheque or bank transfer. Get your order in today – an ideal Christmas present!

Alistair Carmichael and his amazing incendiary underpants

I wasn’t going to blog anything today, because I’ve got packing to do and have to take the dug to stay with friends in Glenboig before I go away first thing tomorrow morning. But the fact that we live in a country where not only is it deemed acceptable for a politician to lie to the electorate, but that same politician plays hard done by for being called out for his lies. It’s not the betrayed who are the wronged, it’s the betrayer. It’s not the deceived who are the victims, it’s the deceiver. It’s not the cheated who are the casualties, it’s the cheater. British democracy lies bruised and bleeding, kicked in the teeth by elected politicians who cry like weans when the punters dare to want to hold them to account. Don’t get above your station little people, here are some shiny lies.

Alistair Carmichael is a liar. There’s no dispute about that fact. Alistair Carmichael lied to the public about an untrue smear in order to secure his own election and that of his sorry fellow travellers. But because he didn’t tell a lie about another individual candidate then it was ruled that in law his lie is acceptable. Alistair Carmichael may be crowing in the press about how he was cleared, but he wasn’t cleared of lying, he wasn’t cleared of misleading the electorate, he wasn’t cleared of deception. What we discovered today is that in Britain we have no defence against the mendacity of politicians, that sophistry counts for more than truth. Alistair Carmichael lied in order to keep his job, he deceived us all in order to be able to influence our laws and to continue to tell us what to do. We’re being bossed about by a liar, we’re being told what to do by a man who cheated and lied his way to the moral high ground. That’s just fine with our political masters, that’s just fine with our unionist media.

And what’s worst of all is that we’re disgusted, we’re appalled, we’re repulsed. But we’re not surprised. We live in the UK where being a member of the establishment means getting a free pass, a free expense account, a job for life, and never ever being held to account. Don’t imagine you can insist on higher standards for those who set themselves above you. We’re just the peasants and the punters who must show respect. Tug your forelock and go and watch Strictly. The message from above is that there is nothing you or I can do to change anything. Accept your lot, accept the lies, accept the deceit. Truth and honesty is only demanded of the poor and powerless. This is the UK, where the marginalised march to the foodbanks but we feast on a diet of lies and the road to ruin is illuminated by Alistair Carmichael and his amazing incendiary underpants.

This is a country where it’s not wrong for politicians to lie. It’s not wrong for journalists to mislead. It’s not wrong for the establishment to deceive. It’s only wrong when ordinary people demand that the powerful be held to the standards that the powerful rule for the rest of us. Then it’s bullying, then it’s abuse when ordinary people from Orkney have the audacity to demand that their political representatives abide by the same standards of common decency that the rest of us are obliged to uphold. And that’s what provokes the outrage of the powerful, not the lies or the deceit, but the nerve of the little people who think big.

This is Britain where the only dreams you’re allowed are dreams of lottery wins or celebrity game shows. This is Britain where the best you can hope for is a lower interest rate on the loans and debt that will burden you throughout your life. This is Britain where the rich buy indulgences for their sins from a pre-Reformation media and the poor are visited by the inquisition. Poor Alistair, his pants light up our lives and we have the cheek to complain.

It wasn’t just Alistair Carmichael whose career was under scrutiny during this court case. It was the entire British political class. Carmichael’s survival was no vindication, no proof of moral rectitude, no certificate of robust health. It is proof that the rules are pauchled, that the gemme is a bogey, that the playing field is skewed. The judges ruled that he did lie in order to affect the outcome of the election in Orkney and Shetland, Carmichael and the British establishment escaped the consequences only because that same establishment has drawn the rules so narrowly. It’s not a vindication of Carmichael, it’s not a vindication of the law. It’s proof that we live in a corrupt and rotten system which has not got the slightest intention of ever reforming itself. There is no light at the end on the tunnel. It’s just Alistair’s underpants.

In the land of the lie the truth is dangerous. In the land of deceit honesty is a crime. It must be clear by now to even the most obtuse that the United Kingdom is incapable of change. The safer faster change promised by Gordie Broon during the independence referendum was a lie just like Carmichael’s lies. The respect that was promised by David Cameron was a lie just like Carmichael’s lies. The most devolved parliament in the world that they told us we’d get if we voted no was a lie, just like Carmichael’s lies. Britain lies in the gutter, but we’re not looking at the stars. All we see is the twinkling fire of a hundred thousand underpants.

There is no hope that things will ever be any different in Britain, no chance of change. The only way out is to leave this bankrupt state and start afresh. We face nothing but anger and disappointment, insults and offence until we leave the land that belongs to the incendiary underpants and go live in a Scotland that belongs to its people.

The brave Orkney Four deserve our support. They now face the cost of the legal action for daring to believe that Carmichael should be held to the standards of common decency and truth. Donate generously.
https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/the-people-versus-carmichael#/

I’m off for a few days visiting first thing on Thursday morning, so there will be no updates to the blog until Wednesday of next week.


BUTRT cover front(1)BARKING UP THE RIGHT TREE Barking Up the Right Tree has now been published and is an anthology of my articles for The National newspaper. You can submit an advance order for the book on the Vagabond Voices website at http://vagabondvoices.co.uk/?page_id=1993

Price is just £7.95 for 156 pages of doggy goodness. Order today!

A limited number of signed copies of the two volumes of the Collected Yaps is also still available. See below for order details.


Donate to the Dug This blog relies on your support and donations to keep going – I need to make a living, and have bills to pay. Clicking the donate button will allow you to make a payment directly to my Paypal account. You do not need a Paypal account yourself to make a donation. You can donate as little, or as much, as you want. Many thanks.

Donate Button

Order the Collected Yaps of the Wee Ginger Dug Vols 1 & 2 for only £21.90 for both volumes. A limited number of signed copies is still available, so get your order in now! P&P will be extra, approximately £3 per single volume or £4 for both sent together. If you only want to order one volume, please specify which. Single volumes are available for £10.95 per copy.

To order please send an email with WEE GINGER BOOK ORDER in the subject field to weegingerbook@yahoo.com giving your name, postal address, and email address and which volumes (1, 2 or both) you wish to order. I will contact you with details of how to make payment. Payment can be made by Paypal, or by cheque or bank transfer. Get your order in today – an ideal Christmas present!