Gordie peddles the pedalo of delusion

Gordie Broon’s been intervening again. This time he’s intervening in a doomed attempt to save his credibility, if not the carpets that he paces up and down on. Unfortunately for the clunking fistula, the Gordie Broon credibility ship sailed to the mythical land of media adulation quite a long time ago, struck the iceberg of self-deception, and is now rusting on the bottom of the ocean of self-regard, heavily encrusted by the barnacles of bluster. Not even all the balloons on the Labour benches in Holyrood could refloat it now. Gordie’s no longer sailing the ship of state, he’s peddling the pedalo of delusion.

Gordie would be the very last person to admit that his hastily cobbled together Vow was always as screwed as Peppa at a Tory party conference, but in his traditional haste to ensure that someone else takes the blame for his own failures, he has made a sideways admission that the only delivering his Vow has done has been to deliver Scotland into the pocket of the pig fanciers.

Despite serial claims from Labour politicians that the Vow has been fulfilled, Gordie now feels the need to point out that it hasn’t been fulfilled at all. This of course, is certainly not his fault. It never is. Nothing can dent the regard which Gordie has for himself, a regard matched only by his mythical status as a great statesman in Scottish media circles. The thing about a mythical status that has escaped Gordie’s notice is that it has no bearing in reality, somewhat like his Vow.

But Gordie is not to blame for the failure of a Vow whose success he swore blind he would personally ensure and take responsibility for. Oh no, it’s all the fault of those nasty Tories, the ones that Gordie worked his wee socks off to deliver Scotland to with his threats that you wouldn’t get your kidney transplant if Scotland voted Yes. Leaving Scotland prostrate and powerless before a majority Tory government elected by a mere 10% of the population, plugged in to a dialysis machine whose off switch is controlled by the Tories, that’s the kind of democracy that Labour told us we’d be better together with. Now we’ve got what Gordie wanted, only he’s unhappy to discover that he’s getting shafted along with the rest of us.

It was only by staying in the Union that the NHS was going to be safe, Labour said, as the NHS in England plunges into the worst financial crisis that it has ever seen, a crisis which is likely to have a knock on effect in Scotland. It was only by staying in the Union that Scotland would be able to guarantee social security and state pensions, said Labour. Pooling and sharing, repeated Gordie ad nauseum. There’s no pooling and sharing now, only social security pulling apart and shredding. It might be the Tories who are doing this damage, but Labour is to blame for delivering Scotland into their hands. That’s not a responsibility that Labour gets to escape from.

But the former prime minister who makes the invisible man seem like a bit of an exhibitionist wants us to know that it’s not his fault for believing that Tories would actually keep their promises when there was nothing to force them to do so and they have a history of duplicitous and underhand behaviour matched only by Gordie and his erstwhile chum Tony Blair themselves. Gordie’s blameless. In his own mind, if nowhere else.

Although Gordie has as much power to influence the Scotland Bill as a bacon sandwich has of resisting the advances of Davie Cameron. In his delusional state he still thinks he’s making policy. He paced up and down, wearing out the carpet, telling the press and his pre-vetting audience that he and Ian Murray propose giving the Scottish Parliament the clear and unambiguous power to top up what it pleases him to call, in the language of the Tory right, welfare payments. He is going to make it clear that the UK Parliament can’t have a veto over this. He’s going to achieve it by intervening in speeches to pre-vetted audiences, because that’s really going to make Davie Cameron sit up and take notice.

Gordie has no power at all. He’d have as much success if he attempted to achieve constitutional change through the medium of interpretive dance. This would at least have the advantage of being kinder on the carpet. All these dance steps he now thinks are so vital to ensure the future of the Union – maybe he could have performed them when he was actually in power, when he was Prime Minister. But when Gordie was Prime Minister he was far more interested in trying to prevent Scotland from having a referendum on independence in the first place and making sure we were the Cinderella who didn’t get an invite to the ball. That’s why Wendy Alexander got stabbed in the back.

What Gordie is complaining about now is that the Tories are using the non-progression of devolution for their own political ends. It’s unfair that the Tories should do that, it’s only Labour which has the right to use Scotland as a political football. After Labour used the consultations of the Smith Commission to water down the proposals as much as possible because all Labour was interested in was party advantage and not what was good for Scotland, they’re now complaining that the Tories are doing the exact same thing.

What Gordie meant by a modern form of Home Rule was a devolution settlement that suited the Labour party. As always, the desires of the Scottish population come a poor second to the desires of Westminster political parties. But never mind, yelling SNPbad! will substitute for having Scotland’s interests at heart. The Vow won’t deliver, because the Vow was always a lie. It was deliberately vague and deliberately unspecified so that it could be sold to the Scottish people as a modern form of home rule, as devo max, as the nearest thing to federalism possible, but still allow the Unionist parties to treat Scotland with the contempt that they have always done. Gordie’s not upset that the Vow has not been fulfilled, he’s upset that he’s been found out and his pedalo is peddled in ever decreasing circles.

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23 comments on “Gordie peddles the pedalo of delusion

  1. Itchybiscuit says:

    These days I think of Gordon Brown’s political reputation as just so many Jenga blocks which his ‘clunking fist’ has managed to scatter to the four winds.

    He’s flailing around trying to recapture some sort of relevance and all the while making himself look utterly incompetent and foolish – he must have found a home in SLab…

  2. […] Gordie peddles the pedalo of delusion […]

  3. diabloandco says:

    There is a cracker of a mugshot of the chap on the herald front page – utterly deranged.

  4. gavin says:

    When Labour hucksters want to look “authentic”, they dredge up the image of Keir Hardie.
    Problem 1—Keir Hardie wanted a form of Home Rule that would have given Scotland Dominion Status–same as Canada, Australia etc.
    Modern Labour are happy with the Bantu-stan model of Devolution we have had imposed. They don’t want a Scottish Parliament with real autonomy in finance or social provision.
    Problem 2—Keir Hardie fought to organise working people to work together for better wages and working conditions, against the dehumanising effects of Capitalism. Modern Labour are now part of that system and have become hand-maidens for Tory change. They have been at the forefront in selling off public assets, whether housing stock, industry or utilities.
    For decades they saw Scotland as “theirs”, to use and abuse, while they did nothing to modernise our economy or infrastructure.
    Now they whine and complain no one believes in their snake oil any more.
    As the old TV thriller nearly had it—-“the one-eyed man did it, and ran away”.

  5. Pam McMahon says:

    Think this limping boat hit an iceberg a while ago now, and most of the people of Scotland, including Daily Record readers, realise that Gordon and the apparatchiks of the Labour party and their mouthpieces, the BBC, the Daily Record and the Herald, have ensured that Scotland will be devastated by Tory governments for years to come.

    THEY were responsible for the rhetoric of lies and false promises to the Scottish electorate which caused a No vote, and theirs is the reponsibility for destroying this nation over many years.

    Thanks for this very excellent piece. Am begining to wonder how long I can stay angry without having a stroke.

  6. Dave Hansell says:

    I cannot help feeling that I’m missing something extremely substantial here.

    My understanding is that what has been labelled “The Vow” was a commitment to all those taking part in the Independence Referendum in Scotland that certain commitments would be carried out within a specified time period if, and only if, those voters to whom “The Vow” was made delivered a majority in favour of maintaining Scotland ‘ s place within the Union.

    That majority in favour of maintaining the Union was duly delivered.

    Yet, here we are more than twelve months since the referendum result and the promised “Vow” is nowhere in sight.

    Forgive me for being something of a pedant but the reality which now actually exists is that a commitment by one party, the people/voters of Scotland, has been delivered in return for a commitment by another party, the Government and political establishment of the British State, which has not been delivered.

    In legal terms it would seem reasonable to observe that the commitment by the first party, the people/voters of Scotland, had been delivered under false pretenses, ie a commitment by the second party, the British establishment, which has not been forthcoming.

    In which case this makes the refurendum result null and void on the grounds that it was delivered under false pretenses in the form of a commitment which has not been delivered.

    As a consequence I am at a loss as to why it not the case that the Scottish Parliament is taking the necessary steps to conduct a second independence referendum immediately?

    What is it that I’m missing?

    • xsticks says:

      Perhaps the fact that if we did have another referendum now we would probably still lose it or (possibly worse) win it by a very small margin.

      It will take time for the truth of the situation regarding the non-delivery of the Vow to sink in with some voters. Some just won’t care about the Vow as long as the UK survives.

      So, “What is it that I’m missing?”

      I’d politely suggest that all you are missing is the correct timing.

  7. […] Source: Gordie peddles the pedalo of delusion […]

  8. Les Wilson says:

    You cetainly, and entertainingly, have a way with words. Some of this gave me a good laugh.
    Power to you.

  9. Liz S says:

    Never understood why Brown’s speech pre referendum was perceived to have such an impact as it was all based on supposition that Labour would win General election and thus deliver near federalism, or would they Ha Ha ?. Because now when you listen to English Labour MP’s in WM, post referendum ,they don’t seem to be singing from the same Hymn sheet as Mr Brown was pre referendum, they are more concerned with their own English regions getting more powers .And their voting on SNP amendments to Scottish Bill in WM supports that statement.

    When it comes to strategy the Tories showed the amateurs ( i.e. Labour ) who was superior with their check mate maneuver on 19 September 2014 with Cameron’s EVEL announcement, information that was suppressed throughout the referendum campaign of course !!

    I agree with Paul that Brown’s latest intervention is all an exercise in damage limitation to himself ,but it is too little too late !

    When will Labour realise that the game they play is unwinnable . They cannot be all things to all parts of this divided ( United Ha ! ) kingdom. We are past the stage of tolerance on both sides of the border and Labour hold onto the notion that they can still appease both sides. Brown is an arse and what he thinks is of absolutely no consequence and has no value to Scotland. Just Go already please …….no one is listening , you had your chance and by God did you blow it …..ps. stop pacing it adds nothing other than nausea to the watcher !

    • jdman says:

      “stop pacing it adds nothing other than nausea to the watcher !”

      What IS that about?
      does he think it adds gravitas or something?
      he just makes me feel like I’m watching a tennis match in slow motion,
      it is really annoying!
      Oh and the rest of your post Liz…

  10. Liz S says:

    O/T Lib Dems win Aird and Loch Ness council seat from SNP . Oh the joys of tactical voting , Lib Dems just LOVE it don’t you know . Nessie better watch out !!!

  11. douglasclark says:

    Could we encapsuate Gordon Brown thus:

    A man with totally misplaced belief in what goes on in his heid


    Great piece again.

  12. douglasclark says:

    Or encapsulate, even

  13. daibhidhdeux says:

    Ach, so it goes again: Jigging their way to constitutional and democratic deficit damnation wi’ Broon o’ the Brit Runes now hirplin’ along to save his Brit sporran-faux as he realizes how much he fcuked up in his ju-ju readings, and how will be consigned to a Dante-esque level lower than the Toom Tabard for eternity in Scottish folkloric history.

    Perhaps, in a re-independent Scotland he may even be tried for complicity in at least one illegal war as well as for financial terrorism?

    Do these possible prospects spur his bowels on to tighten around the sphincter and give it one last go to salvage the wreckage of the “Union” (and his own self-interested neck)?

    An intriguing possibility given his cohort’s exit strategies…

    Darling – for one – did an ex-IMG/BritLab elite runner to the Anglo-British House of Lords and dumped the steaming keech on the aforesaid sporran-faux of the forementioned Son of the Manse (may his father’s Christ help him – his father – for producing this self-same sociopathic rogue; and Darling”s Auld Yin repent at leisure, too, in Hades. The Blairs beyond redemption).

    Fascinating times and stuff with the uber-Tory-Brits pushing it to a limit that even the previously referenced Barra Boys were too reticent to entertain in public.

    Looks like the end-game to this urine and bowel depositing is closer than we think.

    Thereafter, we clean up.

  14. jimnarlene says:

    Without your ability and wit, all I can say say is.
    Gordon Brown, feck off!

    PS. Received your wonderful publications, a joy and a painful memory at the same time, bloody marvelous.

  15. kat hamilton says:

    paul thank you for volumes one and two of ginger. both terrific and entertaining. cant abide watching this cretin who sold out his nation, with the willing hands of murphy, darling, curran etc…parcel of rogues indeed. kezie making no headway, despite her attempts to discredit nicola on thomsongate…only hope the momentum and desire for indy 2 will increase, what are we waiting for….seen enough, and time for action.

  16. Steve Asaneilean says:

    Why anyone thinks Gordon Brown has a “reputation” is beyond me (unless failure counts as having a reputation).

    As Chancellor he set up and encouraged the “light touch” that let the banks run amok. He then asked you and me to bail them out.

    So as a Chancellor he failed at the most basic hurdle – fiscal prudence (but then Not Labour regard the Scottish Government’should fiscal prudence as failure because they underspent).

    Then as a Prime Minister he was a failure and may well go down as one of the least remembered PMs in history.

    And despite being a former PM and having a reputation he couldn’t even persuade Tesco to keep his local store open.

    I no longer care what he says – like the rest of Blair’s cohort he sold us all out at so many levels.

    Ignore him – please.

  17. Hugh Barclay says:

    I very much hope Brown has overestimated the stupidity of the Scottish People, The Tory/Labour Vow was bollox from the start and this is just the end game now, all part of the plan, playing the Westminster game. to use one of George Galloway’s sayings, 2 cheeks of the same arse, would be spot on here.

  18. Bill Dale says:

    Here here Steve. I can remember when he raided pension funds by removing tax allowances, worth around £5 billion a year to the treasury.

    I was furious that no one seemed to be bothered by this, particularly not he pension companies, then I realised that he had pointed out to them that it would be better for their commission since pension scheme members would have to increase their monthly payments to get anything like what they would have had before his raid.

    I have never paid any attention to him since.

  19. macart763M says:

    I haven’t visited the Graun site for over a year and after today’s visit I was reminded why. I won’t even bother linking, but suffice it to say that Mr McKenna’s meeja bubble slip is showing.

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