No laughing matter… maybe

A guest post by Samuel Miller

I was looking forward to a nice Sunday with the feet up and maybe watching a box set of Laurel and Hardy’s best screwball slapstick. Had a bit of a hankering for some of the classics of comedy recently. Can’t think why. What I got instead was a nice Sunday watching a poor man’s tribute act of same, only without the humour or the slapstick. Also probably missing the talent, skill and charisma. (sigh) No, Sunday became one of those days where if you didn’t laugh, you’d cry. So laugh it was.

Aye. Turns out, our very own Secretary of State for keeping an eye on Scotland, David Mundell and the local branch supervisor Ruth Davidson, aren’t too happy with the idea of Ms May’s latest proposition for the N.I. border issue, or indeed any differentiated position in the Brexit negotiations. They didn’t toil in the mire of indyref 1, presumably throwing suspicious looks at burly men and keeping this sparkling and precious union together, only to see a border appear in the Irish sea. Oh no. They’re so miffed at the prospect apparently, they’d resign their posts and march off in a fit of righteous wossiname into the sunset. What their actual Scottish constituents think of this, I’m not entirely sure. (Rumours of the odd spontaneous ceilidh breaking out overnight and muffled laughter being heard from borders all the way up to Cape Wrath and beyond are completely unfounded.)

You might think that to say they’ve missed the point entirely over the concerns and priorities of the electorate is a bit of an understatement, but I couldn’t possibly comment. You might also think that Brexit happening at all in, y’know, SCOTLAND would be a bit more of a pressing issue to the population of SCOTLAND. That perhaps the Seccy of State for SCOTLAND and the branch supervisor might have a bit more concern for their constituents who happen to live in… SCOTLAND.

The more cynical among you might also be thinking that such an action, (should it ever come to pass), would appear to be somewhat of a dereliction of duty. ‘Course distancing themselves from a PM beset on all sides by folks out for her chair might not hurt either. Perish the thought on both counts. I mean, Treeza has been welcomed so warmly by Ms Davidson on a number of occasions and was quite the busy bee fighting the remain corner during the EU referendum. I’m sure they’re excellent chooms with a simply super working relationship. (The amount of dust in this room fair makes your eyes water)

How and ever, they needn’t have worried. Seems yesterday’s EU talks between Michel Barnier and Dominic Raab didn’t exactly go smoothly. The outcome? Well it was all a bit on-again/off-again throughout the day, as reports of done deal and no deal kept flying back and forth. The current situation, (so far as we know), is that Ms May’s plan, (once again), has been rejected. At this moment in time, it appears that the dreaded ‘no deal’ scenario looms just that wee bit closer as the parties remain deadlocked. The very bestest outcome of Brexit fudge, (bangs head off table), looking decidedly ropey to say the least. The pending cabinet meeting on Tuesday and the EU summit on Wednesday should prove to be fairly…. tense…. affairs.

Advisory note (cough): It’d be well worth readers’ time, at this point, to stock up on popcorn around now. You may not want to miss a second of what happens next and running short on snacks would never do. Also? After Brexit is finalised, stocking up on anything may prove to be a bit of a problem.

Probably also worth mentioning that for mahoosive swathes of the population, Brexit of any description may look beyond grim.  Soft, meejum, hard and any other buzz term you care to mention, would be basically the equivalent of putting lipstick on yer proverbial pig.

Just to recap and so far as I’m aware, there was no agreed definition of the terms of Brexit prior to, or during, the EU referendum. No exit strategy in place by either UK government, or the leave campaign. Not even a negotiating stance. The deal was subsequently described however, as going to be “one of the easiest in human history”. How’s that working out for them around now do you think?

More importantly, how is it working out for you?


34 comments on “No laughing matter… maybe

  1. It is Dorothy Parker, the great American humourist, is credited upon the Death of US Prez Calvin Coolidge, nicknamed ‘Silent Cal’, as quipping: ‘How could they tell’?
    The same observation may be made of the didymous dunderheids, Mundell and Mum2B.
    When they leave ‘office’ in a great fit of camera clacking TV cameras whirring pique, and Scotland gets on with life without them, who other than we anoraks can tell that they are no longer on the Brit Nat Gravy Train?
    They have done nothing for Scotland other than damage.
    I’d imagine Jackson CarHire’s neighbours complained to the local polis because of the noise and racket blaring from the wee sma’ hours party next door.
    ‘Ding dong, the witch’s dead’ made the charts when Thatcher departed to meet her Maker.
    It may chart again soon.
    We are facing No Deal, Sam.
    It is inevitable now.
    There will be run on pop corn and low fat rice pudding.
    We had relatives visiting from Norn Irn.
    They are very worried indeed.

  2. jimboscotto says:

    I’m ffin depressed. laughing at their incompetence has only taken me so far. I’ve hit the wall with it.

  3. Jason Smoothpiece says:

    I’ve said it before and things have not improved since we need independence as a matter of urgency this is a national emergency.

    Doesn’t matter if you are a racist or a sectarian bigot you have to support independence for your family’s sake.

    I do not think anyone ever has seen such incompetence in government of any colour they are running into walls screaming.

    This is the result of party over country holding on to power is the focus the country comes second, or in Scotland’s case third.

    We are sunk if we dont support independence, forget the lies pushed by the papers and BBC.

    For all our sakes vote yes, we can sort everything out later when we are clear of the madness.

    • Stuart says:

      Absolutely Jason

    • Guga says:

      “forget the lies pushed by the papers and BBC.”

      Not forgetting the blatant lies, propaganda and misinformation peddled by various English and the English government; the rest of the Blue Tories, Red Tories and the few remaining Yellow Tories; the Quislings and Fifth Columnists in Scotland; and crass idiots like Fluffy and Tank girl.

  4. […] Wee Ginger Dug No laughing matter… maybe A guest post by Samuel Miller I was looking forward to a nice Sunday with the feet up […]

    • chicmac says:

      Serbia and Croatia are far more successful than Scotland has been since they came into existence and are a far more frightening prospect to play against than Yugoslavia was.

      Also noted that any of their players not singing their national anthems are out, gone.

      ‘Sall I’m sayin.

  5. M biyd says:

    When it comes to Unioinsts threatening to resign perhaps Alex McLeish should do us all a favour. I hadn’t realised Big Eck did a pro No exclusive in the Record in 2014 and now fellow Pro No and former team mate Willie Miller thinks he should be given a campaign to prove himself….uh huh. Unionism in Scotland seems to glorify failure. .. Eck, Ruthie, Mundell etc.

    • Cubby says:

      Glad to see you that this post is not attacking the FM. Keep up the good work.

      • Mbiyd says:

        I’ve given up on her. We might still be able to save the football team from Unionism but not the nation.

        • Cubby says:

          Good idea stick to the football and let the FM get on with running Scotland and taking Scotland to independent status. Look forward to your comments when Willie Miller takes over then followed by Ruth Davidson.

    • Guga says:

      Regarding football, the solution is simple, forget about the men’s football team and replace them with the Scottish women’s team. We’d stand a better chance.

      As for Nicola, she is a national treasure.

    • Geordie says:

      Yeah, I was a bit puzzled when McLeish took the Scotland job and didn’t wait for the Team UK football job that must be coming soon post-Brexit. After all, if he applies his own logic then a UK national team would be so much more successful than Scotland on our own. We might even get one or two players in the team, if the Brits let us (provided we pay for the privilege, of course).

  6. Illy says:

    Does anyone have a link to the video from the days after the EU ref where the reporter is ranting about “can we see the brexit plan now?”

  7. Andy Anderson says:

    The main Beeb news tonight gave the results of a survey on what people thought about the effects of Brexit. A third said things would get better, a third worse and the rest did not have a clue. Hearing their reasons for their opinions made me laugh at the level of ignorance.

    Never before on the field of UK politics has so much crap been communicated by so few to so many. The problem is people believe the rubbish.

    No wonder it is hard to convince people about Independence. Most people interest levels are near zero.

  8. tintochiel says:

    Frankly, Sam, I tuned out somewhat to any reference to the revolting Grima Wormtongue-Snackbeard and Ruth Davidson but, your wit apart, my interest was piqued by the affectionate reference to Laurel and Hardy.

    The perfect antidote to pre-independence Brexit madness:

    *Phone rings. Stan picks up*

    Operator: It’s along distance from Atlanta, Georgia.

    Stan: It certainly is.

    *Puts phone back on hook*

    That’s all, folks.

    Suggested metaphor: Barnier rings Treeza…….

    • Les Bremner says:

      Thank you for that, it has brightened up my morning.

    • Les Bremner says:

      Thank you for that, it has brightened up my morning.

    • chicmac says:

      It’s a long distance from Rutherglen Academy to wherever he was as well. I mention only because my wife went to school in the same building as Stan Laurel, though NOT, I hasten to add, at the same time.

  9. Marie Gray says:

    Like you say, ‘If you didn’t laugh at it all, you’d greet from now to Brexit day’. So I don’t think I’ll be up for Mays planned celebration of the leaving. I’ll be too busy emailling millions of internet domains to ask them to get Scotland listed as a country instead of making us have to select UK.

    • Phil says:

      Good plan. That campaign has started here as of now …..

    • Jim Morris says:

      1. There is a .scot domain name. Wee Ginger Dug has one.
      2. Brexit means preserving offshore tax havens and having registered head offices in them too. The EU Finance Bill (look it up) will make both illegal, and give the taxman in the respective countries powers to go after 20 years of back taxes.
      In this respect TM is doing a great job and will not be sacked and will not go to the “country”. That is why she had the confidence (nerve) to dance on stage at the Party Conference.
      3. Her bosses do not care what happens to the rest of us.

  10. tintochiel says:

    A long distance…..

    Have thrashed myself in advance.

  11. There’s as much chance of the Queen going to live in a bedsit in Toxteth, as there is of Mundell resigning from his Secretary against Scotland post. He lives in a London palace, Dover House. He parties the nights away with like minded chaps and can call on his chauffeur driven limo 24/7. He doesn’t have a principled bone in his body anyway and would sell his granny to make money, if required. He doesn’t care about Scotland, why would he care about Northern Ireland?
    You can hear and will hear Theresa May and Ruth Davidson use their sound bite to explain away their reason for not remaining in the Customs Union. They say that, “the UK can’t make free trade deals outside the EU, if we remain in the customs Union”. No one challenges this nonsense. We already have the best trade deals possible through membership of the EU. The EU have 60 trade deals with countries outside of the EU. It is impossible for the UK to strike better deals than these.
    Added to this, if we have a no deal Brexit because of the Irish border, then I don’t see the UK having any trade deal with the EU for the foreseeable future. Nothing is going to change.
    Also, if the UK think they can then go to WTO rules, then the EU can easily put a spoke in their wheel by making a dispute claim over the divorce payment of £39 billion for example. There are already four countries with complaints about the UK in the WTO dispute process already. These disputes can take years to settle. Also, the WTO require details of what’s coming and going across any country or trading bloc operating under WTO rules. Therefore the UK would require a hard border in Ireland anyway.
    There are 193 countries in the United Nations. According to the IMF, 35 are what can be termed modern economies. 27 are in the EU. So we’re left with 8 outside of the EU. These 8, already have trade deals with the EU and can’t make a trade deal with us, if it impacts in any way with the trade deal they already have with the EU. These 8 countries are all more concerned about their EU deal, than any future deal with a much reduced and troubled UK.
    The idiot May was dancing in Africa recently, supposedly looking for trade deals. The whole continent of Africa, including their gold and diamond mines, including their copper and oil production, all in total per year, adds up to half the GDP of France per year. The UK, as we know it, is totally fcuked.

    • Och, Marlon, there you go again trying to force the real world on to the Brexit little Englanders.
      May’s Brexit Bad Chequers proposals was a non starter.
      Fox and Gove in particular talk utter b@ll@x when they boast about the trade deals the UK’s gonna get when freed from the Eu’s rules and regulations.
      We already trade with the world.

      May declares defiantly that there will be no Customs Union, no Freedom of Movement, no backstop CU/SM/FoM for Norn Irn, no ECJ protection for the 3 million Plus EU citizens working in the UK…I could go on.

      The low hanging cherries picked by May in her Last Gasper Brexit Deal was dead before the ink dried on the paper.

      Yet our Hacks and TV Doublespeakers base whole programmes on the ridiculous assumption that the EU will ‘blink’ and agree to May’s Nonsense, only for Jacob and Borrs and the wild eyed Ross to reject the deal at WM.

      There is No Deal to be had based on the Chequers Cobblers.

      They all know that, yet behave as though it were the Final Solution. (sic)

      England has gone completely bonkers.

      Mundell and Davidson are gittin’ out while the going’s good; that’s all.

      Mundell Davidson Dugdale Leonard and Rennie have perfected the art of being out of plain sight when anything important is happening on these isles.

      It’s all too complicated and above their pay grade, doncha know?

      It is about to get very dark and dangerous.

      • chicmac says:

        Now here was me thinking that While Putin played Chess and Xi Jinping played Mahjong it was Trump that played Chequers???

        I’d have thought May’s preference would have been Monopoly or maybe Risk.

  12. tintochiel says:

    Further L & H trivia:

    There is also a building in Hamilton (formerly Stepek’s electrical shop) which, I have been told, was originally a small theatre where Stan once played.

    That is all, playmates.

  13. Robert Graham says:

    Totally o/t and apologies in advance – A discussion on the Jeremy Vine show centred round adding a tax to alcohol to assist the NHS in England for the treatment of alcohol related problems .

    Not one single reference to the legal wrangling the Scottish government had to go through before minimum pricing was introduced .

    Why are England always behind the times , always playing catch up in so many things,so many things have been introduced here and subsequently copied down south , with little or no reference or acknowledgement that a lot of the time our government actually work for the benefit of everyone here ,

    Can’t the English unionist media ever admit the Scottish government with its limited powers and resources are doing not a bad job in very trying and challenging circumstances.

  14. It gives me a warm feeling to realise that Scotland provided the cash for Thatcher’s credit boom in the ‘eighties.

    We bought Sony Betamax video recorders, Sory Walkmans for the joggers, laminated kitchen cabinets, cordless phones, computer game consoles, electronic keyboards, ghetto blasters, Datsun Cherries, Toyota Corollas, Cortinas, Sierras, Marinas, and Metros, and of course, the Rubik’s cube, for our millions of neighbours South of the Border.

    Wasn’t that nice and neighbourly of us?

    Last week Michael Heseltine admitted that Thatcher the Snatcher squandered our oil revenue on tax breaks to fuel a short term credit boom when she should have invested it, like wot Norway done.

    “The former defence secretary said the focus on personal consumption, fuelled by tax breaks, was a key failing of the “Thatcher philosophy”.

    The same former Defence Secretary admitted blocking a potential oil boom off the West Coast of Scotland in the 1980’s.

    Declassified documents showed that the MoD forced oil companies to withdraw applications to drill for oil in the Firth of Clyde, fearing that exploration of the sea bed would interfere with nuclear subs travelling to and from Faslane.

    So while Norway has a trillion dollar oil fund to benefit its 5 million citizens, Scotland was treated as a militarily occupied colony, whose oppressors raped our land and resources to fritter away on Trivial Pursuits and 8 track stereo players for the Southern masses.

    Brexit has brought this to a head.

    It is no laughing matter.

    We must get out of this unholy Union (it’s not a feckin’ ‘Union’, it is armed occupation) now, during the tortuous Brit Nat Brexit Transition period.

    Anybody want to buy a couple of hundred video tapes?

  15. Robert Graham says:

    ah sugar Jack your second paragraph brought a smile ,Then you went and spoiled it by reminding us of the shit place we are in right now ,

    Then back to the 60s and 70s aye remember when most of us felt a bit of freedom , there was actually some real jobs , that paid real money , and this straight jacket rules for this forms for that were in the distant future , what happened ? maybe we were to busy working to notice the robbing b/rds beavering away taking what little most of us had .

    VHS or Betamax ha ha i am sure i have a VHS player in the loft , now where did i put that bloody loft ha ha .

Comments are closed.