A string of aubergine emojis

Well that didn’t last long did it. There was Nick Robinson of the BBC and OOooooh Thattalicsammin doesn’t answer questions fame telling us all how the Chequers agreement meant that there would be no more excuses for the EU in the Brexit negotiations, and now we find that the only excuse is the British government itself. And a pretty sorry one at that. Not 48 hours after peace broke out in the warring Conservative cabinet, David Davis went and resigned in a Brexitty huff. David Davis is ex-SAS. He’s been trained to take people out. Mostly, it seems, himself. Not so much Brexit as Dickshit. He is the UK government minister for exiting, but he was only able to exit himself. It’s like a really crap episode of Love Island.

It is wrong to remark on people’s appearances, but you can help but look at David and wonder if he’s the bastard offspring of Benny Hill and some street furniture, only without the political nous. What makes it all the more farcical is that Davey has only gone and resigned from a job that he wasn’t doing over a deal that the EU is going to reject anyway. He had two years and an entire department of hand picked civil servants to figure out something workable. But all that is exiting are the clowns responsible for getting us into this mess. They’ve been agitating for an exit from the EU ever since the UK joined it. They’ve had forty years to come up with an exit plan, and yet here we are, the clock is ticking, Brexit day is months away, and they haven’t even been able to do a deal with one another. There’s as much clarity from the Conservatives on Brexit as you will find in closed coffins in a windowless crypt buried deep underground. Which not coincidentally is where the Conservative cabinet sleeps during the day.

Still, he did write a resignation letter, which is the first document on Brexit that he’s actually managed to produce. It wasn’t a very long letter, but it’s still considerably more detailed than anything that he’s managed to negotiate with the EU. The letter was petulant and snarky, so exactly like the attitude of Brexiteers to the EU then. David helped to trigger Article 50, created utter chaos, has no position on Brexit beyond stamping his foot and demanding that Germany will keep importing cars, negotiated absolutely nothing workable or coherent, and now he’s off in a huff as though he’s the victim here. And now he can pretend that the disaster that’s about to befall us all isn’t his fault. This is all about covering his own arse within the Tory party.

Boris Johnson was pure beelin that someone else in the Tory party was putting their career before the good of the rest of us, because that’s supposed to be his job. So the very next day he resigned as well. It’s a sign of just how bad relations have got within the Conservatives that Theresa May’s office announced his resignation before Boris even had time to write his resignation letter. That’s because Tories devote more time to writing about their own career plans than they do writing proposals that the EU is actually going to accept.

Donald Trump is arriving for a visit on Friday, and at this rate there will be no one left to meet him at the airport. This is quite possibly the only positive to come out of this entire sorry debacle. Can Ross Thomson resign too now please? Pretty please. There’s that old saying, would the last person to leave please turn out the lights, but in Ross’s case the lights were turned out a very long time ago.

There are three months to go until the UK needs to put its final and acceptable proposals to the EU, and the Conservatives would prefer to force a leadership contest within the Conservative party, a contest which takes three months. Meanwhile a woman in Wiltshire has died after being exposed to a nerve agent, and the government is blaming the Russians. So according to our government, there’s a foreign power killing innocent British citizens in quiet English towns, the entire UK is staring at the precipice of a calamitous no-deal exit from the EU, the devolution settlement is in ruins and the Irish Peace Process is threatened like never before. That same Donald Trump who is arriving for a visit on Friday is tearing up world trade settlements and sparking off a global trade war at the very time that the UK is faced with leaving the EU without a deal. And what’s the priority for the Conservatives? Spending the next three months arguing about the party leadership.

Meanwhile the Labour party is equally divided and equally clueless on the subject of Brexit, and the only reason that no one is demanding that they be held to account for it is because everyone is transfixed by the Tory pantomime. Labour are naturally calling for a General Election, presumably so that they can abstain on that as well. Their own leadership is sadly lacking. At PMQ’s on a day when the Prime Minister had lost her Foreign Secretary and her Brexit Secretary, Jeremy Corbyn was still unable to make an impression on a Prime Minister whose operating system was stuck in a nothing has changed, nothing has changed, loop.

On Monday there were reports that representatives of Theresa May were “reaching out” to the SNP for support. So that will go well. Perhaps before realising that she was going to require the support of the SNP she shouldn’t have trashed the devolution settlement and took it upon herself to unilaterally rule out a future independence referendum. Mind you, Ruth Davidson did take time out of her busy schedule of avoiding questions on the Dark Money scandal in order to release a statement supporting the PM, and blaming the SNP for wanting another independence referendum.

The truth is that neither a Conservative leadership election nor a general election will solve anything at all. Despite everything, in the rest of the UK the Tories are still ahead of the opposition in the polls. The problem with British politics is too deep rooted. It’s a problem of British nationalism’s unrealistic and fantastical view of its place in the world, a view based in nostalgia for an empire and great power status that has long gone. It was the Prime Minister of Denmark who said that there are only two kinds of European country, those which realise that they are small countries, and those which don’t realise that they are small countries. Scotland is the first, the UK is the latter. They say that politics is the art of the possible, but what’s possible depends on what is realistic.

The only way that this problem can be solved is either by the cancellation of Brexit and the acceptance by British nationalists of reality, which is hardly likely to happen, or with a Scottish independence referendum which will allow Scotland to forge its own path, a path based on a realistic and accurate understanding of the world and our place in it. The independence movement needs to stop talking about the best time for an independence referendum, and start talking about the dire necessity for one. The British government isn’t going to get us out of this mess, we need to get out of it ourselves.

In the history books of the future, this period of British politics will be described quite simply as, “Oh my God. What the actual … !?” Followed by string of emojis of aubergines and crying faces.


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62 comments on “A string of aubergine emojis

  1. Graham says:

    Does strike me that, after the recent resignation of Davis and now Johnson, now would be the PERFECT time to announce a second indyref. The Tories are going down with the ship. Hell mend the evil, stupit bastirts.

    • Graham says:

      And by the way. That new (and old) novichok thing – total propagandist rubbish. Period.

      • weegingerdug says:

        You’re missing the point. The point is that it’s the UK government which is claiming that innocent British citizens are being killed on the streets of English towns by Russian agents, and that same UK government is far more interested in internal disputes within the Tory party. That’s dereliction of duty *on their own terms*.

        • Well said, Paul! Not surprising though … today’s Tories have no understanding of the concept of “duty”, never mind dereliction thereof!

        • Graham says:

          I get that. I don’t think I am missing a point. I get and see and know why you mentioned it. I just don’t believe it’s true. Craig Murray expertly tore it all to shreds. It’s just another distraction, another smokescreen, another propaganda attempt. Actually, you know what? Who the hell even knows what it is now, anyway? Who knows who to trust, what their agendas and motives are? It’s all lie and counter-lie, powerplay, madness, down-draggery. Never seen anything like this politically in my life before, and I am in my late 40s. I can only hope that what emerges after this period of tumultuous chaos will be better for people than the last abortive, now-ending society. Can’t be any worse, I suppose. Which is scant comfort.

      • Iain says:

        Novachok’s a crap tennis player anyway. Never had a chance against Henman.

  2. […] Wee Ginger Dug A string of aubergine emojis Well that didn’t last long did it. There was Nick Robinson of the BBC and OOooooh […]

  3. Mark Russell says:

    Yep, Groundhog Day in a very English farce. Can’t wait for the final curtain….

  4. Cubby says:

    The Tories are famous for their omnishambles.

    They have set a new record and created a megaton shambles that will blow the UK apart and many companies out of business. Yet my Tory MP Masterton stands up in the commons and says it is all brilliant for Scotland. Just another Tory more interested in his career advancement than what is best for Scotland. Sucking up to the Prime Minister hoping for a job in government. What a creep.

    It may not be appropriate to put on a banner at independence marches but Tories really are SCUM.

  5. Selkie says:

    What’s an aubergine emoji?

  6. Illy says:

    You have a Mastodon as your MP?

    I thought Tories were dinosaurs, mastodons are too modern, aren’t they?

  7. Molly McC says:

    Paul, most of us saw this coming….BUT the best part of your summary is this re #45s arrival on Friday, ” there will be no one left to meet him at the airport”
    That’s how it should be!!

  8. Macart says:

    Great post Paul and right on the money. It’s almost impossible to satirise this. We’re waaaaay beyond farce at this point and as for the sheer backstabbery on display? O….M….G!

    Newsfeeds going into meltdown with more ‘hot takes’ from spin doctors than you can shake a stick at.

    Seen a few political stooshies over the years, but this surely wins the prize for golden omnishambles hands down? You know that feeling you get at the top of a particularly scary roller coaster? The ‘hang on tight, here we go’ swiftly followed by the whole stomach doing flips feeling?

    That, with knobs on. They’re eatin’ each other oot ther

    (wails) OH, IF ONLY THERE HAD BEEN SOME WARNING? (Petering out to a whimper) The humanity!

    Just sayin’ like, but Westminster will be Westminster. (cough) 😎

  9. Joan Campbell says:

    My heid is beginning to hurt. I just can’t keep up with all of this and even worse, because they are resigning or dropping like flies, I can’t savour and enjoy the unfolding mess that are the Tories.

  10. Robert Harrison says:

    Betting mays doing the office meme of no god please no right now it’s going so bad for her right now.

  11. Andy Anderson says:

    No sympathy for them. Incompetence does not explain their actions one bit. Disaster is more like it. If you were in a normal job they all would have lost it years ago. No respect for any of them.

    Imaging the disgrace of meeting someone who admitted being a Tory or Labour supporter. They would be owning up to being in cloud cuckoo land.

  12. Just got back from doing “a big shop” … I have stocked up on popcorn … “Let the games begin!”

  13. Alasdair Macdonald says:

    The sad thing is that if there is an election, the Tories will probably be able to form a majority government because of their support in England, especially if England wins the World Cup or just makes the final.

    While Mrs May might well be the leader who ‘wins’ the election, the influx of Brexiteers Tories, will probably lead to her being toppled and someone like Mr Gove taking over.

    Labour will probably split, with a sizeable chunk, I.e. c20 joining the Tories, toensure a really hard Brexit.

  14. Mum 2B Davidson is on ‘a summer break’. Really? The Brexshit hits the fan and Ruth effs off on holiday, on full holiday pay too.
    Like Dugdale before her, she always makes herself scarce when the shitt hits the fan.
    Money for old rope and photocalls.
    Was her preganacy planned to be away for a year during Brexit Eurmaggedon?

    Wee Mundell refuses to answer the door to Scoop Eardley of the BBC. The wee Coward’s hiding under the Duvet of Delusion. He was deluded into thinking that he was a member of the English Cabinet.
    He’ll be next to fall or be pushed.
    ‘Sir’ David soon.
    You are on a roll, Paul.
    Davis will trouser a full Ministerial index linked pension for four hours work over 18 months as Brexit Supremo.
    When the going gets tough, the Bluie Tories head for the hills.
    Cowards all.
    Mum 2B Davidson’s SPAD issued the same press release as Leadsom’s, backing May and the wunnerful Brexit proposals which ‘the whole country’ should back.
    The curfew tolls the knell of parting May.

    • “The curfew tolls the knell of parting May.” That’s a good one, Jack! 😀

    • Jan Cowan says:

      Another, like myself, denied Scottish literature as a school pupil. Had to hunt it down in second-hand bookshops!

      • Jan Cowan says:

        “The curfew” etc was all we knew. No Scottish literature……. apart from Scott.

        • Jan, below at 12.04 ‘chicmac’ writes a tremendous spoof of ‘A Midsummer Nights Dream’ and draws analogy with May Trump Brexit the Mexican Wall madness and sorcery…I followed it all and thoroughly enjoyed it.
          It proves your point about a ‘curfew’. We were served very little Scots literature, but the whole canon of Shakespeare, Milton, Wordsworth, and so on, were pummelled into our young minds. We were to be conditioned as young colonists of Mother England.

          Don’t get me wrong; I love Shakespeare, well, now, but then not so much.
          Like you an awareness of our own Scottish culture, music, and art, was mostly self taught in my mid teens onwards.

          May I suggest to ‘chicmac’ that his version of the ‘play within the play’ should be updated to ‘Pyramids and Frisbee’?

          Brexit is the Brit Nat version of a pyramid selling scheme.

          They try to con us into buying oodles of Brexit produce which is just worthless tat that we can’t sell on.

          May’s 3 page Brexit proposal regurgitates the same old cherry picking nonsense, lightweight circular arguments that have been taken up into the hot air of rage from the Hard Liners and has flown off like a frisbee into the swirling winds of revolution and change, never to be seen or heard of again.
          The Deluge is here ,Jan. There is no way back for the UK now.

  15. bringiton says:

    What would the price be for SNP support at Westminster?
    Given the present dire circumstances,a section 30 order just wouldn’t cut it.
    An “independent” Scotland would have to deal greatly with it’s nearest neighbour in terms of trade and movement of people,as in Ireland so much to be agreed on both sides.
    Not sure what the numbers are for the Tory Brexiteers but I imagine the SNP members would go a long way to seeing off that threat.
    Interesting times.

    • Andy Anderson says:

      In my opinion if the SNP supported any British Nationalist party I feel they will hurt themselves and loose votes at home. I can see your logic but I think it would be dangerous if they were to do this.

      Although not a comfortable thought I think we should appear to be doing the best for the UK but not actually doing it. A bad Brexit is good for Indy.

      • Sadly, I have to agree with you Andy.

        • Wendy, there is no way the SNP would prop up a Blue Tory Government.
          The ‘Labour insider’ who postulated this in an anonymous tweet is some wee sweaty Militant Momentum tosser beavering away at their keyboard in their Mammy’s back bedroom.
          If he, and I’ll bet the house that it is a ‘he’, were not posting arrogant nonsense, ‘he’ would be setting fires on Lancashire gorse moors and laughing his tits off watching on TV as our firefighters risked their lives putting them out.

          The ‘British People’, aye right, voted to leave the EU; no ifs, no buts.

          That means leave, a clean break divorce.

          The EU27 are not holding the UK to ransom, bullying or threatening anyone.
          They have spent the past 2 years preparing for the Decree Absolute, which will take place on the 29th March 2019.
          Car Giants, Airbus, Finance Houses, are already closing up shop and moving back to Europe.

          The Littler Englunders and their Scottish Uncle Toms are already blaming Johnnie Furriner, and us Natsi Scots, and the Norn Irish, and WGD, for stirring up trouble, and for pointing up the self imposed mess that England and Wales have created for themselves.
          I favour a border come Independence.

          Roughly 60% of the population of England and Wales either voted Remain or didn’t vote at all, rendering them overnight not ‘the British people’.
          17.4 million voted Leave, so in a stroke the UK Population ‘lost’ 55 millions of its citizens.
          This Silent Majority will be rudely awoken from their Test Cricket Open Golf World Cup lazy heat wave summer torpor very soon now.
          The penny is about to drop.
          England said Leave, and the EU 27 has responded appropriately.
          Leave the keys to the Executive Washroom at Reception on the way out of Europe, Mrs May.

          It will save the expense of cutting a new set for Scotland, the newest member of the club.

          • I hope you’re absolutely right, Jack. I couldn’t help a wee twinge of “doom-n-gloom” on reading Andy’s comment. It’s good that you are there to point me back in the right direction.

  16. Iain says:

    Ross Thompson: “I resign, Prime Minister. In the strongest possible terms. Mother of Parliaments.”
    Theresa May: “Please don’t. Gardeners are so hard to come by in London. Would you like an iPad?”

  17. Robert Graham says:

    The worst government in living memory and still the Messiah cant topple them , must have a plan eh Jeremy , Labour are totally shittin themselves in case Mayhem calls a election . its like pass the Parcel with Jeremy praying the music dosent stop when he is holding it .

    • graemedbruce says:

      Aye Corbyn is less likely to become PM than Neil Kinnock was. How on earth can Labour in England, looking at an open goal, be so feckin useless?

    • Les Bremner says:

      In the Tory’s demonic chess game there have always been potential moves where they take us to the edge of Brexit, make a total mess of it, step off the sinking ship so causing a General Election which Labour will win. Labour are now at the helm as the good ship UK crashes so Labour gets the blame, causing another General Election where the saviours turn up and become ensconced more firmly.

  18. astytaylor says:

    It’s beyond a joke, it really is.
    Please, Scotland, just leave this so-called “United Kingdom”.
    Enough is enough.

  19. Macart says:

    Just to be clear. (as clear as you can be in this galactofeck)

    Hard Brexiteers Bojo and David Davis have ostensibly chucked their jobs over May’s Chequers deal, claiming fudge, soft brexit, caving to Johnny Furriner, waving surrender flegs.

    That would be the deal that EU were going to throw back in their faces regardless. Mainly because said deal still breached essential areas of the four freedoms at the heart of the EU’s stated principles of membership.

    So why resign when you’re going to get what you claim you want?

    Well either….. they believe there is yet further concessions set to be made by May on the issue of Brexit (uh huh!), or a hard Brexit it is and they’re both hoping to dodge the ensuing shit storm when it all goes biblically south on the UK.

    Bear in mind. THERE IS NO GOOD BREXIT, only degrees of calamitous harm and this according to UK gov’s own impact assessments.

    Popcorn?

    • Jason Smoothpiece says:

      I have popcorn stuck in my teeth and extra boxes stored in the servants area.

      The centre is falling the whole thing is coming down my fear is they may lash out and try to do damage to our folk as they tumble downwards.

      Very popcorny but a tad scary.

  20. So, the aubergine is used to represent a Boaby?
    Ah well, every day’s a school day! 😂😂😂.

    I just keep up with the antics of these bams now. It’s becoming ever more surreal by the minute. Scotland, more than ever, needs to get its act together and pull the ejector seat handle!

  21. Marconatrix says:

    “[The] problem of British nationalism’s unrealistic and fantastical view of its place in the world, a view based in nostalgia for an empire and great power status that has long gone.”

    Indeed, a sort of “phantom empire symptom” like the phantom limb phenomenon amputees sometimes have. The foot may be long gone but if they close their eyes, they truly can still wiggle those non-existent toes, etc.

    So here’s my question : Why is this so much an English disease? How did the other former European imperial powers get over it? France in particular comes to mind. And what nation is more communitaire than France? If it worked for them … ???

  22. Marconatrix says:

    Carlton Jock has given us a useful breakdown of all the areas of legislation etc. affected by WM’s post-Brexit power grab. Bookmark for reference :

    https://caltonjock.com/2018/07/09/emasculation-of-the-scottish-government-through-the-adoption-of-conferred-powers-conflicting-with-the-devolved-government-scotland-act-1998/

  23. Mum 2B Davidson’s rear end is pictured by the Daily Gerrard at the baggage carousel Edinburgh Airport returning from her ‘summer break following an arduous year not holding constituency surgeries and falsely accusing Nicola Sturgeon and not the vast multi billion funded Scottish Education Administration for Highers failures, and blaming NS for not closing the Attainment Gap despite Mum 2B Davidson starving 260,000 children into malnourishment and attending school on empty rumbling bellies.
    The poor lass must have been exhausted screaming at the top of her lungs for 12 minutes every week for 38 weeks of the year.
    She should maybe think of a career change, shelf filling at ASDA on the night shift.
    It’s enough to take it out of anyone, being the pointless ‘leader’ of the Blue Tory Branch Office in the Northern Vassal colony,if you ask me.

    Her SPAD rushed out a press release, as did Mundell The Absent’s, backing May to get the ‘right deal for the UK’ with this latest 3 page cock up of Chequers’ Proposals, cherry picking which the EU 27 rejected 2 years ago.

    Angela Leadsom was urging us all to back the PM too…although the Loon Eyed Ross Thomson, one of Ruth Davidson’s Scottish Unionist Party’s Dirty Dozen, backs Johnson and Davis, and uses Scot Nat language like ‘vassal state’, and ‘colony’ to describe May’s Brexit Sell Out.
    Mum 2B Davidson will be having a stern word with him. She’s his ‘boss’ after all.
    Aye,right.
    Perhaps our Brit Nat scots are that genuinely thick.

    Just one example of many :- The document says that there will be no freedom of movement post Brexit.
    So the EU27 have already rejected the Brit Government attempt at cherry picking.

    By Thursday, May’s head will roll.
    The madness continues and Davidson, Mundell and the Brit Nat Yoon Blue Red and Yellow ProudscotsBut Tories are left looking like the bumbling stumbling mumbling fumbling fools that they have always been.
    Dick leonard wants a UKGE and Corbyn the Commie in charge.

    There is only one option for Scotland now.
    Independence.
    Only then will the citizens of Scotland decide our future relationship with the EU, not some fat died blonde old Etonian, or Theresa May’s husband’s bosses in the City Of London.

    Hunt is now Foreign Secretary.
    Nuff said.

  24. bedelsten says:

    So, where does all this leave Scotland and the desire of about, currently, half the electorate for Scotland to be an independent country?

    Somewhat obscured by the political soap-opera ongoing darn sarth was an event which, hopefully, nails the coffin lid on the union when, in the big hoose by the Thames on the 4th July 2018, Ian Blackford (Ross, Skye and Lochaber) (SNP) moved that…

    “That this House endorses the principles of the Claim of Right for Scotland, agreed by the Scottish Constitutional Convention in 1989 and by the Scottish Parliament in 2012, and therefore acknowledges the sovereign right of the Scottish people to determine the form of government best suited to their needs.”

    The motion was passed without dissent.

    The Scottish people have chosen their government and that government has rejected the Brexit power grab, detailed above in the link to Caltonjack, as proposed by the government darn sarth who are challenging that rejection in the UK supreme court starting on 24 July. Win or lose, that challenge is another nail in the coffin lid. Trawling the web for some indication as to how the decision may go, there is this nugget from AXA General Insurance Limited v The Lord Advocate:

    “But it would also be quite wrong for the judges to substitute their views on these issues for the considered judgment of a democratically elected legislature unless authorised to do so, as in the case of the Convention rights..”

    Meanwhile, back to the haggis nuggets, or popcorn for those residing elsewhere, while the slow-motion car crash that is Brexit continues its inexorable journey and, up north, we wait patiently (or not) for our elected leaders to fire the starting pistol. The October 6th Edinburgh March For Independence, the day before the start of the SNP autumn conference, could be quite big.

  25. chicmac says:

    Are we sure we haven’t been witnessing a modern reconstruction of ‘A Midsummer Night’s Dream’?

    Think about it.

    Trumpius, the Duke of Athens is preparing to marry Hippocryta, May Queen of the Amazon and other tax evading mega corps. He is asked to intervene because Hibernia doesn’t want to marry Demeritus the Wall builder. Trumpius likes wall builders so agrees and tells Hibernia she must marry Demeritus. But Hibernia loves Norn Lysander and they run away together to the E-Yew Forest followed by Demeritus and Arlena, Arlena loves wall builders and especially Demeritus.

    Meanwhile Obermacron, king of the faeries of E-Yew Forest has fallen out with his Queen Angelania over an immigrant issue. He overhears Demeritus and Arlena arguing because Arlena’s love for Demeritus is unrequited, Demeritus loves Hybernia. He decides to help and sends the mischevious imp Puckup Davis to sprinkle magic love potion juice on Demeritus’s eyes while he is sleeping. He will then fall inlove with the first person he sees when he opens his eyes.

    Unfortunately Puckup sprinkles the juice on the eyes of the sleeping Norn Lysander by mistake and to make matters worse, when Norn Lysander awakes the first person he sees is Arlena, whom he now falls in love with rejecting Hibernia.

    While this is going on, a play is being rehearsed which will be put on at the wedding of Trumpius and Hippocryta. It is a tragic love story based on the legend of Jeremas and
    Trotskee. The part of Jeremas is to be, bizarrely, played by Bojom. Other parts are The Moon, The Lion and The Wall (to keep Trumpius happy).

    Mischevious Puckup decides to play a trick on them and changes Bojom’s head into that of (another) ass. This frightens the rest of the cast away. He then lures Bojom to a sleeping Queen Angelania whome he has treated with more love juice, so when she awakes she becomes enamoured with Bojom and entertains him with her faeries.

    Obermacron comes upon the sleeping Angelania and Bojom and returns her sight to normal, when she awakes she is appalled by the creature she has been in love with.

    Puckup removes the ass’s head from Bojom and Bojom returns to his friends and rehearsal.

    Obermacron finds the confused lovers in the E-Yew Forest and fixes their eyes so that now Hibernia and Norn Lysander love each other again and Demeritus now loves Arlena.

    So all’s well that ends well, errr… no that was quite a different play wasn’t it?

  26. chicmac says:

    Jack, I actually considered that but then decided Jezzer had to be in there somewhere.

  27. Scott Cameron says:

    What exactly would Ross Thomson resign from?

  28. John Boyd says:

    Just loving all of the inventive native acerbic wit.

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