Coming next door to home

So apparently there’s a fitba competition on. It’s not like it’s important or anything. It’s hardly RuPaul’s Drag Race, but it’s being foisted upon us all. English fitba commentators on the telly keep saying “we”, which comes as something of a surprise to those of us of a Caledonian, Cymric, or Hibernian persuasion, who were not aware that “we” were playing. Now because Engurland have got through to the semifinals, the telly is full of English sports pundits telling everyone that “we” are bringing fitba home.

There is a common misconception that those of us in Scotland don’t want England to win at the fitba because we hate the English. This is not true. The real reason that so many people in Scotland don’t want England to win at the fitba is because when England does win the British media, which people in Scotland also pay for, is, to use a technical term, unfuckingbearable.

It’s not that Scotland doesn’t want England to win because Scots hate the English. It’s that we don’t want England to win because English sports commentators on that telly that we have to pay a licence fee for too are poor losers and even worse winners. Sports commentators are Brexit writ large. They have an unshakeable conviction that the English team is special and that the world owes it. They are the Donald Trumps of sport. It’s their arrogance which sticks in the craw of so many people in Scotland, and so when the English team loses the reaction of a great many people north of the border is precisely the same as the reaction that you get when you’re watching a Youtube video of some smart arse attempting a show off bicycle trick only they fall badly and smash their testicles on a railing. This has nothing to do with being anti-English, and everything to do with the satisfaction of seeing a self-assured balloon being burst.

Lest anyone claim that I am merely saying this because I am a Scottish person who is jealous because the Scottish team is rubbish, I’d just like to point out that I give precisely the square root of hee-haw about the fortunes of the Scottish team. I’m an equal opportunities bigot when it comes to fitba. A plague on all your houses, and teams. I find a never ending sense of amusement at the emotional energy my compatriots put into a sport which we as a nation are spectacularly shite at. Scottish fitba is the very definition of the triumph of hope over experience. I care a great deal that Shangela was robbed on Drag Race All Stars 3. Caring about a fitba team being robbed, not so much.

However I do care about historical accuracy. Can we just get one thing straight please. If England does manage to win the World Cup, football will not be coming home. It will be coming to next door to home, because England didn’t invent the fitba. It would be Scotland which invented the game the world now calls football, except America. But then Americans don’t play any sport that any other country plays because that way the American team always gets to win. That’s how they can have a national baseball competition and call it the World Series. Bless.

While we’re at it, Scotland also invented golf, curling, and the word fuck.  I don’t pay enough attention to golf to know whether we’re any good at it or not, because golf is possibly the only sport on the planet which is more boring than cricket, and that’s quite some achievement. That’s like saying that there’s a politician who’s even more boring and lacking in charisma than the monotone and grey James Kelly MSP. I present you Richard Leonard, the golf of politics.

Apparently Scotland is quite good at curling, but no one really gives a shit about curling so that’s not much of a claim. It’s just lawn bowling for freezing people and it only manages to surface in the public consciousness once every four years when the winter Olympics are on and the sports commentators on the telly are desperately in search of a sport that Team GB doesn’t suck at. Usually Team GB does as well at the Winter Olympics as it does at Brexit. The British curling team is of course made up of Scottish people, but you’re not allowed to say that on TV in case you upset Clare Balding. Scottish is not “we”, apparently.

We, but not in the sense that Clare Balding understands it, so Scottish people then, are however world champions at the swerry wurds. The word fuck was first attested in literature in the poetry of the Scottish writer Dunbar, and according to the Oxford English Dictionary the word most likely has a “northern” origin. Which means Scotland. Just ask Gordie Broon. So that’s a fucking result. Unfortunately the world swerry championship isn’t broadcast by the BBC, even though it’s very much in evidence in every home in Scotland that’s tuned into BBC Question Time of a Thursday. Or to give it its proper title, Fucking BBC Tory Panel Question Time With That Spunkmuppet Wankgob Farage Who Can Fuck Right Off And Then Come Back So He Can Fuck Off Again And Where The Fuck Did They Find All Those Fucking Tories in Dundee.

But back to the fitba, which Scotland invented. The world’s oldest surviving football was discovered behind some panelling in Stirling Castle, and is thought to date to 1540. Coincidentally, this was also the last time that the local fitba team won anything. There are documents showing that King James IV paid two Scots shillings for a bag of “fut ballis” in 1497. The forerunners of the modern rules of the game were emerging in Scotland during the 15th and 16th centuries, hundreds of years before anything similar occurred in England.

What the English FA came up with when it was founded in 1863 was a rather different game, something of a cross between rugby and a bar-room brawl. It was in fact considerably more lethal than tablet, which is pretty dangerous indeed and which likewise quite often results in the loss of teeth. The game that was first standardised by the early Football Association in England had rather more in common with what we now know as Australian Rules Football, a contact sport allowing handling the ball and running with it. It was this early form of proto-football that the first colonists took to Australia and played when they were having a wee break from committing genocide on Native Australians.

It took Scottish people to refine the raw and violent game being played in England with the sophistication of hundreds of years of Scottish grace. The modern form of the game was devised in 1867 in Glasgow, with the invention of passing. The lads who gathered to play at Queens Park had obtained a copy of the English FA’s rules, and amended it to create the game that’s played all around the world today. The average Scot was physically smaller because of malnutrition, which was widely considered to be a Union benefit back in Victorian times. And indeed still is according to Iain Duncan Smith. The reason they changed the rules was to give the physically smaller Scots a level playing field against the physically larger English players. Football wasn’t a game invented by the English. Quite the reverse, it was a game invented so that the English could be taken on. Those early Scottish exponents of what was now the beautiful game went south to teach it to England, and became known as the Scotch Professors.

So in the unlikely event that England does win in Russia, we will at least be spared all those pundits on the telly greetin like weans about how they were robbed. Instead we’ll just have the triumphalism and they’ll be going on about it ad nauseum for the next 100 years. I’m kinda hoping that they do win because it’s quite likely to make a lot of people in Scotland vote for independence as that will be the only way that we can get it off the pissin’ TV. But the England team won’t be “bringing football home”. They’ll be bringing it next door. Close, but no cigar.


 

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70 comments on “Coming next door to home

  1. Weechid says:

    I thought it was just me that felt like this about football and commentators. Jimmy Hill was every bit as responsible for my desire for independence than anything Westminster has ever done:-)

  2. Illy says:

    Does anyone know if there’s any truth to the story that golf was invented as a practical joke on a bunch of visiting nobles?

  3. A great big thank you for this. Would like to have penned it myself !

  4. stewartb says:

    After watching the England/Sweden match on the BBC, I rejoice in reading this, at discovering I was not alone in having just the same thoughts – whilst acknowledging the sporting achievement of the England team.

    I watched – I paid to watch – a broadcast by the de facto ‘English Broadcasting Corporation’ to its territory of the UK, aka England.

  5. mumsyhugs says:

    Snigger giggle laugh out loud – I love this post, especially the bit about us being shite at it! Brings back a memory from many years ago when we did actually qualify for the latter stages and this wee punter celebrating as he left the ground was asked what he thought of our prospects – “We will lose magnificently!!!!” said he 🙂

    • Weechid says:

      I stopped watching football in 1978. Don’t know if it’s ’cause I grew up or because I couldn’t stand the constant disappointment:-)

  6. Macart says:

    Leave us not forget the most loaded and ignorant question presenters and interviewers throw at Scots when this dog and pony show rears its gawdawful head. Will you be supporting England? Normally offered like some form of medieval challenge by the by.

    My answer is invariably in the form of a question. Do Canadians support the USA, the French their Belgian neighbours? How about the Germans? Do you reckon they should support Holland, Poland, Austria or Switzerland?

    Why should I support specifically England then?

    Why should anyone feel obliged or pressured to?

    Personally I gave up on football as an entertainment several decades ago and couldn’t give a flying wossiname about the international kickball tournament. How and ever, the stock answer from now on for any halfwit asking that question should be? (Other than grow up)

    None of your damn business.

  7. Alba woman says:

    Ot…a bit/

    Wish they would take the Orange order to another home preferably the centre of London near Downing Street.

    My friend was on her way to her 80 th birthday bash in the House of an Art Lover today. She came across the O O march.which took over the south side and a large part of Bellahouston park.

    Her attempt to cross the road was interrupted by a woman grabbing her arm and shouting in her face ‘ Haw you, you canae break the march’. My friend declined her order in polite terms. Fortunately a police officer was nearby and he stepped in to deal with the situation.

    My friend was quite shaken by the woman grappling her and shouting in her face. She told me that her bus journey home was disturbing as the top deck was inhabited by OO people chanting their totally unacceptable bigoted chants.

    • I saw earlier this week that the ‘a Parade’ was scheduled for Paisley Road West and duly avoided the area. The Orange Walk is a scary proposition as are the people who line the route. Well done to your friend for not accepting her attacker’s dictate. I hope it did not spoil her birthday. Mind you, an eighty year old woman is about the ideal victim for these bullies. I wonder if she would have tackled someone younger?

  8. Andy says:

    I would love to see England winning the World Cup for the same reasons you specify in your last paragraph. I wish the players well in their efforts, but the thought of newspapers, TV punters and the BBC going on about it non-stop for the next fifty years as they did after **** will increase the vote for Indy substantially. So I can live with an English win, but only for a year or two, because after that they will be a foreign country.

  9. Cubby says:

    We in Scotland pay to watch English TV.

    Yet in my experience it is the Britnats in Scotland who complain the loudest about the English football team and its coverage during world cups/ European championships. They really are mixed up and messed up people.

    Sorry but have to disagree about golf being boring. It is a great sport and Scotland is its home. We have no need to make up a song about it coming home to try and convince the world of its true home. However, even in golf the attempts by some to rebrand ” the Open” as ” the British open” have been ongoing for a while now.

    I do agree that the English have pinched ownership of where football originated from – Scotland. Nothing new though in the English taking credit for Scotland actions.

  10. Douglas says:

    I’m not sure we could be world champions at swearing

    Although there is plenty of effort and enthusiasm, we often lack imagination.

    I remember well the voice of our long suffering hospital engineer rising from beneath the floorboards as he traced another heating system failure:

    ‘Aw fuck, the fucking fucker’s fucked’

  11. msdidi says:

    The tennis is no better. The commentators are so biased it is unbearable. Tonight I was watching Edumund (UK) play Djokovic. The crowd were, of course, cheering manically for Edmund and the English commentator was beyond the pale. On one particular set point to Djokovic the umpire gave the point to Edmund even though the ball bounced twice, he lost the grip of his racket AND he put the ball out! The commentator was beside himself with laughter and delighted about Edmunds “luck” but John MacEnroe (who was assisting with the commentary) sounded a bit shocked and made a remark along the lines of – aren’t the English supposed to belief in fair play……Djokovic however upped his game and wasn’t long in winning it after that……instant Karma.

    • Robert Harrison says:

      It’s fair play when it’s going there way but when the tables turn the English are the frist to cry foul that’s why they are hypocrites to me like the cons it’s only fair when it suits them.

  12. “I’m an equal opportunities bigot when it comes to fitba. A plague on all your houses, and teams. ” I’m right with you there, Paul! Even here in Canada, where it is called Soccer and played appallingly badly, we can’t escape it! Who will win? “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn!”

  13. Neil Anderson says:

    Croatia will take them down in the next round. No worries.

    • Robert Harrison says:

      They’d better Sweden and columbias was fucking useless the sooner they lose the sooner they shut up they are worse than man utd fans were during the late 90s.

  14. Michael Everson says:

    A friend of mine from Derry had this to say:

    Me: Cheering on whoever is playing against England is petty and childish.
    England: Football’s coming home.
    Me: You aren’t inherently entitled to things, coloniser! Man, I hope you lose.

    • Robert Harrison says:

      The English bad habit strikes again being arrogant like that yet they wonder why the world don’t seem to like them boggles the mind how the southern lot can’t seem to join the dots.

  15. Brian Fleming says:

    Thanks Paul. I’ve been waiting for someone to say this. I’m currently in Poland, and even the Polish TV comnentators repeatedly trotted out the “football’s coming home nonsense”. English propaganda has a long reach. Add that to the ‘national anthem’ dirge, and I’m totally scunnered.

  16. Brian Fleming says:

    Misplaced inverted commas. I meant “football’s coming home” nonsense, of course.

  17. georgeaberhonddu says:

    A beautiful rant

  18. diabloandco says:

    From their arrogant commentary in tennis and football to their taking over of the Glasgow Commonwealth games I award the English commentators the Cup for the Most Unlikeable , Irritating Nationalists .

    I wonder if any other countryfolk are asked whether they are supporting England? the wonderful Welsh? The Irish? Are they all right behind Gareth’s boys?

    Personally I have been hooked on Wimbledon and MotoGP for more years than I care to remember and much prefer individual sports where I can cheer on any and every nationality ( though Italy remains my favourite in MotoGP)

    That said , even I could not bear another 52 years of crowing should England win . Do you think any other nation does that? Do you think that perhaps by the time the next world cup rears its ugly head that the last winners recognise their win is in the past and in the past it should remain?

  19. A weekend in the tent at Stonehaven, blissfully largely footie free. Some of us though take more than a passing interest in both curling and cricket. Sad isn’t it. However I’m minded that in the commentary box of the slightly less magical these days, Test Match Special, the ‘we’ word was banned, by the late Christopher Martin-Jenkins. The ban still largely holds, except when Tufnell is on duty. But then, like Lineker’s motley crew, he has no class at all. Brilliant stuff Paul, as per.

  20. See the nurse on the way out, Mr K. Make an appointment for the same time next week, and keep taking the tablets.
    We are making progress I feel.
    Not once did you mention Ms Davidson or Willie Rennie.
    It’s good to talk, rant, and rave when appropriate.
    Some of the English commentators endless gushing drooling praise showered on ‘our boys’ as they kick a ball up the park borders on homoerotic hero worship.
    Still, May got reports of her Disaster Day Away at Chequers buried; yesterday was a good day for bad news.
    The inevitable is about to happen. England will face a real football nation and get humped, to extend the ‘erotic’ analogy to breaking point.
    Great rant, Paul. .

  21. Craig P says:

    Having watched both golf and cricket matches (in that order) as an experiment to see if I could enjoy spectating either, I can assure you that while the golf was, up to that point the most boring thing I had ever seen in my life, cricket is *even more boring* than golf.

    But the football pundits don’t bother me because I basically opted out of watching TV years ago. There’s nothing on it I miss. (Not even Ru Paul.)

  22. Clydebuilt says:

    I’ve just heard BBC Radio Scotland’s Bill Whiteford claim that Bill Jamieson ex editor of the Scotsman voted YES in the 2014 Independence Referendum.

    Jamison has just agreed to this , his explanation is that independence would force Scotland to face up to economic reality.

    Unless I’m mistaken doesn’t BJ live in England’s West Country.

  23. tintochiel says:

    You are remarkably well informed about the origins of the Scottish game for someone who doesn’t care about it, Paul.

    It’s no surprise that we make little progress internationally when so many Scottish football “celebrities” campaigned against their country during the independence referendum, including the current Scotland manager. We seem to have a mental block or cringe which extends to the game we invented in its present form. That and the incompetence of our footballing authorities and their inability to develop young player has left us where we are. I only go to see my local diddy team now, where I can easily manage my disappointment and talk quietly to fellow sufferers, usually in dimly-lit rooms.

    Strangely, the only foul-mouthed England haters I hear seem to be Britnats, usually of a Slab persuasion. This is just another of the strange kinks of the colonised mind, like the Tories in kilts who love going to see the Scottish Rugby XV but tell you they will emigrate if Scotland votes yes. There’s a gold mine of raw material for psychologists to sift through in analysing The Cringe after independence.

    Vile seps usually see these games for what they are: it’s nice to win at them but of little importance when set against the future of our country. Compared to that, Scottish sport is just an infantile disorder.

  24. Anne Martin says:

    Oh. Let the poor wee souls have their moment of glory. After all, their lives are going to be pretty miserable after Ireland reunifies and Scotland gets independence!

  25. gedboy says:

    Don’t forget Water Polo, which was invented by the manager of the Victoria Swimming Baths in Butterbggins Rd Govanhill and was originally called aquatic Football.

    And Lawn Bowls… The Wellcroft Club has the core rules in their 1835 Minute Book.

  26. Stookie says:

    Do we know if the SNP have any bills planned to push through during the semi final? 😉

  27. Jan Cowan says:

    Don’t know when I laughed so hard and so long, Paul. Thank you for such a wonderful, informative article. It did my heart good!

  28. Johnny says:

    This is essentially it.

    Basically, we get largely English news and therefore hear all about this ad nauseum (to the exclusion of many more important things a lot of the time, such as whatever ‘japes’ the UKGov is up to now). I’d wager that many Scots would be perfectly happy for England to win (and to enjoy their achievement as much as they liked, as any country would) so long as we didn’t have to be subjected to listening to it. It’s another country’s success. As you say, there is no ‘we’ in this and I am quite sure English supporters would not consider the success ‘shared’ with Scots people, the Welsh or the Northern Irish (and I don’t think they should, either).

    Perspective is all and I am sure, if they thought about it for a moment, English media and football fans etc would agree that if they were made to have German, Italian and Brazilian news (with no alternatives allowed) beamed into their houses, they would have found it intolerable to listen to them going on ad nauseum on the multiple occasions upon which they have won World Cups between them.

    • Robert Graham says:

      Yes lots of confused folks here , most of the media don’t report anything other than England and their point of view so the news is focused on them and quite rightly so ,that’s where the audience is . What is not acceptable is another country’s news being beamed at us while expecting us to pay for it despite most of it not involving us or relevant to us , Most Scots on a daily basis hear only English speakers and accents on their radio or TV our country is being assimilated by England , we probably have more union flags per head than any other part of these islands, and the recent attempts at re branding Scotch Whisky as British is really taking the piss .

  29. Meindevon says:

    Re the World Series. I was told whilst on a tour of a baseball stadium (not the guide but a guest) that it was named after The New York World newspaper, who were the original sponsors.
    Enjoyed the article. As a Scot living in Devon, I just try to keep my head down at these very testing times.

  30. Iain says:

    I don’t agree that cricket us the world’s most tedious game. That accolade has to go to football. Yawn!

    • Johnny says:

      Any sport where you can lose just because it rained at the wrong time and the thing got called off (i.e. you didn’t lose because you failed to excel) is stupid.

      • JGedd says:

        I find all sport tedious to watch and marvel at the amount of emotional engagement demonstrated by fans in an enterprise in which they are simply the spectators. Since sports simply evolved out of ways of just passing the time in a game I also wonder at the sheer investment in time of the fans who only watch.

        I can understand the pleasure those playing get from their investment in time and effort. You only have to watch a group of youngsters in the park involved in kickabout games to see how these activities bring sheer enjoyment while stretching and developing physical agility, But once adults get involved with their rules and ideas of ‘ discipline’ you can see how the whole thing eventually became virtual war games.

        I can remember far back in my youth enjoying the participation in games until life got in the way of games. I would be found day-dreaming on the edge of things and all that agressive energy around me I found alienating. All these years later, I still find the chauvinism and absorption in trivia of fans, distancing. It is as as mysterious to me as royalist fandom.

        Cut off from all forms of MSM for the duration of summer sporting delusion, I am hoping to put off for as long as possible, actually knowing who won the World Cup, but in the certain knowledge that I won’t escape being told eventually, short of hiding in a nuclear bunker for the next four years.

  31. Bob says:

    Good article. Missed out the first documented football club. Foot-Ball Club. Founded in 1824, Edinburgh. Mention it in any “coming home” conversation and they soon disappear.

  32. Del says:

    Remember back a few decades when rugby crowds bood and whistled the national anthem? Remember ‘Flower of Scotland’ being adopted instead? There’s a close line between pride in your own country and hatred of others. The funny thing is, Your typical rugby fan gets on well with Welsh, Irish, French, Italian fans in pubs in Edinburgh. Why not English? Just listen to commentators over the passing years, talking up how superior English rugby is, and more to the point how crap Scottish rugby is.

    • Robert Harrison says:

      Hahahaha and didn’t we beat the English at rugby this year plus basketball then cricket which England is supposed to be no1 in the world at ffs who’s shit at sport now I wonder.

  33. Andy Anderson says:

    AS an individual I never really got into watching any team games although I dis not mind trying to play them whilst a teenager. I prefer activities such as hill walking and target shooting. Activities which tax you as an individual.

    As for the EBC, it has always annoyed me that the BBC does not ensure that all of its presenters fully understand the structures of the UK. For a UK wide broadcaster this is totally unacceptable.

    My Dad when he was alive used to rant on about the BBC. He kept going back to the fiftieth anniversary of D-Day when the BBC said English troops attacked X beach. He said NO, they were Scots and Canadians. The English landed there a day later once the killing on both sides had been done. He was there. He called the BBC the Britain’s Boring Corporation often replacing the last word with one starting in C and with five letters.

  34. The Drookit Dug says:

    I’m sorry but you’re a little wide of the mark on this one WGD. It’s not about them being bad winners or arrogant. They’re entitled to bask in their glory.

    The problem is that the success of one nation is being rammed down the throats of others due to our broadcasting arrangements. Blame the broadcasting setup, not the English commentators or media.

  35. Welsh Sion says:

    Did any of you hear or read anything on this level when my country went as far as the European Championships in 2016 – the semi-finals for the first time in ‘our’ history? No, me neither. But we’re all a family of Better Together Unified Nations, aren’t we? Aye, right.

    Like most here, I suspect, I have no particular beef with the England team (in any sport). Their not representing me, they represent someone, and good luck to them in the process. But I will not put up with Biased Broadcasting Corporation and other media loud mouths and no-nothings using the ‘inclusive we’, when as eny fule kno, Jocks, Taffies and Paddies et al are not part of this ‘we’ that they are trying to portray and to go on ad nauseam about England and their ‘entitlement’ to win at all times is infuriatingly grating. (Note, of course, that said Taffs and others are just that if they lose – clearly they are not ‘one of us’ nor do the represent us as we’ if they do so.)

    And has anyone seen the behaviour of some of their fans all over ‘the country’ recently. Sky-diving onto bus shelters, wrecking ambulances on emergency calls, anyone? How is this supposed to represent ‘us’? Obviously, it’s just a few Brits [sic] having a larff – not some pissed out their minds Ingerlund yobs …

    Finally, my own anecdote regarding those European Championships of 2016.

    SCENE: A raffle at a typical middle class venue, somewhere in England.

    Master of Ceremonies: One of the prizes in tonight’s raffle is an authentic 2016 European Championship football.
    Me: Has it been signed by all the Iceland team, then?
    Master of Ceremonies: [Muttley-like mumbling and throwing of a dirty look in my direction].
    Me: [Innocent smile].

  36. chicmac says:

    The premise that football would be coming home to England is an error, rewrite of past..

    The reality is that all the former colonies of the English Empire, if there were such a thing as an international court of sporting rights, could sue their former colonial master for preventing them from early adoption of the beautiful game.

    India, Pakistan, the African colonies, Australasia and even the USA all were subjected to adopting the English game sports of cricket and rugby or variants thereof.

    They are in fact notable stand out areas on the planet for their delayed gravitation towards soccer.

  37. David Davis resigns….while Loon Eyed Yoon Gordon Brewer and his team at Sunday Politics Scotland over at the English Broadcaster’s Glasgow Stockade try to ‘polish the turd’ that is TM’s latest 3 Page insult to the intelligence of all on these islands, her CherryPickingRealityDenyingFascists XenophobesAppeasingThreePageBrexitFudge behind which we now know, as if we didn’t know before the AwayDay at Chequers, the English Cabinet is not 100% united.

    As Boris the Yank observed, you can’t polish a turd.

    Brewer’s Programme took the tried and trusted route to half an hour of SNP Bad ness..

    Interview Mike Russell in a pre-recorded piece, and as Brewer himself admitted, confess to being too thick to understand the dilemma facing us Scots.
    We voted Remain 62%; recent polls show this figure rising in light of May’s Brexit disaster.
    He of course put words in Russell’s mouth; ‘If’ there were a second EU Referendum and Scotland voted the same and EngWaland voted Leave, ‘are you saying’ that this would trigger UDI?

    No, he wasn’t saying that, Brewdog.

    But it didn’t stop Brewer and David Clegg, political editor of the Daily Gerrard, Orange Edition, from declaring that we were all so fed up with this Brexit nonsense, and wanted it all over, that we didn’t care what sort of deal they brokered, we’d live with it.
    Shades of Fridge Magnet Wummin in her kitchen leaving it all to her husband to figure out.

    What an arrogant little toss of a man.

    Mundell was not available to appear, nor Mum 2B Davidson, but Jackson the Ruddy urged us all to get behind this Triffic Brexit Deal, on film, of course,not live in the studio.

    Where the fuck are Mundell and Davidson?

    In hiding, because they don’t do ‘grown up’ politics or want to face up to the very real danger of our country is being plunged into Third World Poverty because of their gross incompetence?

    In the studio, to slag off Mike Russell and the Bad SNP were the annoyingly banal Paul Sweeney, the New Labour Branch Office Front Man, and Brewer stooge, and live from Aberdeen, one Andrew Bowie( I think) a New Tory Dim But Nice MP, who smirked and exchanged playground barbs with Sweeney, in between Brewer leading the SNPBAD dirge.
    Two clueless young wet behind the ears Brit Nat placemats. Monozygotic Yoon Twins.

    Brewer seems not to grasp anything; he actually argued that the EU27 may agree to this latest May Brexit nonsense, and if so, where would that leave the Scot Nats then?
    Mike Russell would get what he wanted, so there…

    Aye, right.
    It’s time that Donalda pulled the plug on Brewer’s Droop, and spent the money on cookery and knitting patterns magazines for the 61 year olds still watching good old Auntie Beeb.

    Perhaps Mundell will resign too?

    He has run out of rope.
    Perhaps Southgate will resign as England manager, on Tuesday night, as he is about to face a real team on Wednesday.
    Tick, tock, Scotland. Be Ready.

    • Robert Graham says:

      Started watching Brewers usual how do we have a go at the SNP show, I had to switch it off , he and the BBC seem to have missed the little small that the SNP forms the Scottish government and has done for the last 11 years , Brewer has this peculiar way of twisting a question into something that baffles both the audience and the person being asked but expects a clear concise answer .

      Anyone in Scotland watching the BBC since early this morning must be wondering exactly what country they are in ,not one thing on this station in any way relates to Scotland , we would be as well having any other European TV station in English for all the relevance this station makes to people here.

  38. Macart says:

    You know, I thought what we’d seen so far from Westminster’s Brexit politics was farcical, but how wrong can you be?

    It was a mere preamble, an appetiser. With David Davis resignation, we have now officially descended to chimps tea party level. Actually, that’s doing chimps a great disservice.

    Popcorn?

  39. George says:

    “…..the only way that we can get it off the pissin’ TV…”

    Except of course STV.

  40. Robert Graham says:

    A whole country without a voice ,every single news station is covering the Davis resignation , And the elected government of Scotland and the SNP are where ? .
    Unless you actually live here you wouldn’t know we exist, is anyone there ? Ha Ha

  41. Macart says:

    Y’know, one thing above all has become crystal clear between the two referendums over the past four years. The United Kingdom is NOT united and those who claim they wish it to remain so are those most guilty of breaking that unity. They’re never done telling folks who doesn’t fit, who aren’t allowed, who can’t do, who shouldn’t be. They’re not interested in societal unity or plurality. Their one identity is ensured only by the exclusion of all others. Their unity is based entirely on access to others assets. They’re not interested in their issues, their identities, their culture or their integration. Only their obedience, their blind acceptance, their assimilation and their silence.

    Does any of today’s central government policy, their media narrative and their societal definitions of identity sound particularly like union or partnership to you guys? Do you feel wanted, considered, included? A oneness?

    No. Neither do I. I very much doubt that what they have shattered can be repaired and I certainly will not be looking to make a success of Brexit. I won’t hate others just because I’m told to. I disagree profoundly with the arguments of central government and the economic and social carnage I know their pursuit of their intolerant agenda will bring. It’s one policy and one action among so very many tbh. One too far. I won’t identify with that. I won’t be defined by …. that.

    It’s who and what they are. What they are always going to be. They personally won’t change and no miraculous intervention will change the nature of that house or that system of government. It DOESN’T WANT to change. It’s uncaring entitlement, patronage, arrogance and self writ large.

    There is only a choice to make at this point. What kind of country do you want to live in?

    • Robert Harrison says:

      You just listed everything I disliked about England there macart and I because I openly reject all that I’m deemed anti English just because I say it straight out blunt it’s a problem sure but I’m not going to flat out lie or try to twist my own words I tell it as I see it that’s why I could never be a politician let alone Frist minister.

      • Macart says:

        I reserve my ire specifically for that house and its practice of politics Robert. I don’t see the traits described as belonging to any nationality specifically tbh. Sadly, they’re there in all of us. But when you allow enough twisted bastirts to gather in one place such as your house of government? When you as a population allow such ideologies control over your legislation, access to your media? Their growth accelerates exponentially.

        There’s plenty of good caring folk in England and they’re just as concerned/(terrified) as we are at the turn the UK as a whole has taken. They’ve been mushroom farmed for generations and right now we’re all seeing the results.

        Best help we can give them is dissolve that house as the central government of the UK and provide the best example we can.

  42. Andy Anderson says:

    It will be interesting to see what transpires this week at the Brexit zoo in Westminster. Hopefully they will tear themselves apart and make a mess even worse. Chaos helps our cause.

    Anyone going to the Inverness AUOB March on 28 July? See you there. My first was Stirling, a good day and a good crack.

    • Cubby says:

      Andy all the marches are good in their different ways but the Glasgow one this year has to take top honours IMHO so far. If the Edinburgh one tops Glasgow then great.

  43. chicmac says:

    Even El Pais, one of the main newspapers of London’s anti indy allies, describes today’s events as another surprising twist in the ‘tragi-comical soap opera’ that is the UK Government’s management of Brexit negotiations.

  44. Macart says:

    Bojo resigns. (sigh)

    Saw that coming. Probably the smell of blood in the water.

    Epic fuckwittery. So they’re looking to either:

    a. Avoid blame in major backstabbing/scapegoating exercise
    b. Prompt a leadership scramble
    c. Prompt another snap election
    d. All of the above

    Strong and stable

    Popcorn?

  45. Macart says:

    We’re literally looking at UK central government collapse before our very eyes here and they did it to themselves?!?!

    Must nip out to the shops. Stock up on snacks and loo paper.

  46. deelsdugs says:

    Well, that had me in fits!

  47. Rod McCaslin says:

    Considering the history of England’s exploitation of Scotland in the past, and the continuing exploitation of the Scottish people by a Westminster Parliament dominated by English voters, and a media that promotes everything English and diminishes Scotland regularly, I think it is a bit much to expect/demand Scots to also support English sports teams.

    • Cubby says:

      Spot on Rod. They do not make it easy to support the English football team.

      • A wee nation of just over 4 million souls is taking on the might of the English Empire and their £1.7 million a year Gary Linekar and the English BC Team of Pundits
        The wee Croats have no chance because football just has to come home to unite the battle scarred Mother Country in these difficult self inflicted wounded times, so says The Waistcoat.
        Luca is too old, it’s England’s turn.
        The past few weeks have been akin to the neighbours going off on holiday and leaving their teenage sons an ’empty’.
        The raucous bozzy anti social behaviour of our neighbours to the South just goes on and on and on. When will it ever end? hopefully, tonight.
        If anyone is in any doubt that to the media, politicians, sports personalities and royalty, ‘the nation’ means ‘England, you’ve not been watching TV,
        listening to the radio, or reading the Daily Blahs.
        The RAF Fly past yesterday, which reminded me of the Old USSR’s military shows of strength in Red Square, may be repeated is, God Help Us All, the Blue Tories win the World Cup.
        Roll on 9 o’clock tonight.

        .

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