According to the BBC news, the only thing of note that happened today was that an obscenely wealthy 90 year woman with access to the best health care money can buy hasn’t died yet. All across the country there are elderly women and men turning 90, many of whom have had to live in poverty and survive lengthy NHS waiting lists, but that’s not news. It should be news that elderly people in this country are struggling in poverty, but they can’t afford a street party so the BBC doesn’t give a toss. It’s only news that it’s the Queen who has just turned 90, in case you haven’t noticed, and the BBC and the rest of the British media are doing their utmost to make sure that you can’t not notice.
Actually, she turned 90 in April, but she gets two dibs on birthdays because one set of presents for the wealthiest woman in the country isn’t enough. And none of that cheap tat from the Pound Shop either, except maybe the bunting. One can never have enough bunting. This is the Queen’s official birthday, as opposed to her actual birthday. Her actual birthday was a quiet family only affair, so Prince Harry can be invited to the official one.
Nicholas Witchell gushes about the non-achievements of those born to rule because he was born to drool. He has been greasing all over our TV screens in ecstatic sycophancy as he reports on the events in the manner of a North Korean state broadcaster only without their grounding in common sense and reality. Nicholas got his current job after impressing BBC bosses with his dedication and the thorough nature of his preparation. He licked his way through an entire sub-post office worth of stamps so that he was well versed in getting his tongue up the monarch’s back side.
But let’s not be churlish, Nick is a highly skilled reporter, and is able to fill minute upon interminable minute of air time with gushing praise for tiny non-achievements. The royals rarely if ever do anything of real note, and only manage non-achievements only because the media refuses to report on just how obnoxious and entitled most of them are. We don’t hear much about Prince Andrew and how he’s pals with dictators, rich businessmen convicted of procurement, and how he flies around the world playing golf at public expense. We don’t hear much about WillnKate with their non-jobs, part time playing at helicopters and full time vapidity. Just look at the bunting, isn’t the monarchy marvellous! It’s like listening to a very posh nursery school teacher going on at us for over an hour about how wonderful it is that little Sebastian has managed to get through fifteen minutes without picking his nose even though little Sebastian is sitting there with his index finger on one hand jammed very firmly up his nostril and the other scratching his bum.
Scotland on the whole seems to be immune to the dubious charms of the Windsor clan and their media tribute acts, because no one in this country is convinced that rich people putting on kilts and blasting Highland wildlife with shotguns on a private estate that’s almost the size of a small county actually counts as empathising with Scottish culture. The chances that we’ll get a referendum on the future of the monarchy from the Westminster parliament are as near to zero as makes no difference. The only referendums that Westminster offers concerning the pretensions to rule of upper class idiots with a sense of entitlement are those about Boris Johnson’s hopes of leading the Tory party.
Boris got his arse handed to him on a plate last night by Nicola Sturgeon in the ITV EU debate. The only plates that the media offers concerning the monarchy are the printed tat cheesy variety that will appear on a future edition of Bargain Hunt when an auctioneer tuts and says it’s not even worth the price of a cheeseburger.
According to a poll on Sky News this week 70% of people in the UK want to retain the monarchy. We’re going to be stuck with the world’s most highly paid benefits claimants for quite some time to come, yet oddly Channel 5 is bereft of programmes shaming them for their oversized social security claims and multiple cooncil hooses. Although to be fair you can’t shame the Windsors on account of them being utterly shameless. You can’t shame people who have been born and brought up with the unshakable belief that the world really does owe them a living. After all, the head of the family’s head is on the money, so it must be theirs by right. The rest of us just get to borrow a little bit of it occasionally.
The existence of the monarchy at the apex of the class system is what justifies the entire class system and which allows balloons like Boris Johnson and Davie Cameron to imagine that they have an entitlement to rule over us. We have an etonianocracy because of the monarchy. It’s the monarchy which provides the justification for the democratic obscenity which is the House of Lords. There can be no justification for appointees who have their posts for life if it were not for the existence of an unelected head of state who has their post for life. The monarchy symbolises that the UK is founded upon the privilege of the few and the entitlement of the rich. This is a country in which unfairness is a foundation of the constitution.
This is the god-knows-how-many-th royal sycophanfest we’ve had occupying our telly screens this year. It won’t be the last. We’re stuck with this intelligence insulting charade as long as Scotland remains a part of the United Kingdom, a convenient bunting bedecked distraction from the real issues that this country faces. Why worry about the yawning chasm between the haves and the have-nots when you can wave a Union flag and coo isn’t she marvellous. Well it’s not marvellous, and the sooner we can put an end to this circus the better. If you’re a republican, only an independent Scotland offers you any prospect at all of living in a country where we’re all equal and where we don’t have an upper class that’s born to rule and a media that’s born to drool.
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