If you thought that the prospect of a 24th of June when you wake up to a UK that’s voted to leave the EU and drag an unwilling Scotland with it was depressing, you’re about to be even more depressed. Donald Trump is coming for tea that day too. Donald Trump, the only man on the planet who’s a greater attention seeking troll craving validation than a right wing Unionist journalist on Twitter, has announced a visit to Scotland the day after the EU referendum.
The reason that the Donald will be getting a fresh rabies shot and a pet passport for his comb over is obstensibly to open his revamped golf resort at Turnberry, or Trumpberry as it’s now called, but really he’s coming to do his mugging toad face impression that passes for a smile if the UK has voted to leave the EU. The American clown with the bad hair who hopes become the leader of his country could be in for a schmooze with the English clown with bad hair who hopes to become the leader of his country.
Climate change denying Donald doesn’t want Scotland to become independent because he fears we’d only go and invest in more wind farms, but he wants the UK to leave the EU because then there won’t be so many wind farms or environmental protection directives which inhibit his ability to build ugly hotels which are as overblown as his hair in sites of natural beauty or value. Although to be honest his hair doesn’t spoil a site of natural beauty or scientific interest, unless his brain is of interest to clinical psychologists. Wind farms spoil the view from his golf resorts and have the potential to muss up that carefully arranged hair. Trump is only interested in what’s good for Trump, and if it’s good for him, chances are it’s bad for the likes of you or me.
If the polls are anything to go by, there’s a very real prospect that the UK will vote for a Brexit. The same polls show that there’s still a large majority in favour of remaining in the EU in Scotland, which is the most pro-EU part of the UK. What Scotland is really going to need in the immediate aftermath of an ill-tempered negative and nasty referendum campaign which has ripped us out of the EU against our will are the soothing words of wisdom of Donald Trump. Donald attracts violent protests, smashing stuff up and starting fights, but then that’s pretty much what the Tories are doing in government anyway.
Although Donald is about as welcome in Scotland as the right wing Unionist journalist at a Scottish Resistance Tunnock’s t-shirt competition, sadly it’s not going to be possible to ban him from the country, or even to make it more difficult to enter. Mind you, we could do that if we were independent, just putting that out there in the hope that it will attract a few more doubters to the independence cause. Although Trump is in favour of stricter border controls for everyone else, when you suggest they ought to apply to him too he gets quite upset about it and says that it’s hateful. It would be quite appropriate if British immigration subjected him to a full body cavity search as he enters the country. Unfortunately this won’t be possible, as they don’t have enough staff to search the vast cavity between his ears which stuffed full of ego.
Donald wants the UK to leave the EU even though he thinks that Brexit is a type of weetabix, probably because he reckons it will look good on the top of his head once he’s lost even more hair and the comb over is no longer viable. He’s keen on Britain leaving the EU because he’s very fond of putting up walls, like the wall he wants to build along the US-Mexican border, and the wall that he’s got in his brain that shields him from reality.
That’s what leaving the EU is all about for the Brexiteers, walls. It’s about putting up a wall between the UK and the rest of the world. It’s British nationalist isolationism, isolating islandism at its very worst, pulling up the drawbridge and retreating into a nostalgic 1950s xenophobia where everyone speaks English and puts up bunting whenever the Queen waves at a commoner. It’s the British version of Trumpism, and it appeals to the same kinds of people in Britain as he does in the USA. A vote from the UK to leave the EU is sticking two fingers up to the rest of the world, and sailing off into a fantasy of Great British exceptionalism that exists only in the minds of Daily Mail editorial writers. That’s not the kind of Scotland most of us want to live in. The reality will be worse working conditions, widening inequality, rampant triumphalist British nationalism and militarism, and turning the UK into a low wage version of the USA only with worse weather, less freedom of speech, and compulsory royalism.
Scotland is expected to sit at the back of the British bus while we have no say about who’s driving it, and they’re driving it to a destination we’ve said we don’t want to go to. That’s the ultimate proof that the UK doesn’t give a toss about what Scotland wants or what Scotland’s people believe to be in our best interests. A valued member of the family of British nations my arse. The EU vote is the last chance for the UK to prove itself to Scotland. If the UK was to drag Scotland out of the EU into the mugging grin of a Donald Trump against the express will of the Scottish people, after telling us that the only way we could remain in the EU was by staying a part of the UK, material changes in circumstance don’t come much more material than that. We’ll have every right to hold another indyref, and this time the Unionists will be trying to defend an isolationist UK that most Scots will have said that we reject.
A British vote to leave the EU might just give Scotland its best chance of escaping from a dying superstate living off its delusions of grandeur and its nostalgia for a past that’s long gone as it tries to impose a single identity on diverse peoples. It’s just that the dying superstate will be the British one. That will wipe the smug grin off Donald’s face.
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