The crown prince of darkness vs. the clown prince of barkingness

David Cameron’s future as Prime Minister is looking even less secure than the Labour party’s control of Glesca Cooncil. At least Labour will probably hang on to a majority until the May local government elections next year, it’s quite likely that Davie boy will be gone by then. I’d do a wee dance to celebrate, but chances are he’s going to be replaced by someone else from the same narrow and highly restricted social circle. That would be nightmare characters from the Twilight Zone.

It’s likely that Davie’s successor will be either Boris Johnson or George Osborne. Celebrating that would be a bit like celebrating because a pig bothering Frankenstein’s monster had been replaced by an even worse nightmare, so it’s not quite time for a pitchfork parade. Everyone knows that clowns are really scary and creepy, you only need to look at Boris Johnson for proof of that. His sole qualification for the job is that he could give Donald Trump a run for his clown shoes in a contest to win an immigrant scaring fright wig. As for George Osborne, he’s a fully paid up member of the gimpish bloodsucking undead. There are coprophagic lizards which are cuddlier and more warm blooded.

With the possible exception of Boris Johnson’s ego, our old Etonian Prime Minister’s epic sense of entitlement is the only thing in the United Kingdom that’s bigger than the national debt. Although to be fair to Boris, he had a long hard think about what outcome was best for the country in the EU referendum and then decided to do what was best for his career. For Davie it’s all about getting through the next month. The EU referendum on 23 June isn’t just a referendum that will decide Britain’s EU membership, it will also decide the fate of Davie’s career with George Osborne hovering in the background like the crown prince of darkness. Will Davie be forced into an early and humiliating resignation by a triumphant Boris, or will Davie get to go at a time of his choosing, handing over the baton of leadership to George Osborne who can then let a dominatrix spank his bottom with it while he whips all of us. At least with George humiliation is a lifestyle choice, just not our choice. We get a choice between the crown prince of darkness or the clown prince of barkingness. Watching the Tory party in action is to see a demonstration of the dictum that he who knows least knows loudest.

The truth is that either of the main two Tory players in this referendum campaign could just as easily have been on the other side had circumstances been different. Neither of them particularly care whether the UK leaves the EU, and neither of them are particularly in favour of remaining in it. It’s just a convenient battleground for the pair of them to settle a schoolboy spat with George as the wee pal of one of the bigger bullies. The fact that they are putting the entire future of the country at risk doesn’t enter into the equation for them. It’s all an exercise in cynicism. All that matters is which one of them comes out on top. The likes of you and me are screwed whoever wins.

British politics has been reduced to a beauty contest between three ugly public schoolboys all of whom come from rich and privileged backgrounds and this demonstrates that Britain is going backwards. This is the kind of leadership contest that Victorians would have been familiar with. They’d also have been familiar with blaming the poor for their own problems, the fact that so many depend upon private charity in order to keep food in their stomachs, and the glorification of the military in order to distract the public from problems at home.

Boris Johnson was described over the weekend as a nicer version of Donald Trump. That’s what you call damning with faint praise, as there are creatures which crawl out from underneath rocks in Victorian horror novels which are nicer than Donald. Victorian horror novels about creatures from the dark are like documentaries in comparison to the works of fiction which utter from Donald’s gob, and that is something that he does share with most of the British Tory party whether it’s the Boris backing part of it or not.

Boris and Donald do share much in common. Boris might not want to build a wall to keep migrants out, but that’s only because Britain is an island. He does want to convert the English Channel into a moat. Both have bad hair, both are self-obsessed, both make promises that they won’t be able to deliver, and both live in a fantasy world where their career ambitions vastly exceed their capabilities. There are significant differences between them however, Donald demonises Mexicans and Guatemalans, whereas Boris demonises Turks and Romanians.

Dave doesn’t just have to win the referendum, he has to win it convincingly. If he loses the referendum he’ll be out on his ear as Prime Minister in approximately the same amount of time that it takes a Scottish Republican to reach for the TV remote control when Nicholas Witchell comes on the telly. If remain wins the referendum very narrowly, losing in England but winning overall on the back of votes in Scotland, there will be an almighty constitutional crisis, Scottish independence supporters would laugh uproariously saying where’s yer English votes for English laws noo, and Davie would still be forced out of office by embittered Eurosceptic MPs who would now be extremely keen to see Scotland leave the UK. If there’s a very close result but remain manages to scrape to victory in England, Davie’s job is by no means safe. All the bile and bitterness of the referendum campaign will be thrown back in his face by angry backbenchers who will be itching for revenge. Only a large and decisive victory will ensure that Davie is safe, yet all the opinion polls show that it’s too close to call. Whichever side wins, the question won’t be settled.

Dunno about you, but I’ll be getting out the popcorn to watch the Tory party tear itself apart and biding my time until Scotland gets another chance at a referendum in which victory will ensure that we never get governed by Old Etonians again and that never again will Scotland be held hostage to the vanities of rich and over privileged public schoolboys.

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25 comments on “The crown prince of darkness vs. the clown prince of barkingness

  1. Tinto Chiel says:

    And all this because Dodgy Dave was trying to outflank Nigel Farrago to win a few seats in last year’s GE.

    Listening to the Britnat zoomers on Pravdasound4, I’m beginning to think the Outers have a chance. It’s all very well saying Scotland is 60:40 Remain, but how many of them will actually cross the door next month? The Frothing Outers will be far more motivated to come out and vote on the day.

    Whatever happens, the U.K. is a basket case, with centrifugal tensions which are rapidly slipping out of control.

    And all this, as WGD says, because two inadequate, emotionally-crippled Etonians want to have their pissing contest and to hell with the consequences.

    We’ve begun our Risorgimento: when are the English going to wake up?

  2. Jan Cowan says:

    Since Boris is a quarter Turkish – was his grandfather not a Turk? – you’d think he would have a soft spot for that particular nation. Strange, except that the horrific manner of his grandfather’s death could have possibly influenced him.

  3. Re who will replace Cameron, I think the two hemispheres of the Tory Party may wish to chose someone else and postpone the struggle to be decided behind the Arras?

    Theresa May is one of the longest serving Home Secretaries and might be that candidate; no that I like the bitch.

    Anyway she will still stick it Scotland as firmly as the other two.

    I forgot that she a woman as well.

  4. […] Wee Ginger Dug The crown prince of darkness vs. the clown prince of barkingness […]

  5. northbritain says:

    Could a narrow UK Remain vote – where England votes Leave – but Scotland overwhelming votes Remain thus tipping the vote create a situation where the Brexit Tories want Scotland to be independent?

    In which case: they could push for a binary indyref. One where rUK and Scotland each have an indyref to see if the Union should be maintained… if either one votes out – the Union is over.

    We live in interesting times.

    • davidbsb says:

      Aye, but if they vote out it will because the ordinary ,patriotic, flag-waving. monarchy-loving, salt of the earth English people vote out. Their elite , supercilious, public school educated, nose in the trough ruling caste will find a way to kick the result into the long grass.

      Farage and Boris are not in the same mould as Cromwell. There will be no rebellion. The ordinary English will accept whatever crap they are told. If only you could get odds on the result being pockled you could clean up.

      I am still remain, but that old anarchist streak from 40 years ago kind of hankers for a leave win.

  6. Kenny says:

    Personally, I don’t believe the Tory Party is *really* tearing itself apart. I believe it is all a big show. Boris was given the Leave camp to lead, because he can be trusted (the court jester and buffoon) to create a song and a dance — much ado about nothing.

    Boris was chosen so that both groups could be controlled by the Tory Party. Somehow, I cannot help thinking that the job of the Labour Party is to somehow be the eternal Red Pawns and to be used as scapegoats or something else.

    Without Boris, the Leave camp would have been headed by Farage and UKIP. That would have given them too much airtime and attention, risking the thought of them taking future votes from the Tories. It was never going to be a Tory v UKIP contest.

    Why on earth would Boris want to leave the EU? Has he been anti-European before? Did he not get along perfectly with the mayors of Paris and Berlin?

    I do not know if the bookies are taking money, but if you put money on Remain it is the closest thing to “free money”. Because there is still a lot of Project Fear to go and then whatever “EU Vow” must be cooked up.

    Added points:

    * After a Remain vote, how will the UK ever get to moan again about the EU…. and threaten to leave! …. Germany and France will have the UK just where they want it!

    ** The SNP (rightly) points to workers rights in the EU as an advantage of membership. But what does a Greek worker say about that? And surely the SNP government provides more rights anyway for the homeless, low paid, disabled than the EU? So surely the best option is an INDEPENDENT Scotland outside both the Tory UKOK and the Goldman-Sachs EU?

    Norway, Switzerland, Iceland, Yanis Varoufakis…… they do not trust the EU and want nothing to do with it…… David Cameron very much wants us to Remain…. Surely that is the biggest red flag of all?!? In any situation, I would ask what David Cameron wants: and do the exact opposite!

    • douglas clark says:


      I so see a spit in the far right, y’know, the Conservative Party and their UKIP friends post that

      There are probably going to be about three sensible Tories left standing and the remainder will be torn between really enforcing their neo-liberal credentials in UKIP or attempting to pretend as a party policy that they care for anyone other than the super rich, amongst themselves and will vote accordingly, supported by voters that can’t the realistically seen as the Unionist cartel.

      Two totally exclusive clubs of idiots that are probably pretty well represented by Muirfield members,

  7. Bill Hume says:

    OK Paul, you beat me fair and square….I had to google coprophagic.

  8. Sooz says:

    That’s exactly it. Davie was shoehorned into a referendum because Farridge Garridge was on his tail, and the two horns of the campaign are one and the same – a big willy-waving contest during which they try to frighten the undecideds within the electorate into galloping towards one sheep pen or the other. Here comes Boris, barking at them from one side, and just as the electorate stumbles blindly over to one pen so the other side starts up with the yapping and makes the goggle-eyed undecideds turn right round and head for the other one. The Tory spin doctors must be laughing themselves sick.

    Personally I’d rather stay in the union until we’re independent and can make our own decisions that don’t include Westminster, because being stuck on these rocks with the Tories in charge makes me reach for the garlic. They’re ruthless and will suck the remaining blood out of this country as soon as they have the chance. Look at the material both sides are using. Fear, shock and awe, and they’re even pinching Robertson’s forbodings about dark forces and unseen threats, not to mention apocalyptic splits in the firmament. We’ll be having to give up our firstborns soon, if the spinmeisters have their way in the editorial process in the campaign room.

    Honestly. What a blinking shower of buffoons. How the hell did such stupid people ever get to get to Parliament unless through privilege and money. It certainly wasn’t because of any evidence of statesmanship.

    • Saor Alba says:

      O well, Sooz, they have the big Willy waving contests down there and we have a wee Willy waving contest up here – until Independence that is.

    • hettyforindy says:

      Good comment. Had my suspicions too, they are not really tearing themselves apart, they prefer to bite, and lock jaws on the voters. We are fckd either way the vote goes, but expect remain, even if narrow win.

  9. And the Scottish Indy Ref and the last general election results were to be trusted?
    “It’s not the people who vote that count. It’s the people who count the votes.”
    Brexit, Shmexit, it’s all sewn up. We will stay in by a large “postal vote” majority. Jamoneron gets to look good and Scotland looses again. Sorry to disappoint, but we are good at doing disappointment in Scotland. I hope to goodness I am wrong!

  10. punklin says:

    Coprophagic lizards, pig-bothering monsters, gimpish bloodsucking undead and Nicholas Witchell…

    How do you sleep at night? How can we now? : -)

  11. Bill Steele says:

    I can well understand why the Tories choose millionaire toffs as their leaders. The whole point of the Tory party is to concentrate power and wealth in the hands and coffers of the rich and keep on decreasing the power and increasing the poverty of the poor people. “Profit before people” is their unspoken motto.

    I cannot understand, however, why the Labour Party, founded as the party of justice for underpaid workers, and poor people in general, chooses millionaires for their leaders. How can the Trades Unions back this concentration of power in the hands of people who have a Tory political philosophy, and are out to enrich the already rich and ding down the workers and the poor people?

    I think that the answer for my generation may be in the education we received, when we were taught to believe, and we and sang, in school, “The rich man in his castle, the poor man at his gate, God made them high or lowly, and ordered their estate”.

  12. Kenny. Yanis Varoufakis is pro-EU, surprisingly. I understand he advocates a ‘remain and reform’ policy.
    Finding him complicated to decipher these days.

  13. Whoever “wins”, the Westminster elite will still rule over us. Even if “the Scottish vote” means the U.K is forced to remain in the E.U, I still don’t think England, or at least the establishment, will get rid of us. As Robert Peffers quotes on W.O.S, “it’s awfy sair, but I need the money”.

  14. Dan Huil says:

    It’s certainly amusing to watch the britnat tories ripping themselves apart. Time for Holyrood to take advantage. For starters: time to pass a law stating no-one in Scotland will be prosecuted for non-payment of the bbc tax.

  15. fin. says:

    tbh. i still aint convinced camoron is for remaining. no proof other than everything he says and does.

  16. dodgyoriginals says:

    If there’s a Brexit majority – and I’m stuck here in England – the result could still throw up weird times. Any immediate negotiations in the aftermath of the vote would likely reveal that the rest of the EU would – and you can’t blame them – throw back a pretty toxic deal to those in the Brexit camp who thought getting out of Europe would be a one-way ticket to eternal sunshine and gold-paved thoroughfares. The resulting deal – including freedom of movement, acceptance of free market and the ECHR, etc would them have to be put to the UK electorate for approval by whichever of the weird duo – Gove or Boris – would succeed Dave as leader (with no majority, btw…). A Brexit vote would send the pound through the floor, so even some of the most hard-core Brexiteers might be begging for the ultimate irony: The EU would say, “this is as good a deal as you’ll get, and by the way, you’ll have to join the Euro too…” To save what by then would have been the shredded remains of the economy, house prices, and of course the Brexiteers shrunken pensions, they’d have to agree…..

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