Gordie’s been intervening again. He didn’t bother intervening during the recent Holyrood election because even he could see that his party was going to tank, and not because Ruth Davidson was sitting on it posing for a photo shoot for the Scotsman. His old seat of Kirkcaldy has turned into an SNP stronghold and what’s left of the Labour party in Scotland couldn’t rustle up the couple of cooncillors and the three pensioners who’ve been party members since 1945 that the Scottish media likes to tell us counts as Gordie meeting the public. His no-show certainly wasn’t because he was feart he might be asked difficult questions about how his vow has been working out, because this is the Scottish media we’re talking about here.
The Scottish media holding Gordie to account, oh how we laughed. They’re far too busy taking photies of Ruth on the back of a coo and claiming that Scotland’s politics have been Ulsterised. The Ulsterisation of Scottish politics is difficult to distinguish from its near anagram clusterfuckisation, that being the contribution of the Labour party and their particular political specialisation. Find a foot belonging to a Labour politician and the party will already have shot itself in it. It’s a bit like kneecapping, only self-inflicted. Ulsterisation is exactly the same as blusterisation, it mostly consists of false Unionist claims and media hot air, but it comes with added bull. That last being courtesy of Ruthie’s photo op partner who is apparently the new list MSP for Tayside. The Tories like to claim that independence supporters are like sheep, but they have got the cattle vote sewn up.
But back to Gordie. This time Gordie’s intervening in the EU debate from the safe distance of somewhere in London where no one cares about his vow, his vainglorious claims to have saved the world and Scotland, or about how he’s prone to wearing a hole in a decent piece of Axminster. Although to be honest, the state of the carpet weighs more heavily on the mind of your average Unionist politician at Westminster than the state of Scotland does. That’s unfair of them, since Westminster walks all over Scotland on a regular basis you’d think that they’d give us at least as much consideration as a shag pile. The nearest Scotland gets to a shag pile in Westminster is when they all pile in to screw us.
Anyway, despite what all the papers are trying to tell us, Scotland’s new parliament is of a decidedly pro-independence hue and is dominated by politicians who are about as convinced that Gordie’s vow has been fulfilled as they are that Ruthie is going to make a positive and helpful contribution to the new Scottish parliament instead of screaming SNP bad every Thursday. Mind you, that’s what she thinks holding the SNP to account means, that and getting her photie taken for the papers with something bovine. You know, like Jackson Carlaw.
Another reason Gordie has been steering clear of Scotland is because advice from the man who did more to destroy the Labour party in Scotland than Maggie Thatcher doesn’t really go down well in working class communities north of the border. Leaving the EU will provoke a race to the bottom, said the man who along with Tony Blair presided over a boom in zero hours contracts and whose lasting contribution to politics is to lumber future generations with a mountain of PFI debt to pay for shoddily built schools that will have collapsed long before the debt is paid off. There are carpets which have lasted much longer than buildings built under Labour’s PFI programme.
The truth is, at least according to opinion polls, Scotland doesn’t need to be persuaded that it’s better to remain a part of the EU. Scotland has always been one of the most outward looking and European minded parts of Britain, that’s what comes from being a small country which has a land border with a much larger and more powerful neighbour. Small countries are always more international minded than large ones if only for the simple reason that when you come from a small country most of the interesting places are somewhere else. Gordie’s intervention is probably as useful to the Leave campaign as Boris Johnson coming here to tell us why we’re better off out of the EU with him as the next Prime Minister is to the Remain campaign. We don’t need Gordie to promise that he personally will hold the EU commission and parliament to account to make sure that they’re nice to the UK, because we’ve heard that kind of thing from him before. It didn’t work out too well then either.
For Scotland Brussels is a useful counterweight to the gravitational pull of a Westminster which sooks up all our resources, our capital, our skills and our talents and in return we get ignored and sidelined, a cultural cringe, and some guy who produces graphs showing that we’re poorer than Greece. That’s the kind of value for money that you normally only find in a Labour PFI scheme. If Gordie really wants us to remain a part of Europe, probably the best thing he can do would be to shut up and go and crawl back under the rock he’s been hiding under since Labour got pumped in 2015. Because if he is insistent on showing his face, the very least he could be doing is to fulfil his promise to ensure that thon vow of his is carried out.
From swearing blind that Scotland is the most devolviest country in the history of devolution, which isn’t saying much since devolution is a constitutional arrangement found only in the UK since the late 1990s, Labour is now admitting that perhaps they really should be arguing for real Home Rule after all. So much for Gordie’s vow then. Seems we’re not the most devolviest devolvement in the history of devolving after all. Well who knew? Apart from just about everyone in Scotland who voted for independence and a large chunk of those who didn’t.
The next best possibility for an independence referendum would be for England to vote to leave but Scotland to vote to remain. Gordie’s intervention probably brought that a lot closer to reality. He should get back under his rock.
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