Flushed by their spectacular ground breaking victory which broke the mould of Scottish politics forever by coming such a distant second behind the SNP that you need binoculars to see the buffalo that Ruthie is sitting on, the Ruth Davidson Photo Op Party are dizzy with excitement about all the things they’re going to be able to do now that they don’t have any more power than they did before Thursday’s election. For starters they can have more photo ops, this time with a buffalo on a tank. Plans are even afoot to shatter the hopes and dreams of the independence movement with a photo of a buffalo abseiling down the side of Edinburgh castle draped in a Union flag. That’ll put those seps in their place.
Listening to the Tories and their supporters, you’d think that they’d become the governing party. This is despite the fact that they’ve got fewer seats than Labour had until Thursday, and as far as the SNP is concerned the second biggest party just got a whole lot smaller. But the Tories are going to do what Labour wasn’t able to do, and that’s to scream SNP bad at such a pitch that windaes will shatter throughout the land. What they’re not going to be able to do, despite their claims to the contrary, is to block another independence referendum if the SNP introduce a bill for one in Holyrood.
The Tories wouldn’t have been able to block another referendum if the Greens had abstained, because there’s no way on this green Earth that the Greens would have voted along with the Tories to prevent the people of Scotland deciding their future for themselves. Now that Patrick Harvie has clarified that the Greens would support another referendum in the event that the UK leaves the EU, all the Tories can do is to stamp their wee feet and sulk about the SNP not having a mandate for another indy ref.
In order to prevent another independence referendum, our merry band of buffalo riding runners up would have to rely on Westminster to block it, and that’s really not a good look for any Scottish party, not even a Tory one. The one way to guarantee independence is for the Tories at Westminster to refuse to allow a referendum after the Scottish parliament has voted for one. Everything else is just photo opportunities and sound bites for Tory self-publicisists.
Adam Tomkins can complain all he likes that there’s no mandate for another independence referendum, but there’s bugger all he can do to stop it happening if the SNP and the Greens vote for one. Adam Tomkins is just a Glasgow list MSP, no one voted him the referendum referee. This is not a law class where you’re the professor, dear. You’re just an also-ran from a party that came a poor second. He’ll do just fine as long as he bears in mind the important legal doctrine memora quod perdidisti, which is Latin for “Remember that you lost.”
Admittedly it’s hard for Adam to remember that his party lost when the leader of his party is acting like the reincarnation of her tank-posing heroine Thatcher who’d just won her third election in a row. It’s the SNP who have just won a third election in a row, not Ruthie, although you’d be hard pressed to realise that from reading the papers. Imagine what it’s like being Adam, and living in a wee bubble of Torydom where Ruthie’s buffalo walks on water and the newly beardy Fluffy Mundell is a respected senior authority. Wee Fluffy has grown a beard because now that he’s come out as gay he can be open about being a bear. Sadly for him that bear is Paddington, although it must be said that there are marmalade eaters deep in the jungles of Peru who are more in touch with Scotland than the Fluff.
In her first attempt to single handedly lead Scotland out of the foul clutches of a party that got more seats than the entire Unionist cabal put together, Ruthie has told the other Unionist parties that she’s head girl now, and she’ll be the one picking the hockey team. The other Unionist parties have responded with another of Adam’s legal doctrines, quod rectum erit, which means “that will be right” and not “stick it up your rectum”, although that works too. Wee Wullie Rennie is too busy telling everyone that he won the constituency seat into which he threw most of his party’s resources and that totally makes up for the 47 Lib Dem lost deposits and the fact that his party now languishes in fifth place behind the Greens. Meanwhile the Labour party is just miffed that Ruth has intruded on their private grief and is in no mood to compound its misery by being seen to do more deals with the Tories like the Better Together deal that has reduced them to a rump. Although many would argue that Labour’s been acting like an arse for years now.
For all the claims from the Tories that Scotland has passed peak Nat, the truth is that it’s the Tories who have nowhere to go from here. They don’t command anything like enough support in Holyrood to actually affect any legislation. Since they can’t change anything, all they can do is screech SNP bad from the sidelines while the pressure is put on them to defend the actions of their pals down south.
The independence movement has a plan A, to call a referendum if there’s a vote to leave the EU from the UK as a whole but Scotland votes to stay. There’s a plan B, to work on the case for independence while the Tories tear themselves apart in the aftermath of a remain vote, and there are the gathering clouds of legal threats about the election expenses that produced Tory victories in some seats in last year’s General Election and throws into question the legitimacy of the Tory government. And all the while Ruth is going to have to justify the cuts imposed on Scotland by her pals in the Treasury as her party is mired in sleaze and corruption. Ruth doesn’t have a plan A, never mind a plan B. All she’s got are photo opportunities on the backs of big coos, and a whole load of bull.
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