Photo ops and a whole load of bull

Flushed by their spectacular ground breaking victory which broke the mould of Scottish politics forever by coming such a distant second behind the SNP that you need binoculars to see the buffalo that Ruthie is sitting on, the Ruth Davidson Photo Op Party are dizzy with excitement about all the things they’re going to be able to do now that they don’t have any more power than they did before Thursday’s election. For starters they can have more photo ops, this time with a buffalo on a tank. Plans are even afoot to shatter the hopes and dreams of the independence movement with a photo of a buffalo abseiling down the side of Edinburgh castle draped in a Union flag. That’ll put those seps in their place.

Listening to the Tories and their supporters, you’d think that they’d become the governing party. This is despite the fact that they’ve got fewer seats than Labour had until Thursday, and as far as the SNP is concerned the second biggest party just got a whole lot smaller. But the Tories are going to do what Labour wasn’t able to do, and that’s to scream SNP bad at such a pitch that windaes will shatter throughout the land. What they’re not going to be able to do, despite their claims to the contrary, is to block another independence referendum if the SNP introduce a bill for one in Holyrood.

The Tories wouldn’t have been able to block another referendum if the Greens had abstained, because there’s no way on this green Earth that the Greens would have voted along with the Tories to prevent the people of Scotland deciding their future for themselves. Now that Patrick Harvie has clarified that the Greens would support another referendum in the event that the UK leaves the EU, all the Tories can do is to stamp their wee feet and sulk about the SNP not having a mandate for another indy ref.

In order to prevent another independence referendum, our merry band of buffalo riding runners up would have to rely on Westminster to block it, and that’s really not a good look for any Scottish party, not even a Tory one. The one way to guarantee independence is for the Tories at Westminster to refuse to allow a referendum after the Scottish parliament has voted for one. Everything else is just photo opportunities and sound bites for Tory self-publicisists.

Adam Tomkins can complain all he likes that there’s no mandate for another independence referendum, but there’s bugger all he can do to stop it happening if the SNP and the Greens vote for one. Adam Tomkins is just a Glasgow list MSP, no one voted him the referendum referee. This is not a law class where you’re the professor, dear. You’re just an also-ran from a party that came a poor second. He’ll do just fine as long as he bears in mind the important legal doctrine memora quod perdidisti, which is Latin for “Remember that you lost.”

Admittedly it’s hard for Adam to remember that his party lost when the leader of his party is acting like the reincarnation of her tank-posing heroine Thatcher who’d just won her third election in a row. It’s the SNP who have just won a third election in a row, not Ruthie, although you’d be hard pressed to realise that from reading the papers. Imagine what it’s like being Adam, and living in a wee bubble of Torydom where Ruthie’s buffalo walks on water and the newly beardy Fluffy Mundell is a respected senior authority. Wee Fluffy has grown a beard because now that he’s come out as gay he can be open about being a bear. Sadly for him that bear is Paddington, although it must be said that there are marmalade eaters deep in the jungles of Peru who are more in touch with Scotland than the Fluff.

In her first attempt to single handedly lead Scotland out of the foul clutches of a party that got more seats than the entire Unionist cabal put together, Ruthie has told the other Unionist parties that she’s head girl now, and she’ll be the one picking the hockey team. The other Unionist parties have responded with another of Adam’s legal doctrines, quod rectum erit, which means “that will be right” and not “stick it up your rectum”, although that works too. Wee Wullie Rennie is too busy telling everyone that he won the constituency seat into which he threw most of his party’s resources and that totally makes up for the 47 Lib Dem lost deposits and the fact that his party now languishes in fifth place behind the Greens. Meanwhile the Labour party is just miffed that Ruth has intruded on their private grief and is in no mood to compound its misery by being seen to do more deals with the Tories like the Better Together deal that has reduced them to a rump. Although many would argue that Labour’s been acting like an arse for years now.

For all the claims from the Tories that Scotland has passed peak Nat, the truth is that it’s the Tories who have nowhere to go from here. They don’t command anything like enough support in Holyrood to actually affect any legislation. Since they can’t change anything, all they can do is screech SNP bad from the sidelines while the pressure is put on them to defend the actions of their pals down south.

The independence movement has a plan A, to call a referendum if there’s a vote to leave the EU from the UK as a whole but Scotland votes to stay. There’s a plan B, to work on the case for independence while the Tories tear themselves apart in the aftermath of a remain vote, and there are the gathering clouds of legal threats about the election expenses that produced Tory victories in some seats in last year’s General Election and throws into question the legitimacy of the Tory government. And all the while Ruth is going to have to justify the cuts imposed on Scotland by her pals in the Treasury as her party is mired in sleaze and corruption. Ruth doesn’t have a plan A, never mind a plan B. All she’s got are photo opportunities on the backs of big coos, and a whole load of bull.

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54 comments on “Photo ops and a whole load of bull

  1. tintochiel says:

    You have nailed the absurdity of the MSM’s beatification of Ruthie very clearly, Paul, and your final paragraph was spot-on.

    I fear she is going to be painfully exposed under the harsh spotlight of the Scottish Parliament, when the FM will remind her and the nation daily that she is a TORY who will be made to defend Cameron’s TORY attacks on the disabled, the poor, the Welfare State, women’s pensions and workers’ rights, amongst others. This is because she is a TORY.

    If I liked popcorn, I’d be buying it by the kilo.

    As an alternative, I will selflessly award myself a glass of single malt after each humiliation.

    • Grace Quilietti says:

      Better get a bigger glass 😊

      • I look forward to Ruth Defending Stephen Crabb’s ( is that his name?)cuts to Employment Support Allowance, and cuts to the Universal Credit Scheme before it has even got off the ground (if ever) as a ‘good thing’ as he seems to believe.
        There she will stand, banging on about closing the Attainment Gap, while she knows that she is directly responsible for the cuts to working benefits to the Disabled and ‘Hard Working Families’. (Remember them?)
        Poverty is major element to low educational achievement among the Common Herd; but Ruth will wave a paper, ignore the fact that it is she, and Jackson Carlaw, and Professor WATP Tomkins, who are cutting financial support to workers, thus ensuring the status quo, the rich getting richer, and , I’m paraphrasing here, the poor can feck off to the foodbanks, charity shops, and pay day Legalised Loan Sharks.
        I am looking forward not only to NS , but also Patrick Harvie, and if they’ve got any decency left, the Labour Rump, attacking the Tories at FMQ.
        It must be the duty of every MSP who is not a Blue Tory to constantly remind Ms Davidson that it is her Party which is taking £3 billion out of the Scottish economy, and threatening our education, health, emergency services, and future economic and industrial growth.
        Unlike the commentators who consider her ‘likable’, I am convinced that she will be exposed as the Far Right Idealist that she quite certainly is. What’s to ‘like’?
        Exciting times.

        • PS. Paul, in my disgust, I have forgotten my manners..
          Another ace piece.
          Thanks again.
          I can’t make your talk in Edinburgh on Friday. When are you coming to Glasgow or Clydebank.
          Every success in ‘the capital’. (that’s Edinburgh, Ruth. Not ‘London’.)

          • Andimac says:

            Would that be the Jack Collatin frae Clydebank that Ah went tae school wi”, Ah wunner?

            • It certainly would, if you’re in your interesting 60’s. Otherwise it may be my nephew of whom you are thinking, who gets the more formal ‘John’.
              I can hazard a guess who you are , ‘Andimac’. Your secret’s safe with me.

      • Black Rab says:

        ha ha ha ha ha ha I liked that one Grace cheers

  2. Macart says:

    Nailed it in the best laugh I’ve had all week.

    I reckon Ruthie can see it coming too. After her five minutes of fame she obviously came to a screaming halt when she did her sums, hence the call for a cross party unionist block. Bwa hahahahahaha!😀

    The silly jolly hockey sticks has just spent the past month undermining and stabbing in the back her one time allies and now she needs their help. Awwww bless.🙂

    Point of yer akchul fact, Ruthie and the rest of them blue tories have done nothing but betray their constitutional allies for the past twenty months. Now Wullie (wheeeee) Rennie may just be cataclysmically dumb enough, but Labour, I think, have other plans. Apparently Mr McLeish is all eager to discuss… wait for it…. Devo Max!

    Again – Bwa hahahahahahaha!😀

    Even young Anas was having a think in front of the meeja on the subject, because y’know, he’s uncomfortable with the ‘binary question of unionism v nationalism’ and because y’know, he can’t bring himself to say independence, popular sovereignty, democracy or such.

    Aye it appears labour have forgotten their home rule foundation, their devolution journey and their nearest thing to federalism possible VOW. Didnae happen man! No now, honest tae gawd, this time they really, really, really mean it. Home rule honestly. Cross ma hert n’ hope tae lose ma deposit.

    Can anyone say credibility issue?

    Oh Ruthie, be very careful what you wish for.🙂

    • Sandy says:

      Bwa hahahahahahahahah!

      Nailed it. Enjoy a little laugh every time someone in labour ponders floating home rule or devo-max. Just remind them of all their vow-delivered, closest thing to home rule, most powerful devolved parliament in the whole wide world talk.

    • Macart, I commented or the DR Editorial on Bateman’s site.

      The DR actually compares Ruth with NS, as being on a par. And poor wee Kezia was squeezed out by the big lassies.
      McLeish wants another referendum, but New Labour to run on a Home Rule Devolution ticket.
      That horse has bolted , Henry.
      Anas Feckin Sarwar? Ye gods. We rejected you. Anas. God, it’s like pulling teeth !

      What’s your view on the Bedroom Tax, Jackson? Still a ‘good thing’?
      So many traps for the Tories to walk into.

      It’ll be like peein’ shoots in a barrel.

      • Macart says:

        The Record view is to political debate what my view is to the finer points of super string theory.

        They are a one dimensional character in multi-dimensional existence.😉

  3. Davy says:

    I think everyone apart from the Tories are looking forward to First Minister’s QT, Ruthie has no hiding place now. And her chinless fellow Msp’s are going to find out the reality of being in the spotlights or should I say headlights when they open their gobs.

  4. fillofficer says:

    great post as usual, paul. once the dust settles & we get down to business, action crankie will be exposed as the ineffectual playground bully that she is. all mouth & no trousers. she stands for all that we want annihilated in the new, free, independent scotland. I cringe when she tries to sound important & authoritative. bring it on

  5. shemorvena says:

    Great to read your humourous take on the pointy/shouty one. I belly laughed throughout. There is that whiff of freedom blowing in the air again. Refreshing!

  6. […] Wee Ginger Dug Photo ops and a whole load of bull […]

  7. Ruthie Tank Commander is in charge – what a joke !

  8. Steve Asaneilean says:

    I really do hope Nicola goes for a no holds barred approach to FMQs when it comes to Ruthie and her Tory chums?

    Proud Tories? Okay prove it – defend what you believe in week in, week out in the sure and certain knowledge that almost 4 out 5 people didn’t vote for you – and see how well it goes down with the people of Scotland.

    “Find me a windswept boulder for a bier”…

  9. Patience is a Virtue says:

    Memora quod perdidisti, “Remember that you lost.”

    ‘a margine per vasta’ ‘by a huge margin.’

    SNP = 63 = mandatum

    CON= 31 = non mandatum
    LAB = 24 = non mandatum
    GREEN = 6 [6 + 63 = mandatum]
    LIB DEM = 5 semper non mandatum

    Ergo 63 > (31+24+5 = 60)

    et 63 + 6 = 69



  10. hettyforindy says:

    Looking forward to FMQs. Hope Nicola Sturgeon has had a rest by then. Tank commander looks like she never loses a moments sleep, you can tell these people a mile off! Her spin Drs will be in full on mode, CONsulting all kinds of psycho-therapy experts. She has already started with the ‘uncertainty’ crap, trying to instill more fear into the more feeble of the Scottish population.

    Her pretense, and vicousness will not be reported, but her soundbites will, so we need to counter that, not easy with 100% of the so called media against the SNP.

  11. David Agnew says:

    Nothing changed. They have a more MSPs sure, but nothing changed. They still lost. To be honest they did campaign to lose and pretty much said so. Vote Ruthie to be 2nd place loser she said, and so they did. But the only thing she gets to do in Holyrood, is what she was doing before: that is to pass wind, not pass policy. So we’ll get to do to her and her hapless chums what we did to Scottish labour. Our relentless mockery will blast their bubble into rags and atoms. Then we open the windows again to get the smell of their stupidity out of the room. And it will stink…there is something truly noxious about conservative brainfarts. There is a sort of “touching cloth” odor to their approach to politics. But don’t let that put you off WGD – these champions of union need to be brought down to earth with a thump and the smiles wiped from their faces.

    I almost feel sorry for them, the dumb bastards that they are. Almost.

    • Let me see, David, if I allow that the my belly button fluff is part of me, I can assure you that even this insignificant by product that contributes to Making up ‘I’, does not feel sorry for any of them.
      Their whole philosophy is one of hierarchy, where the power and wealth are centred on the elite, in the SE of England, and democracy is throttled by the Establishment’s political wing, the Tories primarily, by imposing near slavery through penury, low pay, job uncertainty, erosion of publicly owned services, on the Hoi Polloi.
      Ruth Davidson is an arch Tory’ Even the bull she straddled must have sensed that.
      I have absolutely no time for any of them.

  12. Davidson is absolutely right. We can’t go on blaming Westminster for everything.
    Now we can blame her instead.

  13. Dean MacKinnon-Thomson says:

    The SNP can mock the Scottish Tory revival as much as they like, but in 2003 they had just 27 MSPs – how many is it that Ruth has now?

    • weegingerdug says:

      She’s still trailing far far behind. Face it love, if your wee bunch of neo-Thatcherites are the face of the Union, you’ve already lost.

      We shall continue to mock.

      • Dean says:

        ‘We shall continue to mock’

        Be my guest, with that complacency we’ll surely get more 12%+ swings from the SNP in future elections across the Tayside.

    • Kenzie says:

      And in 2003, the Tories had even less of the vote share than they have now.

    • Norma Slimmon says:

      Yay! Permission to mock! You make me laugh!

    • Macart says:

      Oh the answer to that is 31.

      24 of which were rejected as constituency candidates on the same day and some of whom could only manage poor 3rd and 4th spots in their constituency. In other words they are there purely because of the mathematical peculiarities of our voting system.

      Aye apparently they had been categorically telt tae sling their hooks by the electorate. That’s how popular they are.

      • RabMacPhoto says:

        I’m glad to see that none of you gloating seps has been so cruel as to point out, as so many of the Twitterati did*, that Head Girl Ruthie is even less popular than a certain Mrs Margaret May She Burn in the Eternal Fire of Hell Thatcher.

        *Mea culpa 😬

    • Patience is a Virtue says:

      I am not in the SNP (and neither mocking) but the following stats facts/data may be of interest:

      The Conservatives currently have 31 seats and no therefore mandate, significantly the SNP have 63.

      Scottish Parliamentary Elections:(Conservative Party)

      1999 Share of votes [constituency]= 15.6% Share of List votes = 15.3%
      2003 16.6% 15.5%
      2007:16.6% 13.9%
      2011 13.9% 12.4%
      2016 22.0% 22.9%

      = 31 seats

      UK General Elections:

      1979 31.4%
      1983 28.4%
      1987 24.0%
      1992 25.8%
      1997 17.5%
      2001 15.6%
      2005 15.8%
      2010 16.7%
      2015 14.9%
      2020 ?

      2015 = 1 seat

      63 seats in the Scottish Parliament and the recent 56 seats out of a possible 59 in Westminster for the SNP arguably gives a general indication of the Vox Populi.

  14. Black Rab says:

    Another very enjoyable and agreeable post Paul, thanks for your words. I’d have liked to see you talk in Edinburgh but think i’m going to do some graft that day. What are the details of your Friday talk and when are you talking in Glasgow?

  15. Marconatrix says:

    Back to the zoo Ruthie, it´s time to practise riding a tiger🙂

  16. lanark says:

    Ruth – Scotland’s answer to Ian Paisley, just with less charm. “Never, Never, Never!” She may as well say.

    Mind you the Reverend Ruth Davidson of the Undemocratic Unionists does have a certain ring to it.

  17. Luigi says:

    An independence majority, a strong SNP minority government, the tories’ human shield breached (Labour utterly humiliated), the corporate media reminds everyone how out of touch they are by praising a great victory by the buffalo rider, and the very popular Nicola stays on as FM with her own mandate. The government is now ready yet again to hit the ground running and get on with the show. Minority government will help focus minds and please the public. Perfect.🙂

    Seriously: the result last week could not have been better. Majority SNP sounded great but it would have created other problems. Eg. majority could have led to unreasonable demands for IndyRef2 (at the wrong time). The way it has played out, the constitutional initiative remains with the Scottish government.🙂

    What’s not to like?

  18. Jan Cowan says:

    Another great piece, Paul. You certainly know how to put those inflated little people in their proper place. Thoroughly enjoyable.

  19. mumsyhugs says:

    And just to cheer us all up even more – Oor Nicola would like to extend the time for FMQ’s!! Now I wonder why that would be, eh? Oh lord, please make it so!!!🙂

  20. Keith Hynd. says:

    To Ruthie,,, “disce pati”

    Great read🙂 BTW as always :0

  21. […] Source: Photo ops and a whole load of bull […]

  22. says:

    Reblogged this on Bampots Utd.

  23. brewsed says:

    Thanks Paul for another great post. You (and some other notable bloggers) must be really knackered after the past few weeks. Boston calling perhaps?

    I occasionally pop over to the other side to see what is going on and can confirm the triumphalism and misguided views there, all completely ignoring elemental arithmetic. A taster:

    But what fun may be had in the coming months, and possibly over the next five years, as Ms Davidson tries to defend them darn sarth while they, the current bunch of managers in the hoose by the river, tear themselves apart – and we may not need to wait till after June 23. I somehow doubt if any amount of photo ops with bulls, trains, pints or tanks will help deflect our scrutiny – and mockery.

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