That’s a fact

It’s not Project Fear, it’s Project Fact, said Davie Cameron as he threatened a gathering of students with mass unemployment and rampant debt if they vote to leave the EU. Although to be honest threatening students with unemployment and debt is like telling smokers that a 20 fags a day habit is risks cancer and will give you a nasty cough. While Davie droned on, most of the students sat there day-dreaming about re-enacting scenes from 50 Shades of Grey – the ones where an English literature student managed to get a job straight out of uni.

Nowadays going to university comes with a health warning on your bank account, except of course if you’re a rich kid like Davie. Study hard, save your money, and after several years of hard work you too can be homeless but still owe as much as having a mortgage and if you’re really lucky a job making coffee in a branch of Starbucks – a company which managed to avoid paying any corporation tax at all between 2009 and 2013.

Davie wasn’t threatening the students. He was just supplying them with facts, although not the cold hard facts of their impending penury due to Davie’s government’s policies. If you vote in a way that Davie doesn’t want your teeth will grow into fangs, your hair will fall out, and you’ll grow scales, so you’ll end up looking exactly like Iain Duncan Smith. The economy will tank, he said, although how he expects a graduate up to their neck in debt working as a coffee maker to notice or care was not addressed.

That’s not a scare story, it’s a fact, said Davie, who then went on to regale us with other facts. Like how it’s a fact that pigs are very romantic when you take them out for a second date, and how it’s a fact that we’re not having this EU referendum now because of a pissing contest between Davie and Boris when they were members of the Bullingdon Club at uni. Now the pair of them are pissing on the entire country.

Scotland got this all the way through the independence referendum when we were told, amongst other things, that we’d be wide open to threats from outer space if we dared to vote the way Davie didn’t want. None of Project Fear Mk 1’s fearmongering was a scare story either, that’s a fact. At least it’s a fact in the same way as it’s a fact that an independent Scotland would be the only country on the planet that was incapable of having any sort of currency at all, except possibly used curling stones which would be a real bugger to humpf out of your pocket in the checkout queue at Lidl. Only we wouldn’t be allowed to shop at Lidl either, what with us being expelled from the EU against our will and everything and only a vote to remain part of the UK could guarantee our continuing membership. So how is that working out then?

Another of Davie’s facts was the fact that during the fag-end of the Scottish independence referendum campaign he was quoted saying the following: “If Scotland does vote to stay inside the United Kingdom then all the options of devolution are there and are possible.” Except of course the options which Davie has ruled out, which is pretty much all of them. This is the man who said the morning after the independence referendum that the lesson to take from it was all about England, and then rushed to make Scotland’s MPs second class in the House of Commons. Meanwhile we’re still waiting for all the options of devolution which Davie grudgingly conceded to. 19 months later and the Scottish Parliament still doesn’t have a single extra power, but Scotland already has less influence at Westminster. Och who are we kidding? Scotland has no influence at Westminster at all.

It’s almost enough to make you vote for a Brexit just to piss Davie off, but then you realise you’d just be making Boris Johnson and Iain Duncan Smith happy instead. Sadly, the option of pissing all of them off at the same time is not available in the EU referendum. That’s British democracy for you. You get a choice between spoiled Etonian brats with a raging sense of entitlement. That’s what this EU referendum is all about really, two rich kids born with silver ladles in their voracious mouths.

The only real scare story about the EU referendum is that if Britain does vote to leave then it’s quite likely that Boris Johnson will be the next Prime Minister, and that’s enough to terrify anyone all by itself. But then you think that the alternative is likely to be George Osborne, and that’s equally the stuff of nightmares. The prospect of choosing between either of them is as appealing as being given a choice between sticking your private parts into a coffee grinder or using hydrochloric acid as a lubricant during sex. This is the main reason why the EU referendum campaign is not generating a huge amount of excitement in Scotland, which has pretty much already decided that we want to stay in.

Whether the UK votes to remain in the EU or to leave it, we’re faced with a future of privatisations, of poverty, low pay and debt, of right wing Tories from rich families lording it over us with their droit de seigneur, of a Labour party that couldn’t get elected if it was the only party in a one party state, and the absolute certainty that Scotland’s voice will never get a hearing in the corridors of power. In Scotland, we’ll always get governments that we didn’t vote for, and that’s a fact.

Mind you, if either George or Boris does become Prime Minister it’s also quite likely that they’ll become the very first Prime Minister of England, because Scotland will have waltzed off into the welcoming arms of Angela Merkel by then. So it’s not all bad. Our chance to escape this dystopian nightmare of a UK will come, and that’s a fact.

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21 comments on “That’s a fact

  1. It’s a fact that you are the greatest analyser of all things we’re entrenched in and always come through with a razor sharp take on where we are at.


  2. Jan Cowan says:

    I only hope this whole Tory battle helps us to gain our independence.

  3. Thepnr says:

    Some of that article brought forward all these horrible visions. I don’t think your very good at painting a pretty picture, more as you point out a nightmare.

    I wouldn’t have slept well tonight with other than your last sentence. Our nightmare is many No’s voters nightmare too and maybe that would make the difference.

    Boris or George eughh!

  4. hettyforindy says:

    It’s all a nightmare. What are the tories playing at I wonder. Is this all an act, I just don’t trust them.

    Watched about them over on Channel 4, having taken control of areas such as, Clacton-on-sea, Rochester, during 3x 2014 by-elections, and hiding the fact they spent a lot more cash on their hotels/campaign than is legally allowed.
    They really are a bunch of crooks, the campaign managers most likely taking instructions from high up say C4. I watched on Canarynews site.

    I still think about all those no voters, having had nice jobs, free degrees, their kids having had free degrees too, and being quite content to condemn our kids with huge debts if they dare study S of the border. All the while the no voters’ hated party, the SNP, protecting our students and our vulnerable etc, as far as possible and against the odds.

    The EU referendum is going to be a huge distraction when it comes to our election, it makes me wonder just what camoron has up his sleeve.

  5. macart763M says:

    I remember Cameron’s facts from the independence campaign, as well as his warnings, his promises, his naked threats and his earnest, heartfelt assurances.

    Worked out well for everyone then.

    This isn’t the time for a Scottish conversation on the EU, not when another state controls Scotland’s votes and sovereignty on the issue. One union and bureaucracy at a time. When we control our sovereignty and we’ve had a chance to represent ourselves on the world stage, that is when a Scottish electorate, controlling a Scottish parliament discuss Scotland’s future unions and treaties.

    Oh and throughout this bullshit barking conservative V insane conservative campaign? I think most Scots would consider it a great help if Mr Hameron would restrict his movements to the south east of these islands. First and foremost we have parliamentary elections which may have some bearing on Scotland’s constitutional future to focus on and secondly I’m sure the FM’s IN campaign could probably do without the contamination Westminster’s answer to Joe Friday making a personal appearance in Holyrood would bring.

  6. david agnew says:

    Think the HoL & WM will take that hard fought negotiation for table scraps and kill it? I do.

  7. Golfnut says:

    The SG should ban Cameron from our parliament, he does not speak for us, he should not be allowed to speak at us.
    What a stushie that would cause, rabid fleck speckled yoons,
    frothing on the telly, screaming and indignant at our impertnence, politicians the world over, laughing. Sounds good to me.

  8. Mike Fenwick says:

    Extract: “This is the main reason why the EU referendum campaign is not generating a huge amount of excitement in Scotland, which has pretty much already decided that we want to stay in.”

    It is the probable accuracy of that comment that worries me.

    Integral to EU membership is the acceptance of what TTIP may entail, and whilst not yet a done deal, recent comments from both the EU and the USA negotiators suggest it may be finalised by the end of this year.

    TTIP appears near guaranteed to include provisions which see the Scottish Government in court when corporate interests deem their commercial activities have been prejudiced.

    We already have direct experience of that when the Whisky and Spirits industries objected to the SG’s attempted introduction of unit pricing on alcohol, and we are bearing the costs of the legal merry go round involved. Do you know how much that has cost to date, lawyers don’t come cheap!

    Fast forward, and maybe the next issue will be when a corporate entity from the USA involved in fracking decides to test the moratorium.

    Maybe we don’t have a great interest a Brexit referendum, but maybe we should be thinking about having a TTIP referendum.

    A Referendum held in public, not just in Scotland but across the EU, and not formulated as TTIP has been, namely negotiated in secret. We all know the EU has huge democratic deficits, TTIP may just be the next version – it may be the far greater danger, not just for Scotland.

    And hey, why not, maybe it should be Scotland who starts the demand for such an EU citizens referendum.

    And while we are at it, maybe we should also start to ask why we are travelling on trains ostensibly owned by the Dutch Government but unable to allow CalMac to operate the ferries?

  9. jcd says:

    Mike Fenwick,

    The fact that TTIP talks are being held in secret pretty much tells you why there will never be a referendum on it. They’re banking on the ignorance and apathy of the general public to allow them to pass it. The only reason they’re hesitant about it is because they can no longer be quite sure about the extent of aforesaid ignorance and apathy these days thanks to this new-fangled interwebz stuff.

    Anything less than a public revolt with total havoc on the streets of every major European city including hopefully London if/when they do try to pass it will be perceived as weakness and apathy which they will see as a green light to go ahead with the corporate/fascist disenfranchisement and impoverishment of the general public.

    Personally I’m between a rock and a hard place in trying to figure out how to vote in the EU ref, the EU stinks but UK without it would almost certainly be worse, and the Pigfucker would pass TTIP in or out of EU, but then there’s also the question as to whether the result, i.e. Scotland votes to remain, England votes out and we get dragged out etc could lead to Indyref2 which in those circumstances we may actually win.

  10. Steve Asaneilean says:

    Like others I am ambivalent about the EU in it’s current form. It desperately needs reform.

    But on balance I think I would rather be inside the tent peeing out.

    But I wish we could drop the EU referendum for now.

    Much more important is May 5th. A poll out today puts the SNP on 60% for constituency votes and mid 50s for list.

    We need to make sure that happens and focus all our efforts between now and then ensuring that it does.

    At the same I want to wipe the LibDems off the electoral map for coalition with the Tories but more so for standing by liars.

    I want Scotland to be independent whether in the EU or not. So I don’t really care what happens in June in comparison to what happens in May.

    And I don’t want independence depending on a Scotland in, rUK out EU vote. We need instead to convince that 60% who are prepared to vote SNP to also vote Yes next time around – legitimate independence because of a clear democratic majority.

  11. Mike Fenwick says:

    The mess of the Euro, the treatment of Greece, the levels of unemployment, the austerity programmes, the power granted to an unelected bureaucracy, the constant failure to have accounts audited without there be missing millions … need I go on, there are so many reasons why the EU can be questioned, why it needs reform, I can’t remember anyone (including politicians fervently in favour of EU membership) who do not recognise the need for radical reform.

    However, what will prove to be the genesis of such reform, who may prove to be its authors?

    The bureaucrats in the EU? Who warned us we would not gain entry if independent?

    The politicians across Europe? Who did likewise?

    The people of Europe? Those with the same eyes to see, and feel, the effects of austerity?

    Three choices – which would you choose? On whose side would you stand?

    Look, maybe I am wrong, maybe I am just a dreamer, but there was a time in Scotland’s history when Europe (and wider) looked to our small country for ideas, for enlightenment, for a deeper understanding of science, of economics, and of humanity. Are we no longer that country, did we just fall asleep, or have we woken up.

    I believe there are millions of people across Europe who see the need for reform of the EU, and maybe, just maybe the dangers of corporate power to be included within TTIP is the catalyst upon which many would agree, and act as a tipping point to start such reforms.

    Maybe, just maybe, Scotland can offer a lead?

    Can we start a petition to place before our Parliament which clearly states that we wish a Referendum on TTIP, once the final details are removed from the secrecy that currently surrounds them.

    If we did take that lead, might others in Europe follow – I truly don’t know, I don’t even know if there are sufficient Scots who might sign such a petition. I would – would you?

    Yoda kinda summed up why I am posting, when he said “ Do – or not do – there is no try!”

    • Susan Macdiarmid says: still collecting signatures. Sign and share!

      • Mike Fenwick says:

        Thank you! There can be no doubt about the work they are doing.

        However, I have emailed them to see if the idea of Petitions issued to individual Parliaments calling for an eventual Referendum on TTIP has ever been considered by them.

        I think there may be a democratic impetus that way, not least in creating greater awareness, and in holding our own MSP’s to account.

        I am more than willing to concede I am wrong but I do see it as a more meaningful way forward than the “call on institutions” as appears currently, at as below:

        “… We call on the institutions of the European Union and its member states to stop the negotiations with the USA on the Transatlantic Trade and Investment Partnership (TTIP) and not to ratify the Comprehensive Economic and Trade Agreement (CETA) with Canada.”

        Do institutions listen or is there overwhelming evidence to the contrary?

        But again – thank you.

        • Mike Fenwick says:

          I attach below the reply I have received from STOP-TTIP, and I hope the details are of interest to those who share my concerns over TTIP. I have also followed up with an e-mail to one of our Westminster MPs, next step our MSPs, and then MEPs.

          Dear Mike,

          Thank you for your email and your enquiry.

          We did a study on the ratification process TTIP will probably face. It also involved investigating in which EU countries a referendum would be possible.
          You can find the information here:

          As you will see, in the UK the government has to initiate a referendum on this question. However, in other EU countries the citizens can initiate a referendum. In the Netherlands a coalition of organisations is currently collecting signatures to make a referendum on TTIP possible.

          I am not familiar with the rules regarding petitions in Scotland and what influence the Scottish government has on the decision regarding TTIP under the rules of devolution. However, if you think a petition might be useful to put some pressure on the Scottish government, then it would be a great thing to do. I think it is always useful to show politicians that citizens care about these issues and that they want their representatives to act on their behalf. It might be worth thinking about who to address – in the end it will be the Scottish MEPs and probably the MPs in London (if TTIP will be treated as a mixed (affecting national and European policy) agreement) that will get to decide on TTIP.
          Stop TTIP will start another project soon that will target members of the European parliament and will try to get EU citizens to tell their MEPs what they think about CETA (the agreement with Canada that will be decided on first, probably still in 2016) and TTIP. If that interests you, you could also get involved with that once we were able to launch the project.

          I hope this helps, and you have a great Wednesday afternoon.

          Best wishes from Berlin,

          Friederike Rehn
          Stop TTIP
          Marienstraße 19/20
          10117 Berlin
          Tel: +49 (0)30/28482379

  12. Guga says:

    Regardless of what any of the politicians say, I want us out of the EUSSR. That organization is both malevolent and totally corrupt. Their auditors, for example, have not signed off their accounts for the last 21 years. If any business operated like that, their directors would all be in court and them gaoled.

    Moreover, I do not want an independent Scotland to be controlled by the EUSSR, or to have our country suffering under the perverse legislation that emanates from them; which, among other things, has destroyed out fishing industry.

    For the same reasons, I do not want Scotland to remain under the corrupt and malevolent English government, nor to be subjected to their anti-social, pro-corporate legislation, including their secret, anti-people TTIP treaty.

    We, the people of Scotland, live under an undemocratic, corrupt English government, and an undemocratic and corrupt EUSSR. It’s time we were totally free to run our country in accordance with the wishes of the Scottish people, for the benefit of the Scottish people.

  13. arthur thomson says:

    I empathise with those who have serious doubts about the EU. It is clearly not as it should be. But my primary concern is the achievement of Scotland’s independence and on balance I think the approach of the SNP is the right one. An independent Scotland could form alliances with civilised forces in the EU to bring about the changes which are sorely needed.

    It may be controversial but I also think that, from a security perspective, an independent Scotland may well need to be part of the EU to safeguard it – like other small European countries – from its particular neighbours from hell.

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