A dumb carpy spate of Unionists

According to an assortment of Unionists who have been greeting their wee eyes out to anyone who will listen, which is pretty much most of the Scottish and UK media, Scotland is a one party state. Most recently the claim that Scotland is a one party SNP state has been made by Adam Tomkins, who’s a Conservative Holyrood candidate in a city with a Labour cooncil. Adam’s penned an article for the Tory magazine the Specator, edited by Frazer Irritable Vowel Syndrome Nelson, written as though it had to be smuggled out of the country on toilet paper from the gulags of Gourock, because there are no media vehicles for Unionism in Scotland, apparently.

But the poor put upon Unionists shouldn’t be too disheartened, after spending the referendum campaign telling Scots that their country was a bit rubbish and incapable of doing anything done by a normal country – like having money or pensions or a health service – they should at least take a modicum of comfort from the fact that if Scotland is a one party state, then it’s pretty rubbish at being a one party state. Scotland is so rubbish at being a one party state that Sturgeon must apologise immediately. Scotland didn’t even make it into the qualifiers for one party stateness, that’s how rubbish at it we are.

In yer normal run of the mill one party state, it does what it says on the tin. There’s the one party, or there’s one dominant party and a number of smaller parties which are licenced franchises of the large one and do its bidding. Scotland fails dismally at the outset here, as there are five parties who have representatives in the Scottish parliament, and considerably more parties which stand during Scottish elections. Far from being puppets of the SNP, these other parties compete against the SNP, and in the case of the Unionist parties their loathing is overt and frequently detailed in the press.

Scotland is so mince at being a one party state that there’s absolutely nothing to prevent parties other than the SNP from being elected. When there are mutterings of electoral fraud it’s invariably supporters of independence who are the ones doing the muttering. Ruth Davidson complained about burly men at a polling station, but these burly men turned out to be as fictional as the compassionate conservatism that Ruth claims to stand for.

And these other parties which the SNP allows to exist because it’s so rubbish at one party statiness represent the entire rainbow of political colours. It’s just unfortunate for the Unionist parties that the colours they represent are fifty shades of skidmark. Sadly for Adam Tomkins and other Unionist apologists who run greeting to the media about how oppressed they are in Scotland’s more than one party state, a country doesn’t qualify as a one party state just because its Unionist parties are so pathetically inept that no one wants to vote for them.

In a normal one party state the governing party has tight control of the media, and stories critical of the ruling party are not allowed anywhere near a printing press or a broadcast studio. Scotland is so rubbish at being a one party state that its ruling party allows the media to gorge itself on SNPbad stories. An SNP MP has a tastefully decorated living room and it’s a story in the papers. In the bitter imaginings of those who keep stating we’re a one party state, the fact there’s a single daily newspaper and a single Sunday newspaper which support Scottish independence means that it’s impossible to criticise the ruling party. Except when one of them has a tastefully decorated living room, or except on every single episode of Reporting Scotland that’s ever been broadcast, and except when the Scottish media goes on one of its regular SNPbaaaad piranha attacks. It could be argued that the media in Scotland does behave like it’s in a one party state, only the state in this case is the Unionist state.

We live in a state where the powerful rush to claim victimhood status. The Unionist establishment which ruled Scotland for so long didn’t complain about a one party state when it was Labour which enjoyed majority rule. Labour’s domination of Scottish politics in the 1980s and 90s was far more comprehensive than the SNP’s is now. They’re not at all happy now that another party has trounced them – and this time under a far fairer voting system.

What really upsets Scotland’s Unionists is that the Unionist status quo is no longer unquestioned and unchallenged. Support for independence is no longer the preserve of a tiny minority which can be sidelined and ignored. We’re here, we’re growing in number, and we’re in their faces and they don’t like it. They don’t like it that the future of their Union which once stretched off into the far distance and over the horizon of decades and centuries, is now to be numbered in a few years at best. They don’t like it that it’s them who are the laughing stock.

And now here were are, at the fag end of Union, and the once mighty British state is reduced to pleading victimhood status in the vain hope that people will vote for it because they feel sorry for it. The mighty British state and its apologists, they don’t want to talk about the havoc that Westminster and its Tory masters wreak and the lives that are sacrified on the altar of austerity, they want to talk about how someone in a wheelchair spat at a journalist, about how an unemployed man called a politician a rude name. This is a state that wants to strip everything from its victims, including their status as victims.

Poor put upon Unionists, even the fact that they’re so rubbish that they can’t get anyone to vote for them is all the fault of the evil SNP. They’re never going to cease telling anyone who will listen that they’re the real victims, as they rob the poor, dispossess people on housing benefit, and demand that paralysed people pass work assessments. We don’t have a one party state, but what we most definitely do have is a dumb carpy spate of Unionists whose definition of being well balanced is to have a fish supper on each shoulder.

And finally, on a personal note – today it is two years exactly since I started this blog. There have been laughs, there have been tears, but it’s always been an adventure. I’d like to thank all my regular, and not so regular, readers for giving me a reason to get up in the mornings. Here’s to many more years to come.

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46 comments on “A dumb carpy spate of Unionists

  1. Brian Mckenna says:

    Cheers me up every time I see the dug has been yapping in my in box

  2. […] A dumb carpy spate of Unionists […]

  3. Elaine Black says:

    And happy returns to the best blog in Scotland (and the world)…..and a treat for wee dug 🙂

  4. […] Source: A dumb carpy spate of Unionists […]

  5. Albawoman says:

    I love WGD a lot! My wee pal helps me and many other folk make sense of the total madness of our current political and social situation.

    Thank you WGD

  6. Marion Scott says:

    Many happy returns to Wee Ginger Dug. Thank you for saying so well what many of us think. Please keep doing this till we are independent.

  7. Hazel Smith says:

    Love your blog. It always makes my day when I see you in my in box. Everything else has to wait till I read your words of wisdom.

  8. Well said. And congratulations on your two years here.

  9. Fillofficer says:

    Refreshingly true & funny at the same time. Always a pleasure to come here. Only followed you for about 15 months but not once have you failed to enlighten and/or entertain me. Hope you & the dug go from strength to strength. (& we are all freed, soon)

  10. Patience is a Virtue says:

    The laughs have been many … and painful at times. Much appreciated.

    Perhaps if the SNP had only one MP (and not 56) and that one SNP MP was somehow appointed say…Secretary of State for Scotland – and in a parallel universe there were say 56 Conservative MPs one Liberal and one Labour MP, there may well be ‘some complaints’ from the electorate (and MPs) about the fact that a good deal of the electorate did not vote for that particular party /policies…

    but no.. [the reality] ..the one party Conservative MP is the de facto one party Secretary of State for the Land unmentionable – why would anyone have a problem with that.

    Of course if no Conservative MP had been elected in May presumably the Shadow (Labour) MP would have been given the job .. again ‘perfectly fair’ if you return only 56 MPs of a contrary view. It would seem that power is to any fair minded person…distributed in this ‘land to the north of the North’ disproportionately.

  11. mac65 says:

    Happy Birthday! Two years of great reading and informative insight…

  12. Matt Seattle says:

    Thanks for two years of wit and wisdom.
    And when you got the gig at The National it was almost like living in the Early Days of a Better Nation.

  13. carthannas says:

    Just want to add my congratulations and thanks.

  14. Morag says:

    Have loved every blog WGD over the last two years!

  15. Reviresco says:

    Great stuff. Love it.

  16. Liz S says:

    Adam Tomkins should perhaps reflect on the UK also being a one party state .

    We are now in a second term of a Tory Goverment and with the disarray Labour are currently in then perhaps a third term for the Tories in 5 years time under that Snake Osborne perhaps ?

    But then the Tories are Tomkins party so he could justify this as democracy and remind us that we did vote to stay in the union so that’s how democracy works.Who cares if Scotland only elected one tory MP the dishonorable weakling Mundell !

    Not much democracy for Scotland Mr Tomkins is there .

    However with democracy the voters get to decide who they want to govern them in Scotland and just now it looks as if, contrary to your self serving opinion, that they are quite happy with a majority SNP goverment.

    Get with the program . Austerity ain’t a winner in Scotland so stop trying to muddy the waters by creating more SNPBAD crap.

    ps. Hope you do not win your seat at Holyrood next year cause you do not deserve to serve anyone , not even in a restaurant !

  17. macart763M says:

    Ach the puir wee sowel’s been let oot withoot his minder again and frankly on this happy occasion he’s no worth a mention btl.

    Here’s to many more posts from Paul and his wee ginger pal.

  18. Two years have flown. You have kept us all laughing and bolstered us up when all seemed grim. Thank you

  19. jimnarlene says:

    Here’s to many more years of ginger duggy wisdom. Once we’re independent, you can keep snapping at the heels of the government of the day.

  20. Guga says:

    Malcolm Rifkind, the then Secretary of State for Scotland, stated, in 1987, “I am a sort of Colonial Governor”. It seems to me that the slimy, sycophantic Mundell actually thinks he is a genuine Colonial Governor, and that it his job to keep us colonials in our place (i.e. on our knees and tugging our forelocks).

    As for the so-called “Scottish media”, the fact remains that approximately 89% of the print media in Scotland is English owned and English controlled, and is a propaganda machine for the Unionists. The commercial electronic media in Scotland is, on the other hand, 100% English owned and English controlled. This is easily illustrated by BBC Scotland (or should I say EBC, Scottish Branch) which is nothing other than a Unionist propaganda organization. For anyone to state otherwise merely shows them up as liars and charlatans.

    If the Unionist call Scotland a “one party state” that means they are either utter cretins who wouldn’t know the truth if it punched them in the face, or that they remain liars and charlatans.who are more interested in keeping Scotland under their control in order that they can continue to exploit us and steal our money.

    The sooner we gear up for another referendum, the better.

    In the meantime, keep up the good work WGD, you’re doing a magnificent job.

    • Brian Fleming says:

      Ooh, “punched them in the face”. You’re a nasty, bullying cybernat, that’s what you are. context? Wahjt d’you mean context. LOMAL

  21. Morag says:

    Happy anniversary Paul, for an awful minute I thought it was “that’s all folks!” with just my set of yaps to keep me sane.

  22. mumsyhugs says:

    I’ve just received my 2 books – pure dead brilliant! 🙂 Every one a gem, including your latest offering. You make us laugh and you make us cry as we recognise the truth of your words Paul – so glad to see you intend “biting the hand of project fear” well into the future!

    Hugs tae the dug 🙂 xxx

  23. Cloggins says:

    Thank you for existing. You have filled the last two years with laughter and sometimes with sobs, but not once has there been a shouldershrugging dinna care feeling. Your writings are as relevant as they are brilliant. Keep up the good work, both here and in the National.

  24. Sue de Nymme says:

    Keep up the good work, Paul. It was a pleasure meeting you and the Dug at the book launch recently. I am enjoying the books, the one to Sue and the other to my real name. Les.
    P.S. Having thus discovered the Yes Bar and its excellent Oat Stout, I have been dropping in, so thank you for that also. L.

  25. WRH2 says:

    I’ve thoroughly enjoyed the last two years of WGD and before that the writings on Newsnet. I’m taking my time to read the two books as I’m getting cramp in my ribs from laughing so much at each section. Anyway, like your blog here, its something to savour during my post mid morning cup of tea. Always something to look forward to and I hope there will be more years to enjoy.

    • Brian Fleming says:

      I remember in the dim and distant past looking forward to the posts by a guy called Paul Kavanagh on the Herald website, of all places. You’ve never looked back Paul, and thank you deeply for all the courage and enetertainment I’ve derived from your work.

  26. Irene Danks says:

    Thank you, Paul. For the laughs, the anger and the well deserved vitriol. But most of all, thanks go to me. For having finished my tea before reading the phrase “…fifty shades of skidmark”! By the way, re the publishing phenomenon that is the “written by a 15 year old boy, in his bedroom, with a box of tissues” series, I generally refer to the series as “Seven Shades of Shite”. You’re welcome.

  27. Luigi says:

    Two years of hard snapping at the juicy heels of the unionist, corporate media.


  28. Steve Bowers says:

    Wow, two years gone already, brilliant stuff Paul, keep nippin their heels

  29. Yup keep going mate.

    But to serious matters.

    I find the description of the Scottish Government as authoritarian very offensive. What this does is to trivialise and diminish those who truly live under authoritarian regimes around the world. That to me is shameful.

    SG is called authoritarian for being intolerant of those who make public displays, through song, of sectarianism, racism, homophobia and bigotry. I disagree.

    SG is called authoritarian for pursuing minimum prices for alcohol. I disagree – this is the only thing which has an evidence basis for reducing consumption in a nation which desperately needs to.

    SG is called authoritarian for banning smoking in public places. I disagree unless we are saying that Canada, Australia, new Zealand, Iceland, Norway, Sweden, Finland, Spain, etc. are all authoritarian governments too.

    As for a one part state mantra. remind me what was it when (Not) Labour controlled most of the major local authorities in Scotland, the Scottish Parliament and Westminster? And how can it be a one party state when (Not) labour still controls more than twice as many local authorities in Scotland as the SNP?

    Finally, how can Prof Tomkins do a 180 degree turn from left, republican Socialist to right, reactionary Tory as he seems to have done? How can he loathe Scotland so much to speak of it in such terms? Who or what has scorned him so that he needs to fight back with such venom and bile that would almost be enough to make Brain Wilson blush (though in reality I don’t think anyone’s bile and venom towards present day Scotland could ever match Brian’s which is of almost OCD proportions).

    • macart763 says:

      Yes it is offensive Steve and the wee fella under discussion is merely the latest in a long and ignominious line to parrot the single party state bollocks. Paul nailed the logic fail perfectly in the whole scenario. We know the why and more importantly we know the how.

      Its going to get worse too, simply because they have a really big megaphone in the UKs media (well it certainly ain’t ours). Still. one should never interrupt when your enemy is making a mistake. Quite simply put, Scotland IS a small country, our communities tight knit and the culture of ‘ah kent yir mither’ is alive and kicking.

      The media’s description of the independence movement, the SNP both as a party and as the Scottish government bears no resemblance to folks actual experience of them. There are no secret police performing purges, no razor wired work camps, no Scottish state broadcaster or print media toeing a party line. There is a multitude of parties on show at each and every election which people are free to vote for, or not, as the case may be. There aren’t roving groups of SNP yellow shirts marking the word unionist on people’s doors and the more hysterical their press becomes, the more ridiculous they look.

      Better yet, the more air time ‘experts’ (LOL) get, the more unhinged their respective parties and constitutional position becomes. We’re aware, we’re paying attention to every release, we’re talking and voting. THAT scares the living shit out of the establishment and when you are scared mistakes come easy. They’ve spent so long spreading fear and division, they forgot how to learn the lesson of handling it themselves.

      Tick tock. 🙂

  30. Black Rab says:

    I’d like to thank you for your efforts in maintaining this post. I appreciate your vitriolic pasting of the union and it’s unionists as it’s the very least it and they deserve. One day we will unburden ourselves of the union and some weight will be shed from our shoulders. Have a good evening Paul.

  31. Alan R says:

    WGD rocks, keep up the good work mate. Love reading your blog and long may it continue.

  32. dramfineday says:

    Just a minute, how’s a chap supposed to get through two books of ginger musings if self same dug keeps adding more stuff to this site?

    Well done Paul I’m enjoying every page you’ve had me greetin, laughing, musing and harrumphing …..great stuff.

  33. Happy birthday Paul and Wee Ginger Dug blog.

    Keep on keeping on for all our sakes.

    Best regards

  34. mealer says:

    I think it’s interesting that the Spectator decided to give a platform to someone from the lunatic fringe of the Tory party.

  35. Jan Cowan says:

    Happy birthday and many happy returns of the day to your essential blog WGD. Please keep writing up to Scottish Independence Day and beyond. You’re part of our lives now.

  36. arthur thomson says:

    Thank you as always and here’s to the next two years of fighting for Holyrood and then the cooncils. We need to win both. We need competence at both levels to rid Scotland of the unionist anti-democracy movements. We so need to replace the pursed lips that have for so long poured scorn on the hopes and aspirations of our people.

    Like everyone else who reads WGD I am always delighted to see your post in my inbox. But I am the sort that savours the prospect and tries to leave it until later to take the full pleasure of the anticipation. It’s always been worth it.

  37. MoJo says:

    Thanks Paul for two years of telling it like it is in a voice we can recognise ….with such heart and wit, and finding words for much that many of us cannot express so well. It has been a privilege to laugh and cry along with you, Andy and the dug on this rollercoaster journey towards independence. Onwards and upwards and may your pen never run dry! ( PS.your books are a joy and will be handed down the generations as a memento of this great awakening in our nation)

  38. The Ace says:

    it’s a brave man who tries to intimidate Wee Ruthie.

  39. Happy Blogday Paul, always a treat to read your words no matter the emotions that they generate. Wee donation on the way, have a pint on me.

  40. Dan Huil says:

    Happy birthday. If we think the last two years have been a roller-coaster in emotion just imagine what we have in store for the next few years. We will need your help and we know you’ll deliver it.

  41. A Meringue says:

    My first comment in feckin ages! I just wanted to say congratulations and happy anniversary.

    However as I’m in the neighbourhood I might as well drop this here. Its an article from the Milngavie and Bearsden Herald. It seems that the contingent from the BBC went down well at the SNP conference. 😉


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