The Tory party conference is taking place in Manchester, behind steel barriers and protected by snipers in case someone throws an egg. A young fogey delegate goaded the crowd with a photo of Margaret Thatcher, but what’s to be condemned is that someone rose to the goading by throwing an egg, and not that an over-privileged young man with all the empathetic skills of a sea slug goaded them in the first place. It is apparently expected and perfectly acceptable that middle class youth with gilded spoons up their arses should not empathise with people who have not enjoyed the same privileges in life. It’s unreasonable to condemn the fact that compassion has become a dirty word. This is the UK that we’re better together with.
According to Jeremy Hunt, whose name is rhyming slang, the removal of tax credits from the lowest paid workers will make people in the UK work harder like the Chinese or the Americans. In other words, on starvation wages in sweatshops with no holiday entitlement and without the protection of strong trades unions. The Tories are trying to rebrand themselves as the party of labour, which is a bit like Attila the Hun’s hordes which wrought destruction across a continent and sent off a chain reaction of refugee migrations rebranding themselves as a removal company.
George Osborne promised an unprecedented extension of powers to local authorities in England, claiming he’d give them control of business rates. But they’ll only be allowed to lower rates. If they want to raise business rates they’re going to have to ensure that the measure is supported by a majority of local businesses. The Tories have now actually given businesses a veto over representative democracy. Companies can overrule voters in this Britain that Scotland remains a part of. Yet this descent of the UK into a corporatocracy went unremarked because something far far worse happened. Someone threw an egg. Someone spat. Someone said a swerry wurd. The very horror. And they weren’t important or rich people either. It’s outrageous.
The lies and deception from the mouths of Tories who wouldn’t recognise morality if it splattered them with yolk is considered acceptable discourse, it’s not acceptable to throw an egg. In fact, egg throwing is so bad that it causes the political classes and the media to entirely overlook the reasons which brought the egg thrower to the point where they threw an egg.
Egg throwing is the curse of our times, and signals the imminent end of civilisation as we know it, because it’s wrong for people to get upset when the government forces them into penury while further enriching its wealthy friends. Meanwhile the right wing media gets angry at the response of the poor and the disabled to their living conditions, but not at the conditions that the disabled and the poor have to endure. But then these are the same people who claimed that the introduction of a 5p charge for a plastic shopping bag would create chaos. We are quite literally ruled by people which couldn’t punch their way out of a plastic bag. The same folk who tell us that Scotland, which managed to introduce a 5p charge on plastic bags without creating a cataclysm, needs them to look after us. Scotland introduced a 5p charge on plastic bags and is still in the rugby world cup.
But it’s the egg throwing. Egg throwing is worse than what’s happening in Syria. It’s worse than the US airforce bombing a hospital in Afghanistan. And it’s certainly worse than Job Centre staff being given quotas for the number of claimants they have to sanction each month. How dreadful that someone threw an egg, that someone else called out an insulting and hurtful name, and how much more worthy of condemnation that is than making someone live on the edge of starvation and stripping them of dignity and hope. This is the topsy turvy morality of Great Britishness. The worst possible crime is saying a rude word to a selfish pig sticker.
The recurring theme is that ordinary people have no right to protest. We’re all egg throwers because one person threw an egg. We’re all misogynists because one person called someone a whore. We’re all violent thugs because someone spat. Yet no one was killed, no one was injured, no one was driven to despair – it’s Tory policies that are doing that. If you call a Tory a rude name it becomes a justification for police snipers on a rooftop. Sticks and stones may break bones, but names will bring out snipers.
Bad names fade in the wind, but poverty passes down the generations. Children grow up learning there is nothing to hope for but a minimum wage and a lifetime of debt, and that’s just fine and dandy with the young fogeys in the ill fitting suits and with the braying laughs who think being poor is a reason to mock and belittle. Broken eggs on shirts come out in the wash, but the stain of deprivation marks lives for life. All these things are acceptable in modern go-ahead striving Britain of hardworking families and political cliches.
However calling out a rude word is beyond the steel pale that surrounds the Tory delegates who enjoy absolute power on the back of 24% of the popular vote. Imagine shouting out Tory scum eh. What a dreadful state of affairs, allowing the Tories of all people to claim victimhood status. Although in their case it’s not so much victimhood as victimgood, because it means that they can claim the moral high ground for their wanton cruelty, selfishness, materialism, and their substitution of money for morality.
England is doing a very good impression of a country which is divided and at odds with itself. Roads are closed by police barricades, armed officers perch on buildings aiming at the public. Still, at least we know now that it’s not supporters of Scottish independence who are uniquely prone to insults, slurs and egg throwing, and now the Scottish media will start praising the calm and rational manner in which Scotland’s constitutional debate is conducted. Won’t they? Or will they be too busy going to work on an egg.
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