Resistance is fertile

So the Cameron one has deigned to bestow a visit upon the little Scottish people, who are decidedly unimpressed with his munificence. Caledonian ingrates. Davie promised, nay swore blind, that he’d look at proposals for further devolution. What more do those Pictish types want eh? David Cameron is actually going to think about Scottish devolution, and according to the fervid UK media, that’s pretty much a guarantee that he’s going to offer a new devolution settlement and kill Scottish nationalism stone dead again. In fact it’s cast iron and as solid as a vow from Gordie Broon, because that worked out so well for them the last time. Gordie promised all sorts of amazing super-powers, although the only one which materialised was the power of invisibility, and he kept that one for himself.

Mind you, a promise to look at something isn’t quite the same as a promise to commit, get married, and settle down and get a Labrador puppy together. I might promise to go out on a hot date with a guy who gets fantastic write ups in the papers as god’s gift to gorgeousness, but upon discovering he’s Jim Murphy and the gorgeousness exists purely inside his own head then the date going to end at the soup course, with the soup over Jim’s expansive head. In fact that’s pretty much what happened when Jim invited the voters of East Renfrewshire out on a five year engagement.

Despite the rejection, Jim’s not taking no for an answer and is now stalking the Scottish body politic like a creepy ex-boyfriend with a wilted bunch of flowers he got from a BP garage in Neilston, begging us not to leave him and swearing blind that the next time he won’t let us down. Although at least some of that Gordie Broon magic has rubbed off on him, and he’s acquired the power of invisibility too.

The big difference between Jim and Davie is that there’s no way that anyone, not even Alan Cochrane, can get away with claiming that Davie is approaching the topic with an open mind. Alan was on Sky News today complaining that the SNP had won too many seats, and causing his fictional memoirs to be remaindered in bookshops. Alan was convinced that he’d single handedly defeated the forces of Alicsammin last year, and now those same forces are not only scoffing openly at his literary efforts, his beloved Union is at greater risk that it ever was and likely to end up unloved and unwanted in the bargain basement along with Alan’s book.

To be fair, very few people in Scotland have an open mind where Davie is concerned, we’ve all seen how the Tories operate. We remember that in 1979 the Tories promised that if Scotland voted no to the limited home rule offer in that year’s referendum that they’d give us something “better”, and that something better turned out to be Maggie Thatcher. The trauma of that event caused a mutation in the Scottish genome leaving the Scottish electorate with a genetic immunity to the blandishments of the Conservatives. This means that the only person in the whole of Scotland who might qualify as open minded is the Secretary of State for Wibble, Fluffy Mundell, and his mind is only open because he’s never learned how to do up the buttons at the back of his head.

So given this not insubstantial history of prior disappointments, the press headlines that the Tory government is open to considering the transfer of substantial new powers to Scotland are wishful thinking in much the same way that you can plant a feather and wish it would grow a chicken.

What’s going to happen with Davie’s promise is that Etonian eyes will glance upon the politely worded requests from north of the border, fulfilling Davie’s media promise to look statesmanlike and like he gives a toss about Scotland, and then an Etonian gob will say “bugger off” in private, before making a public announcement to kick the entire topic into some committee of Andrew Dunlops from which it will never reappear. Expecting the Tories to come out with a substantive devolution offer is like expecting UKIP and the DUP to have a float at a gay pride march complete with a semi naked Nigel Farage and Ian Paisley Junior doing a pole dance. But that’s just silly as Nigel wouldn’t be seen dead dancing with an East European immigrant.

The Conservatives will never consent to substantial devolution for Scotland even though that’s about the only thing that has half a chance of keeping the Union together. Davie Cameron is incapable of thinking beyond the next election, by which time it will be Boris Johnson’s problem and Davie will care even less than he does at the moment. You wouldn’t think that was actually possible, but it is. The Tories think of Scotland like a colonial possession, it’s a place to go hunting shooting and fishing, which gives them somewhere to host their nuclear warhead small penis compensators and lets them indulge in the fantasy that British nationalism is a better kind of nationalism than any other nationalism because it’s not a nationalism at all. That, and acting as a reservoir of natural resources and skilled labour, is Scotland’s place in the Union. Our job is to make other people feel better about themselves.

But last year Scotland planted a seed of self-determination and discovered that resistance is fertile. Contrary to common belief, self-determination isn’t solely about independence. It’s about defining your own role and identity for yourself. Scotland hasn’t voted for independence -yet – but that doesn’t mean that we can’t have self-determination within the United Kingdom for the time being. Scotland and the people of Scotland should be the ones to decide what role Scotland will play within the UK, not Davie Cameron, not the Tories, and not the Fluffellymundelly. Scotland will have greater powers sooner or later. No matter what delaying tactics Cameron employs he will not be able to withstand the tides that Scotland rides. His delays and obfuscation only make Scotland’s demand and determination even stronger. Their resistance makes Scotland’s determination more fertile and a thousand more wild bluebells flower independently.

And that’s why we returned the Gael force of 56 SNP MPs to Westminster. The message they have for Westminster is that it is not up to Westminster to tell Scotland who or what Scotland is, Scotland will tell Westminster. They no longer define us.

They better listen.

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37 comments on “Resistance is fertile

  1. Sue de Nymme says:

    “his mind is only open because he’s never learned how to do up the buttons at the back of his head” Brilliant!

  2. Brian Nicholson says:

    Gael Force 56… what a wonderful description and name for the SNP Westminster MPs.

  3. Changed days right enough…whatever happened to just owning a big car to compensate for a lacking at the sausage counter, now it’s all nuclear or you just ain’t manly enough?

    Excellent critique again Paul.

  4. Steve Asaneilean says:

    And we must not take the foot off the accelerator. We have to start working now towards ensuring that the SNP, Greens, SSP and whatever RIC/CW can put together sweep the board for Holyrood 2016.

    We need to “mean it” now and forever.

    At if we get to independence then the first thing we should doIis outlaw complacency. Independence is not an end – it’s a means to an end.

  5. […] Resistance is fertile […]

  6. K1 says:

    Eye on the ball Paul…as ever…brilliantπŸ™‚

  7. Fillofficer says:

    Excellent. Wunderbar. Awright btw

  8. xsticks says:

    “Gael force 56”

    No that ah’m wantin’ tae gie ye a big heid or onythin’ Paul Kavanagh, but ye are a fkn genius. You articulate my own mind better than I could. I’m so glad to be sharing this journey with you. (and the rest of you too. We’re all in it together and that’s the beauty of itπŸ˜€ )

    • macart763 says:

      You’ve hit the nail on the head yersel’.

      Its our journey… and that’s something the establishment political class and the media can’t get to grips with. Remember the amazement on the C4 journo’s face when confronted with the Buchanan street rally? He couldn’t believe what he was seeing and still didn’t understand what was happening.

      But we do.πŸ™‚

      • Thepnr says:

        Remember seeing his face when trying to hand out the Labour manifesto on the streets of Glasgow and the lassie says to him “Yeh kin stick yer Labour up yer bleep”πŸ™‚

  9. douglas clark says:

    There is magic in the way you use language, I am glad i found your web site.

  10. Ruth says:

    Oh dear you make me laugh more than any other, your writing is wonderful, thank you once again!

  11. mumsyhugs says:

    “THEY no longer define US” – Thank goodness someone has a way of putting into words the things I “hear” in my head!πŸ™‚

    Hugs the the dug Paul xxx

  12. macart763 says:

    Couldn’t agree more Paul and if they think that ‘Gael Force’ storm is going to blow itself out any time soon…

    … they’re going to need wellies, a good set of oil skins and a back tae front bunnet for the foreseeable future.πŸ˜€

  13. scotsgeoff says:

    More powers? But…but the Vow was delivered!

    I read it in the Record.

    *men in white coats chap door*

  14. gavin says:

    Nice of Shiny Dave to give Mundellino ( named after a tilting train! ) someone to do his thinking for him. His own wee brain is tied up with this——
    When he was a little Toadie, his Mother made him recite.
    “Breathe in, breathe out,
    Flow blood flow,
    Frae ma tiny wee heid
    Tae my big Tory toe !”
    And he does it to this day. All day, every day !

  15. mary docherty says:

    Fluffellymundelly !!!…emdae know how to get toast and jam off a keyboard ??

  16. mary docherty says:

    Cheers Macart !!!

    • WRH2 says:

      Warning! Do not read the Dug while eating or drinking, no matter what time of day. Keyboard contamination is the least of your worries, you could have serious problems due to trying to laugh and eat or drink at the same time..

  17. Dear God! How long will this tedious tedious farrago of a charade go on for between Scotland and Westminster? It’s a very courtly dance so it is. ‘May we have welfare?’, ‘We’ll deign to think about it’ – six months passes and the answer comes back NO. What’s the feckin point?

    Here’s how it’ll pan out. A huge resounding win in 2016 for the SNP in Holyrood with a mandate to have another referendum meanwhile the English people vote to come out of Europe and then Scotland will become independent more or less by default. It will either have to be that or UDI as Westminster will never accede to Scottish secession.

    That’s my guess. I don’t care how it’ll happen, but happen it must.

  18. gavin says:

    Count Smurphula is no more. The prince of the Undead has joined the realms of the political dead.
    YIPPEE !

  19. Unless the SmurphE.Coyote does a Farage and this is all headline grabbing crap.

    The shallow bastert canny even resign honestly.

  20. I Hope he’s not thinking of becoming the branch manager of Lidl in Bathgate. I like the staff there.

  21. mo Mhorag says:

    I had dealings with Fluffy Mundel when he was my MP, and honestly, he really is “open minded”!

  22. One of your best articles which I have ever read.

    ‘Resistance is fertile’ *chuckles* (Have you, like me, been watching too many ‘Voyager’ repeats over on the Syfy channel? ‘Seven of Nine’s’ nearly as awesome as ‘Nicla of Fifty Six’!

    • weegingerdug says:

      I always thought Voyager was the best Star Trek series. I know all the “proper fans” hated it, but it’s the only one that was ever able to laugh at itself. Maybe that’s why they hated it.

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