Making Magrit sad

She’s at it again, but with just two pay cheques between now and an ignominious end to her undistinguished career as an expenses claimant, you’ve got to expect the lovely Magrit Curran to keep opening her gob in a desperate attempt to fend off the doom which is heading towards her career in politics like a mob of Transylvanian peasants bearing torches and pitchforks. Mags’ latest is to inform us that we need to vote for her because if we don’t it will make Davie Cameron secretly happy. It’s wrong to do anything that makes a Tory secretly happy, especially Davie Cameron because he’s smug enough as it is. So you should never attempt to bring secret joy to a Tory, except when it’s also in Magrit’s interests.

She was herself quite happy to make Davie happy all last year during the referendum campaign. When there was the prospect that Scotland might swan off to a Tory free future, Magrit waved a metaphorical and indeed literal Union Jack and cheered at the notion of Scotland continuing to suffer Tory governments that we didn’t vote for. Davie Cameron was thrilled about that. He was in fact seen to smile, and indeed gloat. There may even have been a guffaw.

Thanks to the sterling efforts of Magrit and her buddies, Davie managed to avoid a shame-faced early end to his premiership and going down in history as the man who campaigned on the slogan Broken Britain, and who then actually broke it. Thanks to Magrit, Davie can still strut the world stage telling anyone who listened how the Queen purred. You can be pretty certain that Davie’s job was not saved thanks to the efforts of any Conservatives, it was because of Labour. It was because of you, Magrit. Davie Cameron was oh so very happy about everything you did for him.

However none of that counted.

It doesn’t count if Davie is going to be happy if it involves Magrit keeping her John Lewis list and travel expenses claims. Making Davie happy is only a bad thing if it involves giving Magrit her jotters. Still, she can use the jotters to tot up the amount she’s claimed from public funds while she waits for an appointment at the job centre. It will give her something productive to do, which is more than she ever achieved in her career in parliament. But you can’t blame Labour for putting her on the front bench – when she’s up at the front they can keep an eye on her, because when Magrit’s got your back she’ll only stab it. Just ask Johann.

Magrit and her pals are determined to tell us that if we vote SNP in May, we’ll get the Tories. It’s the only selling point that Labour has got, but the logic is as dubious as Jim Murphy’s commitment to socialism and as plausible as Ian Davidson winning an award for tact and diplomacy. Labour cannot escape the uncomfortable truth that Scotland returned a massive majority of Labour MPs in 2010 – and in 1979, 1983, 1987, and 1992 – and we got the Tories anyway. If people in other parts of the UK are determined to vote Tory, we’re going to get a Tory government.

The truth is that swapping seats between one set of MPs who claim to be against the Tories but not against their austerity politics, that would be Labour, and another set of MPs who really are anti-Tory, does not increase the chances of the Tories being able to command a majority of seats in the House of Commons. The number of seats which change hands between Labour and the SNP in Scotland has precisely zero effect on the number of seats which fall to the Conservatives in other parts of the UK, except of course in Magrit’s imagination.

The MP who represented Glasgow East before Magrit was the SNP’s John Mason, who took the seat in a by-election after the previous Labour incumbent – the unlamented David Marshall – resigned to spend more time with the proceeds of his expenses claims. Magrit Curran’s election reduced the total number of SNP MPs by one, and yet we still got Davie Cameron as Prime Minister. She took her seat from a sitting SNP MP in 2010 and we still got the Tories in government, so you’d think that she ought to know that. Of course she knows it – but she’ll still tell voters something else entirely. Magrit’s very presence as a Labour MP gives the lie to the Labour line that voting SNP makes a Tory government more likely. That’s Magrit and Labour’s modus operandi, and that’s why no one believes a word they say any more.

Labour tells us if we vote SNP we’ll get the Tories. Meanwhile the Tories say if we vote SNP we’ll get Labour. The Lib Dems say oh god please please please we’re really sorry about everything it wasn’t our fault. But’s it’s really quite simple. Vote SNP and get a block of MPs who will oppose the Tories while at the same time actually defending Scotland’s interests. Now there would be a novelty.

I don’t give a toss if it makes Davie Cameron laugh hysterically, although it’s more likely that his hysterical laughter will be a symptom of an impending breakdown. I’m still going to vote SNP in May, and I’m not even an SNP supporter. I’d prefer to vote Green or SSP. But in May I will not only be voting SNP, I will be actively campaigning for them. Natalie McGarry will be a great choice for Glasgow East – it’s just the delicious icing on the cake that it will also make Magrit Curran sad.

Meanwhile, I committed the tragic error of watching a bit of BBC’s Question Time, a programme which bears the same relationship to an understanding of Scottish politics as nailing your scrotum to a plank with rusty nails does to foreplay. Never again, is all I will say, and I only watched a few minutes of it. Question Time all by itself demonstrates why Scotland needs a strong voice in Westminster, because we sure as hell don’t have one just now. And there was us thinking that we were all better together and a happy family of nations in this sceptred isle.

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34 comments on “Making Magrit sad

  1. Janis says:

    Another great read. Really enjoyed it. Let’s hope we make Magrit really sad.

  2. I watched all of question time and that multi multi millionaire Hesseltine, whom i thought was dead. I regard it as work. What on earth is Scotland still in this union for, doing with this other lot of grotesque and evil politicians.

    I watched magrit in this clip in case you missed it being interviewed by andrew neil

    she was simply breathtaking.

    You are right. She is hypocritical to the nth degree, such is the tortured party line that must be followed. If they are not at least aware of their outrageous hypocrisy i have to think they are psychotic as well as parasitical.

    Words are not enough.
    You are right. We’ll all just have to go round doors in the knowledge that they have the lies of the MSM gravy boat on their side too.

    Keep going. The WGD is essential for everyone’s sanity in this.

  3. Linda Tollan says:

    I just set up a direct debit for £10 a month hope this helps. I enjoy your blog keep up the good work.

  4. macart763 says:

    Great point, well made.

    People voted Labour in the referendum and were guaranteed Conservative governments for as long as the union treaty lasts. It was Labour who campaigned in Scotland for the union. It was Labour who campaigned alongside the other Tories and enjoyed lauded guest appearances at their party conferences. It was Labour’s strategy to turn our people’s referendum into a party political event. As I recall it was trumpeted as Salmond’s and the SNPs referendum from every political release, every broadcast channel, every radio station, every daily title for three years. Oh and who came up with this strategy? That’s right – Labour.

    They couldn’t stand to lose their monopoly, their fiefdom, their property.

    So they did what anyone would do when faced with this scenario… they betrayed their own people and by that I don’t simply mean at national level (bad and bad enough), no I’m talking about those who loyally put them in the position to represent a constituency in the first place. The working class, the poor, the disenfranchised, the desperate… those people. The people who created a Labour party to fight the system and be their voice, represent their needs and interests at the big hoose on the Thames.

    It was Labour’s idea to deny a currency union. It was Labour’s idea to demonise not just the SNP voter, but all who would vote for self determination. It was Labour’s idea to raise border posts, impose trade sanctions, no pre referendum negotiations (which would have cleared all of the above issues months in advance). It was Labour’s idea to run down Scotland’s economy, spread the myth of the subsidy junkie and the false deficit. It was Labour leaders both campaign and political who deemed those who believed in self determination to be a virus, blood and soil nationalists, untrusted, unfit and unsuited to make political decisions.

    It was Labour…

    … and I’ll never forgive them for what they’ve done to us.

  5. johnmcgurk66 says:

    Labour keeps banging on about the fact that if we for vote anything except labour we will get the
    Tories Here are the years Scotland voted LABOUR and got the TORIES. 1970 1979 1983 1987
    1992 and 2010. Some I hope we have now woken up to LABOURS load of CRAP

  6. Devereux says:

    WGD you are the best antidote to the poison of BBC Question Time. A wee subscription is following for medicinal purposes.

  7. hektorsmum says:

    I am a woman well at least last time I checked and I want more women in politics, but like the other Margaret before her this one does my sex no good. I have noticed the amount of lying done by Labour Scottish Branch and also a complete lack of policies for the General Election, the ones they have seem to be looking towards 2016 than 2015 and if the General Election proves the point, not much chance here in Scotland for them.
    Better they had not been so cosy with the Tories but then this seems to be their natural state these days. No principle they cannot ditch or at the very least abstain from and I thought they just did it in the Scottish Parliament.
    Let us hope she bawls her not very delightful head of come 8th May.
    Wee donation made Paul, take care of your self.

  8. Brian Fleming says:

    I donated last week Paul. Can’t afford much, but I expect every little helps. I’d hate you to have to stop giving the wee dug a voice online.

  9. Graeme says:

    Great article, love the wit and cutting through the BS with insightful analysis of current Scottish & UK politics, keep up the good work!

  10. sorry about pasting that big picture dollop of magrit. – it was just meant to be a link. – 🙂

  11. Fiona says:

    I live in the North where we have an ex Peer Lib Dem MP who has the £s to fund his campaign. Let’s hope we can knock him & his pals out.

    • Pam McMahon says:

      If you’re talking about the useless John Thurso, he is NOT an ex Peer, but has managed to hing on to his seat in the House of Lords, while still scooping up his pay and expenses as our MP. Probably one of the reasons he has plenty of money to fund his campaign.

      You’ll never make people like this as sad as they should be, because we’ll still be paying for them when they get kicked out.

  12. mo Mhorag says:

    You have such a gift with words Paul, astute but comedic, a great combination.
    Wee donation on the way for some dug biscuits x

  13. iftheysayso says:

    A truly inspiring read.

  14. Philip Edson says:

    What a coincidence! I also watched Question Time for the first time in 15 years and did nothing but groan and whine most of the way through. Can us Northerners join you in creating an independent nation without Westminster and the Tories? Make Scotland bigger is my suggestion and save us too. Please!

  15. A Meringue says:

    Can we actually get rid of these Labour MPs? Oh I do sincerely hope so. Perhaps its remembering the disappointment at the referendum result that is making me a wee bit jittery. This morning though my optimism went up the scale a good bit when I read this article in the Herald. Labour in East Kilbride, Strathaven and Lesmahagow are in meltdown as even their own Labour councillors refuse to assist Michael McCann the sitting MP in his election campaign.

    Is it safe to dream of 50+ SNP MPs? How sweet that would be. To sit and watch the faces of the Labour MPs on TV as they watch their party suffer a well deserved wipeout in Scotland. Priceless! If I’m honest I will be severely disappointed if the SNP get less than 30 seats. More than half the seats in Scotland would have been unthinkable a couple of years ago. But of how nice it will it be to have one Tory, one Lib/Dem and less than a handful of one nation Labour. Please please “Make it So”

    Morale must be at rock bottom within Labour (Scottish Branch) anyone out canvassing for them must be well fed up at the reaction on the doorstep, but now is not the time to feel sorry for them. If one comes to my door then I’m afraid that my normally polite self will be incapable of holding back. Or perhaps it will be better to just slam the door in their face.

  16. As someone said over on Wings: “Vote SNP, get Scotland.”

  17. could there be any room at the inn for WGD at

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