I wrote a blog article last night which was published in the wee smaa hours. Then this afternoon I published the weekly dugcast. So I had reckoned I’d done enough for one day to keep readers of this blog amused. But then I came across Giles Fraser’s apologia for Brexit and ending freedom of movement on the digital site Unherd, and now I’m fuming.
https://unherd.com/2019/02/why-wont-remainers-talk-about-family/
I’ve not been this angry since Magrit Curran was my MP. First off, a word of caution. Please don’t read on while eating. This blog deals with some unpleasant realities about the human body.
Essentially, Giles’ argument about why ending freedom of movement is a good thing boils down to this. When you’re old and incontinent, it means that your kids can wipe your arse for you instead of some social services worker from the EU, and that’s great for family cohesion. We can all bond as a family over soiled toilet paper.
It’s telling that Giles in his piece felt it was the role of a daughter to wipe her father’s arse. Not a son. Those antiquated gender roles are symptomatic of the regressive nostalgia that characterises the entire Brexit process. Asinine and insensitive doesn’t begin to describe it. I don’t know if Giles has ever been put in the situation of having to wipe the arse of a loved one, other than a small infant. Judging from the tone of his facile article, I’m guessing not.
Well I have. My late partner suffered from dementia, and as his illness progressed he lost control of both his bladder and his bowels. It was a deeply distressing experience for both of us. It’s difficult to reassure your loved one, a once proud and self-sufficient man who is already upset because he has soiled himself, that you’re going to be there for him and are not judging him when you are in fact gagging and vomiting because of the smell. It’s difficult to maintain the dignity of a loved one who is in the advanced stages of a terminal illness when you have to strip off their underclothes and wipe their arse. It’s hard to calm down a crying relative and reassure them that they’re not being a bother when you’ve got their shit all over your hands. You’re not doing much bonding, except with the tears, and the disinfectant, bleach, and the lingering terrible smell. And then wash, rinse, repeat. You’re doing exactly the same the next day.
As someone who has stood crying as I scraped shit off the bedsheets, as someone who has woken up in the marital bed in a wet patch of someone else’s urine, as someone who has literally vomited as I realised that my clothes were stained and smeared with someone else’s shit, I can assure Giles that this was not a bonding experience. There was nothing positive about it. It distressed my late partner immensely. It distressed me. It is not an experience that anyone who has gone through it would ever for a second consider wishing on others. It is not something that anyone who has lived through would ever for an instant regard as a positive learning experience that others should undergo. To put this forward as an argument for Brexit is crass beyond belief. It’s scraping the bottom of an already shitty barrel.
Eventually my partner and I started getting social care services. Social care services which are free in Scotland thanks to a Scottish government which doesn’t prioritise profit over humanity. Those angels took over, at least partially, the tasks of undressing, cleaning, and re-dressing my late partner. That was a huge relief to him. He found it a lot easier, mentally and emotionally, to accept that sort of care from a person in a health worker’s uniform whose job it was than to accept it from me. It distressed him far less. It allowed him to maintain what dignity he could, what little dignity that his illness hadn’t stripped away from him. It helped him to come to terms with his declining health in a way that he wouldn’t had he relied solely upon me to do those intensely personal tasks for him. And if it was difficult enough for a spouse to accept that kind of assistance from their partner, it must be far more difficult for a parent to accept it from their adult child. Clearly, none of this has occurred to Giles, because he’s never walked in our shit stained shoes.
The broader point Giles was trying to make, the one I am struggling to get to through the crap, is that freedom of movement breaks down families because it makes it easier for people to move away. There was of course not the slightest recognition in his piece that ending freedom of movement breaks up families. Neither was there any awareness that the Brexit fetishisation of tackling immigration has led to thousands of children being separated from a parent, many thousands of spouses separated from their significant other, countless grandparents separated from their grandchildren.
But no, in Brexitland we can all be stuck in the towns and villages of our birth, trapped by a lack of opportunities and the newly valueless nature of a British passport. And then we’ll be able to wipe our parents’ backsides when they become frail and incontinent because the arse has been ripped out of social care services by the very same right wing politicians who are so keen to foist the hardest possible Brexit upon us.
Brexit supporters once promised us the sunlit uplands. They promised shedloads of cash for the NHS. Now they’re reduced to making the argument that suffering is good for us, that we should be nostalgic for antiquated gender roles, and telling us to restrict our horizons and not to dare to dream of spreading our wings and flying. Now they’re reduced to sophistry and telling us that Brexit is good for you because you too can get to wipe the arse of an infirm relative. Giles’ article is quite literally and in every sense of the word, the shittiest of arguments for the shitshow of Brexit.
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Wee Ginger Dug 
I certainy won’t be rushing round to wipe off the shit (or should that be shite) that issues from Giles Fraser’s mouth.
What a nasty odious man this Giles must be Paul, perhaps he should apply for re employment with the works and pension dept , or perhaps a PIP assessor. Nae wunner yer beelin .
With reference to your mention of PIP assessors, I was just reading this :
https://kittysjones.wordpress.com/2019/02/22/family-of-clamaint-refused-pip-who-died-successfully-sue-capita-for-10000/
He probably already moonlights for the pension department or as a PIP assessor (possibly both). Of course he votes for Tories and fully supports their draconian policies and fascist rule. The little democracy Britain once had has disappeared for ever.
O/T – Apologies.
I had to laugh at your comments at the end of this weeks podcast Re the immigration process at Dublin as opposed to any other US Airport , The officials in Ireland are almost human and indeed you can actually have a laugh and a normal conversation with them, I often wondered if it would last as it’s been a few years since I visited the USA, your comments confirmed its still the best route , The difference at the other end ,usually Chicago is a total mind numbing nightmare .
He was an Irish immigration officer as I came back home, not an American one as I was leaving. That said, the Americans based at pre-clearance in Dublin are usually much nicer and personable than those based in the USA. I think it’s because they live in Ireland so it rubs off on them.
I prefer travelling to the USA via Dublin, and not only because Aer Lingus is the only carrier which flies direct to Connecticut from Europe. You do all the US immigration and customs at Dublin before boarding, and then at the other end it’s like you’ve arrived on a domestic flight so you just pick up your bag and go. It’s far less stressful.
I had to care for my elderly mothers personal care short term last year when she fell and broke her shoulder blade. I have no notion in my life of having to carry out these functions long term and she would be mortified. And of course this odious man assumes it will be the daughter’s place to do this, presumably any sons will be off playing a quick round of golf. More of the good old days nostalgia we’d all Like to return to no doubt 😡
I feel your pain and anger here, im sure any of us who have been in such a situation with a loved one would agree. It takes a special kind of person who does this for a living and it pees me off when theyre referred to as “unskilled” workers. This Giles hes a piece of shit and brexit has encouraged him and his like to crawl out fi under the rocks and given a platform.
Aye, they are worth their weight in gold – which is why I get so annnoyed at teachers turning down a pay rise because they “deserve more for all the hard work they do”. Most of them wouldn’t manage a full 12 hours shift in the caring sector.
“which is why I get so annnoyed at teachers turning down a pay rise because they “deserve more for all the hard work they do”.”
Where did you get that nonsense from?
This a magnificent, fiercely and rightfully angry piece. Giles Fraser became a parent not so long ago, and, I seem to recall, lost his job more recently, events which may have somehow warped his views temporarily (at least one would hope his inhumanity and selfishness was a blip; he had some things to his credit earlier, including support for the Occupy movement).
I hope he gets to read it, and to wonder if, in the bowels of Christ he might think himself mistaken.
I stupidly clicked on your link and could not believe what I was reading. Beelin’ is too mild a term for what I felt. My heart was aching to read what you and your husband had to endure.
That pathetic little man has obviously never had to “care” for an ill family member. Not wanting to sleep at night in case my dad’s catheter came off again leaving him lying in urine unable to do anything. And for him, a grown man, to suffer the indignity of his daughter replacing it. It broke my heart when he seemed relieved to be going back to hospital.
What a horrible, nasty excuse for a human being
I understand this Giles Fraser is an Anglican priest – what the f…??????
He is indeed an Anglican priest, and I used to think he was a good guy. Not now.
In this context, I think it is fair to call him an arse.
Damn I can feel the anger and absolute disgust , I feel my self shouting,you tell em dug. You are an excellent wordsmith kind sir.
The Brexit supporters have truly turned the uk into a midden of acceptable BS.
They espouse the good old days from their orange, red white and blue glasses.
The are the epitome of assholes.
I admire your courage in sharing so personal and intimate a story, what a stark exposition of a literally fundamental truth of Brexshit, and by association the odorous unpleasantness of the Tories.
Yes, I’ve cleaned the human waste from ailing family members. As part of a job in days past I’ve cleaned the leavings of strangers too. And no, I didn’t consider it a bonding experience in either case.
I’m just going to say that I disagree with Mr Fraser’s reasoning at this point.
Paul – Just sending you some love.
….”Justice is what love looks like in public…” (Cornel West)
You strip away the BS and allow people to see social needs and justice of Scotland.
…..RAGING!!!!!!!!!!!!! Giles Fraser is all sorts of deluded.
Freedom of Movement is a protection for the poor against the flight of capital.
Freedom of Movement is one of the greatest achievements for common people in history. It allows the poor the rights money and the wealthy have always enjoyed…and used to exert pressure over the poor.
Just as with the NHS, Freedom of Movement is not a gift from the wealthy…it was payment due. The post WW2 peace dividend was not some free money that fell out of the back of the sofa. It was the brilliance of that generation to demand as payment due for consecutive generations protecting “empire”… a payment that was not singular but delivered in perpetuity.
The English Brexitiers will go down in history as the generation who pissed away the common peoples greatest achievements in just one lifetime.
I’m not worried about a no deal Brexit. I have absolute faith, that on 29 March, I will magically become in possession of a unicorn hunting bow. I will therefore be able to hunt the unicorns that will magically appear on the same day, not only feeding my family and creating a new trading opportunity with neighbours, but I will also be able to sell the unicorn ivory to the Far East as art of the trade deals that will also magically appear on the same day.
And if I have to starve, well we”ll just have to deploy our stiff upper lips and remind myself that we British (I really mean English) and are superior to everyone in the universe and they know it. After all, we survived the catastrophic defeat that was Dunkirk, so we will survive another catastrophic opportunity like Brexit. While I am starving with my family during the shortages, we will be nourished and reassured by the knowledge that Union is intact, because that is the only thing that matters, beyond dignity or life itself.
So I think all you bloody rebellious Scots should just get into line and accept the will of the people. Not your people of course, because they don’t matter, but the will the people chosen by God and unicorns.
Just in from the pub, Paul, where us old fogies righted wrongs, and sunk a few.
That you are reduced to divulging this incredibly difficult time in your life to counter some Brexit apologist is outrageous.
I have not read the link.
Tomorrow.
You are a man you don’t meet every day,Paul.
Don’t let this get to you.
That was great. Well done.
I was also so angry at the piece. I’d never want my children to feel that they have to give up hopes and dreams due to care for me in later years. In fact, I’d push them to do the opposite.
It’s just desperation by people who know that the game is up for Brexit.
Thank you for this. It must have been incredibly painful to write. I have had a similar experience that I wanted to talk about but even twenty years later is still too raw.
Paul
What the Fk is the National On.. Puting Alesha’s mother on front page /Web Ect
I agree with everything in this article apart from the word “literally” at the end. I’m a pedant. But yeah, Giles’ argument was shit. Completely right to call him out.
I was moved by your piece, many thanks to you.
Last year I was looking after my 91y mum who was dying steadily of c-diff and general severe decline. Clearing up her diahorrea (I can spell that now) was Bad but, the vomiting and her crying about her nausea was worse. Plus her having zero muscular strength.
I also had to juggle her stays in hospital treating yet another UTI with the death of generalised cancer of my dear father in law over here in Brittany. Without FoM (and ease of normal travel) we would all have been shafted, Mum and Bro in Oxfordshire, me and my partner and French family over here. Brexit occuring earlier would have finished us off as a family.
Over the last couple of years that Fraser “vicar” personality has become increasingly nasty and unhinged. Now it is not legally wise for me to say what I think about him.
Scotland, free yourself.
I can relate to this, having cared for my father, who also suffered from a progressive dementia.
Giles Fraser’s sexist paternalism and apparent ignorance of human agency and social interaction, typifies the New Right. Entitled prat.
Have read your articles on and off for some years now Paul. At times tears of mirth welled up. Reading this made tears of the other sort well up and roll down my cheeks. I blame it on empathy. I’m not sure we’re supposed to permit ourselves that emotion in Theresa’s brave new hostile world. Much respect to you.
Paul, I had to do this for my late father. If I were to meet this absolute shite bag I would not be responsible for my actions. Good article.
Ah’ve said before, an I’m going say it again, “Stay angry, Paul, yir brilliant when yir angry.”
I could not believe what I was reading! The idea that children have a responsibility for their parents. What if those children are disabled? My daughter certainly couldn’t look after me and I wouldn’t expect her too. He is a vile man with little or no compassion. I hope karma comes and smacks him right where it hurts!
I read the piece and did not see a way of responding directly. I apologise that I have repeated some of Paul’s points.
1. Children are not responsible for the parents. Children do not ask to be born and should not be expected to look after their parents although many want to.
2. Daughter looking after an elderly parent, not the son? Look at his view later on extended families.
3. Many young people do not have the luxury of choosing where they live because of lack of availability of housing they can afford.
4. Linked to this there is the fact that many are working all the hours they can to keep a roof of their heads and feed the family.
5. None of us can avoid getting old, unless we die young. Therefore we will probably need help in old age.
6. Social mobility is a young person’s right (see point 1)
7. Should working class young sacrifice their ambitions because they did not have the sense to be born into wealthier families who could support their ambitions?
8. Extended families can be a good thing but capitalism has scattered families to the four winds in order to get a job. We can’t all stay local, even if we want to.
9. Women have asserted their right to a life outside the home, something SOME women in his idealised extended family do not have.
So Mr Giles Fraser get your head out of the sand (I’m being polite here) and look around you. You have written an ignorant and paternalistic piece and you should be ashamed.
Well said, Independent Woman.
The Good Reverand was merely paraphrasing William Blake’s unofficial English National anthem, ‘Jerusalem’, that fanciful piece of English Nationalist nonsense that hinted that Jesus walked among the hills and dales of Good Old England.
Jerusalem
“And did those feet in ancient time
Walk upon England’s mountains green?
And was the holy lamb of god
On England’s pleasant pastures seen?
And did the countenance divine
Shine forth upon our clouded hills?
And was Jerusalem builded here
Among those dark satanic mills?
Bring me my bow of burning gold!
Bring me my arrows of desire!
Bring me my spear: o clouds unfold!
Bring me my chariots of fire!
I will not cease from mental fight;
Nor shall my sword sleep in my hand
Till we have built Jerusalem
In England’s green and pleasant land.”
I seem to recall Commie Corbyn leading a choir of the Momentum Faith belting out this little ditty at party Conference.
England is on its own now, with the Voices of Reason crushed by the Iron Heel Oligarchy.
We have a get out clause.
It is my firm belief that we are about to exercise it within weeks.
Giles Fraser thinks that London is England.
I wonder how much his wee pad down there is worth?
Of course women are better suited to knitting and sewing because of their smaller delicate fingers, and wiping arses.
The man demonstrates what a dinosaur he truly is.
Let’s leave it at that and dutifully march in single file back into the ‘satanic mills’ Oop Here in the Grim North.
“Jerusalem”. A poem written by an anti-imperialist human rights campaigner, set to music and used to propagandise the British army’s WW1 capture of Jerusalem.
Agreed. Blake was a great poet, artist and humanitarian. He would no doubt have had something to say about the misuse of his poem.
Yes, written at a time when the concepts of ‘Old Eden’ and ‘New Jerusalem’ were understood to represent old, backward-looking Tory poitics and attitudes, contrasted with a new progressive ambition for a society of greater equality to be built on humane, egalitarian principles. Blake wrote this as a vision of this society calling for what what he saw as the true realisation of the Christian purpose in the world and called for the righteous overthrow of the old world order. Giles Fraser happily inhabits a fantasy Old Eden where only a chosen few are content.
I wince whenever I hear this sung fervently by old, backward-looking Tories as some nationalistic anthem, when it was actually a summoning to revolution. Poor Blake, to be so traduced.. Sometimes I think the Universe looks back at us and laughs.
My point, Cameron.
Paul, it is now the cold light of day, and I’ve dipped into ‘Saint Giles’ ‘article.
The man is of course a ‘professional priest’, never aff the telly and preaches ‘do as I say, not as I do.’
Married twice, he has four children spanning two marriages.
Which one of his offspring or wives will get the job of wiping his arse in the Post Brexit Giles’ Commune which he describes so naively in this incredibly stupid piece of nonsense.
His unnamed Doctor, he had to be Muslim of course, shares his Anglican/Jewish values of ‘family’.
We are all to sit around Mamma’s and Pappa’s hearth and never leave the nest.
He considers Freedom of Movement as a curse, and shrieks ‘Bring on No Deal Brexit!’ to herald in his version of ‘Family’, and social cohesion by force.
He clearly views the world through his London centric middle class affluent holier than thou lens.
All on this site have lived through the bad times when relatives fall ill, slip away and pass on.
That you have to recount your own sad experiences to counter this egoist in a dog collar’s cod philosophical arguments really pisses me off.
He and George Osborne are two fleas off the same self centred SE England mangy dog.
Your writing is a gift to all who have lived through illness, and bereavement, Paul.
The Blessed Giles will never starve or want.
The Establishment will make sure of that.
‘Odious’ seems to be this week’s word.
This man is not ‘odious’, he is merely a self serving idiot.
I’m in the book , Rev Giles, if you want to discuss this, or the Real World always present on WGD.
I have no idea who the fellow is Jack, but in my experience? Being a member of any clergy doesn’t exempt a person from stupidity, acting stupidly, or with insensitivity.
I was too angry to put any decent response down to that nonsense myself last night. Still am for that matter. How and ever, I think Mr Fraser will get the gist from Paul’s post and a good deal of the first hand experiences and knowledgeable commentary btl.
The man describes a society of uncaring offspring who move away to join the rat race and neglect their parents.
This has not been my personal experience, and not of my large circle of friends, and equally large family.
The Collatins and cousins, and in laws are spread throughout the globe but still remain a close knit ‘family’; no one is neglected, or left to rot.
This man does not believe in a civic society, just some sort of 1930’s image of Merrie England and the sound of the slap of leather on willow on the village cricket green, while onlookers watched in deck chairs from the shade of the pavilion while washing down warm English beer.
We are understandably ragin’ at his glib ‘bring it on’ Brexit bravado.
He’ll never have to suffer, or regret the social, economic, and political fall out.
He’s a High Anglican, a TV Luvvie, probably going to get promoted to Bishop and the HoL on the back of backing the ”winner’, a return to Empire 2.
I’m pretty sure that all of us who read this vile nonsense recalled the many times in our life when members of our family, friends, near neighbours, suffered illness, health deterioration and ultimately death.
To tar us all with his SE English Dog Eat Dog One Bedroom Flat for £500,000 brush enrages us all.
And he considers himself a man of God.
I think I finally understand the brexiteers and their hatred for freedom of movement; it’s the in-breeding. There are far more opportunities for in-breeding if everybody stays where they were born.
I have only encountered this ‘priest’ on a few occasions when he appeared on Question Time* ( surprise ! ) and , as he was in mufti , I inferred from his demeanor and answers that he was just another right wing crackpot ( RWC ) chosen from the BBC’s large pool of RWCs .
(* mea culpa , mea culpa …. but since my foot went through the TV during the Motherwell edition , that particular problem has been solved )
He was certainly someone that fitted comfortably in the BBC’s/England’s post-brexit landscape as he appeared to think that only those who voted Leave were worthy of consideration in the negotiations .
He exuded the same empathy that we have come to love and cherish from Theresa May ( another daughter of the Church ) and demonstrated all the moral delicacy for which the ERG group of Conservatives has become renowned .
Let’s not forget the ‘Lord Bishops’ lolling about in the House of Lards on £300 a day, Millsy.
These charlatans get to tell us scvots what’s good for us?
Ach, I’m off.
Later.
check out my typo.
This has really pissed me off.
‘Scots’.
I thought the typo was good Jack, it gave it a Viking look!
Molly,
{ ; O )
bisous.
Et Tu!
[…] A shit argument for Brexit Feb22by weegingerdug […]
Great article Paul about the hellish reality of having to deal with the personal care of a loved one. A situation that many reading it, like myself, have gone through and can, unfortunately, totally relate to.
Mr Fraser says, ”Human beings need roots for their emotional and psychological flourishing. They need long-term, face-to-face relationships; they need chatting in the local post office; they need a sense of shared identity, shared values, mutual commitment. No amount of economic growth is worth sacrificing all this for. Because robbed of their most go-ahead young people, working class communities become ghost towns of hopelessness. And care homes for the elderly become ways to warehouse those who cannot be persuaded to make the trip to Dignitas.”
It would seem that he has no idea of the reality either of the situation in Scotland whereby millions of Scots (and Irish) have had to leave their homeland due to Westminster totally decimating our country. Scotland ”robbed of our most go-ahead young people” leaving us with ”ghost towns of hopelessness.” We can’t afford to have people like this calling the shots for Scotland any more. Afford as in our emotional / psychological well-being, not financial. He supports Brexit which will lead to a double whammy for us this time around: an economic and social disaster, not ”economic growth”, with Scotland filled with even more poverty stricken ”erse wipers.” Time to walk away from this nightmare of a Union and vote Yes for Independence.
Reblogged this on Rosanne Rabinowitz and commented:
Just catching up with Giles Fraser’s reactionary warm-beer-and-cricket bexiteering spiel. And here’s an excellent counter-spiel from ‘Wee Ginger Dug – with links to the original – tellingly titled A shit argument for Brexit.
“Essentially, Giles’ argument about why ending freedom of movement is a good thing boils down to this. When you’re old and incontinent, it means that your kids can wipe your arse for you instead of some social services worker from the EU, and that’s great for family cohesion. We can all bond as a family over soiled toilet paper.
It’s telling that Giles in his piece felt it was the role of a daughter to wipe her father’s arse.”
Paul, I sympathise with your distress and share your anger. Brext really is a bag o’ shite and to use the argument that Giles Fraser has done in favour of Brexit is utterly contemptible.
A heartbreaking and sadly enlightening post – it made me cry whilst simultaneously reaching heights of anger I didn’t know I still had the energy to achieve.
I’ve really struggled to understand Brexit voters (aside from the loathsome tax avoiding self serving ones) and the economic death cult theory just didn’t quite encompass it. You’ve made me see it is actually the depths of self loathing, a profound insecurity complex and a heady mix of nostalgia for all fantasists everywhere. When the Brexit movie is made it’ll have every prejudice going – race, age, sex, sexual identity, health, religion and a bizarre WW2, Great British Empire, spitfires and white cliffs of Dover motif. This isn’t going to end well.
In the past I might have been sympathetic to Giles Fraser’s left wing views but Brexit has unhinged him. On another point I was mildly amused to hear Anna Soubry reveal that she was convinced that Theresa May has more than a passing hatred, yes hatred of immigrants ever since her Home Office days. Soubry described her as having a fixation about reducing immigration and that drives everything else. It fits because she was notably unsuccessful in driving it down and she must have seen it as her failure.
As one who’s wife does the shite wiping for me I must say I only encounter European shite wipers when I go into respite care. If it wasn’t for those worker’s from Europe the care industry wouldn’t work. The amount of good workers the NHS has lost due to Brexit is enormous. Quality GP’s Dentists etc all from EU countries who have left feeling unwanted and we are short on nurses were we need tend of thousands to fill current vacancies! And still people think leaving the EU is the answer! Are they blind?
[…] A shit argument for Brexit Feb22by weegingerdug […]
Fraser is a regular contributor to BBC Radio 4’s The Moral Maze, along with Claire Fox of the so-called Institute of Ideas (aka Spiked Online), with whom he increasingly seems to have a lot in common. Spiked Online have published a piece defending him against the backlash that’s greeted his reactionary article.
Just read your post. Brilliant, but more than that, so heartfelt. Hopefully Giles Fraser has been sent home to think again.
How vacuous some people are, and to use such a circumstance to try and award some kudos to ‘bonkers brexit’ gives a frightening picture of another mentality.
Your blog was so touching and sad, but it is the reality for many today. Happier times for you now, I hope.
Grace Dunn
>
Yes thank you. Times are much happier. I got married again last year.
[…] the red corner is Paul Kavanagh. Paul’s response to Giles begins with a spoiler alert: ‘Please don’t read on while eating. This blog deals with some […]
Very powerful. Thanks!