Right, where were we? Oh aye, we were spinning our heids trying to keep up with what’s going on and failing miserably. There have been a whole load of new developments in the few short hours since the last post. Probably by the time I actually manage to get this blog post finished and published there will have been lots more and my heid will have exploded.
First up was the debate in Holyrood this afternoon. It made a very pleasant change to watch the different parties in the Scottish Parliament all gang up on the Tories. ToriesBad has a much nicer ring to it than SNPBad, don’t you think? Besides, there can be no dispute whatsover that the responsibility for this EU galactofuck lies fairly and squarely with the Tory party. The Bullingdon Boys decided it would be a jolly jape to use the arguments about the EU as a proxy to settle internal disputes within the Tory party, and now the entire thing has blown up in their faces and the stars of the Tory party leadership, both Brexiteers and Remainers, have vanished up a black hole of their own creation. It’s not in a constellation though, because no one wants to be anywhere near them.
The motion being debated was to give the Scottish government the mandate it requires to speak to other devolved bodies within the UK, the UK government, Gibraltar, other European countries, and the EU itself in order to find a means of permitting the democratic will of the Scottish people to be respected. Scotland, as everyone who hasn’t been sooked into the black hole of Torydom knows, voted to remain a part of the EU.
The debate was kicked off with Nicola Sturgeon stating emphatically that this motion is not simply an excuse to get another indyref. The Scottish government and its team of expert cross party advisors will examine all and any scenarios which will allow Scotland to remain a part of the EU, including the Labour party’s idea of a federal Britain in which Scotland and Northern Ireland are a part of the EU but the rest of the UK isn’t. Nicola made a strong and impassioned speech, stating repeatedly that this isn’t about independence, and was her speech was followed by Ruth Davidson.
Ruthie’s conciliatory and cooperative tone lasted approximately 45 seconds. After saying how much she regretted the result of Thursday’s vote, she came over all ProudScotBut and couldn’t stop going on about independence. And how she wishes the whole idea would disappear up the same black hole that has so recently consumed the careers of Davie Cameron and George Osborne. Ruthie’s big idea is for Scotland to knuckle down and do what Westminster tells us. We make a lovely tartan doormat for Westminster to wipe its feet on, said Ruthie. Well she didn’t really, but that’s what it boiled down to. So that was as useful a contribution as the one that Nigel Farage made to the EU parliament this morning.
Kezia was up next, and instead of playing her usual SNPBad tag team games with the Tories, she gave Ruthie a rocket up her arse which pretty much managed to send Ruthie into orbit about that black hole. I don’t say this often, in fact I don’t say it at all, but Kezia done good. How’s that defending the Union working out for you? Kezia asked. Ruthie glowered in silence. Admittedly Kezia is still clinging to the vain hope that it will be possible for Scotland to remain a part of the UK while simultaneously remaining a part of the EU, but the poor thing is still working her way through the stages of grief, so we should be gentle.
Kezia was followed by Patrick Harvie, who pointedly reminded Ruthie of the promises that the Better Together campaign had made during the indyref in 2014. There was more glowering. Ruth by this time had a face that could fry a pund of mince in an Edinburgh butchers all the way from the black hole she’s in orbit around.
But her torture was not to end. Even Wee Wullie Rennie took time off his bus route to have a go. Which is a bit like being savaged by a slightly moist ball of cotton wool, but still. Wullie wants all of the UK to remain in the EU, and Scotland to remain as well. This is the man who’s spent the past two years demanding that the outcome of the 2014 Scottish referendum needs to be respected, but now he thinks that the outcome of an English one needs to be overturned because he doesn’t like it. No one pointed out to him that that was terribly Scottish nationalist of him, because with the exception of Ruthie, everyone was being nice to everyone else today.
The result of the motion being passed by a large majority in the Scottish Parliament is that Scotland is now pursuing an independent foreign policy. We are negotiating with and speaking to other European nations and the EU on our own behalf, without the intermediaries of Westminster. We’ve ditched Whitehall’s rusty auld modem and we’re building a high speed broadband to Europe of our own. That fact all by itself is pretty big news, and that’s before we even come to consider what it is that Scotland is talking to other European nations about.
Over the coming few days, Nicola has meetings lined up with the President of the EU Parliament Martin Schulz, and the President of the EU Jean Claude Juncker. Despite the fact that Juncker also stated today that the EU will not enter any negotiations with the UK government until they trigger Article 50, he’s made it equally clear that his door is open to Scotland. I think that tells us all we need to know about the EU’s attitude to keeping Scotland within the EU.
Meanwhile, dahn sarf, politics continued to meltdown. Actually it melted down a few days ago, but it still hasn’t stopped its descent into the levels of Hell where Dante said the criminally insane reside. I think that’s Labour and Tory party HQs. Jeremy Corbyn has suffered a huge defeat in a vote of confidence, with over 170 Labour MPs voting against him, triggering a new Labour leadership contest to go with the Tory leadership contest that we’ve already got to look forward to. Well I say look forward to, I mean that in the same sense that you look forward to root canal treatment without an anaesthetic. Jeremy Corbyn now only has the support of a mere 40 MPs, but he’s determined to remain as leader and will stand in the leadership contest. What Labour is going to do once the grass roots membership give him their backing is anyone’s guess.
Oh, and we still don’t have a shadow Scotland Secretary, although there are apparently rumours that Corbyn is going to appoint the Labour peer Mike Watson, Baron Arsonist of Hotel Curtains. So that’s not inflammatory or anything.
Have I missed anything? Almost certainly I’ve missed lots. The UK is a dysfunctional madhouse, and we need to get into the lifeboats as soon as possible. Thank the gods the Scottish government has a plan, because no one else does.
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