The slinkie of Scottish politics

Poor Alistair Carmichael, it wasn’t enough for him that he got away on a technicality with lying through his teeth to the voters during last years General Election, he wanted vengeance on the little people who had the temerity to challenge his right to lie his way into office. On Monday the judges ruled against him, and now the liar will have to be honest about his own legal bills instead of passing them off onto the people who tried to hold him to account. The bruiser has been financially bruised. Alistair Carmichael is the slinkie of Scottish politics, bugger all use for anything but you can’t help but smile when he takes a tumble down the stairs of the Court of Session.

Alistair used to be arrogant and obnoxious, but as a result of the court case he was found to be just the opposite, obnoxious and arrogant. After getting away with the main charge laid against him, Alistair was lulled into a false sense of competence. Alistair thought that winning the right to keep his seat meant he was proven to be in the right and was entirely vindicated, when in the eyes of the entire country he was revealed as a liar who managed to cling onto his seat by virtue of a technicality and had a nose that Pinocchio could use for pole dancing. The former Scottish secretary’s lasting contribution to Scottish politics is in establishing that Westminster politicians think that it’s perfectly acceptable and proper to lie to the electorate.

When considering the character of Alistair Carmichael, we should remember that this is not merely a man who has been legally determined to be an evasive and self-serving liar. We should also remember that he didn’t just expect the Orkney Four to pay for his legal bills, he wanted them to pay punitive damages as well. Alistair Carmichael was not just deceitful and didn’t just lie about his deceit, he also thought that he shouldn’t have to suffer any consequences for his lies and deceit. Alistair was not content with costing the taxpayers large amounts of money for an enquiry into the leak, an enquiry which could have been avoided if Alistair had just said – it was me, I did it.

That wasn’t enough for the inflated ego of Orkney. He wanted the people who had called him out for lying to be punished for his lies by paying him money over and above his legal costs so that he’d end up financially better off than he had started. That’s his real arrogance and entitlement, on top of everything else that he did, he wanted to be rewarded for his lies and demanded that he should profit from them even if that was at the expense of bankrupting his aggrieved constituents.

The judges had ruled that Alistair is a liar, and that he had lied and was mendacious. That puts Alistair into that rare category of people. Like Andy Coulson, like Jeffrey Archer, you can call Alistair a liar in print and he can’t sue you for it. In their ruling the judges during the original case wrote that Alistair told a “blatant lie”. He is a proven liar. It was just fortunate for the liar that his lie didn’t fall within the narrowly defined criteria necessary to rule that his election was illegal. Alistair thought that this vindicated him, when in fact all it did was to prove that he was still a liar. He’s such a liar that whenever he enters a room he sets off the smoke alarm from the fire in his pants.

Naturally the mad bag of spanners that constitutes the Scottish Unionist media is linking foul mouthed wingnuts in solidarity with the poor wronged Alistair. The real wrong in their eyes isn’t that a Unionist politician smeared the First Minister with a false allegation, then lied about it, then tried to ruin his constituents after they tried to hold him to account for it. That’s perfectly acceptable. Of course it is. What sort of world would it be if ordinary punters were able to challenge members of the establishment and answer back to journalists? It would be chaos. Chaos which might very well lead to uppitiness and cheeking your betters. What do you think this is, a democracy?

The real wrong if you’re a mad spanner is that ordinary people who aren’t licenced journalists or politicians had the nerve to get above their station and raise their own funds to pursue a case against a lying politician. It’s perfectly fine with the yoonatic media that politicians lie, as long as they are lying Unionists. Lies are only an issue to be condemned when they issue from a pro-indy politician.

Of course the latest development in the Orkney Saga was reported by our state broadcaster. There was a single sentence snatched from the gnashed teeth of Jackie Bird, and sandwiched between a report on doggy IQs and one on how the UK had a new UK gas field for the UK, which is very good news for the UK but not for Scotland because volatile, bad. If it had been an SNP MP who had been ordered to pay their own legal costs after a controversial court case in which they’d been legally ruled to be a liar, the liary liarness of liardom would have taken up over half the programme. Not that it would have eaten into any of the time devoted to the fitba or the cute animals however, because this is Reporting Scotland Patronisingly we’re discussing here.

It remains unclear exactly how much Alistair will have to cough up in legal bills although a figure of up to £150,000 has been cited in some sources. Unlike the Orkney Four whose online fundraiser covered the entire amount that they may have had to pay out, his own online fundraiser has only managed to raise a small proportion of the amount, less than 10% of the amount he’s likely to owe. So much for pooling and sharing. If there was any justice he would have to pay the costs of the government enquiry as well. Still, he should consider himself lucky. Now Alistair will never be forgotten – at least not by the lawyers if he misses a couple of payments.

Hell slap it intae him. Let’s hope that the slinkie of Scottish politics slinks out of the public eye.

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64 comments on “The slinkie of Scottish politics

  1. The man is beyond contempt me thinks

  2. […] Source: The slinkie of Scottish politics […]

  3. Steve Bowers says:

    I can’t believe it, I’m left feeling angry at this, angry that he still has the smug balls to retain his seat, smirking and thumbing his nose at the electorate. (chuffed that we don’t need to chuck more into the pot tho and that the magnificent 4 are relieved of this burden)

    The LibDems are going to be crushed for this, as every other party fight for their voters, using him as their whipping boy.

    Carmichael will go down in history for all the wrong reasons, I actually feel sorry for his family, to have to live with this level of ignominy for the rest of their natural, fingers pointed, mutterings heard.

    Shame on you Alistair, shame on you, you had the chance to do the decent thing and chose to be an arse instead.

  4. bearinorkney says:

    You speak for us all and very well too.

  5. davidmccann24 says:

    You manage to think up all the phrases I wish I had! Brilliant analysis as always. The Bird will also be impressed- not!

  6. ScottishLass says:

    Aye..straight into an ermine coat.

  7. handclapping says:

    Aye, aye all very well but how did Ginger do in the doggy IQ tests?

  8. brewsed says:

    The Parliamentary Commission for Standards has in its list of Complaints and Investigations a current inquiry regarding POF (Pants On Fire) under Paragraphs 10, 14 and 16 of the MP’s Code of Conduct:
    • Paragraph 10: Members shall base their conduct on a consideration of the public interest, avoid conflict between personal interest and the public interest and resolve any conflict between the two, at once, and in favour of the public interest.
    • Paragraph 14: Information which members receive in confidence in the course of their parliamentary duties should be used only in connection with those duties. Such information must never be used for the purpose of financial gain.
    • Paragraph 16: Members shall never undertake any action which would cause significant damage to the reputation and integrity of the House of Commons as a whole, or of its members generally.
    Broom, carpet, lift edge of, sweep furiously.

  9. Patience is a Virtue says:

    These things happen. What ye shall sow ye shall reap.

  10. […] The slinkie of Scottish politics […]

  11. Bugger (the Panda) says:

    As always, full of cracking one liners.

    I read a beauty about the Scottish Press, on Twitter, which was to the effect that Scotland is the only country where the Press believes it is their job to hold the electorate to account.

    • Ken Waldron says:

      Great. I shall steal that.

      • Bugger (the Panda) says:

        I remember now, it was Erin Perin on Twitter.

        The one from WGD

        “Alistair used to be arrogant and obnoxious, but as a result of the court case he was found to be just the opposite, obnoxious and arrogant. ”

        is up there too.

  12. Dave Hansell says:

    A weeks pension says that Carmichael, being a member of the establishment, will be assisted in some way by that establishment to pay off these costs. Probably not directly but most likely indirectly. A job offer, non executive directorships, bumped up to the Lords, that kind of thing.

    The mardy arses don’t like us plebian serfs getting one over on one of their own kind.

    • jdman says:

      A “bump up” to the Lords would be the LAST thing that would help him to pay off the debt, that would be a HUGE paycut from, his pay as an MP!

      • Sue de Nymme says:

        That is correct, and to do it now would be too much even for his super-inflated ego. However, in four years time, when people have other things to think about, he will be quietly given a mention in Betty’s honours list. He does need an income, preferably from another sinecure.

  13. macart763M says:

    Superb post Paul and couldn’t agree more.

    He’s a class act right enough. More faces than a town clock and all of them wrong.

    How and ever, the courts may be finished with him, but the people aren’t. The people have yet to pass their judgement on both Mr Carmichael and those parliamentarians who saw fit to support his case, be they Lib Dems or any other public face. Clearly they also felt that lying to/misleading/manipulating the public, (y’know UK politics), is acceptable political practice.

    For the next four and a bit years those constituents in Orkney and Shetland are lumbered (at public expense), with a man who has brought shame to his home, his constituency, his office and his party.

    I think the full effects of the fall out from this individuals actions have yet to be felt.

    • Saor Alba says:

      His Party has brought SHAME on themselves. They stood with him all the way and it and it has cost the taxpayer loads of money that could have been saved and used by the Scottish Government to benefit the people of Scotland. That tells you everything you need to know.

      This could have been avoided if he, or his Party had even a modicum of decency or honour. As well as this, they have stood shoulder to shoulder with the Tories at every opportunity, as did Labour. Hey, but since when did the Lib Dems or any other Unionist Party for that matter, ever consider the people of Scotland. They have been too busy spinning them yarns, which have only been able to fool a certain percentage of the population. It is all about self-serving greed. Nothing to do with being representatives for the people.

      The people of Orkney and Shetland will remember what he has done and that his Party was party to this. (See what I did there). The Blue and Red Tories were extremely quick to weigh in with comments to support the lie as it emerged. The Leaders eagerly jumped on the bandwagon. SHAME on them all. This is gutter politics.

      Macart is absolutely right. The full effect of this individual’s actions and conduct have yet to be felt. The people are not finished with him or his Party. “Reap what ye shall sow!”

      Well done the Orkney 4 and everyone who supported them. They have acted honourably throughout, unlike their so-called representative who tried his best to make them poorer.

      Well done again Paul, for a wonderful post. My favourite part was:

      “Alistair used to be arrogant and obnoxious, but as a result of the court case he was found to be just the opposite, obnoxious and arrogant.”

      Absolutely brilliant!

  14. Itchybiscuit says:

    Hard to believe that some folk think that it’s a shame that he wasn’t awarded costs because he ‘has a family’. The lying liar should have thought of that before he told his lies. How many ‘ordinary’ criminals receive reduced sentences just because they have a family? ‘I know ah murdered the bloke your honour but go easy, I have a family’. ‘I know ah stole that box of Tunnock’s Tea Cakes but please let me off this one time, ah’ve got a family your honour’.

    I trust his mendacity will haunt him the rest of the week.

  15. davidbsb says:

    You have miss spelled Turd in the 8th paragraph.

    I don’t listen to Pravda on the radio now, but was channel hopping at 4:40 or so when I heard the headline. I punched the air. I stayed tuned waiting for the whole story. Eventually it got a minor mention at the back of 5. I knew I would need to go online to get the story.

    Why do they even pretend to be a “news and current affairs” program? I hope they all know that they will be lucky to clean the toilets in our broadcaster once we are independent. Perhaps they should apply for jobs in North Korean State broadcasting.

    • Saor Alba says:

      David, there is more chance of getting the truth from the North Korean State Broadcaster than the one we all now ignore.

  16. angusthedug says:

    “We should also remember that he didn’t just expect the Orkney Four to pay for his legal bills, he wanted them to pay punitive damages as well.”

    I can’t help but wonder how much that weighed on the minds of the learned judges as they strived for a just decision.

  17. hettyforindy says:

    Excellent post, excellent result today. I read a comment on wings which says that ‘punitive’ does not apply to Scots law, they can only award costs. C is a lawyer no? Who knows, but thank goodness carmichael will not get a penny, good news for once.

  18. Fillofficer says:

    See you an yer fancy words !! Formy dabble btw

  19. kat hamilton says:

    made my day to see this con artist get his just desserts. justice has a wonderful feel to it, and glad his wallet will take a hit. well done those judges, buy them a pint/vino if i could..

  20. Clive Scott says:

    Is the liar still a member of the Law Society? If so there are bound to be Law Society rules about bringing the “profession” into disrepute. Would be good if all those who supported the crowd funder lodged individual complaints to the Law Society pointing out the disrepute one of their members has brought to the “profession”.

    • Sandy says:

      Wouldn’t waste too much time on that. The Law Society is run by lawyers, for lawyers. They’ll protect their own and their definition of disrepute is probably set at an extremely low level.

    • Ken Waldron says:

      Ian Smart is a part President of the Law Society… you can’t get lower in repute than the poisonous Smart.

  21. tris says:

    Alistair used to be arrogant and obnoxious, but as a result of the court case he was found to be just the opposite, obnoxious and arrogant.

    Best line ever.

  22. Dinna_fash says:

    Och weel, at least he can get back to “serving his constituents” as he so proudly likes to state.
    The folks on Orkney should now make it their business to attend Carmicheal surgeries and innundate him with requests. Make work for every single penny of his 60 grand salary.

  23. Bill Hume. says:

    It’s been a GOOD DAY.

  24. What Bill above me says and some, and thanks WGD for putting into words what this sentient mute can’t.

  25. Sooz says:

    He continues to do a disservice to his constituents. No doubt there will be a few who still support him and think (in between singing Rule Britannia) that ‘e was ‘ard done by.

    However, for the rest of his constituents, they are left with an MP they cannot trust to serve their interests. He is a liar. He tried to bankrupt four honest, decent people because they had the temerity to hold the liar to account – how happy will he be to do his best for them or any other Islander who supported the Orkney 4?

    Now that he has been kicked from court without a penny, there still remains one decent thing he can do, and that is to stand down, in order to give ALL his constituents the right to an MP who will serve ALL of them honestly and without fear or favour.

  26. TonyD says:

    He better not get to claim legal fees through his expenses! Wouldn’t put it past him!

  27. James Barr Gardner says:

    Don’t forget Carmichael didn’t just lie, he also authorized a bigger lie to be released to smear the FM and the French Consul General,as such the SNP, he did this whilst he was the Secretary of State for Scotland. So much for his love for Scotland and it’s People.
    He was always going to be the fall guy but too thick to realize it, there were more folk involved in this, I don’t believe that Fluffy Mundell is exempt. Remember too Carmichael was also a Member of the Privy Council at the time, no repercussions from Westminster regarding his conduct especially during HOC inquiry costing 1 million pounds plus, how high are his masters involved?. He, himself is toom tabard and beyond contempt, not worth a tinker’s curse.
    In May 2016 Vote SNP X 2, it’s time to show Westminster their place-men are viewed as snakes in the grass by the constituents of Scotland.

  28. Political Tourist says:

    A big shout to the Orkney 4 and everybody who chipped in with funds.
    Massive respect.

  29. Punklin says:

    Licensed not licenced

  30. jdman says:

    I wish penury and perpetual hardship on him for the rest of his natural life, then at least one of those troughing bastards will know what it is like under policies he and his ilk supported when in coalition, I wonder if he’ll ever take a moment to reflect on his own words that the position of Scottish Secretary is a job that should be abolished and wish he had listened to himself.

  31. johnny come lately says:

    Glad to see that Carmichael has been sent packing by the courts (nothing personal like), but the most worrying aspect of this whole sorry affair is that it has very publicly revealed the mindset not just of Carmichael, but of Westminster politicians in general. I honestly don’t know how he can live in a small place and walk through the streets as if nothing has happened and as if he has done nothing wrong.
    I’m no George Washington, but I couldn’t live with the shame of being known as a liar, and being known as someone totally untrustworthy. I would need to move and start life afresh somewhere else.
    The man stands not only discredited, he has been publicly humiliated in such a way as it is almost embarrassing to watch. I wonder sometimes what he has been promised by his betters to keep quiet and take the blame alone. A cad and a bounder me thinks.

    • Dave Hansell says:

      The establishment collectively, it’s individual members and its useful idiot cheerleaders have no shame, no concsience, no honour. Embarrassment is foreign to them as in their eyes they, being exclusively blessed, can do no wrong. There would be a better chance of getting a scorpion not to sting or a leech not to suck blood then seeing one of these sorry excuses for human beings displaying such qualities.

  32. mealer says:

    It’s not often I disagree with Paul,but I don’t want the disgraced Carmichael to slink out of the limelight.I want the light to be shone under whatever stone he slinks under because he is a dirty liar and cannot be trusted.

  33. mealer says:

    The fact that the disgraced Carmichael still holds his seat is proof enough that Westminster is a cesspit of sleeze and corruption.Shame on him.Shame on them.

  34. Davy says:

    Finally some justice on this case, the very idea that a proven liar could have gained money out of his lies would have sickened most people in Scotland.

    With luck this should see the final demise of the libdems in Scotland, any party that would support someone like Carmichael after what he had done, does not deserve the support of the voters of Scotland.

    Scotland deserves better than the likes of Carmichael and his party.

  35. Dan Huil says:

    No sympathy for the britnat liar. I’m sure his better-together chums will help him out financially. Look how much they’ve already given.

  36. dazedandconfused33 says:

    Well said Paul. Keep the fat lying slug in the spotlight to further humiliate him and ensure the appalling Lib Dems are history in Scotland ( and elsewhere tbh)

  37. Gavin.C.Barrie says:

    Carmichael is the Fall Guy by my reckoning. Difficult to believe he acted on his own initiative. It will be interesting to see whether he will be paid/compensated to ensure his silence.

  38. braveheart1314 says:

    The one chance the Libs had to fet anything from this was to remove the whip from him.
    By not doing so they are as guilty and mendacious as Slinkie

  39. Rob James says:

    Excellent and witty analysis with some hilarious one liners. (My personal favourite was the smoke alarm analogy).

    I have no sympathy for the liar. He was quite willing to ruin and bankrupt his own constituents. ‘Karma’ may not be exactly appropriate as I am sure his fellow liars will club together and bale him out, and there will no doubt be ermine robes in the not too distant future. His ego will be deflated in the short term, and what further damage he has done to his own party will be revealed in the Holyrood elections. (Although to be fair, the insignificant Wullie Rennie, Tavish Scott, Malcolm Bruce et al, should shoulder much of the blame)

    On the positive side, it is a victory for the people over the establishment. Hopefully a sign of things to come.

  40. Is there any such thing as an ‘crowd anti-fund’? That’s where we all have a little debt but, however modest our lack of resources, we selflessly fling our debt into the common pool until it all mounts up to a massive liability for the recipient. It would be lovely to assist Mr Carmichael in that way.

    Or is that what the Orkney Four just did?

  41. Brian Powell says:

    There’s something about Orkney and Liberals, it projected such a clean wholesome image of life and politics.
    However we have Alistair Carmichael and Joe Grimmond. Grimmond said he didn’t want Glasgow Trade Unions or Edinburgh lawyers telling him what to do. But his family made their fortune in the jute mills of Dundee, so he didn’t mind getting his money from working people.
    The mills squeezed out the individual weavers and when they were all working in the mills the owners pushed down the wages.
    In the early 1900s when workers wanted to return hours to peace time levels, the owners refused and there were strikes. At which point mill owners put in an order for 22 repeating pistols, in case the workers got too uppity.

  42. Alex Waugh says:

    I like to think that the judges rationale for their decision was along the lines of, “You know and we know that you got away with it on a technicality but don’t push yer luck son”

  43. davidbsb says:

    Maybe he has legal insurance. Some organisations and societies extend legal insurance to members. He is an MP. I wouldn’t be surprised if they have free legal insurance. The action was raised against him. He would have to defend it. If he had insurance they would pay.

    • Bugger (the Panda) says:

      MPs and MSPs are self employed and would need to have a personal insurance. That is not to say there is not a scheme where they have a special offer though Parliament. Doctors have to carry their own liability insurance which can be organised through their professional organisations

      • Bugger (the Panda) says:

        Might be worth a FOI request by someone inside the UK about insurance offered to MPs through Parliament or political parties?

        Any body up for it?

  44. lanark says:

    He might be a bit less arrogant and obnoxious now that he’s bitten on the arse by the dug!

  45. That’ll do, Orkney Four. That’ll do.

  46. Jan Cowan says:

    I hope that all the Orkney and Shetland people are left in no doubt that their MP was not only content to tell lies but actually attempted to profit from his lies – through money drawn from four of his constituents. Surely that fact alone will open the eyes of many and make them realise that Carmichael’s friends in Holyrood must be sent packing after the coming Scottish election.

    Yet another excellent piece, Paul. Thanks.

  47. mealer says:

    Oh,just to add….Carmichael is a dirty liar.He is not to be trusted.

  48. Steve Asaneilean says:

    Can someone clarify – is Carmichael still being investigated by Westminster standard bods for the possibility of bringing Parliament into disrepute?

    If so what’s happening with that? Could he get expelled and if so would they be bold enough to do it for long enough to allow him to be recalled by his constituents?

    Just curious.

  49. Saor Alba says:

    SNP x 2 in May.

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