Let’s be very clear here, British democracy is a myth. It’s as much an invention as the pseudo-mediaeval pageantry of the state opening of parliament, and in fact both inventions date to the same time. British democracy is the democracy of an establishment which has never been successfully challenged, and which maintains its corpse like grasp on the sclerotic organs of state by co-opting useful idiots and spreading its virus of acquisitive greed and self-interest to those who are selfish and egoistic enough to offer up their veins to the vampires of power. Useful idiots like Michelle the Moan. She’s being rewarded for her epic trolling during the independence campaign and her services to the Caledonian cringe and filling the pages of the Daily Record with photies of a fake tan.
I did try to be fair. I sat down and carefully thought about what Michelle has achieved, and tried to think of reasons why she should be awarded a peerage and given the right to make laws for the rest of us. I really tried. But I failed utterly, just like the UK fails to represent Scotland. I’m sure Michelle will be happy with her new privileges, and will utterly fail to comprehend why the rest of us are unhappy about it.
Michelle the Moan is going to the House of Lords to sit as a Tory peer, where she’ll receive £300 a day for the whingeing and carping she’s previously done in return for free publicity. She’s sitting as a peer because no one in their right minds would ever vote for her. Her tweets prove that she’s semi-literate and has opinions that are normally only seen in the editorial columns of the Daily Mail. Now she’s going to the Lords where she can unveil her new range of support products for the manboobs who dominate that place, she’s gone to join the useless lumps of fat without any purpose or function.
The peerage has been awarded for Michelle’s services to complaining about independence supporters in the pages of the Record. She will at least feel at home in the Lords, she’s spent her working life supporting tits and now the tits have returned the favour. This is a woman who thought it entirely appropriate to bug the office of one of her employees, and now she’s going to get a say on whether the UK Government can snoop on the rest of us. In theory she could even end up with a cabinet post, as minister of state for whingeing.
The Moan is just one of the new peers. Or as I like to call them, David Cameron has decided that there are too many politicians who can be held to account by the voters, so he’s reducing the number of MPs in the Commons. But by way of compensation he’s creating a slew of new lardies. It’s not just Michelle, he’s also giving peerages to a whole bunch of nonentities who just happen to have given the Tory party £23 million in donations. Just one, Michael Farmer, a former Tory treasurer, has personally given £9 million in donations to the Conservative party. British democracy is sold cheaply. It’s whored out for a couple of million, a seat on a board of directors, or an expensively paid consultancy. At least in proper dictatorships they don’t make any pretence that there’s anything honourable in their political appointees.
The new peers are only accountable to Davie and the social pressure of their golf clubs, which makes them a far more efficient means of screwing over the public. Davie’s offering peerages to 50 odd useful idiots, some of whom are very odd indeed. In return they get to invent fancy new names for themselves, and our ridiculously deferent media goes along with the charade and uses the made up self-granted titles awarded to Lord Sook Up of Political Donation and Lady Bra-Strap of Unionist Lift But Don’t Separate. I won’t be using Michelle’s silly new title, and I suggest no one else does either. I won’t use the silly titles that any of those self important useful idiots give to themselves. That’s the job of the useful idiots of the mainstream media.
Let’s be clear here. When we refer to these self-important non-entities by titles awarded by a PM in return for a political donation we are not being polite. We are prostrating ourselves in the dirt and begging to be kicked in the teeth. There are urophiliacs with more self respect. Referring to an adult as Mr or Ms so and so ought to be perfectly polite enough for anyone. We should not collude in our own humiliation by cooperating with a system which demeans democracy.
But they’re not titles, they’re not honours. They are badges of shame. Calling yourself a lord or a lady is to make a public statement that you are a leech, a parasite, an anti-democrat. It’s saying that you owe your position to patronage, that you are, in fact, a bought person, a slave to the system in a gilded ermine lined cage. It’s saying that you sold your principles for £300 per day. It’s saying you’re cheap, and in doing so you’re saying that we are all cheap and worthless and that democracy has no value.
Giving a peerage to a minor businessperson with the opinions of a semi-literate tabloid editorial is the epic trolling of an entire nation, a present to the indy voters of Scotland on JK Rowling’s birthday. This is the sort of respect agenda that’s supposed to make us want to stay British. I’m not proud to be a citizen of this state, it’s an affront to the intelligence of a six year old. The real cringe isn’t the Scottish Cringe, it’s the British one. Look at the antics of the wildlife killing royals and their welfare payments that run into the millions and we’re told to feel proud when we should be feeling angry. From Willnkate down to Michelle the Moan, it’s a system based on patronage, privilege and co-opting useful idiots into gushing praise for ludicrous leeches. And it treats us like idiots who can be disposed of once we are no longer useful.
Being British is an embarrassment and the sooner we escape this ridiculous Ruritanian charade, the better we’ll all be. The likes of Michelle are no bloody use to us.
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