It’s reasonable now to make an educated guess about what really happened during Gordie Broon’s super secret anti-independence meeting at Holyrood palace with Will-n-Kate at which they definitely didn’t how very dare you even suggest such a thing trash the convention that members of the royal family don’t try to influence the outcome of democratic votes. Because in the name of all that Nicholas Witchell holds holy, that would be blasphemous.
What they were really doing was giving Gordie Broon an unlimited supply of 50p coins to put in the broontervention meter. They’re not intervening in democratic politics at all, just facilitating someone else to do so, which is an entirely different thing entirely, and they’ll swear to that on Prince Andrew’s sweat glands.
Since having his meeting with a pair of extremely rich and over privileged aristocrats who think that the union between Scotland and England is their personal possession, Gordie has scarcely stopped Broontervening. It’s as though he’s suddenly realised that the consequences of his failure to ensure that his Vow was kept are coming home to roost. He’s not shut up since he met with them. Last week, in what was presumably an effort to peel off voters in Scotland who are keen to get back into the EU but who are not yet sold on the notion of Scottish independence, Gordie promised, nay, vowed, that he wouldn’t stop campaigning for the UK to rejoin the EU even though there’s about as much chance of that happening as there is of Nicholas Witchell popping up on the BBC news and saying that Prince Andrew and his sweat glands need to be kept well away from your teenage daughters.
Then on Sunday the Gordosaur popped up to tell us that unless the independence debate gets sorted out, we are facing fifty years of conflict between Scotland and England. Of course an obvious way to sort out the independence debate would be for Scotland to become independent. As he did so he dismissed the entire Scottish Constitutional debate as squabbling, as though what we’re really dealing with here is a pair of kids fighting over whose turn it is to use the laptop and not profound questions about the governance of Scotland and what the nature of Scottish nationhood really entails within the framework of a British state that still presents itself as a union. In so doing he unwittingly illustrates the nub of the problem, the consistent infantilisation and trivialisation of Scotland’s concerns and interests by proponents of British nationalism.
However that’s not the kind of resolution that Gordie has got in mind. It’s the independence debate that is the root cause of all the problems and the best way for those problems to be solved is for the independence question just to go away and disappear, quite possibly to wherever it was that Gordie went to after the No vote in 2014 instead of ensuring, as he’d vowed, that the leaders of the British political parties kept the promises and commitments that they’d made in order to secure that No vote.
The way he wants to sort it out is for the Labour party to become the major party in Scotland again and for Boris Johnson to willingly give up some of his power and ‘facilitate’ a forum of the nations and regions of the UK in order to crate a forum where issues can be discussed in a systematic way. This is the UK constitutional version of solving an overcrowding issue in your home by counting the number of dirty plates and cups piled up in your kitchen sink and then playing those numbers on a lottery ticket. The difference being that there is actually a quantifiable chance that you might strike lucky and your numbers come up whereas there is no chance at all that Boris Johnson and the Conservative party would ever subordinate the power of Downing Street and their majority in the Westminster Parliament to anything decided by this proposed new forum.
When asked on the Sophie Ridge show on Sky News on Sunday to spell out exactly what the Labour party in Scotland ought to do in order to recover its former dominance in Scotland, we got meaningless waffle, a lot of humming and hawing and a very large serving of SNPbad, but nothing concrete. By this time it ought to be obvious to everyone except the editorial staff of BBC Scotland news that the chasm between Gordon Brown’s mythology of himself and what he’s actually capable of delivering is as vast as the distance between sincerity and whatever oily platitudes that might come out of Michael Gove’s mouth on any given occasion.
The tragedy for opponents of independence is that the Gordie shaped plausibility free void is the closest that the UK has to joined up thinking on how to prevent Scottish independence. We get reheated promises about thinking about setting up commissions to examine the possibility of federalist jam at some unspecified point in the future. What we never get is anything detailed or concrete, and certainly not any realistic or convincing mechanism for the delivery of the federalist jam. The fact that they keep trotting out Gordie like some broken down old racehorse who really ought to have been sent to the glue factory many years ago is because they’ve got no one else.
Apart from Gordie and his amazing federalism snake oil, there’s only scare stories, threats, plastering union flags on everything, and the repeated asking of questions that have long since been responded to along with the insistence that the SNP doesn’t have an answer – like banging on incessantly about the currency of an independent Scotland when the SNP has said repeatedly that Scotland will continue to use the pound until such time as it’s in Scotland’s interests to make alternative arrangements.
It’s because there are no other options that opponents of independence will keep putting their 50p pieces in the Broontervention meter even though Scotland has long since ceased to listen. When neither side is listening to the other any more that’s the clearest sign anyone could ask for that this supposed union is dead and over.
NEW MODERATION POLICY
In the wake of recent events I am determined that this site will not become a home for bigots and conspiracy theorists. They will not be welcome here. Moderation is the most stressful part of running a blog, but this site is going to continue to make the positive case for independence. With this in mind as of today a new moderation policy is in force.
Anyone who attempts to use this site to post hatred, bigotry, or conspiracy theories will be banned. If you attempt to insult and abuse anyone you will be banned. This site has a zero-toleration policy for homophobia, transphobia, racism, and misogyny. Failure to respect this will result in a ban.
If you intend to spend the next four years undermining the SNP, the Scottish Government and the pro-independence parties that the great majority of independence supporters voted for, you can do so somewhere else, because you’re not going to do it here. The reminder that has regularly appeared on this site is not a serving suggestion. It will be rigorously enforced. If you don’t like this rule – there is a small x at the top right of your screen. Click it, close this page and go elsewhere.
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