The messiah of gammon

It’s about this time of the festive season that someone pops up to complain that we really need to remember that it’s all about Christ. There’s no need for that this year, as it’s patently obvious that the UK is all about making us say “Oh. Christ.” According to rumours, Nigel Farage is getting a knighthood in the New Years honours list for his services to politics. This is merely the latest incident in the rapidly lengthening list of things about the UK that make you want to hit your head off a brick wall in the vain hope that you can either wake up and discover it was all a dystopian nightmare brought on by a surfeit of gammon, or at least put yourself into a coma that with a bit of luck will last until the multicoloured shittiness of it all has gone away.  Mind you the expression arise Sir Nigel is quite correct, but only if you omit the i in arise.

No, seriously. This is a thing that’s happening here and now in this state that fancies itself as the mother of democracy. Sir Nigel Farage. The Nigel Farage who is what you’d get if Sir John Falstaff had a love child with Leni Reifenstahl. That Nigel Farage. We’re a bawhair and a face like a scrotum away from Dame Katie Hopkins. Next up, Harold Shipman is getting a posthumous OBE for his services to medicine, and Gary Glitter is getting made a peer for his services to 1970s episodes of Top of the Pops. The dug’s arse is more deserving of a knighthood than Nigel Farage. At least what comes out of it promotes growth. There are dog turds slowly decaying in the long grass in the park that are more deserving of a knighthood than Nigel bloody Farage, they’ve never spread crap inside our homes. If you were harbouring any illusions that the UK is a place in which Scotland can sit comfortably, you can be disabused by seven simple words, “Prime Minister Boris Johnson”, followed by “Sir Nigel Farage”. This is what we’re better together with, allegedly.

When Farage announced in the weeks before the General Election that he was going to stand down Brexit Party candidates in seats held by the Conservatives, it pretty much ended any serious chance of a hung parliament. The move provided a huge boost to the Tories and virtually guaranteed the nightmare that we now face – Boris Johnson sitting in the House of Commons with an unassailable majority because it ensured that in Conservative held seats the Brexit vote would not be split between the Tories and the Brexit party. It was fiercely denied at the time, and is still being denied, that there was anything in it for Nige personally in making a move that undercut his own party and all those mugs, sorry potential candidates, who had paid him cash money in order to have the chance of standing as a Brexit party candidate in the election. And now we’re discussing the possibility of arse Sir Nigel.  And that’s not a typo.

Totally coincidentally, of course. No connection between those two things at all. Oh no. It’s as totally coincidental as Rangers entering into a partnership with Orange County Soccer Club in California, whose email inbox is now full of angry messages about sectarianism that have the Americans utterly perplexed.

The British establishment is rewarding a man who shamelessly scaremongered about immigration. During the EU referendum campaign it was Nigel Farage who unveiled that disgusting poster showing a long line of Syrian refugees, implying that EU membership would mean hordes of Muslims descending upon the UK. He did so despite knowing that the UK was never a part of the EU’s common asylum policy.

The British establishment is rewarding a man who claimed that opposition to his vile politics in Scotland was based upon anti-English racism and not upon the fact that Scotland rejects his politics of exclusion, of xenophobia, and British nostalgia for Empire. For a man who is very eager to stir up racist hatred against foreigners, against Muslims, against asylum seekers, he’s even quicker to play the racism card and play the victim. There is no greater victim than the middle class white English conservative whose entitlement is threatened.

The British establishment is rewarding a man whose lies about the EU are second only to Boris Johnsons in their pernicious effects upon the British body politic. He’s misrepresented the proposals for a common EU defence force, something which the UK could never have been compelled to participate in. He’s misrepresented the role of EU commissioners. He’s sat as an MEP and never bothered his arse to use any of the power or influence that elected position gave him to try to make any changes to the operation of the EU. Instead he used it as an opportunity to grandstand and to spread his deceit even further.

The British establishment is rewarding a man who up until the EU vote in 2016 was telling one and all that the UK could be just like Norway. And now he’s saying that even Boris Johnson’s deal isn’t a hard enough Brexit and will only be satisfied with the UK leaving the EU with no deal at all. He’s wrested the centre ground of British politics so far to the right that dog-whistle racism, xenophobia, lying, and refusing to be held to account are considered perfectly normal. The centre ground has shifted so far to the right that Stephen Yaxley-Lennon – or to use the name he’s more commonly associated with, Tommy Fucking Feart of a Milkshake Robinson – wants to join the Tories. The centre ground of British politics has shifted so far to the right that the Conservative candidate for Lanarkshire was quite comfortable appealing to sectarianism in an attempt to gain a few votes. This is the legacy of Nigel Farage. Ar(i)se Sir Nigel, and smirk upon the havoc and destruction that you have wrought.

The British establishment is rewarding a man who was bigged up by the BBC at each and every opportunity. He’s as much a media creation as Ruth Davidson, foisted upon our TV screens by producers who think of politics as a species of light entertainment and not as a series of decisions that directly affect our lives, our opportunities, our futures. There is a special place in hell for the production team of BBC Question Time. For all eternity they will be forced to listen to the spittle flecked rants of Derek from Northamptonshire about how his grandfather fought Nazis in the war, and all so that Derek could be a racist today.

The UK honours system is hopelessly corrupt. It’s used by politicians as a means of giving favours and extending patronage. It’s used to reward donors, and to ensure that politicians who have been kicked out by the voters can continue to enjoy the privileges of political careers and influence. Awarding an honour to a man who has destroyed the UK’s international reputation shortly after he did a favour to the ruling party simply confirms the perception that the UK is as corrupt and dysfunctional as any middle eastern potentate.

And so as we reach the end of 2019, we reach a new low in the moral bankruptcy of the UK. This is a state which rewards the likes of Nigel Farage, while denying that democratic will of the people of Scotland. It’s a reward for the Messiah of Gammon, the knight of Little England. The real tragedy here is that with a large majority in the Commons for Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson, the liar’s liar, the UK’s descent into moral and intellectual bankruptcy has only just begun. Next year we’re going to see consistent majorities in opinion polls for Scottish independence. The UK cannot be reformed, it can only be escaped from. Merry chuffin’ Christmas. Merry Oh Christ must we. Well, no. We don’t. Scotland is leaving.

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38 comments on “The messiah of gammon

  1. Bob Lamont says:

    What a perfectly selected photo… His book, “My Struggles”, will doubtless appear in bookshops next year….
    A perfectly pitched vent, bravo…..

  2. jennifer daly says:

    Wonderfully worded as always Paul Kavanagh, go Sir Dug 😉 👊 ✊ ✌ 💙 💚 💛 ❤ 💙

  3. Macart says:

    OFFS! Seriously? HIM?!?

  4. gavin says:

    You can put lipstick on a pig………………………..ask Camroon!

    You can make a turd a Knight of the Realm……………………………..not my realm.

    In World King Boris’s Greater England all things are possible…………if youre an Oligarch!

    I await the arrival of the polis at No 10— complaints aboot the rammy, bangs and screamin’!

  5. Welsh Sion says:

    A few years ago you may remember Farago was campaigning in a helicopter which crashed to the ground, killing the pilot and his passenger was severely injured. Thanks to the skills and generosity of spirit of local NHS workers, Nige was back on his feet in no time.

    Desperately uncharitable, I know (especially in this season of so-called goodwill), but ever since then, I’ve wished that he too had perished in that helicopter crash.

    Am I alone in this?

    PS Season’s Greetings to fellow Duggers, lurkers and to WGD, his human and *his* husband, too.

  6. graemedbruce says:

    The BBC are pretty much entirely to blame for Farage, and also BoJo becoming household names. It starts with obscurity, then they get on Have I Got News For You where they are seen as jovial idiots and then? Well we know what happens then. UKIP becomes a credible party instead of the raving loonies they actually are and BoJo is Mayor of London. Fast forward a few years and they are where they are. Thanks BBC, thanks a fuckin bunch.

  7. Rik says:

    For all his faults, at least Hitler managed to get himself elected.

  8. Alba woman says:

    He’s having a laugh is Boris…….

    looking forward to the day which will surely come, when that horrible smirk is removed from his face……..Scotland you know what has to be done. Boris will be recorded in history as the person whose abuse of democracy set Scotland free.

    That would about do it……that will be his political legacy….. His Winston Churchill delusions no more!

  9. David Agnew says:

    Nigel is bought off with a shiny geegaw, a plastic bauble. It neuters the Brexit party and keeps them on board.

    Such a parcel of rogues in a Nation.
    Bought and sold for Russian Gold.
    Such a parcel of rogues in a Nation.

  10. Robert Graham says:

    Paul EH this break yer on go on have it ,
    you have had a busy year ,
    And a Merry Merry to all here I hope its better next Next year ,BYEE.

  11. Luigi says:

    “Arise, Sir BrexHeGot!”

  12. Luigi says:

    The only upside of Sir Nigel’s shoddy deal with King Boris before the GE was that it very effectively stopped the expected rise of the odious LibDems in its tracks.

    • Marconatrix says:

      I’d the LibDems down as “Mostly Harmless”, so what do you find so odious about them? Surely anything that would have hampered the Tories would have been good, no?

      • mogabee4 says:

        Personally speaking I think calling them ‘harmless’ after allowing the Tories free rein to enter parliament is forgetting much of the last decade. Maybe it’s just me though…

    • Welsh Sion says:

      Join us, Scotland!

      Cymru now a Lib Dem free zone @ Westminster (and only 1 out of 60 in the National Assembly!)

    • Bob Lamont says:

      You do a massive disservice to cast ALL LibDems in the mould of Swaynseon, which in turn has SFA to do with Johnson or Farage. Despite their error in promoting her odiousness as Leader, the LibDems are now absent a rudderless shit, and can possibly re-engage in sensible debate on future politics. If they could somehow overcome the classic political theatre of Westminster, they might regain electoral Kudos, they are not a dead duck.
      I frequently referred to Farage’s Brexit Party as a ToryMk2PLC facade, as much a creation of non-existent Tory competition as UKIP, choreographed and orchestrated to smudge England’s perceptions of politics into variants of extreme Tory philosophy to the exclusion of all “antisemitic” others. Thereby hangs a massive problem, Scots are not massive Daily Heil readers, and despite the best efforts of SMSM and SBBC to cross-infect, divergence of political opinion has homed in on separation.
      It is not SNP and SG who are lacking, but a failing propaganda machine the likes of Mirage and Johnson flounce for an English audience with no concern for the fallout, and may God rest their souls, if they have any….

  13. mogabee4 says:

    Have a Xmas that brings you all some peace. We may need to recharge our batteries!!!

  14. Millsy says:

    ”Sir Nige ” … ironic , then , that in his latest party reincarnation ( UKIP- Brexit – Reform ) he has pledged to rid the UK of the House of Lords , as that was the natural progression for this toe-rag for his ‘services ‘ to this (dis )United kingdom !

    Personally , Paul , I have no strong feelings about this latest indication of the corrupt nature of this State we live in – and what a state it is in !
    I regard all ‘Honours’ as a payment to fools for accepting the corruption and endemic inequality in this State , perpetuated by the monarchy handing out baubles to the little people .

    I am always bewildered that those who accept the lowest level of ‘Honour’ are invariably selfless people who have actually earned some public reward for their work with others over decades , but they fail to see that their considerable contribution to society is contemptuously rewarded with an MBE and tainted as the rich thieves and jackals of the Business and Financial Worlds are given status enhancing knighthoods or peerages by the same system (rather than their rightful term of incarceration at her Maje’s pleasure !).

    The UK’s ‘Honours’ system is not fit for purpose – unless that purpose is to continue the endemic inequality in this country ( sic ) .

  15. Ken2 says:

    Could there be anything more corrupt ithan UK politics. Corruption of public monies. All they care about in the trough. Disgraceful.

  16. Petra says:

    Oh well we’ll be leaving that “place” behind us when we get our Independence, good riddance, and when the Queen days ar(I)se Sir Nigel she’ll be out on her ar*e north of the border. Add to that another rise in support for independence. In other words every cloud has a silver lining or two.

  17. Robert Harrison says:

    The only difference between farage and davidson is farage for all his rascism xenophobia and hate of all non English folk was hailed as a hero in england even when ukip leader ruth davidson is only hailed as a hero by the same mainstream media that sold farage as a messiah.

    • weegingerdug says:

      Robert, all I want for Christmas is for you to make a comment here without mentioning England or the English.

      • chicmac says:

        But in an independent Scotland we will, at least occasionally, have to consider Engllsh sensitivities. The difference being ‘consider’ rather that ‘abide by’.

        • weegingerdug says:

          Yeah but Robert never posts about anything else. It’s always about the English and how he’s been hard done by them. It’s pretty tiresome. I’ve put a filter on his comments, so that nothing that contains the words England or English gets through without being manually approved by me. Not a single comment from him has made it through automatically.

      • Robert Harrison says:

        You want see the good in them thats fine paul but dont you dare turn a blind eye to englands evil side or condem anyone whos been on its receiving end and don’t think my total distrust of England for hate thats a mastake Just because I won’t trust them an inch dont mean I hate there guts.

        • weegingerdug says:

          But you are obsessed Robert. Change the record.

          • pogmothon says:

            I don’t think Robert Harrison is obsessed. Just a step or two out from the main stream. Like many of us were. Many, me included had to learn that we distrust the same things as Yorkshire, west country, scouse, cockneys and many others. The Westminster raj mentality of privilege and entitlement. Not the English people, but the system that their numerically superior votes allows to continue. It’s just easier / lazy to use “England or English” as the focus. Until you learn better. And we all need to learn quickly, or hand our opponents a stick to beat us with.

            • weegingerdug says:

              Naa. He’s obsessed. It’s every single comment with him. He hasn’t posted one comment here in a year that hasn’t included a disparaging reference to England or English people – and he’s posted several times a week. I’ve trashed the majority of them.

  18. Heart of Galloway says:

    Great piece Paul.
    If this pantomime plays out for real many more Indy switherers will come over to Yes. Corruption doesn’t even come close.

    • Bob Lamont says:

      There can be no doubt of that whatever befalls. Despite England’s majority having devoured the Brexit main course, with “lesser of two evils” dessert to follow, stomachs will begin to gurgle shortly as the con, as it inevitably must, unravels… Even the jingoistic few of Galloway retirees will be having second thoughts shortly that the goode shippe England is a cardboard cutout taking on water…
      However preferable aspiration is to desperation, SS Scotland is sailing anyway…

  19. Robert Oliphant says:

    “The centre ground of British politics has shifted so far to the right that the Conservative candidate for Lanarkshire was quite comfortable appealing to sectarianism in an attempt to gain a few votes.”

    and sadly it nearly worked, if that is the good people of Larkhall and Lanark you refer to!
    I did see a “humorous” comment that the SNP would have to march through those wearing a sash and playing a flute to get votes!

    Although happily the majority of us elsewhere in said constituency ensured the SNP held on despite the Tories celebrating “it’s in the bag” earlier in the week!

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