Despite asserting for weeks that he was going to get a deal, Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson’s final proposal to the EU was dead in a ditch on arrival. Irish officials were rejecting the proposal as unacceptable even before the Prime Minister took to the podium at the Conservative party conference to rehash some old jokes that weren’t especially funny the first time around. The biggest jokes at that podium were the Prime Minister and the reputation of the United Kingdom. They’re not especially funny either. Although in the 21st century it seems that tragedy is the new comedy. This is a Prime Minister who fancies himself as Churchill. He can’t even rise to the heights of statesmanship of Churchill the puppet dog who flogs insurance in the TV adverts.
Apparently a new series of The Apprentice starts on BBC1 this evening (Wednesday). There’s really no need. If we wanted to watch a bunch of talentless and gormless arseholes vying with one another in an obnoxiousness competition, the Tory party conference is on all week. Homelessness is soaring. Because of Conservative housing priorities an entire generation is now shut out of the possibility of owning their own homes. There’s been a boom in the gig economy and the poorly paid freelancing which is the modern slavery, meaning there’s no job security, no sick pay, no holiday entitlement, while the bosses rake in ever increasing millions. Disabled people are suffering due to changes to a social security system which is now neither social nor a provider of security. Democracy is threatened by a Prime Minister who has no majority in Parliament and who refuses to confirm that he will actually obey the law. And what we got from this Prime Minister was a fluffy content free collection of bad jokes. It’s politics as a stand up act booked by the Tunbridge Wells Conservative Association for their British cheese and Brexit whine evening.
Being a speech from Lyin’ Bastert Johnson, it would of course have been remiss of LBJ not to include a number of porkie pies in his speech. I hope you enjoyed them, because after a no deal Brexit they’re the only pork pies we’ll be getting a steady supply of, since the pork imports from Denmark are going to be held up in a lorry in a carpark at the freight terminal in Esbjerg. Within a couple of minutes of starting the speech we got a big fat lie, when LBJ averred that it took the Tories to tackle the national debt that had been left by the previous Labour government. That’ll be the UK national debt that currently sits at £1.8 trillion, and which was £1.01 trillion when Labour left power in 2010. That’s like saying that you’ve tackled your upset stomach by giving yourself dysentry. https://www.ukpublicspending.co.uk/uk_national_debt_analysis
The real news, while the Prime Minister ran through his stand up act with the Tory party, are the proposals for a final deal which the UK government presented to the EU today. The EU has made it clear from the outset that the Northern Irish backstop needs to be permanent. The UK proposal is for it to run for four years and then to turn it over to the Northern Irish Assembly to decide, meaning that the DUP can block anything that they dislike. Dublin is going to be thrilled to discover that the future of a border free Ireland is to be left in the hands of the Lambeg drum bangers of the DUP, representing the minority in Northern Ireland who wanted Brexit.
Although the EU has said that there should be no border in Ireland, the UK is now proposing two borders. One within the island of Ireland and a regulatory border running down the Irish Sea. The whole point of the Good Friday Agreement was to ensure that there is no border in Ireland. This proposal rips that up. Yet again, Perfidious Albion says one thing and does another later when it suits it. No Irish government is going to accept this proposal. And this Prime Minister knows that. Speaking to the press on Wednesday afternoon, the Irish Taoiseach Leo Varadkar said that the proposals that he had seen are “not promising” and in his opinion do not form for the basis for a deal. According to Sky News, EU diplomats in Brussels were universally negative about the proposal. The reporter added that his sources had told him that France and Germany would stand full square behind Ireland in order to demonstrate that smaller countries within the EU could rely upon the support of the larger ones. Compare and contrast with how Scotland is being treated by the British Government.
The reaction within the UK wasn’t any more positive. Speaking to Sky News, Jeremy Corbyn said that this proposal was worse than Theresa May’s deal which failed to get support in the Commons, and he couldn’t see this deal getting support either. It’s a deal which enables the UK to deregulate in a race to the bottom, ripping up standards and safeguards for workers and ordinary people. The SNP’s Ian Blackford was equally dismissive, saying that the only reason the Prime Minister had made this proposal was so that it could be turned down by the EU and he could blame them for a no-deal Brexit.
There’s just 29 days left until 31 October, and there’s still no realistic prospect of this government proposing a deal that the EU are going to accept, a deal that doesn’t run a pre-cleared for customs checks coach and horses through the Good Friday Agreement. It ought to be obvious to even the most obtuse Conservative by now that this government has never had the slightest intention of getting a deal. It has always been about buck passing and trying to ensure that when it is confirmed that there is no deal that Lyin’ Bastert Johnson can blame the EU for it. There is no Brexit except for a Brexit that has been betrayed. The only way in which the Tories can reap electoral success from Brexit is to ensure that the entire UK is kept in a state of permanent armagammon. The future of the UK is life in a Daily Express editorial. Complete with the RANDOM capitalisation.
Meanwhile the Scottish Conservatives have, according to Governor General Alister Pith Helmet Jack, been “brought into line” with the UK party. As one does with troublesome natives. The brief experimentation under Ruth Davidson of pretending that the Scottish Conservatives were somehow different from the UK Tories is at an end. Now it’s official, the Scottish Tories, they’re just as vile as the rest of the Tories. It’s not much of an election slogan, but it does have the merit of being more accurate than Ruth Davidson’s claims that MPs elected for the Vote Ruth Davidson For More Ruth Davidson party would operate as a bloc to stand up for Scottish interests in Westminster.
This afternoon it was announced that the Government plans to prorogue Parliament yet again. They’re desperate to ensure that LBJ doesn’t have to face the scrutiny of Parliament. The prorogation this time will only last for a couple of days, but it’s timed to ensure that the Prime Minister can avoid having to answer MPs during PMQs. He’s quite happy telling bad jokes to the Tory faithful, he’s not so keen on being held to account. That’s what passes for democracy these days in the UK. Are you enjoying the security and stability Scotland?
In other news, today at Buckingham Palace, the unicorn representing Scotland on the Royal Coat of Arms on the gates of the palace broke its chains and Priti Patel’s prohibition on freedom of movement and fell off after being struck by a delivery lorry. https://metro.co.uk/2019/10/02/unicorn-knocked-buckingham-palace-gates-delivery-lorry-10848862/ According to unsubstantiated rumours, just before it made its break for freedom the unicorn was heard to say, “Fuck this fur a gemme o sodgies. Yese ur aw pure radgers. A’m aff.”
Now there’s no unicorn on the Royal Coat of Arms at Buckingham Palace. There’s precious little else that’s good news in the UK, so let’s take this as a good omen that very shortly there will be no Scotland in the UK.
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