Bent bananas in the ears

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We’ve finally got down to the final two Conservative leadership candidates. There were two ballots of Tory MPs today. In the first of them, the curse of Ruth Davidson’s winning saw her preferred choice, Sajid Javid, drop out in fourth place. So very much like her party in the European elections in Scotland. Then she switched her support to Michael Gove, who had unexpectedly slimed his way into second place in today’s first ballot, narrowly beating Jeremy Hunt. So that spelled doom for Gove’s campaign. Once you get touched with Ruth’s winning you end up like the Scottish fitba team and some dodgy refereeing. So much winning! Ruth is full of win! Which is absolutely correct, as long as you remember that there’s a silent d at the end of that last word.

And so it came to pass. In the final vote Jeremy Hunt outslimed Gove, meaning that he’ll be in the final two along with Boris Johnson who will be voted on by Conservative party members.  Boris Johnson took over half the available votes, getting 160, Jeremy Hunt took 77, and Michael Gove was on 75.  Gove’s supporters are already accusing the Johnson campaign of underhand dirty tricks.  Which is a bit like being accused of shoplifting by one of the great train robbers.

So the next Prime Minister of the UK will either be a man that people call the C-word by mistake, or a man they call the C-word on purpose. There’s a lot of focus, quite rightly, on how awful Boris Johnson is. But let’s not forget that Jeremy Hunt trashed the NHS in England, then became a lacklustre foreign secretary mainly because the Prime Minister was so weak that she couldn’t sack him, and now he’s up for becoming PM himself. Never in British politics has failure been so well rewarded, with the possible exception of Michael Forsyth.

It was all over the Scottish press that Ruth had switched her support to Michael Gove, as though somehow her backing meant that she had some influence on the outcome. Actually she did, just not in the way she was hoping for. Ruth Davidson is turning into the John McTernan of the Conservative party. Whatever she predicts, the opposite comes to pass. When she announces that she’s throwing her weight behind Jeremy, Corbyn is going to crap himself.

Ruth has as much real influence in this contest as the people of Scotland do – her opinions are entirely ignored by the 13 Scottish Tory MPs. Ruth’s fulsome support of Michael Gove lasted until just after 6pm when he lost out to Jeremy Hunt, who will become Ruth’s new golden boy. Ruth will then work a miracle, and prove that you can indeed tarnish gold. Then having worked her anti-magic on Jeremy’s chances, Ruth will switch to gushing praise for Boris Johnson after he beats Jeremy in the poll of Conservative members and will assure one and all in the Scottish press pack that she always thought that Boris was a great candidate and will make a wonderful Prime Minister. Boris will then turn out the worst Prime Minister in the history of the UK, even though he’s up against some pretty stiff competition.

Possibly her support for Michael Gove was swayed by the fact that A) She loathes Boris Johnson, B) Gove is Scottish born and a hardline British nationalist, and C) She loathes Boris Johnson and Michael Gove also loathes Boris Johnson. Have I mentioned that she loathes Boris Johnson? Well she does. It won’t stop her from turning into an enthusiastic supporter of him when he gets the PM gig though. Ruth’s loathing for Boris is essentially based on something that neither of them is comfortable admitting. The two of them have a great deal in common. Both of them are opportunistic careerists who shamelessly practise personality politics and have no problem flipping from one position to another overnight if they think it’s to their advantage.

None of the candidates for Conservative leader and next Prime Minister will be good for Scotland. Michael Gove has said that under no circumstances will he facilitate another Scottish independence referendum. So forget about voting for pro-independence parties in Scotland, forget about ever giving anyone an electoral mandate for an independence referendum. Michael Gove has just told you that he’ll be the judge of that, and he’s already decided no. British democracy eh, except for viewers in Scotland.

He also said that he will, “Secure a Union guarantee in international law so that our United Kingdom cannot be undermined.” You can be certain that neither the Scottish Parliament nor the Scottish people will be consulted on the form of this guarantee. It will be imposed upon us. Remember all that stuff from Better Together and the Westminster parties during the independence referendum that no future Westminster government would ever make any changes to the devolution settlement without the express consent of the Scottish Parliament? Well, they lied to us.

It doesn’t matter that Gove has failed to get through to the next round. He failed in part because Boris Johnson supporters voted tactically for Jeremy Hunt, and in part because he’s slimy and untrustworthy. But the two who succeeded are just as determined to ignore Scotland even though they know that the unity of the UK rests upon a very shoogly peg. Jeremy Hunt has also said that he’d not permit another independence referendum. Meanwhile Boris Johnson said, Vos numquam auscultabo, Caledones perpusilli. Musae cavendishii inflexae fixae sunt in auribus. Which is Latin for, “I will never listen to you Scottish dwarfs. There are bent bananas in my ears.” The Tory leadership would rather listen to made up stories about bent bananas than listen to Scotland.  And this guy is the favourite for becoming the next Prime Minister – of Scotland as well as the rest of the UK.  If, as seems likely, Boris Johnson wins the leadership, it will be the first time that the UK has had a racist Conservative leader since the end of last month.

The Tories are hell-bent on going full-on Partido Popular and ensuring that Scotland has no choice, no freedom of decision, and will never be allowed to ask itself about its position within the UK. It’s a profoundly undemocratic position to take, but then this is the Tory party we’re talking about here. This entire leadership contest is an exercise in anti-democracy. Scotland is about to get a Prime Minister that no one voted for, leading a party that Scotland rejects, whose main goal is to impose a policy that Scotland doesn’t want, all while telling Scotland that it’s not allowed to ask itself any questions about what the hell it’s doing as a part of this dysfunction.  They’ll find that the people of Scotland will pay as much heed to them as they do to us.

45 comments on “Bent bananas in the ears

  1. Bob Lamont says:

    The graphic said it all, bananas..
    A wonderful chuckle even in the darkest of times, keep up the good work…

  2. Muscleguy says:

    Except for the not so small matter of how we get indyref2 I reckon the reality of Boris as PM will act as a recruiting sergeant for Yes. Though of course the more likely it is that we will vote Yes the less likely it is that any resident of No10 Downing St will grant us a section 30 order.

    Except as Stu Campbell pointed out on Alex’s show today it is still arguable in law that the original section 30 is still in effect, in effect. And why the hell hasn’t the SNP or ScoGov sought a ruling on the matter in the courts? Because they know No10 will create a means to rescind it if they win is my guess.

    So, folks if the pollsters contact you we must ALL come over all full unionist and deny to the utmost that we are Indy supporters in the hope we can have indyref2 when our polling falls through the floor and they think we will lose it. It seems the only way.

    Except Nicola will pretend to not be in on the scheme and use the polling numbers as an excuse not to call indyref2.

    I fear we are damned regardless. Nicola, unlike many of her colleagues does not seem keen on weaponising the next election as an indyref as some of our MPs wrote to May asking which she preffered? I think the threat was simply a tacic to scare May into giving us a section 30 advised by her civil servants. I doubt the SNP have balls for it, though I expect the Greens do. Patrick Harvie is much more gung ho for indy than Nicola is.

    I fear we may have to hold our noses and make him FM to get indyref2.

    • I’ll have what Muscleguy’s having.
      Now you are just being silly.
      Johnson will be PM just in time for the WM carpetbaggers to feck off to their Tuscany villa for 10 weeks, and faff about for 3 weeks in September attending their Party Ding Dongs.
      Nothing will happen.
      We shall trundle aimlessly out of the EU on No DEal terms, at which time, Premier Johnson will call a UK GE, having delivered for the Brexit Party and the Silver Haired Blue Rinse Tory membership.
      Any pro Independence Party must include in their manifestos the commitment to Indyref 2 immediately.
      During FMQ today during which Leonard. Rennie and Jamie Greene made right fools of themselves yet again as the FM tore them another erse, Andrew Kerr, one of the ‘Right Stuff’ team of BBC Scotland Brit Nat propagandists referred to Ruth Davidson’s 13 MPs. as Ruth ‘Billy Bones’ Davidson herself waddled past Andra and his two Brit Nat hack summarisers.
      No they are not, Mr Kerr.
      Ruth Davidson has no MPs, as they all represent the English registered Conservative Party.
      When will these lickspittles at Pacific Quay cease to big up this increasingly insignificant political failure.

      She backs Javid, she backs Gove. The Black Spot, the kiss of death Who wants backing from a dismal political serial failure, for, that’s what Davidson truly is, not the ‘leader’ of 13 Blue Tory WM MPs, including a Secretary of State for Scotland?
      Get up off your knees, Kerr, and start standing up for Scotland.
      Davidson is, and frankly always was a self seeking nobody.

      • Illy says:

        “Any pro Independence Party must include in their manifestos the commitment to Indyref 2 immediately.”

        No, any pro-independence party must include “Take Scotland independent” in their manifestos. Possibly without anything else.

        We should stop asking permission to hold a vote we already have a mandate for, and get on with it.

    • Anne Martin says:

      You might be holding your nose, but don’t hold your breath if you think that’s going to happen!

  3. Andy in Germany says:

    The problem is if the UK leaves the EU, England will Need Scotland’s resources so they have something to finance their mess with.

    So Scotland could end up having voted overwhelmingly against Brexit, and still be in a position where not only is it dragged out of the EU against the wishes of its people but also being made to fund a Brexit it didn’t want, while being told it needs English subsidy to survive…

    • Over millions of our dead bodies, Andy.

      • Doug Porteous says:

        Jack that sadly is a distinct possibility, I’ve always maintained that they’ll never let us just walk away and that we need to be prepared to take to the streets.

        They that control Westminster despite what they’ve been telling their English and Scottish voters know they need Scotland resources and they will use every dirty trick in the book to keep them.

        • It’s like this, Doug.
          When Brit Nat ProudScotsButters speak of ‘the country’, they don’t mean ‘Scotland’, the country of their birth or choice. They deny that Scotland is a nation in its own right.
          For Davidson Rennie Mundell FRaser or Findlay to admit that Scotland is a distinct country in Europe, would be acknowledge that they are the agents of a foreign power, the English Establishment, and that when they deny Scotland, they betray Scotland.
          They constantly refer to the United Kingdom, a political construct of four nations, well, two nations, a Principality, (sorry, Welsh Sion, bear with me, we know that Wales is a distinct country too) and militarily occupied sector of Ireland, which they describe as a Provence, as ‘the country’, and tie themselves in semantic knots when it suits them.
          The Women’s World Cup being a perfect example.
          Scotland and England Teams are the ‘Home’ Countries?

          English commentators are as Brit Nat Unionists as their paymasters.

          In Men’s Footie, English broadcasters refer to England Wales Scotland and the North Of Ireland, the partitioned bit of the Irish nation, as ‘The Home Countries’. Of course that distinction between nations evaporates when the Brit Nats speak of ‘the country’, meaning the UK, with England, by force of numbers ruling the roost over their ‘colonies’.
          There is no doubt that Gove, Javid, Hunt, Johnson firmly believe that they have the Rights of a Conqueror to declare that they will not ‘allow’ Scotland to hold another Referendum, until they give permission, which is never again, and that we shall meekly bow our heads in submission, and retreat into the dark shadows, defeated, in fear of reprisals if we persist in our march to Self Determination..

          Mundell Davidson Rennie and Leonard, and the motley crews behind them are on their knees, bowing to their Imperial Masters, to quote the Rickshaw Man.
          They are Fifth Columnists, in the pay of a foreign power.

          They have sold their souls for English Gold, 300 years after a bunch of Scots Robber Barons betrayed Caledonia for money and land, which they still cling on to, to this day.

          There is a rage bubbling under.

          What right has any foreign politician to tell us Scots what we can and can’t do?

          I have long ceased to consider WM my Parliament, as have many millions of us Up Here.

          When Johnson grabs the reins, there is no doubt that he’ll resurrect the Empire, in his own head at least, and crush the vermin, the Scots, with an imperial ‘solution’.

          But before then, in a hot summer, when jobs are lost, and a hostile environmental Home Office starts to deport Furriners in their tens of thousands, and shortages kick in, there will be riots on the streets of the ‘country’, England, that is.
          I am fed up listening to arguments why we can’t hold a second Independence Referendum. We can.

          Ultimately, if we do, and the Scots People vote YES then that’s it.
          If Brit Nats refuse to take part, call it ‘wildcat’ or ‘illegal’, fuck them.
          There is no way that the English parliament/Establishment can deny the democratic will of Scots ; it would end badly for the Occupying force.
          Over millions of our dead bodies.
          Hyperbole maybe, but a timely reminder that we are done shrugging our shoulders and being governed by 550 odd English MPs and an unelected HoL.
          At FMQ yesterday it was apparent that the Leaders of the Better Together ProudScotsBut Parties have retreated into their ‘parish council’ cells.
          They all avoided Brexit. Schools built on contaminated land, the Hardship Fund for families struggling, and care services for pre school children.
          It has all gotten a bit to much for them.
          Nicola Sturgeon has thrown more out of the road to get to a fight.
          We are at the end of the British Empire. Thank the Chief for that.
          Scotland shall be Free very soon now.

          • diabloandco says:

            God! I hope you are right but every now and then large, black doubts creep in and I see my country dissolving before my eyes to become a quaint wee back water ,handy for the huntin’, shootin’ and fishin’ brigade , a theme park if you will ,and us Scots , like native Americans brought out as tourist attractions to dance and play for the moneyed visitors.

            It makes me sick with rage and worry and I apportion large lumps of blame for that on the “Scottish’ media.

            • Bury our hearts at Wounded Knee, diablo?
              Perhaps they’ll bribe us with land on which to build casinos?
              I am intrigued that you envisage us being meek and mild in all of this.
              Hold on to that ‘sick with rage’ thought.
              The Union is finished; even Mundell and Davidson know this.

    • Bob Lamont says:

      Their greater problem will be justification… As with Brexit, the propaganda played has bit them in the bum to achieve the impossible unless they own up to lies.. Tories don’t do honest…
      The YouGov poll if accurate is a measure of the Tory membership mindset, get rid of the EU, get rid of Ireland and Scotland, thence the return of the “Green and Pleasant Land”.
      For sure HMG will prevaricate over a Section 30 as long as possible, but it is a lost cause in Scotland as well as at home, so my best guess would be they accede and mount a blistering propaganda campaign worse than 2014.
      What happens after Indy2 is won is anybody’s guess, but mine would be the population of England in uproar as Brexit reality bites and the lies unravel, HMG with all it’s diminished resources will be too busy quelling civil disorder and attracting International attention to bother with the neighbours starting anew….

  4. The new PM won’t be in the role until 22 July – wouldn’t it be wise to use this time to call #indyref2 ?

    Or is the best plan really to talk about it lots more, have some more surveys, argue a bit more on Twitter, run a couple of focus groups and mebbe, just mebbe, consider possibly, perhaps and och well, ah’ll think aboot making the elections in 2021 about having another referendum sometime but only if the weather’s nice ?

    Guy in pub tonight :

    “Och I’m kinda a tory/labour/lib-dem voter. Maybe green at a push. I used to vote SNP until she started going on about all that separatist stuff. I just don’t see how Scotland could manage on its own”

    Never did an eejit come so close to wearing sweet and sour chicken like face mask

    I’m going crazy here – is there a helpline I could phone ??? Please ?

  5. […] Wee Ginger Dug Bent bananas in the ears The Wee Ginger Dugfunder The usual blog article begins after this message while the […]

  6. Keith Roberts says:

    Alternatively the way out is fully explained at Conservative – Clean Brexit/Independence for Scotland. (sorry cannae dae links on the wee gizmo…)

  7. Phil says:

    This behemoth ship of state is beginning to come about. It takes time, and time, and more time to make such a turn. So lets apply some pressure on the controls. Cease the talk of how bad is MSM and how bad is Yoonionism and how Indy will come and how we can feel it in our bones. From this week all that is now behind us. What is clearly in front is what do we have to do to get and to make Independence internationally acceplable and as legal as possible.

    Section 30 will never be given by HoC / WM. Scotland needs to display to all the world how unwanted is English Yoonionism and how unwanted is our brexit exit from the EU. Scotland needs to continue to stride the diplomatic forums of the world stating and explaining our desire for Independence and separate international representation. Legal separate representation. Scotland needs to tangibly demonstrate we want to cooperate we want to add to community wherever possible we want to promote peace we want to make our Independence acceptable and legal and to make countries want us alongside them.

    Time now to lay as much of this out as publicly as possible.

    Keeping Scotland a secret will not magic up a section 30 nor help the world community extend invitations for us to participate.

    • Welsh Sion says:


      Diplomacy on an international level – Scotland and Wales

      Perhaps there is scope here for more fruitful Scotto-Cymru ties?

      I’m always happy to work with fell indy supporters in both our countries (being a Member of both YES Cymru and YES Scotland and our 2 national parties – as well as being fluent in French, which gives the opportunity to work with French and Breton sympathisers as well as spreading the message.)


      Tros Gymru / For Scotland.

  8. Welsh Sion says:

    Off topic

    Knowing that Andy Anderson (and maybe some others among you) are interested in history, could I draw his/your attention to this new book on Welsh history, which you may find of interest? I have no way of contacting Andy directly, so I crave WGD’s indulgence in presenting the matter here.

    I have no connection directly with the book, the author or its contents. (However, my late father did write a novel following the mindset of a youth who had designs on assassinating Charles Windsor during his Investiture 50 years ago.)

    Thank you in advance.

  9. Wee Chid says:

    Does anyone else thnk that the Tories might have put Johnson in the race and made him look like favourite so that anyone else winning would seem like an improvement and that people in the UK would be so relieved they would be happy to accept him? Wondering if Hunt will actually win it – although to me he is even worse that Johnson.

    • Bob Lamont says:

      Yep… All Europe emitted a collective groan at the initial 10 disciples, as it whittled down the groaning is undiminished, only the truly awful Raab and Gove being dumped gave momentary relief.
      The media-myth that Johnson is favourite from interviews I’ve seen, is as false as his supposed reverence among Party Members. “A legend in his own lunchtime” as one wizzened true blue described him.
      This charade by the Parliamentarians may indeed be a “lesser of two evils” ploy, but limp-wristed Hunt would be a complete woose in a GE, and Tory members see it. They are desperate to keep Corbyn out of power lest be roll back on their cosy advantages to date, so they are rather like cornered rats at present.

  10. Charles McGregor says:

    I’d put my money on Hunt.

  11. astytaylor says:

    Just in the door from a 4 day canoe trip on a Canadian lake, and catching up with the news.
    Johnson or Hunt. Ha!

    Scotland, oh Scotland.
    We need independence.
    (Like we need air, water and food).

    Donation on the way, Paul, once i find that pesky card.
    Thank you for the stellar work.

  12. Welsh Sion says:

    Elsewhere in this shamocracy of the Disunited Kingdumb …

    7% more in favour of independence for Wales

    22 June 2019 at 12:20 Updated at 15:04

    There has been a 7% increase in the number of people in favour of independence for Wales between 2017 and 2019, according to a new YouGov survey.

    The 2017 questionnaire was commissioned by Yes Wales, an organization for the independence for Wales.

    This time, 1,133 people were questioned, and they were asked to rate how strong they are for independence for Wales – with 0 making them totally opposed, and 10 meaning they are fully supportive.

    0-4 is counted as opposition, 5 as neither supportive nor opposed, and 6-10 supportive.

    There is no record of those who said that they do not know either way.

    The questionnaire was completed online between May 10 and 15 this year, and only people over the age of 18 were asked.


    14% stated that they were very strongly in favour of independence (10 on the scale), compared to 10% two years ago.

    4% stated that they were number 9 on the scale, compared to 2% in 2017.

    5% had identified number eight, while 6% had stated that number two years ago.

    6% had identified number seven in both instances …

    while 7% had indicated number six this time compared to 5% in 2017.

    Overall, therefore, 36% put themselves between 6-10, compared to 29% two years ago.

    Only 47% say they oppose independence (0-5 on the scale), compared to 53% in 2017.


    Translation: Welsh Sion and Google Translate

  13. brianmlucey says:

    Forgive me, but have I missed a slew of opinion polls suggesting a decisive move towards a majority for Scottish independence? I’m almost certain that the last doesn’t or so opinion polls more or less always suggest that right now there is no such majority?

  14. you’re excused, brian.
    nevertheless, saw what you were trying to do there.
    Try and venture beyond the pail more often.

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