The Tories, still not giving a toss

If ever you’ve never had the misfortune to have parents who have gone through a bitter and rancorous divorce, who many years later still nurse grudges about who said what to whom, who carefully nurture the memory of the dirty looks over the dinner table, the slights, the insults, the resentment, and the anger, then you don’t need to imagine it. You only needed to gaze upon the Conservative party conference.

There was, amongst the bile and the outright delusion, some deeply creepy stuff going on. And not just because Torydom en masse is creepy by definition, a collection of red-faced bigotry in blazers, wrapping themselves in the fleg because they’re not nationalists, nursing grievances about all those imagined slights from vile Europeans, and telling themselves that everything will be fine because we’re British and being British means being plucky and Vera Lynnish and never getting over WW bloody Two.

We were told by the Daily Record that Scottish Conservative MPs had, at the behest of Ruth Davidson, organised what they were calling Operation Arse in order to keep Boris Johnson out of power. Ruth is a vacuous attention seeker who trades on her personality and doesn’t have a political principle to speak of, other than a burning ambition and a deep rooted sense of entitlement. This is a description which could apply equally to Boris Johnson, only he’s better at it than Ruth is. That’s why Ruth hates him. There’s nothing an attention seeker loathes more than another attention seeker who is better at attention seeking.

Despite the fact that Scotland was assured that Scottish Conservative MPs were being elected as representatives of the Vote Ruth Davidson’s Scottish Conservatives for Ruth Davidson Party and that they’d vote as a bloc to do Ruth’s bidding. There’s at least one Scottish Tory MP who refused to take part in Operation Arse to keep Boris Johnson out of power, he’s just an arse. No one can have watched Ross Thomson’s fanboy crush on Boris Johnson without a little bit of their soul curling up inside and dying.

Never was a man-crush so mortifyingly obvious. Ross even stood stanning outside the doorway of the hall where Boris was due to speak as though he was a teenager waiting to get a glimpse of the star whose poster adorns his bedroom wall, as indeed he was. Ross posted a pic of himself on Twitter, shielding his hero from the massed ranks of the equally adoring right wing press, so he could boast about how he felt like the Scottish guy in the Bodyguard off the telly. Only without the suicide belt in the final episode, which ought to be a signal warning about what happens when you’re a faithful North British lackey who develops a crush on a Tory politician. Serves ye right really. And Ross’s reward for all this gurning fandom that even teenage girls with a crush on some mophaired lunk of autotuned uselessness would think was more than a wee bit cringey and over the top was to discover that he wasn’t even on the guest list. Ha. Ha. Poor Ross. It was like kicking a puppy. Only it was a hellhound puppy which deserved it.

It’s not just that Boris Johnson is useless. He does possess a form of talent. There is his obvious talent for self-promotion, a talent he shares with Ruth Davidson. This is, as pointed out above, why they hate one another. Each resents how the other is able to hog the limelight. But Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson’s real talent is to take ordinary harmless household ingredients and combine them into a truly noxious mixture. He could take a packet of hobnobs and a marigold rubber glove and turn them into a weapon of mass destruction. This is the guy who was able to poison the entire debate about Europe with an entirely ficticious story about a banana.

Despite gaining acres of coverage in the media, no doubt to the immense satisfaction of Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson’s ego, his attention seeking overshadowed the real political development of that day. The DUP announced that they would vote down any EU deal that treated Northern Ireland differently from the rest of the UK. So that’s Chequers screwed. But the red faced blazer wearers didn’t pay much attention. No one is really interested in the concerns of far flung provincials, not when you had Boris and then Geoffrey Cox MP quoting Shakespeare and channelling a knock off Winston Churchill impressionist wrapped in a Union fleg on the White Cliffs of Dover.

Geoffrey was the warm up act for Theresa May’s Abba tribute act. She’d clearly heard about how cringemaking Ross Thomson’s man crush was and had decided that the British public needed something else even more embarrassing to purge the image from their minds. It’s the closest Theresa has ever got to performing a worthwhile public service. So she sashayed onto the conference stage like an end of the pier in a body brace. Not an end of the pier performer. An actual lump of wood propping up the end of the pier. It was time for Theresa’s big speech.

In Theresa May’s keynote speech, the Prime Minister had the unmitigated gall and audacity to accuse Nicola Sturgeon of a “betrayal of Scotland” over the fishing industry. Theresa knows a lot about betraying Scotland, because when your party promises Scotland that it can only stay in the EU if it votes against independence, that the permanence of the Scottish Parliament will be enshrined in law, that no changes will be made to the powers of Holyrood without Holyrood’s express consent, and then you go back on every single one of those commitments, you’ve betrayed Scotland. And if you go back a bit further then you discover that the Common Fisheries Policy which is so loathed by the fishing industry was negotiated by that same Conservative party which was only too happy to sell out the Scottish fishing industry in order to get some concessions from the EU elsewhere. Being lectured by Theresa May about the betrayal of Scotland is like being told off by Baron Frankenstein for wearing a borrowed suit.

So that was it for another year. The Tory party is still at war with itself. It’s still only interested in internal Conservative politics and egos jockeying for position within the party. As Theresa said herself just before her disastrous General Election, nothing has changed. We’re still staring a chaotic Brexit in the face. We’ve still got a government whose dereliction of duty amounts to criminal negligence. We’ve still got a government which is determined not to allow Scotland to have a say. The British state remains as dysfunctional as ever. That was the Conservative party conference, and they still don’t give a toss about you.

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33 comments on “The Tories, still not giving a toss

  1. […] via The Tories, still not giving a toss […]

  2. Marconatrix says:

    Remind me who’s actually running the UK …

    • Mundell was quacking on about “day job” (and “no referendum”) again the other day – with reference to the Scottish Government, of course – but it’s definitely not him running the UK. Might be better if it were, because he’s so ineffectual he’d do less damage.

        • An excellent article by Peter Bell, and thank you for directing me to it, Marconatrix. I has given me a lot of food for thought.

          The message is indeed toxic and dangerous; with that I do not disagree at all. Mundell himself though … I can’t really see him as any more than a messenger boy, though an odious one. The real power rests with his overlords, the Westminster regime – witness Lidington talking over his head (literally) in the democratic outrage that was the “debate”on the Brexit bill / Holyrood’s rejection of it.

          On reflection, I think it’s his function as the regime’s Goebbels in the Ministry of British Nationalist Propaganda at 1 Melville Crescent in Edinburgh (or rather, its Head Office in Dover House, London) that I fear the most – and that would continue without him.

          Elsewhere I keep calling for Mundell to be censured and repudiated by the Scottish Government and Parliament, both in his official capacity for his constant bad faith in his post as “Secretary of State for Scotland”, itself an archaic non-sense, and in person, for his constant lying to both the Scottish and the Westminster parliaments. Not only that, his belief that Scotland was “extinguished” in 1707 and is therefore a part of the UK and not a party within the UK is in fundamental contradiction both with reality, and with his job description – such as it is – under the devolution settlement.

          • Iain says:

            Mundell couldn’t even boil a kettle unless instructed by his social superiors. He’s a thankfully rare type of rural postmistress who gets a kick out of rubber-stamping things and closing the door SHARP at 5pm even though someone is trying to get in. “Those are the rules.”
            Mundell is Mrs Campbell from Whisky Galore. Minus the charm and charisma.

  3. Cath says:

    Spot on as usual. Are you coming to march with us on Saturday.

  4. Alba Laddie says:

    Good luck, Paul.

  5. Oh boy, wedding day in America is here at last 😁❤ A million good wishes to you and your husband to be, hope you both have a fabulous day.

    And then come back to bail us all out of the clink for being Political in a Built Up Area

    • weegingerdug says:

      I’ll be back on 5 November. Macart will fill in while I am away. I actually return from the USA on 29 October, but my new inlaws will be visiting and we’re having a Scottish wedding reception on 2 November.

      • Sheryl Hepworth says:

        Congratulations Paul. I sincerely hope you and you partner will have a long and happy life together with ginger of course!! Safe trip, happy day to both of you and please retrun in fighting mode!!! XX

      • Robert Harrison says:

        Congratulations on finding happiness in these dark times.

  6. Thepnr says:

    “There’s nothing an attention seeker loathes more than another attention seeker who is better at attention seeking.”

    I can’t read Wee Ginger Dug anymore, that was it for me. I’ve cracked a rib hahaha.

  7. Come on now chaps, be fair. Boris’s faither explained why Boris would make a good Prime Minister – ‘He went to Baliol.’ (My son would make a wonderful Pope because he once went to church. I’m just mentioning it.)

    Well now, that explains why Boris’s faither touts his son as good PM material. It doesn’t explain why anyone else on the planet would support the no-talent, no-common sense balloon. Mind you, that description would suit any number of ‘our’ representatives elected by a tiny minority of the Scottish electorate.

    I’ll see you at the March tomorrow. You’ll easily spot me; I’m the wee wummin fae Glesga.

    All the best with the Wedding.

  8. Macart says:

    Ayup. Dancing onto a stage when most folk are either on their last crust or nerve didn’t come across well.

    It did however absolutely paint the perfect picture of a Conservative. The very epitome of me masel’ and I, tippy tap staggering across a stage to talk a significant amount of bollox aimed at a few, but heard by many.

    Austerity is over…. for about the third time in a decade. The statement was a lie the last time we heard it too.

    No. I don’t believe a word coming out of any member of the UK government either. Right now they’re attempting to shift perception of the centre ground and acceptable norms of behaviour. They’ve been doing it for a very long time t’boot. Care and compassion are for tree hugging, lefty, Marxist, herbal tea drinkers. Not, y’know, a mark of decent, reasoning, civilised humanity. Oh, and that’s regardless of your background or origin.

    This new centre ground narrative is about pigeonholing and quantifying your humanity and your right to existence, nevermind residence. They can feck right off with that idea.

    People are defined by themselves. By the choices they make, the words they say and the actions they take. I’d say the Tories have done a bang up job of letting the wider world know EXACTLY what they stand for and how they define themselves.

    I can also say from the heart of my bottom, (and with immense pride), that I will NEVER be a Tory.

  9. Frank Gillougley says:

    Hi Paul, I really don’t know where I’d be without the incisive sanity of your perspective that you bring to what passes for political discourse today.

    Also, just having had an online run-in with a monster with a bible, let me say I am so happy for you getting merrit and all that. How wonderful! Fantastic! I wish you both all the love in the world for your future together and may you find peace, love and happiness in your marriage. Brilliant!

    On another note, yes, I suspect the DUP will ultimately be the Achilles heel in all of this politicking. From those who gerrymandered their way to and sustained power in NI since the 1930’s, I don’t think they’ll be relinquishing the last vestiges of their influence and power so easily and will be quite prepared to bring the whole kit and caboodle crashing down. I fear for the consequences. I really do.

    My only hope for these dark days lies in the Yes Movement and the SNP.

    And the WGD of course 🙂 – a shining light.

  10. All the best, Paul.
    You deserve a bit of happiness.
    Take care and don’t eat the meat!

  11. deelsdugs says:

    That really was the most cringeworthy performance, ever. Was never an ABBA fan, and never will be now, for sure. The desired effect for a display of humanity did not work…Can you imagine the sheer horror if she had worn a frock 🤢…And as for the clunky neckwear…uurrgghh…

    And Aye…The WGD, a beacon of light. All the very best with the nuptials.

  12. mogabee says:

    And to top this all off is the spectacle of the media bubble merchants putting forward the notion that Treeza’s speech was the best thing since sliced bread. With butter and marmalade anaw.

    My partner, not an overtly political commentator, watched Treeza’s stage entrance, implored me to switch off the tv with a muttered comment of, “That’s embarrassing…”

    I have to say I agree. 😀

    Many congrats on your upcoming wedding Paul, all the best to you both!

  13. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding Paul and every good wish for your future

  14. susan says:

    Let’s face it: the Tories are repellent and we should stop making excuses for those who vote Tory too.

    • ArtyHetty says:

      Agree, and they tend to be very tow faced, but also in Scotland, they complain incessently, but enjoy the things that many in England cannot access like, free bus pass at 60, and very good healthcare, transport, etc. Biggest hypocrites around.

  15. ArtyHetty says:

    At the shops yesterday evening it was indeed a dreadful site at the daily rags stands, T.May given the gold treatment, it’s like some kind of awful nightmare. They really do think, and hope that Scotland hasn’t woken up, let’s just see shall we!

    Shame you can’t make the march tomorrow but, have a most wonderful wedding Paul.
    All the best to you and yours.

  16. jfngw says:

    Ross Thomson obviously didn’t watch the Bodyguard as the person he was bodyguarding ended up dead. He looked more like that excitable young dog that wants to get too friendly with your leg.

  17. wm says:

    Best wishes to you both have nice wedding all the best.

  18. One of your finest pieces, Paul. Have a wonderful time when the Big Day arrives. We will all be thinking of you.

  19. Fillofficer says:

    Hate weddings cos I’m a really auld singleton.
    But I luv sincerity
    & ye don’t get much of that these days
    I’d hoped to see u in the big smoke tmrw
    & chew some fat but instead I’ll wish u the bestest of luck for the big day
    Wish it was on the telly 😉
    (Your ceremonials, that is)

  20. CM says:

    jfngw at 1151.. That second sentence of yours is worthy of gracing one of Paul’s efforts. Fancy doing a stand-in while he is away for his nuptials?

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