So there was me saying I won’t be blogging much this week, and here you are getting not one but two blog pieces today. This is what comes of being a moothy and sweary vile cybernat. And possibly of not getting out enough.
I don’t use Twitter any more. I got fed up with the abuse from random twunks. It’s bad enough with all the folk who are determined to be outraged on someone else’s behalf, but anonymity brings out the worst in people and makes them feel that just because they disagree with something you’ve written they can tell you that they want your dog to be put to sleep. If I wanted random strangers telling me that my dog should be put to sleep I could just take him to the park in Edinburgh outside Holyrood and set him on a Tory MSP. Although to be honest he’d probably just beg for a wee treat and a pat on the head because he’s an attention whore. Which come to think of it is a description which applies equally to your average Tory MSP. Anyway, I cannae be arsed with Twitter any more.
That said, I do still have my spies, and they inform me that Tom Gallagher, my favourite Über-Unionist froth merchant, has been at it again. This is how he defends the glorious Union. This time he’s upset about Scottish people being sweary. Or more specifically, he’s upset about independence supporters being sweary. It’s probably fine for British nationalists to be sweary at independence supporters, Tom hasn’t clarified. But you can bet that if he did clarify it would only be independence supporters who were in the wrong, and Tom would demonstrate his moral superiority by not using the words “hypocritical pish merchant” even though that’s what he is.
There was me thinking that being sweary was a vital and important part of Scottish culture. We’re a notoriously sweary bunch and not being allowed to swear is treading on a crucial part of our cultural heritage. Oh wait. Pointing that out makes me a cultural and ethnic nationalist, and that’s bad. Fuck it. The very epitome of Scottish cultural nationalism would be to draw a Gaelic map of Glasgow that was full of swear words. Possibly that might lead to a nervous breakdown amongst the pettit lipped Unionists who love finding things to get offended about. Well there’s an idea for my next project. Now I just need to find out how you say “George hauf-airsed hypocritical fuckin Unionist twunk monkey Square” in Gaelic and we’re sorted.
The real point here, as far as anyone can tell with the contorted logic that passes for British apologias, is that the British state does all sorts of evil shit, but it does it politely and says please and thank you, except to benefits claimants who’re not really human beings and so don’t count. When you say please and thank you you can be excused just about any sin. Just don’t say fuck to anyone, and it’s all just perfectly fine. You can get away with any old evil.
Just look at Nigel Farage. He’s utterly vile. He says all sorts of nasty and despicable things, but he never utters a sweary word so it’s all just cool and unionflegtastic and he’s never off the telly. For the stalwart defenders of the British state it’s not the content which is the issue here, it’s the delivery. Which means that it’s totally acceptable for someone to put dog poo through your letterbox, the real offensiveness comes from calling it a shite and calling the person who put it through your letterbox a durty wee bastert. That’s probably a metaphor for Scotland’s place in the UK. We get covered in all sorts of Westminster inspired excrement, but the real crime is when we complain about the pish. Or the Jackie Bailley, as it’s now known in polite circles.
This is how Jacob Rees Mogg gets away with being an utter wee jobby who looks like the bastard offspring of C3PO and Opus Dei. He’s terribly polite about wanting to destroy our human and employment rights. That’s the benefits of yer Eton education right there. It’s a school that teaches its pupils how to be privileged wee shites but always to be affy genteel about it. It’s manners that make the difference between being a gentleman and being a ned, even though both of them are still kicking you in the nads. Jacob has reprehensible and nasty ideas, he wants do to cruel and vile things, but he never lowers himself to τόν σκάτον δὲ σκάτον ὀνομάσων, which is Ancient Greek for “calling a shite a shite”. Because that would be wrong.
There’s a snobbery a mile wide in Scotland, and in the UK as a whole, and it finds its epicentre in the language we’re supposed to use to talk about politics. Snobbery and net curtain twitching are designed to exclude angry people, upset people, people who are hurting. In other words the very people who are most suffering from the cumulative effect of hundreds of years of British misrule in this country. It’s one of the tools the powerful use to maintain their grasp on power. Apparently the proper way to engage working class people in politics isn’t to write or speak in a form of language that people might actually use and understand, the proper way is to write anguished articles about how working class people are excluded from politics, and lard them with phrases like the epistemiological praxis of intersectionality. ‘Scuse me for pointing this out, but fuck that.
The British are bastards, but at least they’re not sweary bastards. It’s not throwing disabled people out on the streets that’s beyond the pale, it’s swearing while you do it. But what’s really unforgivable is being pissed on from a great height and not asking the person doing it politely to stop and prefacing your request with a please and ending it with a thank you. That’s what’s really out of order.
So I’d just like to tell the net curtain twitchers of Unionism, and I mean this kindly, in the spirit of reconciliation, and with love, why don’t you just fuck off and find something worthwhile to complain about. It’s not like your Tory government, the equally hapless Labour party, and the glactofuck that is Brexit aren’t giving us all plenty.
The Wee Ginger Dug has got a new domain name, thanks to Indy Poster Boy, Colin Dunn @Zarkwan. http://www.indyposterboy.scot/ You can now access this blog simply by typing www.weegingerdug.scot into the address bar of your browser, the old address continues to function, the new one redirects to the blog. The advantage of the new address is that it’s a lot easier to remember if you want to include a link to the blog in leaflets, posters, or simply to tell a friend about it. Many thanks to Colin.
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