A new movie has been released, Blade Runner 2049, which depicts a dark and dystopian future. It’s basically post-Brexit North Lanarkshire with Harrison Ford and special effects and some really high tech. The dystopia is already here. It’s just that there’s bugger all that’s artistic or Oscar worthy about it, and the most technically complex thing that will be left once the Tories have wrought havoc with Brexit will be a pencil sharpener.
Our descent into dystopia continued this week with the news that Britain has now got its very own post-Brexit Board of Trade. It all sounds terribly exciting, although far less glamourous than anything involving sex androids, because the only robotic performances we’ve got are those from members of the Conservative cabinet. It becomes even less exciting once you discover that this new trade board has got precisely one member, and that member is Liam Fox. Or to give him the proper title about which he is so insistent – the Disgraced Former Secretary of State for Adam Werrity’s Lobbying. So it’s not really a trade board and more of a trade bod.
At least the new Board of Trade has the advantage that it will be able to make decisions very quickly. Liam will make a presentation to Liam, who will send it to Liam for consideration, and then Liam will weigh up all the alternatives that Liam has brought up and come down on the side that’s favoured by Liam and will then communicate that decision to Liam. The only problem is that it won’t be able to make any decisions because the UK won’t be allowed to make any trade deals of its own until after the country has left the EU, and probably not until after the end of the transitional period that Liam’s boss is desperate to arrange because otherwise the economy will plummet faster than Harvey Weinstein’s reputation.
The Board of Trade was originally set up to regulate the despoilation of the colonies and the running of slave plantations. It wasn’t set up to reach fair trade deals, it was originally set up by the rich in order to apportion the swag from their systematic theft of land, resources and wealth from people poorer and weaker than themselves. So pretty much like a Conservative plan for privatisation then. The original terms of reference of the Board of Trade is not an unfair assessment of what the Tories are planning to do with the rest of us once they’ve achieved their wet dream of a hard Brexit. Liam can’t negotiate any trade deals just now, so effectively he’s got a non-job, and has been reduced to setting up this Board of Trade in order to justify his self-aggrandising existence to the rest of us. If you look up the phrase “waste of oxygen” in a dictionary of political terminology, you’ll find that it’s defined as “Dr Liam Fox, the Disgraced Former Secretary of State for Puffing Up His Own Ego.”
He doesn’t have anything else to do, so apart from setting up a Board of Trade that he’s the sole member of and which can’t negotiate any trade deals anyway, he fills his time – according to Private Eye – with using government premises to host the launch of a new hard Brexit think tank headed by his pal the gollum like Daniel Hannon. This is apparently against the rules, but what are rules when you’re the man in charge of trading in Liam’s massive ego. If it were possible to monetise Liam’s estimation of himself, the UK would be the richest nation on the planet and we could do away with austerity. Unfortunately no one is in the market for Liam.
The sole member of the new Board of Trade thinks that political instability is a dreadful threat to economic security. To which anyone looking upon the epic unfolding disaster that is Brexit with its Tory backstabbing and its cluelessness can only say “No shit Sherlock”. However Liam thinks that the greatest threat to his free trade orgasmatron is Scottish independence, so it is incumbent upon us all to do all we can to bring about Scottish independence as soon as possible. It’s now a matter of morality. It’s independence or Liam. One of the chief proponents of Brexit claiming that the prospect of Scottish independence is the greatest source of instability facing the UK is a bit like Sawney Bean looking at raw fish and seaweed sushi and going, “Eeeeuww, how could anyone possibly eat anything as eeeky as that?”
Although we must recognise that from the perspective of the rest of the UK Liam has got a point. Without Scotland they’re screwed. Without Scotland the arse would fall out of the pound. Without Scotland they’d have nowhere to put their nuclear viagra and would lose their seat on the UN Security Council. Because if you honestly believe that Scotland is an economic basket case and is only kept afloat because, uniquely, the Tories like to throw billions of pounds at us out of sheer altruism, you probably also think that Liam is a huge credit to East Kilbride.
We’ve got a totally useless new Board of Trade, which trades in nothing but Liam Fox’s self-promotion, but back in the real world the Brexit talks have become mired in what the EU’s chief negotiator has described as a disturbing deadlock. Michel Bernier is disturbed, and that’s without even having to look at Michael Gove or listen to Liam Fox. Because no progress has been made, he’s unable to recommend that negotiations begin on the UK’s post-Brexit trade deal with the EU. So that’s Liam twiddling his thumbs for the foreseeable.
We’re getting closer and closer to the once unthinkable prospect of falling out of the EU without any deal being done at all. The Conservatives are still more interested in falling out with one another, manoeuvering for personal position, and blaming everyone else for their own shortcomings. When they come to make Brexit The Movie, they’re going to need some pretty good special effects to represent the monsters of the Tory party, but the dystopian wasteland, the Conservatives are creating that all by themselves. It’s the rest of us who will have to suffer its consequences.
The Wee Ginger Dug has got a new domain name, thanks to Indy Poster Boy, Colin Dunn @Zarkwan. http://www.indyposterboy.scot/ You can now access this blog simply by typing www.weegingerdug.scot into the address bar of your browser, the old address continues to function, the new one redirects to the blog. The advantage of the new address is that it’s a lot easier to remember if you want to include a link to the blog in leaflets, posters, or simply to tell a friend about it. Many thanks to Colin.
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