That’s bollocks

The signs and omens were poor from the start as Theresa May prepared to go not quite head-to-head with Jeremy Corbyn. She had at least conceded to appear in the same television studio as him, although not at the same time. Emborissing Johnson was deeply discountenanced by the leaderene’s woeful refusal to do what every other prime ministerial wannabe has done and participate in a proper debate. It takes a lot to embarrass Emborissing, but during the pre-match dissection on Sky News with Adam Boulton he gave up any pretence of answering Boulton’s questions and starting to put his own questions to the Labour representative instead. It was an embarrassing display from an embarrassing man, and a portent of what was to come. If you didn’t find Johnson’s petulant display of entitlement toe-curling, it can only be because you have no toes.

Clearly, the Boorish one has some sort of power of precognition that has hitherto gone unrecognised, because Theresa’s performance ticked every box in the 85 page full length version of the “Dear Gods how embarrassing was that” form. Now we know the real reason why Theresa May refused to engage in head-to-head debates with the other party leaders. It’s because she’s too much like a vampire. The more exposed she is to the light, the more her reputation turns to ashes. Unfortunately we can’t repel her with a clove of garlic and a crucifix, but Monday night’s so-called “Battle for Number 10”, broadcast simultaneously on Channel 4 and Sky News, has definitely put a stake through the heart of Theresa’s claims to be a competent and strong leader.

Answering questions from the audience, Jeremy Corbyn came across as personable, a man who is willing to listen, likeable even. Theresa May came over as remote, distant and cold, and once more demonstrated that the only political talent of any note that she possesses is the ability to avoid answering questions. Corbyn spoke with the audience. May spoke at them. At one point the audience were openly laughing at her. But as Theresa plummeted from each disaster she discovered there was no solid surface for her to land on, and she continued to crash even lower. As she attempted to deliver a not very convincing defence of Conservative management of the NHS in England, to the delight of lip readers everywhere a man in a blue shirt in the audience mouthed, “That’s bollocks.” Time after time she failed to satisfy the audience, proving that she can only function when surrounded by lackies who applaud her robotic soundbites, but put her in a room full of real human beings who are allowed to ask her questions, and she comes across with all the wit and warmth of an abandoned piss soaked mattress on Dalmarnock Road.

Things didn’t get much better in the second half, when Corbyn and May were separately interrogated by Jeremy Paxman. Corbyn managed to get through his interview more or less in one piece, despite the fact that he was scarcely allowed to answer the question before Paxman interrupted to ask something else. However at least he was attempting to give honest answers to the questions, which is considerably more than could be said for Theresa May. There was a crucial difference in the questions put to each leader though – Corbyn was interrogated about his past, and gave credible replies even though they were replies which might not satisfy everyone. May was interrogated about the future, and dismally failed to deliver.

Noting her inability to come up with anything concrete or specific in connection with her Brexit plans, or indeed with anything at all, the questioning got a lot tougher. Paxman brought up the painful, for Theresa, topic of her repeated U-turns, specifically her recent U-turn on National Insurance contributions for the self-employed, which had lasted just a week while being shot down in flames by her usually fawning press. Obviously Theresa is a woman who knows how to cope with pressure, she just collapses like a crushed can in a compactor. The EU will have noted this too, suggested Paxo, before going in for the kill. “Aren’t you just a blowhard who collapses at the first sound of gunfire?” he asked to a round of applause from the audience. Theresa glared at him with a look that could fry a pound of mince all the way from the far side of that distant galaxy where she’s concocted her Brexit plans, clearly wondering when her minions would get around to upgrading the Maybot with a death ray. She made a mental note to tread on the back of the lackey who had suggested this interview with her highest high heels.

She did manage to elicit one small round of applause from the audience, when she repeated one of her favourite soundbites, even though it’s a soundbite which is even less meaningful than most of them. “No deal is better than a bad deal,” she repeated like a protective mantra when being asked about what sort of Brexit deal she’d accept. But the truth is that if there is a bad deal it will only be because Theresa isn’t as good at negotiations as she’d had us believe. Most of all however, it’s a senseless soundbite because no deal is a very bad deal indeed. No deal means trade tarrifs, massive distruption to exports, a plummeting pound and increasing costs, job losses that could run into the hundreds of thousands, and huge queues and delays at ferry ports. It means that UK citizens living in the EU and EU citizens living in the UK face appalling uncertainty. It means a hard border in Ireland and the very real possibility that violence might break out again there. The only worse deal than no deal would be for the EU to propose that the UK becomes a slave colony of an alien empire from somewhere in that galaxy where Theresa May’s devising her Brexit plans. Although to be honest since the Tories are planning to turn post-Brexit Britain into a slave colony of Donald Trump the space aliens might still be a better option. At least their orange skin is natural.

At the end of the proceedings a single solitary Tory stood up to give Theresa a standing ovation.  Then he looked round to realise that he was entirely by himself.  The other Conservative Association plants in the audience had wilted.  But even so, reports in the Tory press today claim that May won the debate, which is the perfect illustration of how the public has lost faith in the media.  It’s one thing to lie about events that take place behind closed doors or in far away countries, it’s quite another to lie about a Tory galactoshambles that has just taken place before our very eyes.

So what we learned this evening is that Jeremy Corbyn isn’t the bogey man that the press makes him out to be, and that Theresa May’s reputation for competence is as artificial as Donald Trump’s tan. It’s probably not going to be enough to lose her the election, but it just might knock a few percentage points off the lead that she enjoys in the polls, and for that we should be grateful.

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22 comments on “That’s bollocks

  1. […] Wee Ginger Dug That’s bollocks […]

  2. donald6 says:

    They were both bloody woeful and suited to a cheering English audience.

  3. diabloandco says:

    Thanks for watching the intolerable on our behalf .
    Good to have you back !

  4. Deelsdugs says:

    Most eloquently dissected and truthfully told Paul. Brilliant.
    Welcome home.

    • Deelsdugs says:

      This paragraph doesn’t seem to be in the email…

      “At the end of the proceedings a single solitary Tory stood up to give Theresa a standing ovation. Then he looked round to realise that he was entirely by himself. The other Conservative Association plants in the audience had wilted. But even so, reports in the Tory press today claim that May won the debate, which is the perfect illustration of how the public has lost faith in the media. It’s one thing to lie about events that take place behind closed doors or in far away countries, it’s quite another to lie about a Tory galactoshambles that has just taken place before our very eyes”

  5. Macart says:

    Well said and really, really above and beyond there Paul. I only had the spine to watch sections with enormous bouts of channel hopping in between. It was toe curlingly bad stuff (and that was just Paxman).

    There were no leaders present in the ‘leaders non debate’. Nosirree bob. No leaders, no debate and only slightly more illumination in the dark than there was the day before. Yet one of those two, and at this point it still looks like May, is going to be the PM of the united Kingdom. That’s yer democratic deficit there for you and Welsh, N. Irish and Scots votes need not apply.

    Yer affable, well meaning, but forgetful fav uncle. A man who gets confused and deeply uncertain when leaving the familiar surroundings of his comfort zone. A man with lots of good ideas (Some so, so, soooo very stolen. Still, it shows some in his policy unit are paying attention), and all the charisma and leadership qualities of a wet weekend at home in yer slippers. A fella still not above selling the odd bullshit/bollocks hypocritical pitch himself though. That is choice number one.

    OR

    The jolly difficult Maybot. A woman and government whose recent history and record of government is so steeped in misery for the population of these islands, it beggars belief that any reasoning human being would trust them with their future. A PM that doesn’t merely lack the charisma, the self awareness, the flexible and practical intelligence or ability to lead, oh no. That is bad and bad enough. She lacks two things in particular, empathy and humility. That’s choice number 2.

    Just as well she has an onside media then. Its amazing how spectacularly shit you can be at a job. Not to mention how evil and self serving your intent, when you can count on others to clean up your mess and sell your message.

    Laaydeeez an Ginnaminn! Hay gif yooze….. The candidates for next PM of the (dis)United Kingdom.

    • Les Bremner says:

      Sam,
      She does not have the media serving her, she is a puppet of the owners of the media. Compare her to Ronald Regan who, as an actor, could memorise a script. Although, in his case it was a whole script as opposed to the vacuous soundbites from Saint Theresa.

    • I concur … above and beyond the call of duty sitting through that shitfest on our behalf!

  6. John Edgar says:

    Given the recent collapse in the Tory advantage and after her latest exposure and ramblings, u turns and nasty policies past and proposed, then the drop will continue.
    North of the Tweed, Corbyn has just hit the branch with his openness towards Indyref2. Maybe he realises his branch is no longer fit for purpose as Dugdale is urging yoons to vote Tory tactically.
    So Labour are in contradictory turmoil. Davidson is losing the plot trying to say much of May will not apply to Scotland. Next she will be supporting Indyref2 to oppose southern Tory scourges north of the Tweed.
    Anything can happen . We could have a Tory for Indy sub group next!
    It is an upside down election this time. The yellow Tories have shown Rennie in a back to the future car the Delorian attacking the SNP.
    Bad image, Rennie,the Delorian was a flop.
    Hung parliament could be on the cards, rebooted May is booted out by the party and Corbyn takes the helm of Brexit with the Tories u turning again now that Ukip is nipped and wanting to remain.
    What other mad westminsterite changes can one expect??
    The EU must be having a good laugh

  7. AnnieM says:

    In The Independent that the song She’s a Liar is likely to become number one in the charts, in spite of the radio stations refusing to air it!

    http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/music/theresa-may-liar-song-itunes-chart-number-three-download-charts-election-2017-a7762411.html

    No such problem with the English radio stations here in Spain who play it a lot lol!

  8. Andy Anderson says:

    I suffered the agony of watching the so called debate. Your comments are 100% correct Paul.

    This I fear will not change things very much unless the Labour party in England get an unexpected surge of support. The best outcome I can foresee is that May gets about the same seat numbers as she has now, not more. I suspect however she will get a gain in seats.

    Over the last couple of days I have made a point of talking to my acquaintances to see if any have had a change of heart from their previously stated positions. Not really is the answer I get although a couple did say the tory image is declining a bit everywhere. SNP support seems solid but my fear is a few will not bother to vote because they feel that the ‘SNP will win most seats anyway’. A worry. I did urge them to vote so fingers crossed.

    Looking forward to see what the SNP manifesto says about independence.

    Thank you all for some good comments of late.

  9. Macart says:

    I’m guessing page 8 is the one most folks are interested in. Pay particular attention to the tone and language used.

    https://www.snp.org/manifesto

    Mibbies just me, but I’d say the kid gloves are off.

  10. Kat hamilton says:

    Jeremy came across as a decent, likeable guy and totally at odds with dugdale who is Ruth’s running mate..what a contradiction…hoping jeremy will win, know its a long shot, but at least there would be hope that Dahn Sauf is maybe, just maybe thinking mayhem is leading them in the wrong direction…meanwhile nicola should be hammering home her intransigence, and little Englander mentality of walking away from the brexit negociations…our livelihood, eu nationals, research funding all expendable due to this inept, spiteful woman..please Anglos, vote her out and make my day and many others….

  11. Robert Harrison says:

    Hope paul your wrong and thersea may loses the election as that be the icing on the election cake when the snp claim the majority of Scottish Westminster seats again

  12. “… all the wit and warmth of an abandoned piss soaked mattress on Dalmarnock Road”

    For the record, it wasn’t abandoned, I put it out there to dry.

  13. Didi says:

    Theresa May used the word strong and the word stable quite a few times during the “debate” She was very careful not to put them together and utter the “strong and stable” soundbite. At least twice (probably more but I could not bear to watch it again to count!) you could see her realise she was about to say it and stop herself!

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