Vote nude erection

It was pretty obvious during the recent debates in Holyrood on whether to hold a referendum on independence that the Unionist parties were in collusion. One after another they lined up and made objections that were very clearly singing from the same song sheet. They sang a dicordant dirge of wailing, and not once did any of them acknowledge the reality that we are only in this position of a second referendum because of the failures of those same Unionist parties to fulfil the promises they made to the people of Scotland. Scottish democracy was frozen in ice in 2014. Nothing that’s happened since matters, nothing that’s happened since counts. And their objections all sounded suspiciously coordinated.

So it was scarcely surprising that according to a report in The National earlier this week, the Tories (spit, spit), Labour (derisory scoff), and the Lib Dems (who?) have had secret meetings in order to plot how to derail the call for Scottish independence and for another referendum. So that would be that Labour party that claimed it had learned the lesson from 2014 that collaborating with the Tories was as electorally toxic as Tory list nonentity Annie Wells claiming that the Scottish Parliament isn’t legitimate. It seems the only lesson that they learned was that you shouldn’t collaborate with the Tories if there are cameras present. If there are none present then collaboration is just fine and you can keep up the pretence that you’re opposed to nationalism.

Despite the claims of certain Labour representatives that they oppose nationalism, they are perfectly happy to act as enablers of the Conservatives’ right wing xenophobic British nationalism. Even, shamefully, to the point of opposing a Green amendment to allow EU citizens and 16 and 17 year olds to vote.

However let’s get this clear once and for all. Labour’s claimed opposition to nationalism is a pretence. Supporting the continuation of the British state does not mean you oppose nationalism. It just means you oppose the Scottish variety. It most certainly does not place you on some higher moral plane. In fact it puts you on a lower one. It puts you on a lower plane of at worst hypocrisy, or at best a staggering lack of self-awareness. If you really oppose Scottish independence because you oppose nationalism then you should also be arguing and campaigning for the abolition of the British state and the formation of one world government. If you oppose Scottish independence and campaign for the continuation of the British state, because you claim that Scots must demonstrate a solidarity with workers in England and Wales that they don’t have to demonstrate with workers in Spain, Germany or Poland, then you’re not opposed to nationalism. You’re still a nationalist whether you choose to accept the term or not. You’re just a British nationalist.

The question of Scottish independence from the UK is not a question of nationalism versus non-nationalism, it’s a question of an outward looking progressive civic nationalism that seeks to engage with the rest of the world versus an inward looking xenophobic nationalism that withdraws into itself and comforts itself with nostrums of a long lost empire. The British state is not a non-nationalist project. Labour politicians who say they are opposed to nationalism are less self aware than a British nationalist, they’ve allowed themselves to become a useful tool of British nationalism. They help it to disguise its true nature. After the triggering of Article 50, there can be no pretence anymore that the British state is anything but a nakedly nationalist project.

Getting the Project Fear band back together has been provisionally christened New Direction, which sounds like a third rate boy band. And to be fair, that’s pretty much what it is. It belts out the greatest hits of Empire and channels Vera Lynn. The New Direction is a very old direction. It’s taking us backwards in time to an imaginary Britain that never really existed. It’s a cover for the Tory attempt to transform the UK into a low tax country with a minimum of public services. That’s a country that turns its back on the poor, the low paid, the disabled and the marginalised and glorifies its military might while the unemployed trudge to foodbanks and the homeless beg in the street. There’s nothing new about the UK’s new direction. Welcome to the Victorian age. That’s no direction at all.

Most of us, on hearing the name, immediately thought it sounded like Nude Erection. That’s because we’re Scottish. Although Johann Lamont tells us that we’re not genetically programmed to make our own decisions, being Scottish means we are genetically programmed for lower bodily function humour. Since Nude Erection are very keen to tell us that they’re Proud-Scots-but, it’s surprising that the organisers of Unionist campaigns don’t factor this into their sloganeering. The truly surprising thing is that they keep on doing it.

What we get from the Unionists is a series of campaign titles and slogans that subconsciously speak about penises. A psychologist would probably tell you it’s an attempt at over compensation because in the twenty first century the UK is as flaccid as an elderly compulsive masturbator who has been reduced to flicking through a book of photos of from the Donald Trump fan club in a vain attempt to get his jollies and restore the glory days of the past and who can’t afford the viagra because the Tories are going to privatise the NHS. Which isn’t that bad a description of the British government, come to think of it.

There’s Nude Erection now, so called because it’s full of over-extended bell ends with red faces. Then in the last campaign we had the risible Vote Knob Orders campaign with their wee ditty about not building a wall unless it had a glory hole in it. And then we had the stickers saying U KOK plastered all over lampposts the length and breadth of the country, but especially in the doucer regions, which isn’t a euphemism. What is it with the Unionist obsession with phallic symbolism? They are truly obsessed with big dicks. And then you look at Liam Fox and Michael Gove and all becomes clear.

The UK’s messaging is obsessed with penises because no matter how much they lie, no matter how much they dissemble, subconsciously they can’t help but let the truth come out, they’re going to shaft Scotland.

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45 comments on “Vote nude erection

  1. Indyvids says:

    That was an epic coffee on keyboard moment when I saw the headline in my inbox, never mind reading the article. You go from strength to strength.

  2. Statgeek says:

    “Knob Orders”, “U kok”…ahhh me ribs. All ironic, as each one of them is a complete fanny.

  3. Thepnr says:

    Hahaha but there is a more serious side to this. Who decided I was a “Nationalist” because I support Independence?

    Honestly I won’t be tagged with any “ism” such as Nationalism because that’s nothing to do with why I support Independence. For me it’s not about “Scotland” at all it’s just an opportunity to do things differently with hopefully better results than how those that currently make those decisions on our behalf do.

    I’m Scottish and yes happy and proud to be so, mainly because so many of us are alike in our outlook. That’s what’s most important about our “Nationalism” it is that in the main we reject policies that make the poor poorer, we care more for our kin, we reject those that would take away our human rights or workers rights earned since we sent 10 year olds up chimneys to earn a profit for their boss.

    This is why consistently in Scotland we reject a Tory party in elections, we care more about social policy than they ever could. We are different in our outlook from the rUK and prove it be voting so differently in General Elections.

    However, this does not prevent us from being governed by Tories or Red Tories as the votes of the rUK will always drown out our voice, that’s why I wholeheartedly support Independence and NOT because I’m some sort of Nationalist.

    I just want my voice back and I want it to be heard by those that will rule us.

  4. Indyvids says:

    “Welcome to the Victorian age”

    We’re not quite there yet but we’re well on the way –

    This is an account by Jack London of what the Victorian age was like for most folk in the UK. It was horrific. Please read it if you think it was all like a sanitised period drama. This is what the Tories and their Labour and Libdem enablers are trying to return us to, and they know exactly what they are doing. So long as their snouts stay firmly in the trough they do not give a shit what happens to the rest of us.

  5. Robert Graham says:

    How any Labour supporter can think about chumming up to the Tory party is beyond me.
    Have they missed the United Nations & the Red Cross castigating this Tory government for its treatment of disabled people , you would have thought after this public embarrassment the Tories would have dropped this assault on vulnerable people , Dont be silly they used a statutory instrument , thats the one that by passes parliment late at night on the 29th the day brexit was triggered and when no one was looking to continue this disgusting behavour .
    And not overlooking the 27 MPs who should and could be jailed for electoral fraud , at this point i really dont know which party disgusts me most they act as one so should be treated as one .

  6. diabloandco says:

    Bravo! Nude Erection it is!

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  8. Ace, Paul. Nude Erection it is. You’d have thought Rodent with all his editorial skills would have spotted that one. Spotted Dick? Straight out of ‘The Thick of It.’ The puns will be limitless.
    It recalls Ken Dodd’s subliminal dick joke from the ’60s. The older among us will recall his top ten hit:– ‘Happiness’.
    We were Young Turks then. We sang along with slightly altered lyrics.
    ” A penis, a penis, the greatest gift that I possess.’
    It gets more hilarious when you sing all the verses.
    I thank the Lord that you’ve been blessed with more than your share of happiness, Paul.
    It was clear that the Better Together filibustering during the Referendum debate was co-ordinated, and meant to stifle Scots democracy. Jenny Marra, Alex Rowley, Neil Obesity Czar Findlay, tired old dinosaurs Iain Gray, Johann Lamont, James Kelly, and the Accidental Dentist, Anas Bananas, voted to continue robbing the poor to give to the rich, and a Brit Nazi Regime for evermore.
    They are beneath contempt. Labour in Scotland must be on the verge of dumping Dugdale and moving towards supporting Scottish Self Determination.
    Kezia made such an impact during the piss up down in Cardiff that Carwyn Jones has come out in support of Indyref 2 during the Brexit timetable.
    I wonder who is paying for their away day. The ordinary party members in Scotland? Money for Nothing and your drinks for free?
    Nude Erection! Priceless.

  9. Patience is a Virtue says:

    The Nude Erection ? :-

    ‘Remaining inside the European Union does make us more secure, it does make us more prosperous and it does make us more influential beyond our shores’

    – Theresa May 25th April 2016.

    Thanks also to The National today for that…. look forward to it being mentioned in a review of today’s papers.

  10. Macart says:

    That’s a keeper.

    It’s about time more folk woke up to this very simple fact. There is no difference between the unionist parliamentary parties. Hell, there’s barely a fag paper between their ideologies. On their current voting record and most especially on their performance of Tuesday this week, there’s not a Labour MSP would recognise a socialist ethic if one jumped up and bit them on their overpaid, under principled arses.

    More importantly and just as Paul has superbly stated above, they are ALL nationalists. To pretend otherwise is beyond hypocritical. It is simply dishonest. Every soundbite. Every newspaper editorial. Every statement by the policy wonk du jour underscores this fact every single day.

    I think we’re kinda done with the bullshit pretence that the unionist, of whatever stripe, has the moral or ‘patriotic’ high ground on ANYTHING. And yes ‘patriotic’ is sarcasm. Patriotism is, after all, the last refuge of the scoundrel.

    The choice is very, very simple. Which national vision do you find more attractive? The insular, authoritarian, intolerant, empire building variety? Or the inclusive, tolerant, outward looking and democratic variety?

    What kind of country do you want to live in?

    • maxi says:

      So true, There is no such thing as a Scottish tory/lab/ lib den party in our country. They don’t and have never existed, they are all parties controlled from Westminster, and by that I mean all of them are owned and dominated by a secret cabal of owners of the UK ,our ancestors paid with their blood in 1314 for our freedoms only to be sold out for English gold by some of our traitorous leaders.
      The true wealth of our nation has been denied the Scottish people for centuries and only greed for money and power is keeping Scottish Quizzlings holding on to the union. Look and remember what they are doing to sick and disabled, it’s them now who are being persecuted, but eventually, it will be you and yours.
      Remember you are a Scot.

  11. Jim Chalmers says:

    Imagine if the SNP or other yes supporters were to set up a party so that SNP list votes wouldn’t be wasted once the SNP have won all the constituencies in the Scottish GE. The Yoons would go ballistic.

    So isn’t it time we were complaining to the electoral commission about the Yoons being 3 parties? After all, their policies are virtually identical. They collaborate on tactics. So shouldn’t the electoral commission insist that they stand as one party in Scottish elections>?

  12. Indyvids says:

    Nude erection, is there any way we can keep this quiet till they’ve got all their posters printed?

  13. Paul,

    Can I offer an alternative view on part of your excellent post?

    I would not call Liam Fox and Michael Gove “big dicks” – there is another name for these faux “Scotsmen” – a pair o’ bawbags.

  14. awkwardboy says:

    I suspect that they are deeply covetous of our SNPness

  15. And then there’s that bawbag Bawjaws Johnson strutting around the capitals of Europe as if he were cock of the walk…

  16. Merkin Scot says:

    Can’t wait for them to announce New Direction. It’ll be brill! Vaseline for the undecided will no doubt be provided.

  17. Jan Cowan says:

    They would LIKE to shaft Scotland but fortunately those who talk about it do so because they can’t. So here’s to a steady drive forward to independence!

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  19. Global Nomad says:

    Paul, another excellent article.

    ‘Getting the Project Fear band back together has been provisionally christened New Direction’

    I however feel that perhaps we should move away from the phallic ideology and simply go with ‘Mis-Direction’ as that is clearly their mantra with everything.

  20. Rhisiart Gwilym says:

    ‘British’ nationalism is more accurately called English nationalism: the nationalism of the English-raj class, still hankering after their almost-gone English empire. “Make the world English!” was their slogan, remember, not “Make the world British!” The empire was always an English racket, though – as empires always do – it recruited and still recruits morally and patriotically confused cannon-fodder and on-the-make politicians from the conquered provinces of their empire; aka other peoples’ countries.

    The Isles are home to the countries – and nations – which were the earliest conquests of English imperialism. No wonder the raj are fighting to hold on to the first-in-last-out remnants of their vanishing empire in Britain, Eire, Gibraltar, and sweet Rockall – with the ever-present assistance of their tame ‘unionist’ quislings amongst the provincials, of course.

    The whole disgusting mess needs its final euthanising quietus, in favour of a genuinely-democratic, strictly-equal federation of the nations of The Isles; which upshot I reckon will come materially closer when Scotland tears free from the wretched, moribund ukstate; followed eventually by a similar liberation of the other submerged nations of The Isles; and culminating finally, I hope, in a liberation struggle amongst the common English citizens themselves; the very first victims of the imperialism of the English-raj class, who, like the rest of us common citizens, are also much in need of liberation from the ANTI-democratic, neo-feudalist raj-crooks still high-handedly running things in their snotty rajista fashion.

  21. The Yes Movement’s greatest asset: Ruth Davidson in front of a camera on Pacific Quay funded Question Time.
    She got star billing sitting chummily next to Uncle David who steered her through her audition for Strictly, Bake Off, and replacement for Jo Coburn on the Daily Politics show. did not disappoint, chuntering out the most vacuous nonsense on everything and anything. She even got applause from a fairly tepid Carlisle audience. After all there wasn’t much happening on the political front this week, was there? I noted that she hates the concept of Scotland the nation, that on a debate on Pay As You Go English Health Service, she observed awkwardly that in ‘some parts of the country’ prescriptions are free. Muted titter from the audience.
    QT was a Scotland free zone last night. Not a mention. This was the Ruth Davidson English Rose show.
    Ruth, as Lulu, has ditched the Luvvers and is now following a solo career.
    This was Ruth the Tory candidate for the next by election in a English Tory safe seat.
    She believes what Treeza says, Auld Red Len was scaremongering and electioneering, Jeremy Corbyn had hoped the IRA would have won, and let’s all hear it for our Armed Forces.

    She lied about her commitment to protecting the rights of EU citizens working in Blighty; her parliamentary group had just voted down the Green amendment to protect EU citizens status in Scotland during this week’s Filibuster Farce.

    She really is an empty headed little person, and it shows.
    The greatest recruitment sergeant for the Yes Movement yet.

  22. Macart says:

    Oh, this’ll leave a mark. 🙂


    • Ooft, Sam. I shall keep this for future reference.
      The EU mean business. No sweetheart deals or cherry picking. Cue the Banks and Counting Houses fleeing London in droves and Nissan looking at sites in Poland.
      What price Toyota, Peugot and JP Morgan backing Scottish Independence now? They’d still be in these isles, with an English speaking workforce ready and able. We’re not full. Everybody welcome.
      We go for Indy before March ’19, that’s for sure.

      • Macart says:

        Karma is as wonderful, as it is terrible, as it is inevitable.

        Spain actually managed to have that written into the A50 response to HMG. This isn’t the same he said, she said bullshit the yoons have been stuffing down our necks for the past four years. This is yer actual black and white, diplomatic legal response. A Spanish veto.

        Oh the irony. 🙂

        And I don’t think the FM will have missed the significance of the Gibraltar clause either.

        • Did the monkeys have a vote?
          I noted with astonishment an ex pat Brit, nut brown pensioner living on the Costas revealing that he would have voted Leave, principally because of immigration.
          I kid you not.
          An ex pat, reliant on EU reciprocal agreements to live, and take advantage of Spanish Health and social services, ostensibly as an incomer NOT clogging up Spanish dentists and hospitals, is outraged because the country he chose to leave, England, is drowning in immigrants.
          You could not make it up.
          The EU have covered all the bases in just 9 pages. Hoot toot, you’re oot, England.

        • I too am very glad to see it down in proper, diplomatic. official print. It is such a relief to have something to metaphorically shove under the noses of barking Yoons and say: “There, now show me where they mention Scotland”. And you are right too about our FM not missing the significance of it, I’m sure. I just hope the news gets through to ordinary Unionists – lord knows what the Usual Suspects in the meeja are going to make of it.

          I was once privileged to witness an exchange between a representative of the Spanish Government and his UK counterpart, on the subject of Gibraltar and the Treaty of Utrecht. Mr. UK: “Pacta sunt servanda!”, he thundered, “We shall never give up British sovereignty over Gibraltar!”, &c. and so on and so forth. Mr. Spain: “OK, so you’re sticking to the terms of the Treaty of Utrecht as originally written, are you? So tell me, when are you going to kick out all the Jews?”

          With my usual modesty and humility, I will also be able to tell the barking Yoons “I told you so”, but never fear, I’ll do it as politely as possible.

          • Edd, it is all unravelling before their eyes, yet the Dead Tree Scrolls and the Beeb doggedly hold the Yoon line, no matter how ridiculous they look by defending the indefensible.
            Scotland will be independent, of that there is no longer doubt.
            Davidson was already in the lifeboat on QT last night pitching for a safe Tory seat in the next English by election. She has no future in an independent Scotland, and by god does she know it.
            Carlaw should be drafting his Tory Leadership speech now.

  23. Macart says:

    I’d like people to read this and remember who we are trying to reach out to and why.

    It is well worth reading and understanding.

    • Indeed so! It is unseemly to gloat… I propose to say “I told you so” only to the barking variety of Yoon, normal people who voted No (and Leave) must be encouraged to think about it, when they have the actual facts before them.

      • Macart says:

        It’s a fine reflective piece of writing by someone who has taken the time to think through each aspect of the argument from last time of asking.

        They’ve questioned themselves and those prior arguments in light of new experience and evidence, then had the courage to come to a new conclusion.

        As I’ve been saying for a long time, keep that hand out for new friends. 🙂

        • Absolutely, Sam. On here we are attacking the outpourings of the professional Yoon class. I have no problem with ‘I told you so’ barbs at Davidson Dugdale or Rennie.
          When pensioners among the 70% of Sunday Post readers who reportedly said that they would vote No again, and whose pension is topped up by Pension Credit, and who live in private of public rented accommodation and have an ‘extra’ room, have their pension cut by 27% because they have been caught in the Bedroom Tax scam, and face eviction or starvation, the penny will drop,
          They may eventually realise what sticking with the status (ish) quo really means to them personally> Move or starve and freeze. Come October ’18, they may have changed from No to Yes.
          Likewise widows, disabled, unemployed and low paid workers will make informed choices, based on their own tragic economic futures.
          Brexit is a parallel nightmare unfolding in tandem with the merciless Red Blue an Yellow Yoon Austerity cuts.
          Hundreds of thousands will have a change of heart on economic grounds alone.
          All we must do is wait.

          • Macart says:

            It’s heartbreaking Jack, because it didn’t have to be this way.

            Folk in the YES campaign of 2014 are all heroes as far as I’m concerned. They couldn’t have put in any more effort or heart than they did. Against ALL that the opposition had to their advantage, that great heart almost pulled it off too.

            How and ever, the opposition were comprised of the captains of industry, the political establishment, the entirety of the mainstream media and a fair number of compromised overseas interests. Project fear, complacency, familiarity, misplaced trust, all of that and probably a good bit more did just enough. In short, there’s no shame that we didn’t reach enough, or convince enough people at last time of asking.

            From that day forward it was always going to be about the very harsh coalface that people were going to be dragged up to. It was going to be about the other shoe dropping on pledges and assurances made that not only would never be kept, but in reality, could never be kept.

            (Gordon Brown, I’m thinking particularly about you at this point)

            Regardless Jack, there’s a lot of folk like gcat out there who need a bit of encouragement to take that final step. An open hand and a genuine welcome helps.

            As for the Yoonstream meeja and their chain tuggers? Those articles need reminding on a daily basis throughout this entire Brexit omnishambles…

            … WE TOLD YOU SO!

            • I recall George Square 19th September, Sam. Union jacks, Nazi salutes, and festering angry triumphalism.
              My emotions may not have stretched to Christ’s ‘Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.’ level of forgiveness, but I understand completely this mob behaviour in a society which has been split in two (Dugdale’s ‘division’ if you like.) on religious, social, and economic grounds quite deliberately by the Establishment for centuries.

              Divide and rule.

              I have observed before of my overwhelming sadness at the sight of that young man of YouTube fame, out of his skull on drugs and/or drink wearing an England 3 lions Football top, shrieking hatred into the camera.’ You can stick your Independence up your arse. The Queen brings £20 million a year in tourism into the country.’
              It is clear that this poor wretch has been brainwashed and conditioned from birth. Like white Trailer trash in Alabama. I’m better than that doctor ‘cos I’m white and he’s a nigga.
              The Young Gers fan was on a grassy knoll cum car park at one of the away grounds during RFC’s travels/travails in the lower leagues, watched on by older, equally intoxicated Follow Followers.
              Green or Blue.
              Divide the working class into fighting factions, and look on from on high in the posh seats at Parkhead and Ibrox.
              Hordes of young men who haver never stepped foot on Irish soil, sing of Green Fields, and This Land is My Land. Brainwashed I say, brainwashed I mean. A cause, someone to hate, and the elite are free to do as they wish.
              Mercifully, despite the cynical manipulation by Kelly, Tomkins, Fraser, and many more of the Oligarchy, Scotland has dragged itself out of this sorry mess, and the majority of Scots citizens consider themselves as citizens of an inclusive modern international outward looking nation in its own right, and not a colony of the Motherland, or Little Eire.
              The Old guard is dying out. Scotland is a young country now.
              We wait, Sam. Something Wicked This Way Comes.
              Scotland is ready for it.
              Is England?
              Is Wales?

  24. AAD says:

    Slightly O/T. I emailed Annie Wells earlier this week to protest at her comments and to suggest that she resigns if she really meant her noxious remarks. As of now, she has not seen fit to reply to my entirely respectful email. As a List MSP she surely is not too drowned in work to at least acknowledge a legitimate concern from a Glasgow resident.

    She is a local example of the contempt with which the Tories treat Scotland. She has learned well from her Scottish and Westminster leaders.

    • But,AAD, Murdo Fraser who has failed at the polls seven (7) times, yet who was considered by the Tory List Selection Committee to be a ‘good egg’ and placed near the top of the Tory MSP Hopefuls list, Despite being a serial abject failure, he referred to his ‘mailbag’ today on GMS. Who the feck is writing to this man who was rejected by his constituents? ‘Outraged, Fife’ has an MP, a Constituency MSP, an MEP, and a councillor to write to.
      They live in a wee world of their own.
      Say anything, promise anything, and as soon as they elect you, ignore the voters for the next five years.
      This was the way of the Red Blue and Yellow Unionists for half a century. They’ll not change now that they are close to extinction.

  25. angusthedug says:

    Haven’t been there for a while but if you’re looking for a phallic obsession, check out the photos on TRuthless’s timeline.

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