The specious relationship

It’s been less than two weeks since Donald Trump was inaugurated as US President, and already the world has got into a familiar ritual. You switch on your laptop or mobile phone, see the news, and splutter your tea or coffee all over the screen at his latest moral outrage and how it’s all perfectly fine with hand holding Theresa May. Apparently the special relationship means maintaining an undignified silence when the orange skinned one is acting like a two year old who is throwing his spaghetti hoops on the floor and covering everyone with tomato sauce, and then claiming that the sauce on your face is lipstick which is in fact a fashion statement. British style, it’s a world leader you know. It’s not so much a special relationship as stalking your old school crush at their wedding, and claiming that they still love you because they occasionally glance in your direction with a look of pity.

Fortunately not everyone in the UK is as blindly enamoured with the small handed one as Theresa is. A petition to prevent Trump making a state visit to the UK had received over 1,250,000 signatures by early Monday afternoon. It’s probably a lot more by now. Many people were unhappy with how the petition was phrased, saying as it did that the state visit should be cancelled in order to prevent embarrassment to the Queen. Precious few of us care about whether the Queen is embarrassed or not, but we do care quite a lot about causing maximum embarrassment to Donald Trump.

It must be galling for him to know that in the space of 24 hours, in a country with a population one fifth of that of the USA, five times as many people signed a petition demanding his state visit be cancelled as turned up at his inauguration. But then the people who signed it are probably illegal Mexicans. And there were loads more people who weren’t counted at the inauguration. All that white space around the Capitol in the aerial photies wasn’t empty, it was really chock full of Trump supporters. It’s just you couldn’t see them because of the robes and hoods.

Despite the fact that a state visit for the Donald is as popular as Nigel Farage in an Edinburgh pub, Theresa May isn’t disposed to change her mind. She even used her favourite phrase “to be very clear”, which is the phrase she always uses when she’s dissembling and being as clear as Donald’s skin underneath the plastered on layers of fake tan. This is a phrase that she loves even more than her phrase that it’s not a binary choice, but her office issued an alternative fact when the petition reached 1,000,000 saying that this time it was binary, and so only 64 people had actually signed it. Which is approximately the same number of people who aren’t fully paid up members of Ukip who support her plans for Brexit.

“To be clear,” said a statement from Theresa, “the Prime Minister extended an invitation on behalf of the Queen – and she was happy to do so. The USA is one of this country’s closest allies, and we look forward to hosting the President later in the year.”

To be clear, there’s a deliberate ambiguity in the “and she was happy to do so” phrase. Who was happy to do so? It’s phrased in such a way to imply that it was Liz who was happy to invite the Donald and Theresa was just passing on the invite. Because the Queen decides all by herself who she wants to come along on a state jolly and it’s got nothing to do with who the Prime Minister wants to invite. And if you believe that then Donald Trump has a really great deal for you for a golf course that’s going to create bazillions of jobs and delight the neighbouring property owners. We live in a world where the Prime Minister wants us to believe that Liz gave her a phone call just before she jetted off to hold Donald’s hand as he negotiated a few steps and told her that she’d like nothing more than inviting him to the palace so that the servants could spend the days after his visit trying to get the fake tan off the 100% Egyptian cotton pillowcases. And besides, she’d like nothing more than Melania to plagiarise one of her speeches too. It’s not fair that Michelle Obama gets all the recognition.

What it really means of course is, “To be clear, Theresa doesn’t give a toss how many people sign a petition.” And, “To be clear, these official government online petitions have even less validity than the Sewel Convention.” To be very clear, Theresa doesn’t give a toss what anyone else thinks about anything. She doesn’t care that slightly over 48% of the voting population wanted to remain in the EU, and a significant number of those who voted to leave were labouring under the apprehension that by voting out they were not voting to leave the single market or voting to export their jobs to the continent and voting to devalue the pound so that it’s trading on a par with the Albanian lek. She certainly doesn’t care that the only people who support her plans in Scotland are Tories who require special seats in the Scottish parliament because they’ve had their spines removed. So she’s certainly not going to worry over much about an online petition.

Theresa May’s crawlathon over the Atlantic, her refusal to condemn Trump’s racism, and her eagerness to ingratiate herself with an unstable narcissist, show the reality of the special relationship. That’s a relationship that’s so special that most Americans don’t know it exists. It’s only British politicians and media figures who ever mention it. It shows the weakness and debility of a Britain which has voted to isolate itself from Europe and is now trying to sook up to the big bully in the schoolyard in the desperate hope that he’ll bully someone else. So that’s what punching above our weight really means. It means hoping that someone else is going to get punched. It’s not so much a special relationship as a specious one.

Audio version of this blog post, courtesy of Sarah Mackie @lumi_1984

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37 comments on “The specious relationship

  1. Deely says:

    Excellent Paul…

  2. John Edgar says:

    If the “visit” goes ahead, we have also been told a committee in the Foreign Office took the decision( no names given), and not the Queen, what next?
    Her Majesty could cancel it!?
    If not, then the institution of the monarchy might not survive the present incumbent ‘s passing?
    Strange times!
    Westminster politics abd the current regime at No 10, all mixed up and contradictory. What next to hit the fan?
    A coup d’état by Tories to force Mayhem out? Labour dahn sath to disintegrate?
    Corbyn to lose the forthcoming bye- elections and stand down?

    • Alasdair Macdonald says:

      Do not fall into the trap of believing your own fantasies about the Tories self immolation. They are perfectly capable of dispatching Mrs May quickly and brutally, but, they recognise one thing above all else: to be able to achieve anything power must be retained. Having power is more important than ideological differences. Of course the Tories have ideological differences – they did for Mrs Thatcher and for Mr Cameron, but, on both occasions, they retained power. Since they govern only in the interests of a few, they are quite prepared to share some of the loot with people of the right sort, even if they loathe them and have philosophical differences. And, sadly there are always those willing to be bought and sold for English gold. They were there in 1707 and they are there in and around Scottish Labour and Lib Dems.
      The Tories have no qualms about naked use of power, illegal if necessary, to hold on to power. We saw how nasty they were in Better Together, the resurrected campaign is already nastier and will become more so. To win, and, eventually, we will, we are going to have to be pretty resolute, stand together and avoid the vanity of small differences.

  3. diabloandco says:

    This is about the only time I feel sorry for Lizzie – she has to welcome and entertain some of the world’s dodgiest characters at the behest of the pillocks in charge at Westminster . It would be great if she could tell them to sling their hook or absent herself and leave Phil in charge of everything , including the dinner party repartee. Or maybe she could do a Princess Beatrice and hack away at them with a sword.

    • kupo says:

      Easy there, diabloandco. She’s just as dodgy as the rest of them, being her ilk are the biggest benefits scroungers in the land. And of course they musn’t be demonised for it by the media like the rest of us- go f*&k yourselves plebs.

      Don’t ever feel sorry for them. It’s bad enough we have to give blood, sweat and tears for them to maintain their reign as the real “the something for nothing” champions of the world with our taxes to fund their lifestyle.

  4. Diane says:

    I didnt sign the petition as I felt it had been raised for the wrong reasons. Who cares if the Queen is embarrassed, the petition should have been raised in relation only to his a abhorrent actions.

  5. […] Wee Ginger Dug The specious relationship […]

  6. John Edgar says:

    Now May has been jeered at leaving Cardiff.

  7. annelawrie says:

    Wonder how they’ll all feel about the “special relationship” when he finally gets the final humiliating reward he so justly deserves?
    Did anyone else notice that when he signed one of the executive orders & held it up to let the visiting press see that he could do joined-up writing all by himself, he then handed the pen to a very sullen looking Pence without even a backward glance, like he was some kind of flunky.

  8. Macart says:

    UK gov.not covering itself in glory to be sure. As for Ms Mayhem? What can you say about her half baked sincerity that hasn’t already been said?

    She is not the caring, sharing fuzzy kind of PM. She is not for listening to anyone, least of all the devolved slaves (cough) partners, when it comes to the walking galactofuck that is Brexit, or indeed the public in general over Trunp.

    She is not a unifying PM. She is not even a leader, merely the most ruthless of a ruthless party in a ruthless system designed to be, well… ruthless.

    I wasn’t exactly a fan of Westminster government or its history before May’s visit to the States and Turkey, but now? Ashamed would pretty much cover it.

    What has our system of politics and our society become that Brexit, an ever rightward media, a politics of fear, intimidation and hatred of difference has become the norm, acceptable? What have the peoples of the UK become to allow this to come to pass? Seems today that the sentiment behind the words ‘NEVER AGAIN’ was a serving suggestion and not a warning for future generations.

  9. crabbitgits says:

    Great stuff. Well ye never know if fate wur tae intervene Trump may huv’tae hod hans wae Charlie boy and listen tae his posh pish aboot climate denial an awe that. A signed yon petition, no fur tae spare the Queens reddie but to boot the Tanned Wan where it hurts most; his dignitats.

  10. Puzzled Puss says:

    Another excellent article, WGD! Whatever your feelings about the monarchy, it can never be right to expose an old lady to a self-confessed sexual predator. I imagine Theresa was relieved it was just her hand he grabbed.

    • Agatha Cat says:

      I’m worried sick that President Trump might grab Her Majesty by the pussy – the ramifications for royal protocol would be the greatest in the history of the known universe. Alternatively… bleh…

  11. TheJudge says:

    The so-called ‘special relationship’ between the US amd Greater England has never, ever been any more ‘special’ than the relationship between a pimp and a prostitute, and that has never been more appropriate a characterisation than it is today.

    All those ‘rah-rah’ Brits who yapped on about taking ‘their’ country back are in for a nasty shock once they finally tumble to the fact that they have exchanged co-operation with a number of more-or-less like-minded countries for permanent vassalhood to a imperially-minded corporate autocracy. One. moreover, which is showing more and more overtly Fascistic characteristics with every day that passes.

    • Guga says:

      “the relationship between a pimp and a prostitute”.

      That is the most apt description I have heard about this so-called “special relationship”.

    • It’s been doing that since 1945 but at least people have started belatedly to notice. I suspect the secession of several states would take away a lot of that.

  12. Kat hamilton says:

    Theresa. May has left common decency behind by sooking up to,this dangerous misfit, and that’s being kind…shows up the sham and vacuous mindset of the uk on the world stage…it doesn’t reflect us in any shape or form..surprisingly I spoke to many Anglos at a family event way south of the border over the weekend saying nicola was a savvy, first class fm and how lucky we are to have her..this was said many times without me even mentioning my political leanings….shows that we do have friends beyond Carlisle, despite question times framed opposition and the media hacks..hope springs eternal…

  13. How many millions is it going to cost to bring in the Army, and police from all over England to control the crowds of protesters who will undoubtedly gravitate towards London when King Trump visits? I’d anticipate a gathering of hundreds of thousands for this one.
    The idea of this man being feted like this is beyond ridiculous.
    There will be trouble.

    • Dave says:

      Trouble is Jack that all the shit and angst that is bubbling about our internal situation is being re-directed toward Trump. I’m not saying it’s wrong to protest about it, I just can’t shake the feeling that the folk at the steering wheel are laughing at us. I agree with you re the cost and the concept of it all, the manipulation however, worries me a lot more.

  14. Jimbo says:

    Yep, it’s like the under developed kid saying “The school bully is my special pal.” In actual fact the bully is too self absorbed to notice.

  15. Ken says:

    I say let him come but don’t turn out to see him. Do not demonstrate because he would just turn the crowd into well wishers. Can you imagine his reactions if him and the Queen come down the Mall in the Royal carriage and the streets are empty?

  16. Andy in Germany says:

    To be fair, the Windsors have lots of embarassing friends in toxic administrations around the world, and they seem happy to hang out with them, so I doubt being associated with Donald will worry them unduly.
    By comparison he’s positively nice.

  17. Mark Russell says:

    I think the poem by Lorna Wallace from Kilmarnock sums up the Orangeman perfectly…

    A Scot’s Lament fur her American Fellows (Oan their election of a tangerine gabshite walloper

    America, aw whit ye dain?!
    How could ye choose a clueless wain
    Ti lead yir country? Who wid trust
    A man sae vile?!
    A racist, sexist eedjit
    Wi a shite hairstyle?

    Yet lo, ye votit (michty me!)
    Ti hawn’ this walloper the key
    Ti pow’r supreme, ti stert his hateful,
    Cruel regime.
    A cling ti hope that this is aw
    Jist wan bad dream.

    But naw, the nightmare has come true,
    A curse upon rid, white an’ blue,
    An’ those who cast oot Bernie
    Must feel sitch regret
    Fur thinkin’ Mrs. Clinton
    Was a safer bet.

    So noo we wait ti see unfold
    Division an’ intolerance, cold;
    A pois’nous bigotry untold
    Since Hitler’s rule
    As the free world’ s hopes an’ dreams
    Lie with this fool.

    Alas, complainin’ wullnae change
    The fact this diddy has free range
    Ti ride roughshod ow’r human beings
    That fall outside
    The cretinous ideals borne of
    His ugly pride.

    Awch USA, we feel yir woes
    An’ pour oor wee herts oot ti those
    Who ken this oarange gabshite isnae
    Who they chose,
    But jist sit tight;
    Trump’s cluelessness
    Will time expose.

    Fur sittin’ there beside Obama
    Efter the election drama,
    Trump looked like reality
    Had finally hit:
    Aboot the role of president
    He knew Jack shit.

    Poutin’, glaikit through this farce,
    His mooth wis pursed up like an arse,
    His Tangoed coupon glowin’ like
    A skelped backside.
    Despite all his bravado
    Trump looked keen ti hide.

    Let’s therefur no despair an’ greet,
    Or see this outcome as defeat.
    Let’s wait an’ watch this bampot
    Flap his hawns an’ squirm
    When presidential pressures
    Crush him like a worm.

    Hawd oan ti values you hold dear,
    Don’t let this numpty bring yi fear,
    His chants of hatred don’t speak fur
    The human race.
    Love will endure despite this
    Oarange-faced disgrace.

    So USA, in ma conclusion,
    Know we Scots feel your confusion:
    We are also chained ti those
    Not of oor choosin’ .
    Stand firm fur unity will break
    Through Trump’s delusion.

  18. Ian Gould says:

    so why would a german not welcome another german ,despots of the world unite

  19. Wow, as an American citizen, you are spot on. Trump speaks at a 5th grade level, which is the intelligence level of many of his supporters. More than half of the U.S. didn’t vote for this idiot. I fear for my country.

  20. Macart says:

    Trump has sacked the Attorney General, Sally Yates, for defying travel ban order. Seems he’s not a fan of dissent.

    Worth reading.

    • Anne says:

      Sally Yates was about to be fired any day.O’Bama’s A.G. was Loretta Lynch who I guess left when he did. Yates was filling in until Trump’s pick is in place probably later this week. Yates made a political decision instead of a legal one.She put her reputation on the line by doing so. A high level case of “toys oot the pram”

  21. jamescaine709 says:

    Mibbe the Donald’ll gie auld lizzie decorating tips fur the buck hoose renovation.

  22. Moonlight says:

    Beware. This may be a diversion. The forces against Brexit are those most likely to oppose Trump. Whilst we suffer anxst about Trump, May will be quietly trying to slip through her more extreme anti EU plans whilst others are looking the other way.
    Who says the US is our special friend.They entered the first war, eventually, when their ships were being sunk.
    They entered the second war when they were attacked directly at Pearl harbour.
    The UK was paying back the costs of “Lend Lease” for around 50yrs.
    During the cold war the British isles acted as a convenient unsinkable aircraft carrier and submarine base.
    The US acts only in what it sees as it’s own interest, always has and always will.
    Trump could well be defeated and neutered in his own back yard, we need to closely focus on our back yard.

  23. John Edgar says:

    Let us see what his next diktats are! And his first ventures into serious foreign affairs.
    His comments re Putin on the campaign trail indicated he wanted a “special accommodation” with Putin.
    And Putin is not the UK government or the EU’s favourite person at present.
    How will May react? Whither Nato?
    The Trump reordering if the world is just beginning to be glimpsed.
    Which country is about to be trumped?

  24. Maxi says:

    Trump took on and beat a vile American administration and a murderous liar in Clinton and a globalist elite trying to create a new world order.There is not a lot of difference between his views on his country and our anti westminstwer establishment views.As Donald trump said, there is a lot of fake news and views floating around in these blogs. Lets wait and see how he actually performs before the shills get to work.

    • Agatha Cat says:

      “Lets wait and see how he actually performs before the shills get to work.”

      Well, we’ve already got a few deaths in Yemen, so he’s clearly very different from any predecessor, but probably we need more before we can really claim him as one of the finest presidents ever. He’s an anti-elitist if ever I saw one, and no mistake.

  25. Robert Graham says:

    The good old USA , The most dangerous Nation on the planet , they with their CIA have interfered in every countries political system and elections since the formation of this organization , now with a loony at the helm who knows whats next , Trump who shows a preference for torture and has just resurrected the Phoenix Programme overseen by the the once CEO of Blackwater , the US’s private Army who do things even the US Army wouldn’t do . this lot would make the Stasi seem like a moderate thoughtful retirement club .

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