Theresa May’s Brexit strategy revealed – the Easter Island approach

We’re now over four months into the post-Brexit trauma, and Theresa May’s Brexit plans are slowly becoming clear. There’s going to be more opportunities to win than in a box load of scratch cards that you got given for free. Everyone is going to win the lottery of life because being Great is what being British means. We’ve got the baking programmes to prove it, and that’s why there’s going to be cake and Britain’s going to eat it. Britain’s going to divorce the EU but will be keeping the house, the car, and all the assets, but the EU gets to keep the kids, at least those ones that haven’t had their teeth examined by Amber Rudd. And everyone is going to be happy and patriotic, except for gay Olympic fencing judges.

It’s going to be grand, because Boris Johnson and Nigel Farage both say so, and just like the Donald Trump whom they’re competing to sook up to they’d never lie. Let’s get on with cutting all our ties to Europe, they both urge. They’re a bit like the chieftains on Easter Island who called on their tribespeople to cut down the last trees on the island in order to move a big and pointless stone statue, provoking a total collapse of the island’s civilisation and a descent into human sacrifice and a cannibalistic civil war. The difference of course is that the Easter Islanders at least ended up with some big statues to show for their sacrifices, whereas the only beings who will express any interest in a statue of Nigel Farage will be the doos which crap on it. And anyway no one is proposing to throw Nigel into a volcano as a sacrifice to propitiate Donald Trump, which is a bit disappointing really.

I must confess I did get my hopes up slightly when I saw that photie of Nige and the Donald grinning in front of a pair of golden doors which looked like something from an Indiana Jones movie, and was sort of hoping that they’d open the doors and immediately be devoured by giant spiders, and or fall into a tank of ravenous piranhas. But it was not to be. Doors like that are more usually associated with Egyptian pyramids and contain mummies whose brains and hearts have been removed and are stored in jars. Which isn’t a bad description of Nigel and Donald, come to think of it.

Anyway, this week we’ve finally achieved a modicum of clarity on the UK’s Brexit plans, not due to anything that the government has deigned to tell us, but because of a leaked memo. The leaked cabinet memo has highlighted just how well prepared and organised the UK government is for Brexit, if that is by well prepared and organised you mean running around screaming in a panic with your underwear on your head while blaming everyone else for the disaster that’s about to befall us. The reason that Theresa May doesn’t want to reveal her hand is because there’s no plan. There’s no strategy. There’s no definition of priorities.

Over four months on, there’s still no strategy or common plan from the various parts of the British government. They’re still far more concerned with fighting one another than they are with developing a strategy that they can all agree on. Quite possibly because no one wants to be the first to admit that they can agree with Liam Fox on anything. According to the memo, the government may need 30,000 extra civil servants in order to deal with planning and preparation for Brexit. Instead the government has decided to embark upon the tried and tested British method of muddling through then insisting that the resultant cock up was in fact a bold and innovative new jam-like strategy which they had been aiming for all along. And anyway, the mess is all the fault of migrants / Brussels bureaucrats / Jeremy Corbyn /openly gay Olympic fencing judges, delete as appropriate.

The memo has revealed that Theresa May is as much of a control freak as Gordie Broon was, and just like Gordie now that she’s managed to get to the top of the greasy pole of politics she doesn’t have the foggiest idea of what she wants to do next. She’s presiding over a cabinet full of squabbling egos, whose ability is in inverse proportion to their sense of importance. Boris hates David Davis, David Davis hates Liam Fox, and everyone hates Philip Hammond.

Liam has adopted the gunboat approach to diplomacy in his contacts with our EU neighbours, forgetting that we don’t actually have any gunboats. A few days ago he pissed off other EU member states by loftily informing them that they’d have no choice but to allow a post-Brexit UK full access to the single market irrespective of whether Britain rejects free movement or deports Polish people. This is because, said the bold Liam, the EU has negotiated trade treaties with non-EU states who signed up to them on the basis that they’d have access to all the existing member states, and if Britain was outside the single market they’d no longer have access to the UK’s market, so they could sue the EU. It was a cunning wheeze of the sort that has seen self-righteous British colonialists bundled up by the irked natives and thrown into the nearest volacano. Then it was gently pointed out to Liam that since it’s the UK which is voluntarily leaving the EU, it’s the UK which is choosing to withdraw from the single market, and if South Korea is going to sue anyone it’s going to be suing the UK. So that was Liam burned.

Meanwhile in Scotland there are still voices calling plaintively for some sort of deal that will allow Scotland to retain most of the benefits of EU membership even though the rest of the UK has cut down the last tree and set off a cannibal holocaust even without throwing any Tory cabinet ministers into a volcano. Unfortunately for these people, that would be Wullie Rennie and much of the Labour party in Scotland, the only certainty from the UK government about anything related to Brexit is that Scotland isn’t going to get any special treatment. The City of London can get special treatment, Japanese car manufacturers can get special treatment. Parts of the UK which voted heavily to leave will be treated with kid gloves to protect them from the consequences of their Brexit vote, but Scotland will get what it’s given and will be expected to shut up. We’ll experience the full force of the UK’s stupidly selfish incompetence. There’s only one way Scotland can avoid being the sacrificial victims who get thrown into the volcano of Brexit.

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Audio version of this blog post, courtesy of Sarah Mackie @lumi_1984

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44 comments on “Theresa May’s Brexit strategy revealed – the Easter Island approach

  1. […] via Theresa May’s Brexit strategy revealed – the Easter Island approach — Wee Ginger Dug […]

  2. Dan Huil says:

    The so-called united kingdom is being ripped apart and it’s the britnats who are doing the ripping. Great show.

  3. […] Wee Ginger Dug Theresa May’s Brexit strategy revealed – the Easter Island approach […]

  4. Macart says:

    Needed that Paul and some great laugh out loud lines were much required I can tell you.

    Read that piece on the Guardian site this morning and the only response I could muster was a heavy sigh.

  5. ” so the EU could sue them”; you mean, “so they could sue the EU”

  6. Movy says:

    To you and Macart. Absolutely agree. I needed a laugh and I, too, read that piece in the Guardian this morning with a heavy, but unsurprised, heart. What a shambles. PS I love the Indiana Jones analogy. Couldn’t think what that photo reminded me of… now I know!

  7. bjsalba says:

    Brilliant, absolutely brilliant!

  8. Wullie says:


  9. Illy says:

    Hang on, what if we want Scotland to get throw to the nearest volcano?

    Can we start a petition to get Scotland thrown to the nearest volcano please?

  10. hettyforindy says:

    So it’s fck you Scotland again, and a soft landing for London and the leave voting areas. You could hardly make this up.

    Scotland is being shafted, meanwhile being told we are too poor, and, tough you voted to stay in this wonderful UKOK. Thing is Scotland voted by a huge margin to remain in the EU, and nothing will change that fact.

    Maggie May would sign Art50 tomorrow, if she could guarantee Scotland be shackled to her UKOK forever more.

    Wonder where the supposed 30k civil service jobs will be, Scotland? LOL.

    We need SNP councils voted in next year, and we need an independence referendum before brexit is finalised. Thing is, Maggiemay will be scheming to try to ensure that Scotland is fully dragged out of the EU, before an indy ref can take place.

    IMO, the games that these gits play with peoples’ lives, is utterly criminal and those responsible should be locked up.

    The young people of this disgusting UK will suffer the most, with far fewer jobs and study opportunities, no workers rights, and no human rights. The tory and red tory legacy paints a terrifying future for our young people, who just do not and will not enjoy anywhere near the same standard of living, or quality of life.

    Older people, mainly those who have had good, well paid jobs, many who were provided with free higher education and now have good pensions, free bus passes, a great NHS in Scotland, winter fuel payments, even if they are millionaires, just do not know they are born do they.

    • As one of your “older people” can I simply say that “yes I do know I was born” and thanks for the back-handed insult!

      • Marconatrix says:

        I´ve concluded that I was probably born … but it required a little navel gazing …

        • Whitburnsfinest says:

          Born?? How very last century! I was printed by a 3D printer. On mars. Then beamed to earth. At least that’s what my parents told me when I asked them.

          Aaaaaanyhoo, to pick up on your point. No the NHS is not great in Scotland. Have you been near a GP surgery or a hospital lately? Good grief, the thing is a nightmare! CT and MRI departments at St Johns in Livingston are months behind schedule, with a skeleton staff who are all new to the job and having to learn basic usage of the machinery as they went, while treating patients.

          My GP surgery is in a town of around 15000 people. There are 7 GP’s. 7!!!!! So each GP has a patient list averaging 2000 people. It’s insane. It’s downright dangerous. And don’t even get me started on how junior doctors are treated. When these doctors end up having to sign off because of stress and depression, who will they go to? The doctor?? I may see a problem there….

          I know of someone who had a nervous breakdown and instead of being put in the psychiatric ward, they were put in a stroke ward because there were no beds available on the psych ward. Sure, a doctor came down to assess the patient, but it took weeks before the patient was given the ongoing, 24/7 care any psych patient needs. That’s not even to mention that a stroke ward is one of the most depressing places on this earth, and certainly no place for anyone with severe mental health problems.The mere fact that there are insufficient resources to deal with both chronic and acute mental health issues should be setting off every alarm bell in existence. But nobody does a thing so the problem gets worse.

          Look, you can be bitter towards baby boomers and the ones born shortly after that all you want, but please don’t pretend they get some sort of special perfect NHS. They don’t. And the fact they’re now getting older and need more care, under the absolute shambles that is the NHS, should horrify us all. First, it’s inhumane. Old ladies kept on trolleys in the corridor, not being fed or washed properly, old men coming into hospital with a chest infection and leaving in a box because of the even worse infection they picked up while in hospital. I could go on about this for days. And, to go slightly closer to home, if it’s not fixed that’ll be us one day.

    • Bill Wyler says:

      Have to take exception to your insult to all pensioners. I am 66, worked for 50 years, had 6 weeks of unemployment in all that time. I paid into a superannuation fund for 30 of those years. When I retired last year, I didn’t get a full pension as they said I was contracted out and they then tax both pensions, a con started by Liebor. You recon I get free this and free that, but excuse me did I not paid tax and NI for all those years to qualify for my so called free society and then again free uni fees were not available to my generation. I respectfully suggest you reflect on your comments as this is what drives older voters away from the Indy cause. I have been commited since the days of Gordon Wilson, so don’t assume I am a unionist. These red yellow and blue bunch should be jailed for the criminal way they treat the sick, poor and infirm. If we don’t get out of this union our country will be destroyed by their greed and our children emigrate in greater numbers for a better life they need here.

      • Marconatrix says:

        ¨free uni fees were not available to my generation¨
        If you´re 66 then I´m fairly sure they were. You´d have been at uni around the end of the 60´s/ early 70´s. Maintenance grants too, although these were means-tested. Can somebody check?

        • selkie says:

          Am 62, nurse from 1971_ 76, art student from 1977 _ 81. Student grant was far more than staff nurse/ acting ward sister salary.
          (In Aberdeen)

      • Well said Bill. I’m ten years older than you and I am just about to set out on another leafleting session. Probably Hetty is correct statistically, but we shouldn’t all be tarred with the same brush.

    • Hetty,
      Every Scots citizen should have the lifestyle which you describe in your last paragraph.
      Good, well paid jobs, with superannuated pensions, and a State Pension that is more than 26% of the average wage, free education, and an NHS free at the point of service.
      Like others on here, I am 69, worked all my days, and have lived through the most turbulent and politically treacherous decades of the twentieth Century, and on into the first 15 years of the 21st Century.
      We lived through the deindustrialisation of the UK, and Scotland got it worse than most.
      From the ‘seventies onwards the prospect of unemployment and financial insecurity blighted all our lives, as shipyards closed, car manufacturers pulled out of Scotland, the giant Singer’s Sewing Machine folded in a blink, mortgage rates of 14.8% were the norm, and we had bankers’ scams even then in the form of useless Endowment Policies, and we faithfully paid into what we thought was a contributory scheme towards our retirement pension in the form of NI Contributions and Grads, only to find that it had suddenly become another form of income tax, and that we were a ‘demographic timebomb’, a liability, a burden on the state.
      We were living too long, and we were sold the lie that today’s workers were paying for our pensions, and that at roughly £119.30 for the basic pension, we were a drain on the economy.
      We have the 6th worst RP rate in Europe, and Frank Field’s Committee wants to cut this in real terms even further.
      May I caution you not to fall into the trap which the Blair McDougalls and John McTernans of this Unionist world set for us who demand Self Determination and continuing membership of the EU.
      Divide and Conquer, the British Imperialist way. India Pakistan, Greek and Turkish Cypress, Ireland ,North and South, Palestine. They have previous, and almost got away with it during Indyref 1.
      After Self Determination, surely civic Scotland will demand that our politicians introduce a scheme whereby all its citizens can look forward to a comfortable pension at the end of their working life, a healthy NHS, Free Education for all, and so on; and no more Nuclear bombs or delusions of World Domination,
      Those who voted No had good reasons for opting for the status quo.
      The status quo is no longer an option.
      May and her gaggle of Right Wing privateers do not represent the views of 62% of Scots residents. They are the ‘Unknown’ that we should all fear.
      The So Called Scottish Labour Party abstained today, proving once again that they have no interest in protecting the rights and financial well being of the Scottish population. They await instructions from HQ Down There.
      We Scots citizens, young, old, and anywhere in between, are all in this together.
      Self Determination and continuing membership of the EU, or choose to remain as a dependent colony of Isolationist Right Wing England, and watch on helplessly as Europe, and most of the world, close their borders to us.

      • Alasdair Macdonald says:

        As someone exactly the same age, I endorse Mr Jack Collatin’s comment.

        Many of us are, indeed, comfortably off, but that does not mean that we are not strongly for independence. We have children who are well-educated, but are struggling to find jobs and get decent accommodation. So, we see the value of self determination for those who live in Scotland.

        I do not doubt the sincerity of Hettyforindy, but she must avoid slipping into stereotypes and categorising all people who fall into one particular group as the same. Supporters of independence come from the full range of backgrounds, lifestyles, political philosophies, etc. and independence will be gained by PERSUADING some NO voters to switch, and these NO voters comprise as wide a range of people as YES voters. There are few significant differences between my wife and I and neighbours – who remain neighbours and friends – who voted NO.

    • stuckdoonhame says:

      I am getting SO fed up with comments like this. I am well aware that I benefited and want our young folk to have the same opportunities. Please don’t alienate support by assuming anyone over 60 is selfish and uncaring.

    • Dave says:

      Yes Hettyforindy, how dare we get old, how dare we buy houses and how dare we pay into the pensions offered and oh how dare we also expect the powers that be to come good on the contracts we made with them.

      The trouble with your comment is that it speaks of a race to the bottom i.e. We should all be as badly off as the worst off person in society. Instead of striving for fair treatment for everyone.

      What our generation was promised, what we worked for and what a lucky few of us managed to actually get was the result of a contract we made with the government who at the time encouraged us to do it. Many were and an ever increasing number now are being diddled out of what was agreed. Something roundly backed up and endorsed by folk like yourself. Or so your comment would imply.

      I get a bit sick of all this stuff about how hard it is for young folk now. Like it was so easy for folk in the past. I had a mortgage with inflation at 19% and couldn’t afford to do the place up, did without, lived on bare floors blah blah etc..

      I can see how it’s tough nowadays for young folk having to keep up £36+ a month phone contracts and having an iPad each and a 50 inch TV. Car insurance is so expensive. It’s also so uncool to do diy cos I don’t know one end of a screwdriver from another and can’t be bothered to learn. I mean that’s why Homebase et al are all closing down because, well, you need to pay tradesman to get it done properly, right! Oh and I can’t be bothered yeah.

      Yes Hettyforindy that was also a load of shit. A load of judgemental value ridden shit just like your last paragraph. You weren’t doing too badly up to then.

      Please have a think to yourself and imagine that maybe, just maybe you’ve been manipulated and your directing your ire at the wrong folk. I come to this site because folk are enlightened and generally media savvy. I’m sure if you think about it you will realise that if it’s older people being blamed for societies ills this week then next week it may be you. The right wing establishment always has to have someone to blame to divert our attention from their excesses. The rich own most of the pie while the rest of us stab each other in the back for what’s left. Let’s stop doing that.

      Think about it.

    • Alison Neave says:

      I was born 71 years ago. Voted Yes and voted Remain. I know I was not born yesterday and that’s why I voted the way I did. It is a myth I think that most older people voted to remain part of the UK and those who did won’t be encouraged to change their minds by this kind of comment. Seems to be part of a growing tide of rampant ageism.

    • jazpen says:

      Re last para. Don’t be so sure of yourself, yes I do know. I’m paying for my children and grandchild and I know how difficult it is and it will get much worse and I’ve been a supporter of Independence since I was 15. Do not antagonise my generation, you need us onside.

  11. Graeme Timoney says:

    ” There’s only one way Scotland can avoid being the sacrificial victims who get thrown into the volcano of Brexit” Let me guess. Could it be federalism? Do I win a prize?

    • harper1903 says:

      No to any federalism in the UK of any kind its another con-trick that will be thrown by a desperate Westminster ala “Browns Vow” if things start moving towards a Yes vote in indyref2. Full independence and nothing else!

  12. bedelsten says:

    Nicely put.

    The view from the top of the greasy pole must be something to behold. Such is the magnificence of the view that normal cranial functions cease (apart from the bit that sends messages for crapping on the ones below – that never ceases to function). Certainly those parts of the brain involved in communication and decision making seem to seize up, hence Mayhem’s gnomic mantras and strategy of “drawing in decisions and details to settle matters herself”, which, translated, means ‘if I tell you that, you will know as much as me’, riposted by ‘if I knew as much as you, I would still know sweet FA’.

    The leak must be true, it has even been reported by the BBC, usually only keen to use leeks in the next great strictly British bubble and squeak bake off factor though, for Scottish viewers only, there is indoor rumbledethumps. 30,000 civil servants are required, says Deloitte who, for a fee, and an entry into the bullshit bingo competition will ‘… leverage research, analytics, and industry insights to help design and execute critical programmes from business driven HR to innovative talent, leadership, and change programmes.’ No conflict of interest of course.

    Wully what’s his name and some SLAB geezer I have never heard of but who hopes to make use of the telephone box next year, seem to be operating under some sort of delusion over Scotland’s constitutional future. The time when federalism was an option has passed, dead, gone, pushing up the daisies, and nailing it to a perch while singing ‘halleluiah’ (Handel not Cohen) won’t help. Get over it. Get an independent life.

    Text of leaked memo:

  13. Brian Powell says:

    The world must look on the UK and think, “Wow, we can rip the shit out of these guys, no prob!”

  14. Anne says:

    What year did free higher education start in Scotland?

  15. punklin says:

    Those golden (bet it’s as fake as the Donald’s thatch) doors behind Farage and Trump remind me more of Biff’s vulgar palace in Back to the Future 2.

    In fact Trump most easily understood as Biff, I find.

    Trouble is that while the Biff winning scenario was averted by good guys, ours is reality.

    Maybe Bernie Sanders is Doc but who will be our Marty Mcfly?

  16. emilytom67 says:

    Nothing worse in this world than a Scotsman banging on the Establishments door seeking entry and we have many of them.

  17. Simon says:

    According to recent research on Easter Island / Rapa Nui, the civilisation there collapsed not because the islanders cutting down all the trees, but due to contact with Europeans, who brought diseases the islanders had no resistance to, and killed and enslaved the people. Rats also played a major role in the deforestation of the island. See:

  18. hettyforindy says:

    Apologies to those who were offended by my comment. A couple of the replies were just a wee bit insulting and vicious which I feel upset about as I did not mean to insult anyone and did not intend to generalise, so sorry for that.

    I did not mean to offend, but I obviously did so. I was being a bit tongue in cheek, having had a conversation with my 85yr old neighbour who was blaming the ills of the world on our young people, and even said ‘they don’t know they are born!’

    My parents as children in the 1930’s had no shoes, or heating and my dad had to steal scraps of coal for the family. That was in NE england. I don’t want things to go back to those days. They worked in factories, voted labour but we were always poor, struggling to pay the rent and bills, and at times to put food on the table, I remember it well. My life has been a breeze in comparison, even as a carer.

    When I talked about older people, I meant those who really have never had to struggle, not in any major way and not for any length of time throughout their lives.
    I know some who have have had good lives but who still complain massively about the buses, the bins and the SNHS even though it has treated them extremely well throughout their lives and into their old age.

    They also voted no.

    If I ever express negativity towards anyone, it is aimed at those who voted no, and who would not hesitate to vote no again. I struggle to forgive them.

    I want independence for Scotland, for now and especially for the future, because the alternative paints a terrible picture, one of an asset stripped Scotland, with little going for it, for both young and old.

    No thanks, to that scenario.

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