The permagordiegasm

There’s been an inturrvenshun, which is the only thing that the Scottish media love more than a murrdurr or a wee cute kitten, although it does still come quite some way behind the fitba. Who needs quantum states when you’ve got Gordie Broon, who can simultaneously intervene for the very first time even though he never bloody stops intervening, and is simultaneously the most influential politician that the Labour party possesses and a complete non-entity. In one of the alternate universes accessible only in a quantum state there’s a Gordie Broon who intervenes while stabbing someone while carrying a kitten at a fitba match, and a Scottish media that’s in a state of permanent Gordiegasm. Although to be honest the one in this universe makes a very good attempt at being in a state of permagordiegasm too.

Gordie Broon has been pacing the carpet for the very first time again, this time he has used a speech to the European Parliament to warn the Tory government that it’s terrible bad for them to be so negative in their campaigning in the EU referendum. That’s Gordie for you, watching the Tories attack one another and pull the limbs off each other like a psychopathic child pulling the legs off of flies is the only pleasurable part of this entire sorry excuse for a referendum campaign. It’s highly amusing to watch Tories make the realisation that Tories are durrty lying basterts, a fact that the rest of us have known for a very long time. Gordie wants an end to all of that. He wants more discussion of endogenous growth theory and jaw clamping. Trust Gordie to suck the joy out of everything, and it’s not like there’s a lot of joy to go around in the UK. In no small measure we have Gordie to thank for making it so bloody miserable.

Being negative is not how we won the Scottish referendum for the Tories, said the man who spent the indyref telling people who need transplants or blood transfusions that they’d be left to a slow agonising death even worse than the one we all have to suffer from having to listen to Gordie’s pontification. Clearly putting the bejeezus up pensioners with the threat that they weren’t going to get their pensions any more if Scotland became independent wasn’t negative scaremongering, it was merely offering information.

The fact that it was lying, manipulative, and deceptive information is neither here nor there to the Gordosaur. The fact that it was a complete invention and as much of a fantasy as his estimation of his abilities and achievements didn’t bother him either. Gordie never lies, he’s quantum, what he says is perfectly accurate in one of the alternate universes that only exist inside his own ego. If that’s good enough for Gordie and the Scottish media it ought to be good enough for the rest of us too. Besides, Gordie’s ego is perfectly capable of containing an infinite number of contradictory propositions because it’s so vast that they never have to collide with one another or with reality.

Gordie’s inturrvenshun proves yet again that he’s incapable of remembering what he said and did the last time. That’s why he has a clear conscience. It’s very easy to have a clear conscience when you’ve suppressed the memories of all the lies you’ve told. He reputedly has a stupendous capacity for facts and a photographic memory, it’s just that there’s no film in his camera and no pointer in his moral compass. The only thing that he’s capable of remembering reliably is who he holds a grudge against. However it’s unfair to say that our one-time leader is a complete idiot, some of his parts are missing. Those would be the parts resonsible for modesty, self-awareness, good grace, and charm.

Gordie’s entire life is a lesson in the folly of rampant ambition at the cost of everything else. It’s all very well having a ruthless determination to get to the top, but you need to have some idea of what you’re going to do when you get there. Gordie spent decades plotting, sulking, and backstabbing his way into the Prime Minister’s office, and when he finally got there he had no clue about what to do next. It wasn’t that he had any great vision for office, he was just jealous and upset that other people had the office and he didn’t. This is not a man that should be held up as an example to anyone. The fact he’s a hero to large sections of the Scottish Unionist media tells you a whole lot more about the Scottish Unionist media than it does about Gordie Broon.

If you believed the Scottish Unionist media, and with every passing day there are fewer and fewer who do, the people to listen to on Scottish matters are Gordie, wee Wullie Rennie, and Ruth the Action Krankie. Kezia Dugdale would normally have been included on that list, but not even what’s left of the Labour party listen to her. Collectively they have less influence on Scottish life than the buffalo that Ruth likes to use as a prop for her photo ops. Although to be fair Wee Wullie is highly influential when it comes to bus timetables in Fife. That gives him more power and influence than Gordie Broon has.

The Scottish media have to make the most of the Gordosaur because he was the last Scottish MP to become Prime Minister, and he’s going to be the last. There will never be another Scottish Prime Minister, it’s a concept which is as extinct as the dinosaurs or as Labour MPs representing Scottish working class communities. Davie Cameron has ensured there won’t be another Scottish PM with his English votes for English laws which mean a future Scottish Prime Minister wouldn’t have a vote on key policies of their own government. But as long as the Unionist media have Gordie they can pretend that Scotland still has influence in the Union, and by extension that the Scottish Unionist media does too. It’s the self-deluded seeking validation from a fantasist.


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31 comments on “The permagordiegasm

  1. shemorvena says:

    The Gordosaur being constantly wheeled out to con Scot’s is getting so tired now. CaMoron has ensured that Gordosaur is the last of his kind. Only English MP’s may apply for the top job of PM.

  2. Stephen Bowers says:

    “pacing the carpet for the very first time again” brilliant stuff

  3. says:

    Reblogged this on Bampots Utd.

  4. […] Wee Ginger Dug The permagordiegasm […]

  5. Tinto Chiel says:

    So, just to be clear, you’re asserting that Gordon Brown is a liar, a hypocrite, and a manipulative fantasist devoid of vision or principle?

    Yup, I would say that just about covers it.

    Have your laptop keys not melted yet, Paul?

    This despicable chancer deserves all he gets from you, so well said. He is the incarnation of two classic Scottish Yoon Types, the Cringer and the Scot-on-the-Make.

    Oh, and add the whiff of Son-of-The Manse Hokum for added nauseating effect.


  6. Tinto Chiel says:

    Subtract that “added”.

    Pure goat carried away wi’ ma wurds!

  7. Saor Alba says:

    For a son of the Manse you might expect some humility, but this creature seems to have NONE.

    Maybe his Unionism overrides it with its characteristic sense of entitlement and dependence on traits such as selfishness (I’m all right Union Jack), hypocrisy, engagement with fantasy, lack of principles, lack of vision, violence, manipulation (of facts and people), deception, hubris, sense of superiority and comfort with telling downright lies.

    However, I agree and suspect he belongs to both of the classic types you describe.

    Indeed, as Paul points out, this man (and many others on the Unionist political spectrum) should NOT be held up as examples to anyone.

  8. FM says:

    Excellent work! Would that others show him as a nonentity.

  9. douglas clark says:

    Gordon Brown reminds me more of weather systems. A depression centred on Scotland with thunder and lightening in his immediate vicinity. A tsunami of vacuity that still does harm wherever it strikes. A day when the mist restricts visibility to about 100 metres from his wobbling chin.

    He is probably a rain god .

  10. northbritain says:

    Gordon Brown didn’t become PM by virtue of winning a GE.

    The English don’t vote for Scots based in Scotland as PM; they need to be Anglicized by virtue of leaving Scotland behind first to even become palatable. Blair managed the Anglicized bit representing Sedgefield; & basically disavowing Scotland to become English to get a win.

    Hence Gordie never did win a GE as PM. He just couldn’t cut it with the English public. No wonder he banged on about being British all the time, and gushing about Gazza’s goal against Scotland.

    The last stay-at-home Scotsman to win a GE representing a Scottish constituency?

    That’s a tough one!

    • Del says:

      > Blair managed the Anglicized bit representing Sedgefield
      Some would argue the rot set in when Blair went to Fettes. Nothing wrong with a private education [cough: I await comments] but it does expose fine upstanding scotspersons to alien influences. A-levels not Highers. The horror. And a whole world of networking that’s so different to a state education. Brown never had a chance.
      Brown lost it a long time before, when he was rousing rabble at Edinburgh University. After he manned the barricades against Barclays in South Africa, the hoi poloi elected him Rector, and the University turned somersaults to prevent him doing any damage to their reputation. Stuffy old gits, what?

  11. Guga says:

    This deserves to be an epitaph for Broon as it summarizes his career to a T. Not forgetting, of course, his own words about him being the man who “saved the world”.

  12. Earlier this month the Scottish electorate sent a message to 24 Blue Tory hopefuls who stood in constituencies. Resoundingly we told them to Fuck Off, big time. Yet we are stuck with them in Edinburgh.
    Last night Scotland 2016, which is fast becoming a Unionist embarrassment , was at it again.
    Brian Taylor, who is increasingly likely to explode live some day, put NS through her paces on, matters , well Parish Council.
    Education got big licks.
    Then back to Kerr live in the studio, and two tired dusty old Unionist failures, The Queen’s Eleven, Murdo Fraser, who was given the political V sign by the sensible folk of Moray (he lost by 10,353 votes , TEN THOUSAND THREE HUNDRED AN FIFTY THREE VOTES), is now the Finance Spokesperson for the Blue WATP Tories, and Iain Gray, by name and nature, representing the Red Tories.

    At least Ol’ Gray won his genteel leafy suburb Red Tory seat, tactical voting or no.

    Scotland 2016 then played out their usual Better Together SNP Bad routine. (What happened to Wullie Armed Police A Disgrace Rennie’s lot?)

    The Queen’s Eleven Fraser opened by congratulating himself and the Blue Tories for doubling the number of seats, and he politically climaxed live on air gasping what a stunning victory it was ..the man who was booted out by his constituents. He is the Anas Private Schools Sarwar of the Blue T’s.
    Yet because of the system set up by the Unionists, in 1999, this reject by the People is on the Beeb, along with the Red Tory ex leader, and fellow abject failure in his own lunchtime, ex teacher Gray, SNP BAD-ding it, with no Government Rep in the room afforded a right of reply.

    Back on topic: Brown is a monumental Red Tory Failure, who is now coining in a fortune, like his wee pal Boom Boom Tony, and Fuckin’ Lord Darling, and the rest, working for the Man.

    We now have a Scottish Media who are a mere propaganda front for The Holy London Empire.
    We are subjected to these people’s views, and policies, as though they are the only game in town. Scotland 2016 is a typical example.

    We booted them out, yet Tom Gordon of the Herald, who many of us have also rejected , is on BBC Scotland last night, giving me his editorial live, on my TV Licence money, whether I like it or not.

    Brown was described by his colleagues as mentally unhinged back in the heady days of Things Can Only Get Better New Labour, never mind now, when his motivation is to make money for Fat Cats. Not for Gordon food banks, 500,000 Scots citizens living below the poverty line, or £450 million in cuts to the Education budget introduced by Osborne, The Queen’s Eleven Murdo Fraser’s Puppet Master.

    We live in an alternative Brave New World, where we, the people, count for nothing, unless of course, we’ve got oodles of money.

    Brown was, is, and always will be out for Brown, first, and The North Britons an extremely distant second.
    I ask, if there are any Old Labour pre Tony Blair folk out there, why the hell are you still supporting this mob of neo Cons?

  13. Edit: The Queen’s Eleven Murdo Fraser failed abjectly in Perthsihre North. It was Douglas Ross, who failed miserably in Moray, yet still gets on the Holyrood gravy train. £1200 a week plus expenses, and free croissants, HB pencils, a wee silver pencil sharpener, a blotter, and all the Evian Water you can stuff into your briefcase as a member of this or that Holyrood Committee.
    ‘Gone to heaven, I have died and’, comes to mind.

    • lanark says:

      Well said. It doesn’t matter where they failed, the fact is they failed. If scrapng just over 20% of the vote counts as success for them, who are we to burst their bubble?

      • But burst we must, Lanark. No more Mr Nice Guy.
        Ruth Davidson is snatching food from the table of our least fortunate children, yet the MSM are falling over themselves to portray her as some sort of political success. She failed, and failed miserably.
        £1.1 billion in cuts to welfare, disability payments, and UCS. That’s the Tory Way. Rob the ordinary folk to reward the already super rich.
        If there were no Tory Party in Scotland, whether Blue Red or Jaundiced, we wouldn’t have to invent one. The politics of greed, the rat race, do unto others before they do it to you, privilege, snobbery, and theft on an industrial scale.
        Ruth, The Quen’s Eleven Murdo, Jackson (how’s that Parliamentary Enquiry into Howie’s expenses going? Didn’t send it? My, my.) , Prof WATP Tomkins are out to destroy Civic Society.
        If you can’t afford it, be it health, education, social justice, there’s always charity.
        I shall use Fraser’s and Tomkin’s bigoted soubriquets until they leave Holyrood.

        The protective bubble in which they fester is one of privilege, elitism, and arch right wing neo liberal despotism.
        What this country needs is revolution, not ‘progressive reform’; starting next year when we metaphorically burn down New Labour’s Tammany Hall.
        GCHQ:- I wrote ‘metaphorically’. Nothing to monitor here, move on.

  14. Iain says:

    Rather an unfair assessment of Gordon Brown. Have we forgotten his marvellous charity work on behalf of the “Office of Gordon and Sarah Brown”. Which is not even remotely a pompous title for a series of bank accounts.

  15. AAD says:

    I miss campaigning when I had a chance to refute the lies. I think I will take a wee walk up the toon and see if I can start a row in a bus queue. (The Glasgow willingness to talk to anybody can be useful.) Even two or three minutes debunking some of the lies can be uplifting to the spirit. And after reading the last two WGD pieces my spirit needs uplifting. “Such a parcel of rogues in a Nation.”

  16. Glibness and Superficial Charm.
    Manipulative and Conning.
    Never recognising the rights of others and seeing their self-serving behaviours as permissible.
    Grandiose Sense of Self.
    Pathological Lying.
    Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt.
    Shallow Emotions.
    Incapacity for Love.
    Need for Stimulation.
    Lack of empathy.
    Poor behavioural controls/impulsive.
    Parasitic lifestyles.

    There’s something about that “New Labour” era isn’t there?

  17. Jan Cowan says:

    Brown thoroughly deserves all you’ve thrown at him. Post and comments a wonderful read. I only hope someone – his wife perhaps? – sits Brown down and makes him read the lot. But probably wouldn’t hit the mark for as Paul says, some of his parts are missing – self-awareness in particular.

    Love the fact that although he has a photographic memory “there’s no film in his camera”. Brilliant!

  18. Dan Huil says:

    I hope Broon gets punished for his part in the Iraq War scandal. I hope the britnat media in Scotland just goes away and dies. It’s nae leukin aafy guid as it stans, hee hee.

  19. Guga says:

    Broon is definitely a war criminal, just like his pal Bliar, and should be tried and hanged for his crimes.

  20. maxi says:

    You know, all this theatre over in/out is distraction for the gullible part of society.Higher intellects know the UK will never leave the EU and Hillary clinton is the next USA president.
    Gordon brown is a lying cheating human being of the worst kind in the political sense to the people of the UK.and as i said he is being wheeled out to give the impression of a close call result just like the Scottish referendem.I am a true Scottish patriot and i am voting to leave the EU as i believe we as a country can gain independence from everybody and start again from default.
    I believe what is for us wont go by us and all the people of Scotland especially the ones with no hope and nothing right now will be invigorated to start again with a sense of hope and aspirations that are missing from society right now.
    AS i said they will not let us leave and we should prepare for the onslought of cuts etc, that will surely come from Westminster soon enough.

  21. I see Gordon Brown as the Nixon of uk politics. Like you say so ambitious to be the leader but obviously had not thought it through as to what he would actually do as leader. So sad.

    His ex-pal Anthony Charles Lynton (Miranda) Blair. is getting a bit upperty right now. I am reading far too much about him for my taste in the press and on line. Could it be time to bring his interest in cottages back into the public arena. After all was that not what Bush and his CIA pals had on our Tone that lead to his “keenness” to attack Iraq? Allegedly!

  22. John Edgar says:

    Is Brown more a figure of fun these days always declaiming in apocalyptic tones with set jaw and mad eyes staring at the ceiling. The court jester who wheels himself out to perform the stereotypical jest for the oiks and their masters. A latter-day Dennis Skinner outwith the HoC.
    The next stage will be when he trots out at the Queen’s birthday and performs – the former PM who never won an election as leader.
    Je probably carries in his pocket a draft cabinet in the event he is recalled by the Privy Council to head a government of national unity after the next crisis – Brexit perhaps?
    Let us, however, enjoy his antics. Jesters are always tolerated to deflect the gaze of the populace.

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