The mass extinction of Unionist monkeys

Usually you can find Unionist monkeys up every tree, chucking poo at the SNP with the aid of the Daily Record, and gibbering more embarrassing nonsense than Donald Trump with a microphone as they planked their arses on a safe seat. Now it seems like the once ubiquitous Unionist monkey is an endangered species. The jungle is awfully quiet these days, the monkeys are nowhere to be seen. The not at all celebrities of the Unionist establishment have got out of here, and we haven’t even needed to sit through hours of Ant and Dec in order to achieve it.

Chancers, careerists, con-merchants on the make, they all used to dream about landing a nice wee number as a Labour constituency MP or MSP. The selection procedures for the Scottish Parliament elections should be coming to a close by now, but there’s a shortage of Unionist sacrificial monkeys. Labour sources report that the party can’t find enough candidates for every constituency seat in Scotland as those who do fancy a career as a monkey with a red rosette fight one another for a place on the list instead. It used to be that a Labour constituency seat was a passport to a cushy career for life with a nice expenses account. In years to come people will write psychological horror novels about the misbegotten souls who actually aspired to become George Foulkes. Then they’ll make a movie about it and a wide eyed child actor will say to the camera – I see dead political careers.

Being selected as a Labour candidate for a constituency in Scotland is now an open invitation to a counselling session with Haley Joel Osment, so Labour’s wannabes are fighting it out over the limited number of places on the list. Sitting MSPs, rejected MPs, and former cooncil leaders are playing musical chairs with the last remaining list seats, each one hoping that they can get their bum on a place while the media band is still playing the Internationale. Each one is trying to shove the others out the way before the music stops for good and all that’s left for the Labour party in Scotland is the silence of the vacuum between James Kelly’s ears.

Reports in the press now however say that Labour is struggling to find quality candidates. Although when you look at Anas Sarwar, Jackie Bailley, and Gordon Matheson you really do have to wonder about the definition of “quality”. The only characteristic that Labour’s representatives excel in is the thickness and shininess of their brass necks. The party has been without any meaningful purpose since Tony Blair was elected party leader. Labour became a party that sought power for power’s sake, but now they’re out of power in Westminster and in Holyrood and there’s no realistic prospect of them getting back into power any time soon. The party is running out across the chasm of public trust supported by nothing but the hot air of media puffery and the self-regard of a political class that hopes its inflated sense of its own worth will substitute for policies, talent, and ability.

Labour is having such problems getting itself elected anywhere that George Foulkes has proposed in the House of Lords that the Scotland Bill should be amended to give Scotland its own upper chamber to revise and control the legislation coming out of Holyrood. George thinks it’s dangerous that we have the SNP in control in the Scottish Parliament, although he wasn’t overly concerned about a one party state when Labour was in charge in Scotland’s large cities, in Holyrood, and in Westminster too. George isn’t so much worried about democracy in Scotland as he is in finding way that his party colleagues can keep their grasp on the gravy train.

It’s not just Labour that is struggling to find electable candidates. The Tories are also have problems, although even if the Tories were able to persuade the Dalai Lama to stand for them he’d still struggle to get elected. Mind you, if the Tories were able to persuade the Dalai Lama to stand for them then they wouldn’t be Tories. Anyway the thought of Davie Mundell dressed in his mammy’s best orange curtains is too disconcerting. That’s not the sort of Orange that the Tories are traditionally associated with in Scotland. And it’s because of that association that the Tories have reportedly been making an effort to find younger and trendier candidates. Which still doesn’t explain why they’ve chosen Adam Tomkins, who’s about as with it and trendy as your grandfather dancing at a One Direction concert.

Given the implosion of recriminations and self-loathing that passes for a Labour party in Scotland, capable of nothing except fighting itself and sending out press releases containing nothing but the words “SNP” and “bad”, Ruth Davidson hopes to position the Tories as the largest opposition party to the SNP. If that does happen, it won’t be because Scottish voters are persuaded by the dubious charms of apologists for George Osborne, Iain Duncan Smith and Davie Cameron, it will be because the arse finally falls out of the Labour party. The Tories’ vote continues to drop as its elderly supporters shuffle off to the Orange walk in the sky and the great cosmic tea room where net curtains are twitched for all eternity. Doing crap but getting into second place because someone else is even more crap than you are isn’t much of a victory, but it’s the best the Tories can hope for.

Then there’s the Lib Dems, whose fate is sealed irrespective of the outcome of the court case against Alistair Carmichael. The verdict is due to be delivered tomorrow, and it’s going to be a verdict on British democracy. Either the judges will rule that it’s wrong that Carmichael lied, and order a fresh election which will likely wash away the last Lib Dem stronghold in Scotland, or they’ll rule that on a legal technicality it’s OK for our politicians to lie to the voters. In either event, the Lib Dems are ruled to be liars.

It’s not healthy for Scotland not to have an effective opposition, but the truth is that Scotland IS the opposition to the corrupt and morally bankrupt rule of the British establishment. Normal politics will not be restored until independence, that’s the only way we’ll get a healthy political ecosystem.

I’m off for a few days visiting first thing on Thursday morning, so there will be no updates to the blog until Wednesday of next week.


BUTRT cover front(1)BARKING UP THE RIGHT TREE Barking Up the Right Tree has now been published and is an anthology of my articles for The National newspaper. You can submit an advance order for the book on the Vagabond Voices website at http://vagabondvoices.co.uk/?page_id=1993

Price is just £7.95 for 156 pages of doggy goodness. Order today!

A limited number of signed copies of the two volumes of the Collected Yaps is also still available. See below for order details.


Donate to the Dug This blog relies on your support and donations to keep going – I need to make a living, and have bills to pay. Clicking the donate button will allow you to make a payment directly to my Paypal account. You do not need a Paypal account yourself to make a donation. You can donate as little, or as much, as you want. Many thanks.

Donate Button

Order the Collected Yaps of the Wee Ginger Dug Vols 1 & 2 for only £21.90 for both volumes. A limited number of signed copies is still available, so get your order in now! P&P will be extra, approximately £3 per single volume or £4 for both sent together. If you only want to order one volume, please specify which. Single volumes are available for £10.95 per copy.

To order please send an email with WEE GINGER BOOK ORDER in the subject field to weegingerbook@yahoo.com giving your name, postal address, and email address and which volumes (1, 2 or both) you wish to order. I will contact you with details of how to make payment. Payment can be made by Paypal, or by cheque or bank transfer. Get your order in today – an ideal Christmas present!

Has anyone seen Kezia?

Has anyone seen Kezia? She’s as elusive as Johann Lamont was when she was branch office manager of Labour in Scotland. Kezia is as elusive as Jim Murphy was ubiquitous. Every day Jim stood on an Irn Bru crate before the fawning ranks of the Scottish press to announce policies on things like the exploration of Mars and how alien life forms seeking to parasitise humanity would be totally different from a Labour MP’s expense claims. Jim’s policies may well have been as fictitious as the existence of the Scottish Labour party, but the one thing you couldn’t accuse him of was being shy of proferring an opinion – even if that opinion was invariably that the SNP was terribly, terribly bad, and that in Jim’s view Jim was the best thing to happen to Scotland since the country emerged from underneath the melting glaciers at the end of the Ice Age and people started to complain about the rain.

Kezia doesn’t do opinions, plural. If you trawl through all of Kezia’s public pronouncements you’ll find that she’s only got a single opinion on everything. That opinion is that the SNP is terribly, terribly bad. She’s quite keen to offer that opinion, but not to offer any others because other opinions might involve some joined up thinking, and joined up thinking is hard. Far easier just to blame the SNP.

Labour is currently looking to blame the SNP for the closure of the Forth Road Bridge, even though it was the Labour party that voted against building a second road crossing and then spent all its time criticising the Scottish government for the decision to use Chinese steel in the new bridge even though it was the actions of successive UK governments – including Labour ones – which ensured that there’s no Scottish steel industry capable of supplying the kind of steel required for a new bridge. The UK media is now investigating whether it was the decision of the SNP to vote against war in Syria that caused the unleashing of the Kraken to attack the bridge. The closure of the bridge sparked off hundreds of jokes on Twitter from Edinburghers about how Fife was now shut of from civilisation with no escape from Gordie Broon. It is however terribly unseemly of the capital’s residents to gloat as it should be pointed out that Amazon’s warehouse is on the Fife side. So Seasons Greetings Edinburgh online shoppers, your Christmas is in Kirkcaldy.

Anyone who lives in Scotland and has ever turned on the BBC knows by now that absolutely everything is the fault of the SNP, including the extinction on the dinosaurs whose footprints were recently discovered on Skye. Although to be fair the SNP are responsible for the extinction of Labour dinosaurs, although despite the SNP asteroid which wiped Labour from the electoral map in May, Labour’s dinosaurs seem to be as unkilloffable as an annoying character in a leading BBC sci fi programme and continue to stalk our TV screens. It’s said that after the body expires it takes the brain a few seconds to realise that it’s dead. It’s been several months since the Labour party in Scotland was decapitated, yet its mouth still won’t stop moving, proving that both the Labour party and the Scottish media are exceedingly slow on the uptake and have less intelligence than a corpse.

While we are all fully versed by now in the myriad ways in which the SNP is exceedingly bad, what we don’t know is what Labour’s policy is on just about any topic you care to mention that doesn’t involve blaming the SNP. Does anyone know what the policy of the Labour party in Scotland is about going to war in Syria? Since even the Daily Mail struggles to lay the blame at the door of Nicola Sturgeon, Kezia hasn’t said, and no one in the normally eager Scottish media has bothered to ask her. They’ve been far too busy hounding Natalie McGarry, because probable accountancy errors in the accounts of a non-profit organisation are far far more important than finding out whether the second largest political party in Scotland has a view on whether or not Scotland should be going to war.

We’re not supposed to question our political masters’ decision to take us to war. This is because it’s the act of a statesperson to take the decision to risk civilian deaths and to destroy a foreign country for no other reason than a tokenistic exercise in making the UK look good in the eyes of its allies, whereas it’s bullying and disrespectful of ordinary punters to demand that the same legislators explain and justify their actions.

Meanwhile the Herald newspaper crowed that “Scottish fighter jets” were to be involved in airstrikes on Syrian targets. And there was us thinking that Scotland didn’t vote to become independent last year so there’s no such thing as a Scottish fighter jet, just RAF fighter jets. If they were Scottish fighter jets then it would be Scotland’s elected representatives who decided whether or not they’d be involved in airstrikes. But 57 of Scotland’s MPs voted against taking action in Syria. The misuse of language is a pathetic attempt by Unionists to make out that Scotland is punching above its weight and is involved in world affairs only thanks to our subordination to Westminster.

If they’re really Scottish fighter jets then Trident missiles on the Clyde must also be Scottish nukes – so why can we not get rid of them? Because the truth is, as any child could tell a Unionist journalist, that Scotland has no control at all. Scotland doesn’t decide whether this country goes to war or not, Scotland doesn’t decide whether to have nukes or not. Scotland does as its told, and no amount of media spin is going to put a positive gloss on that sorry state of affairs.

Holding the Labour party to account falls through the cracks in the Unionist case for the Union. They’re the last Unionist party with any support in Scotland, and that support is more corroded and cracked than the pillars on the Forth Road Bridge. Unlike the Forth Bridge, there’s no amount of duct tape that can repair Labour’s fortunes, although if we could tape it over their mouths when they launch into another bleat of SNPbaaaad then the world would be a happier place. All that’s left for Labour and the Union is to slowly fall into the sea of Scottish indifference, and be washed away on the tide of public opinion, taking the Union with them. It’s getting closer every day.


BUTRT cover front(1)BARKING UP THE RIGHT TREE Barking Up the Right Tree has now been published and is an anthology of my articles for The National newspaper. You can submit an advance order for the book on the Vagabond Voices website at http://vagabondvoices.co.uk/?page_id=1993

Price is just £7.95 for 156 pages of doggy goodness. Order today!

A limited number of signed copies of the two volumes of the Collected Yaps is also still available. See below for order details.


Donate to the Dug This blog relies on your support and donations to keep going – I need to make a living, and have bills to pay. Clicking the donate button will allow you to make a payment directly to my Paypal account. You do not need a Paypal account yourself to make a donation. You can donate as little, or as much, as you want. Many thanks.

Donate Button

Order the Collected Yaps of the Wee Ginger Dug Vols 1 & 2 for only £21.90 for both volumes. A limited number of signed copies is still available, so get your order in now! P&P will be extra, approximately £3 per single volume or £4 for both sent together. If you only want to order one volume, please specify which. Single volumes are available for £10.95 per copy.

To order please send an email with WEE GINGER BOOK ORDER in the subject field to weegingerbook@yahoo.com giving your name, postal address, and email address and which volumes (1, 2 or both) you wish to order. I will contact you with details of how to make payment. Payment can be made by Paypal, or by cheque or bank transfer. Get your order in today – an ideal Christmas present!

In the land of the mad the sane are crazy

Amidst the claps and cheers of Tory MPs, Britain is at war again. A few months ago SNP MPs were castigated for clapping in the Commons chamber, but it seems that it’s fine to clap as long as you’re clapping bombing raids and war, as long as you’re clapping the militarism of the British state. In the British parliament you can applaud inhumanity and combat, but not a young MP’s humane and compassionate speech. Clapping is only wrong if you’re Scottish secessionists who want to rescue their country from the farcical charade of Westminster. Clap. Clap. Crap. Crap.

The MPs applauded because Britain is at war again. A dead Syrian child on a Turkish beach provokes outrage around the world, but a hundred dead Syrian civilians killed in British bombing raids is an acceptable level of civilian casualties. The British state has decided that their lives are worth risking for its self-importance. David Cameron’s self-esteem is more important than a life unlived, more crucial than a life cut short. The pride of Britain counts for more than the beating heart of a Syrian child, more than the twinkle in the eyes of lovers under the moon, more than the grief of a mother and father. Britain will do its bit to create chaos and then our politicians can strut the world stage on the backs of the dead.

But Britain is only doing what the British state defines itself by. Britain is defined by war and its establishment needs war in order to justify its existence. All this has happened before, all this will happen again, a merry go round of murder. A nation which defines itself by its military prowess, by its obligatory public fetishisation of pride in its armed forces, by its need to “stand tall”, is a nation that can never know peace. Like an alcoholic who crawls out of bed and reaches for the bottle, the British state needs war in order to feel normal.

Just one, just one more sip, just one more bombing raid. I can give it up whenever I want. Just one more and then I’ll stop. Honest, you can trust me, I’m the British state. Have I ever lied to you before? Iraq? That was just a misunderstanding. Just one more war, and then I’ll stop. One more, until the next one. I need this. I’ve thought it all through this time, no really I have. Just one more war and all will be well. Until the next one. You need me to have wars for you. I’m the British state. Why aren’t you proud of me?

Britain will always be at war. It’s good for business. Today the defence companies reported that their share prices soared like a Vulcan bomber. But we should call these companies what they are. Companies whose business is the production of means of killing and maiming human beings are not defence companies. They’re offensive companies. And the British state keeps offensive company.

War is the normal state of being in the UK. When our statepeople stand in the Westminster parliament and say that Britain needs to go to war because the UK must live up to the expectations of our allies, they’re saying that Britian must go to war because Britain has always gone to war. When right wing commentators say Britain must go to war because Britain is a warrior nation, they’re saying that Britain must go to war because we’ve always gone to war before. The only justification required for war is that we’ve always been at war. Past wars justify future wars in a never ending cycle. War justifies war.

For the British state the purpose of war isn’t to achieve peace, the purpose of war is to promote the British state, to make Davie Cameron feel good about himself. Without war, without combatting a threat – real or imagined – the British state has no purpose. So we get more wars so that the people don’t see the British state for what it really is, a lethal parasite that sucks us of our children and our resources, that bleeds us for its own aggrandisement and tosses us aside when we’ve been bled dry. There’s always a food bank for the servicemen who serve no more.

This war in Syria is a war that can’t be won because victory can’t be defined. You can’t bomb warped ideas out of existence. You can’t defeat madness with madness. What’s the exit strategy? What counts as victory? Who is going to destroy ISIS? There are no answers to these questions that the government doesn’t want to answer and the media doesn’t want to ask. Our government and a large segment of the Labour party repeat the same mistake that the UK’s establishment made in Iraq and in Libya, they don’t learn, they never learn. Yet the media claps and cheers along with the braying politicians. We’ll keep going down the same bloody road to catastrophic chaos, but we’ll do it with a union flag amidst appeals to patriotism and that makes it all alright.

What exercises our media on this shameful day when Britain once again drank deep from the trophy of destruction is not that we are at war without any clear idea of how to define victory. What they’re upset about is that Alex Salmond said that Hilary Benn’s late pacifist father would be birling in his grave after Hilary gave an impassioned speech to justify a bombing campaign that is incapable of delivering peace but can only deliver destruction. And all of a sudden the Westminions discover a sense of moral outrage, angry on behalf of a rich and well connected warmonger whose feelings they claim have been hurt by someone who is opposed to a senseless war.

Having sold off all the institutions and nationalised companies that once informed a sense of Britishness, there’s nothing left to Britain but a hollow shell, and it’s filled with high explosives. The media bangs on about a British identity because there’s nothing left to a British identity but the bang of bombs and the claps and cheers of careerists in the Commons. Wave your flag, cheer the troops, it’s the Great British pageantry of death. If you oppose war you’re a terrorist sympathiser. In the land of the mad the sane are crazy.


BUTRT cover front(1)BARKING UP THE RIGHT TREE Barking Up the Right Tree has now been published and is an anthology of my articles for The National newspaper. You can submit an advance order for the book on the Vagabond Voices website at http://vagabondvoices.co.uk/?page_id=1993

Price is just £7.95 for 156 pages of doggy goodness. Order today!

A limited number of signed copies of the two volumes of the Collected Yaps is also still available. See below for order details.


Donate to the Dug This blog relies on your support and donations to keep going – I need to make a living, and have bills to pay. Clicking the donate button will allow you to make a payment directly to my Paypal account. You do not need a Paypal account yourself to make a donation. You can donate as little, or as much, as you want. Many thanks.

Donate Button

Order the Collected Yaps of the Wee Ginger Dug Vols 1 & 2 for only £21.90 for both volumes. A limited number of signed copies is still available, so get your order in now! P&P will be extra, approximately £3 per single volume or £4 for both sent together. If you only want to order one volume, please specify which. Single volumes are available for £10.95 per copy.

To order please send an email with WEE GINGER BOOK ORDER in the subject field to weegingerbook@yahoo.com giving your name, postal address, and email address and which volumes (1, 2 or both) you wish to order. I will contact you with details of how to make payment. Payment can be made by Paypal, or by cheque or bank transfer. Get your order in today – an ideal Christmas present!

The British barbed wire that surrounds Scotland’s heart

If you don’t want to blow up buildings, if you don’t want to wreak havoc and destruction, if you want to seek a peaceful resolution to conflict – then you’re a terrorist sympathiser. If you don’t want to go to war, if you seek to broaden debate, if you believe that fighting for peace is like shagging for virginity – then you’re a fascist. If you want talks not violence, if you seek consensus not victory, if you refuse to fetishise force – then you’re guilty of disrespecting the armed services. Welcome to British values in the 21st century, a century born in war and continuing in war, a country where the peacemakers are condemned as extremists and attack is defined as defence. Welcome to British values, where you support the armed forces by sending them to die in foreign lands where they have no business being.

Scotland is going to war in Syria. Even though just two of our elected representatives support the dubious case for conflict and 57 oppose it. Scotland doesn’t get to choose whether it goes to war, Westminster decides that for us. The Tories we didn’t vote for decide whether Scottish soldiers will fight and die in a foreign land, just like the Tories we didn’t vote for will decide whether our poor and disabled will be able to pay for food in their stomachs or will have to rely on charity and handouts.

Now Scotland is bombing Syria, getting involved in a war that’s as knotted and convoluted as the barbed wire strangling our hearts as we weep helplessly for the mess that the world is in. A mess we did not create, but it’s a mess that our young men and women will die in, a mess their deaths will do nothing to clear up. A mess we are being dragged into despite our better judgement. The SNP are opposed to war, and our media would rather criticise the SNP for its supposed one-party state discipline and attack Labour for its divisions and disputes than examine the basis of the case for conflict. British bombs are good bombs, British bombs are better bombs, British bombs will magically avoid civilians.

The war in Syria has more sides than Cameron has faces. The dodgy dossiers of Tony Blair have been replaced by the phantom forces of Cameron. There are no ground troops despite Cameron’s claims to the contrary. There are no moderates in the Syrian bloodbath. The Kurds have no interest in conquering lands inhabited by Arabs, lands which will never become a part of a future Kurdish state. Many of the other Syrian militias are motivated by Islamism exactly like ISIS, they just disagree on minor points of theology. It’s like saying you’ll support the Britain First against the fascists of the BNP.

We’ve been here before, rushing to bomb and blast without any clear idea of what happens afterwards, getting involved in someone else’s war for the sole reason that the UK Goverment is embarrassed that the French are taking military action but Britain is not. The UK is like the gang member in the playground who is desperate to get involved in any fight that’s going because otherwise his mates will think he’s weak. It’s not about bringing peace to Syria, just like it wasn’t about bringing peace to Libya or Iraq. It’s all about the ego of the British establishment, always has been, always will be. And the result is chaos and death and families who flee across the sea in leaky boats. The cost of the British establishment’s ego is a hundred drowned children on a Turkish beach. That’s a price the UK is happy to pay for strutting the world stage as the Pentagon’s pals.

Britain is going to bomb targets that other countries have already bombed, creating nothing but more death and destruction, doing nothing to bring about peace or to secure a final settlement for Syria. Scotland’s role in this deal is to pay for Westminster’s vainglorious ambitions with its resources, with its taxes, with its youth. We don’t get any say in the matter, we just have to pay for it, we just have to weep helplessly on the sidelines while the powerful decide our fate. That’s Scotland’s role in this Union. That’s why this country voted No. Voted to be ordered by the officers of Eton. Voted to be dismissed for speaking out of turn. Voted to be cannon fodder. Yessir Nossir three bags empty as you march to the foodbank.

The debate in the Commons on Wednesday proved that the only opposition to the Tories is the SNP. Labour displays more cracks than a nudist beach, the party is so divided, so riven with internal disputes, that it’s incapable of coming up with a coherent policy on the most important issue facing the country – the decision to go to war. The words of the song – War what is it good for? Absolutely nothing – apply equally to the Labour party too. Say it again. Most of that sorry bunch of excuses for socialism are just as keen as the Tories to bolster the balloon like braggadocio that passes for a British presence on the world stage. Meanwhile the party’s Scottish MSPs who are opposed to the war are more interested in attacking the SNP for agreeing with them than they are in opposing the war, and the Scottish media won’t press Kezia Dugdale on what her position is.

How many times does the UK have to bomb a Middle Eastern country before it learns that all we create is chaos and casualties, death and darkness. We create a hundred thousand broken lives, we create the grief and anger that leads to screams for revenge. We make the monsters of ISIS and then we run around pointing out the monsters. And the whole sorry saga repeats itself, in a cycle of cynicism and cemeteries.

It’s time to break the cycle. It’s not going to happen in the British state. With every vote in the Commons, with every undeserving party donor or self-publicist appointed to the Lords, the UK’s sham of democracy shatters ever more. A country that goes to war so it can, in the words of Lib Dem leader Tim Fallon, “stand tall”, is a country that Scotland is damaged by being a part of. Let’s break the cycle. Let’s break the British barbed wire that surrounds Scotland’s heart.


BUTRT cover front(1)BARKING UP THE RIGHT TREE Barking Up the Right Tree has now been published and is an anthology of my articles for The National newspaper. You can submit an advance order for the book on the Vagabond Voices website at http://vagabondvoices.co.uk/?page_id=1993

Price is just £7.95 for 156 pages of doggy goodness. Order today!

A limited number of signed copies of the two volumes of the Collected Yaps is also still available. See below for order details.


Donate to the Dug This blog relies on your support and donations to keep going – I need to make a living, and have bills to pay. Clicking the donate button will allow you to make a payment directly to my Paypal account. You do not need a Paypal account yourself to make a donation. You can donate as little, or as much, as you want. Many thanks.

Donate Button

Order the Collected Yaps of the Wee Ginger Dug Vols 1 & 2 for only £21.90 for both volumes. A limited number of signed copies is still available, so get your order in now! P&P will be extra, approximately £3 per single volume or £4 for both sent together. If you only want to order one volume, please specify which. Single volumes are available for £10.95 per copy.

To order please send an email with WEE GINGER BOOK ORDER in the subject field to weegingerbook@yahoo.com giving your name, postal address, and email address and which volumes (1, 2 or both) you wish to order. I will contact you with details of how to make payment. Payment can be made by Paypal, or by cheque or bank transfer. Get your order in today – an ideal Christmas present!