The Scottish media has been in SNPbaaaad overdrive because Michelle Thomson MP has had the party whip removed while there’s an investigation into the role of her lawyer in her property dealings and because Fiona Hyslop gave government money to the organisers of T in the Park. It’s the worst political scandal since the last time someone in the SNP was accused of anything, which was yesterday, and there weren’t even any pigs involved. Labour was calling for Michelle Thomson to be thrown out the party and hung out to dry within five minutes of the news coming out, although strangely it took them somewhat longer to take action on Eric Joyce.

We’re positively drenched in the SNPerniciousness, it’s like the rain in a Scottish summer, so all pervading that you scarcely notice it any more. It has long since passed the point where anyone cares. Even if someone in the SNP were to shag a pig live on Scotland 2015 while offering to do a secret deal with Vladimir Putin, half of Scotland wouldn’t care. Och Davie Cameron’s already done that, bloody Unionists, they’d say. And they’d be right. You’d think this would be a signal warning to the media about the dangers of crying wolf, but they can’t help themselves.

The reason for the SNPocalypse is to distract us from far more interesting scandals, like the self-immolation of the Labour party, the descent of the Tories into porcine putrescence, the continuing irrelevance of the Lib Dems, and the final decline of the British state into the laughing livestock of the planet. It is of course a well known fact, at least in Scottish media circles, that the individual failings of a single SNP politician means that Scottish independence is a non-starter, whereas the systematic, repeated, and institutionalised misbehaviour of generations of Westminster politicians is merely a series of personal lapses and no reflection whatsoever on the moribund and mouldy British state.

Westminster’s personal lapses grow ever more spectacular. This week Davie Cameron wanted to participate in the Parliamentary football match but was told he wouldn’t be allowed as he’s got previous for ham baws. Glad that’s been cleared up then. He got an oinkment for it.

Another personal lapse which is no reflection whatsoever on the collective behaviour of Westminster MPs, and certain not Fluffy Mundell who just happened to share an office with him, is the on-going court case against Alistair Carmichael. The judges have refused to throw the case out as the Karmakoala’s lawyers had argued, and have said that they need to hear the evidence before they can make a ruling. The prospect that Alistair may be oot on his ear looms ever larger.

The exploration of the evidence is going to be pretty tricky for Al, since the evidence largely consists of him explaining why he told a porkie almost as embarrassing as the one that is suing Davie Cameron for alimony in the courtroom next door. Meanwhile a team of archaeologists has descended on Orkney, hoping to unearth a shred of Alistair’s dignity, however all they found was the remains of a pig in a compromising position with the skeleton of the last voter who thought the Lib Dems were a worthwhile proposition.

We’re now faced with the prospect of seeing Alistair have to explain why it was OK for him to lie through his teeth to the electorate and tell the judges why telling a bacon whopper wasn’t a reflection on his character, but simply a necessary part of his job. Vote for me so I can tell you lies isn’t a winning slogan in any political campaign. The sight of Carmichael giving evidence is likely to be as delicious as a bacon sandwich that brought unending embarrassment to a Tory Prime Minister.

This week we’ve got party conferences. The Lib Dems had theirs over the weekend, but no one could be bothered to watch, except the poor saps from the BBC who insisted on broadcasting it. It was held in the basement of a scout hut in Kettering, but there were still plenty of spare chairs. Tim Fallon, the new leader that no one has heard of of a party that no one cares about said that he was going to do something or other that no one is going to notice. Although he added that the SNP is very very bad. It was all highly relevant and terribly crucial to bugger all.

Labour has its conference this week too. It started off badly with Jezza making stuff up about the SNP, and then descended further into farce from there. This is the great hope of progressive politics in the UK. He still wants to scrap Trident, although his party won’t let him debate getting rid of it. Your chances of getting rid of Trident by voting Labour remain approximately the same as the chances of Davie Cameron ever escaping public pig based ridicule. There’s only one way to get rid of Trident from Scotland, and it doesn’t involve voting for a party which is determined to keep Scotland a part of the British state.

Jezza wants people in Scotland to take another look at the Labour party, however his problem is that when we take another look at it we still see Iain Gray, Jackie Baillie, and Kezia Dugdale with their problems with numeracy and their complete inability to tell us what they’d do that was better. We still see a party that hasn’t changed and is incapable of changing. Labour has told us since 2007 that it was listening and learning but all it’s ever learned is that it needs to keep yelling that the SNP is really really bad. Jeremy Corbyn shows no sign that he understands Scotland, he acts as though we’re an embarrassment that he wishes would just go away, and when you look at the Labour party in Scotland you can understand why he feels that way.

It’s not so much that Labour in Scotland is controlled by political has-beens, it’s that they never quite got there in the first place, yet they keep banging on and on and on with the enthusiasm of Davie Cameron banging a dead pig, and with much the same effect. Labour in Scotland does need to change, but it won’t change because of a change in leadership in London. Change will have to be forced upon it by the Scottish people. We can change it into a party that’s extinct.

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16 comments on “Hambaws

  1. Oneironaut says:

    Good post there. Hope Alastair doesn’t go making a right pig of himself telling porkies in court in a desperate attempt to save his bacon…
    (Well, all the best pig puns have been used already!)

    Anyways, seems like the book launch went well last night. Was nice meeting you and Ginger 🙂
    (I was the scruffy-looking one in the National Geographic jacket with the “Saor Alba” butterfly badge on it!)

  2. mealer says:

    What are they girning about this week? Is anyone paying any attention?

  3. Patience is a Virtue says:

    Apparently the media advises that Jeremy will be taking regular trips now north of the wall to reclaim lost ground.

    – no doubt (as his advisors have kept him well informed) he will be able to take an SNP privatised Virgin train from Islington to Glasgow Central …and beyond and perhaps he may even take an SNP privatised Calmac ferry from Oban and take in a tour of the Isles and of Scotland in general, -of which, most has over the years has already been privatised (though not by the Bad SNP).
    Indeed around 98% of it is not owned by its inhabitants. Yes – he may even come to the conclusion that it is a good candidate for re-nationalisation.

  4. Paul says:

    Jeremy Corbyn In the words of Neil Young ….. “a kinder, gentler machine gun face.”

  5. macart763 says:

    Soooo just to recap on newer cuddlier, caring Labour.

    Get rid of Trident – Ummmm, votes to retain Trident renewal

    Anti Austerity – Ehhhh, Naw ! Mr McDonnell would vote in favour of the Tories fiscal charter, but would reduce the deficit in radically different ways. Probably with a really sad ‘sorry face’ or some such.

    Honest, straight talking, respectful politics – Yeah, about that. Apparently the SNP are bad. They’ve privatised rail (so that lets John Major off the hook). They’ve privatised Cal Mac (news to me and I’m sure to them) oh and they’re in the middle of privatising…. lots of other unspecified stuff. Oh and you don’t build hooses with a flag or some such. That and an annoying whine from the background is saying the SG are wholly responsible for people not being able to read and write properly in huge numbers. No really! You can google it.

    Honest, straight talking, respectful, caring politics…

    … riiiiight.

    Come home to Labour because we love you all. (Group Hug)

    “We are not the party of people on benefits. We don’t want to be seen, and we’re not, the party to represent those who are out of work,” Rachel Reeves

    Or mibbies no.

  6. diabloandco says:

    Love you and sorry I missed your book launch.
    I’m sure it was a great success.

  7. […] Source: Hambaws […]

  8. There are real problems in Scotland – we all know that.

    We can see the crumbling infrastructure in many of our towns and cities; we can all highlight the poor state of our non-trunk roads; we know there are recruitment and retention issues in social care, health care and education; and so on.

    The Scottish Government is, I believe, doing its best in the face of falling finances. Is it 100% perfect? Of course not – but that doesn’t equate to “bad”.

    If (Not) Labour (or indeed the Tories, Greens and those other ones who have only one dodgy MP in Scotland but whose name I can’t quite remember) really want to address these issues then surely the best approach is consensus – sitting down with SG and agreeing the best way forward to help all these services which are important to all of us.

    But, no, it’s whinge and moan and gripe and be destructive rather constructive.

    How does that help Scotland? How does it help you or me?

    It’s shameful the way they play hostility and negativity as their trump cards.

  9. Dan Huil says:

    The unionist media is fooling nobody anymore in Scotland. We’ve heard it all many times over in the last few years. Falling newspaper sales? Nobody to blame but themselves.

  10. Janet says:

    How to do investigative journalism 2015 style:

    Use anti-terror laws to obtain emails of “unwanted” politicos, then see who they associate with. Do a Google on the associates (“indexes”) and see what comes up!

    Simple when you are GCHQ.

    • Absolutely Janet. Whether Michelle Thomson is guilty of any criminal offence I have no idea, but I’m sure we will find out in due course. That is of course if you have any faith in the Scottish justice system.
      Where I agree with you is in the involvement of the security services. The establishment will stop at nothing to discredit anyone, let alone M.Ps or M.S.Ps, connected with the S.N.P. “Allegations” will be given maximum exposure in their pet M.S.M, whether there is any substance or not, to the matter under consideration.
      That this will continue is not in doubt, and it’s only due to the existence of this, and other pro-independence websites, that we can find out the truth of the matter.
      The trouble is, as always, that a lot of people only see, hear, or read the headlines in the unionist media, and accept it as the gospel truth.
      Well, I’m going out canvassing again at the weekend, so I’ll see what’s being said on the doorstep. If previous experience is anything to go by when the M.S.M tried to “big up” an S.N.P smear, it won’t work and is rarely, if ever mentioned.

  11. BampotsUtd.wordpress.com says:

    Reblogged this on Bampots Utd.

  12. jzedward says:

    generally a good blog, but in the case of Thomson the media is treating her like any other guilty until proven innocent MP, and the party should deal with the risk quicker and more efficiently

  13. Brian Fleming says:

    “The sight of Carmichael giving evidence is likely to be as delicious as a bacon sandwich that brought unending embarrassment to a Tory Prime Minister.”

    And the Karmakoala (love that name) can’t even call for help from Rhona. Lol

  14. Brian Fleming says:

    More pertinently, what a fantastic article (post?) Paul. It seems to just flow effortlessly. Having seen you on that short video the other day, I suppose it does just flow effortlessly. Long may it keep flowing. Thank you.

  15. Guga says:

    I read in the papers the other day that Corbyn’s speech at the Red Tory conference consisted of large chunks of a speech written in the 1980s. I don’t know whether this represents his “forward looking” agenda or is merely a desire for the good old days when so many Scots voted Labour because their granny voted Labour.

    I also noticed that the bookies have given him a “life expectancy” of 475 days as Labour leader, though with the increasing weight of knives in his back from all the Red Tories, including the ones in his own shadow cabinet, I think he might be pushing it to last that long.

    In the meantime, he, along with all the Red Tories, knows nothing about, and couldn’t care less about Scotand, other that attempting to regain their former voters that have woken up to them. If they think it will help their cause by continually indulging in destructive criticism of the SNP, they are making a mistake. In any event they, like the Blue Tories, haven’t realised yet that the Empire is dead and gone and the Raj is dead and gone, and that they can’t keep Scotland as a colony for ever.

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