The price of failure

What’s the price of failure? If you fail in your marriage your significant other will become significant in a divorce courty sort of way. If you fail to impress in a job interview you’ll find yourself having to impress in a job centre interview. And if you’re a Westminster politician who fails at their job you’ll get handed a nice title and a made up name and very often a job for life too. The UK dishonours system is proof that British governments are the only organisms which rot from the top down.

Having wowed us with Lady McMoan and her peerage for Unionist Trolling during the independence referendum, it has now transpired that a number of political losers, has beens, and also rans are to be rewarded for their failure. The good voters of Inverness and surrounding districts might have thought that by deserting Danny Alexander en masse so he ended up in a poor third place in what had formerly been a stronghold for his party, that they were giving him such a showing up that he’d crawl under a rock and never dare to show his face again. But think again minions, Danny is getting a knighthood for services to Tory toadying and gleeful austeritising. All we need now is for Magrit Curran to be made a Dame for the pantomime to be complete. Only no one shouts out “they’re behind you” to the Labour party in Scotland since they’re the ones in last place.

To be fair, much as we all enjoy castigating the one who is a disgrace to ginger haired-ness everywhere, Danny didn’t single handedly destroy the Lib Dems as a credible political force. He had help. Help like Menzies Campbell who decided not to stand as an MP in May partly on the grounds that he’s older than the democratic franchise, but mainly because he knew he was going to get gubbed. And gubbed is precisely what happened to the Lib Dems in the Mingin one’s old seat. But never fear, we’ve now got Lord Mingin of Fife to help protect the establishment against democracy and from the choices expressed by the likes of you and me in the ballot box. He’s looking forward to speaking in the House of Lords and regaling them with tales of when he found out that fire had been invented. He plans to use this exciting new invention to burn down any chance of home rule for Scotland.

None of this should come as any surprise. The British establishment always rewards its own failures. Back in the 1990s Michael Forsyth was leader of the Scottish Tories and presided over that party’s annihilation. During the 1997 General Election the voters of Scotland said in no uncertain terms that we didn’t want Michael, we didn’t want his party, and we didn’t want his party’s policies. The Tories lost every single seat.

This is failure of a truly abject variety. You can’t do any worse at your job. If he was a teacher he’d have been subject to a banning order and would not be allowed within 200 metres of a school. If he was a doctor he’d have been struck off and wouldn’t even be allowed to sell bottles of vitamins and healing crystals. But he’s a politician so Michael was rewarded with a seat in the Lords where he still casts his malign influence on Scottish public life and affects our laws and legislation.

Where there are no consequences for failure then there is no incentive to do a good job. All there is is an incentive to line one’s own pockets, to climb the greasy career pole, or please the powerful who hand out rewards and directorships like dog chews to the good boys and girls who beg nicely, give a paw, and snarl and bark at the proles.

It’s not just the lamentable Lib Dems who have been rewarded for their inadequacies. We’re also getting Lord Darling of Naw Ye Cannae. Just when you thought that you’d never have to listen to one of his blinking expositions ever again, he’s coming back for a sequel. This time with ermine. Ali’s still smarting that Gordie Broon took the credit for saving the Union, but relieved that it’s likewise Gordie who’s coping the blame for the Vow that failed to wow. Gordie isn’t getting a peerage, but only because no one knows where he’s hiding. There’s another failure that no one responsible is paying the price for, it’s the people of Scotland who are copping it.

Scotland’s voters signalled their displeasure at the General Election in May by pandificating all the Unionist parties. Since receiving that almighty kick in the nads, the Unionist parties have displayed no sign that the pain signals have connected with anything approaching a higher brain function. They continue to act precisely as they did before, ignoring the democratically expressed will of the Scottish people and rewarding themselves for their failure. We can only conclude that they do not possess any conscious awareness and are in fact brain dead. All that is left is to demolish what little is remaining and pour electoral paraquat over the smouldering ruins. If they are incapable of learning the lesson of failure, all we can do is to cut them out of the game.

In the latest opinion poll of voting intentions for Holyrood next year, it looks as though that’s exactly what Scotland is going to do. Gobsmackingly, the SNP is on 62%. The SNP and the Greens could between them take well over 80 of the seats in the Scottish Parliament. Labour is set to lose all its constituency seats. The new leader’s great idea is to bound over the deep chasm facing the party in two leaps. The Tories remain in the slough of Scottish irrelevance to which they were consigned by Michael Forsyth. Meanwhile it’s entirely possible that the Lib Dems will be wiped out in Scotland and Wullie Rennie will go back to driving the bus to Kelty.

Phase one is almost complete: removing the parties of the Union from Scottish politics. Phase two will soon begin: removing Scottish politics from the Union. That will be the real price of Westminster failure.

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27 comments on “The price of failure

  1. Brian Robertson says:

    Oh ffs, please don’t even joke about the possibility of the Curran bun’s ennoblement, somebody might hear you!

  2. Justin Fayre says:

    Ah the bold Lord Forsyth. The memories are still fresh.
    Appointing his Parliamentary Election Agent as Chairperson of the then Mental Welfare Commission thus proving the saying
    ‘The lunatics have taken over the asylum’
    At the opening of the Clackmannan Hospital, insisting on having the traditional red carpet cancelled and replaced with a blue one.
    Ah the Good Old Days.

  3. scotsgeoff says:

    The Tories already have a plan for removing Scottish politics from Westminster.

    They call it EVEL.

  4. Paul-looks like your donate function needs elevated to the House of Lard asses.
    Been trying for ages to donate but I’d have mair chance of getting the truth oot of Carmichael.
    Will try again tomorrow.
    Brilliant as usual
    Simply the best.

  5. The Scottish Play says:

    Then fly, false thanes,….

    Ye see yon birkie ca’d ‘a lord’
    Wha struts, an stares, an a’ that?
    Tho hundreds worship at his word,
    He’s but a cuif for a’ that.

    For a ‘ that, an a’ that,
    His ribband, star, an a’ that.
    The man o independent mind,
    He looks an laughs at a’ that.

  6. Tony Sisi says:

    Do you think it was one of Lady McMoans bra’s that the Noble Scottish Labour Lord was wearing when he was entertaining the two ladies of the night and dabbling with the white powder a couple of weeks ago?

  7. Gavin C Barrie says:

    As ever an entertaining article, the last paragraph however really shines out. Phase 1 near complete.

  8. Fillofficer says:

    Effin brilliant. Encore

  9. Gordon Adam says:

    That they’ve been given a kick in the ‘nads and have yet to feel the effects shows that they’re devoid of all feeling.Meanwhile Scotland lies back and thinks of England.

  10. diabloandco says:

    Most excellent.
    can you tell me WHY the PM is entitled to chuck the leftovers into the HoL ? I didn’t realise that the option was open to create another tier of useless ,greedy pillocks on a regular basis – in my innocence I thought that it was a new year joke ,not a summer one as well.
    50X300 x as many days of the year that they can be bothered = a nice little earner for some.

  11. Steve Asaneilean says:

    “Makes me sick how far we done fell”

    The fact that any of these failures accept a peerage in the first place is the clearest exposition of how morally bankrupt they are.

    To be told fairly and squarely by the people in an open democratic process that you are no longer wanted as a politician only to carry on being a politician by the grace and favour of other politicians is a disgrace to the democratic process. It devalues us all.

  12. Steve Bowers says:

    Crackin stuff yet again Paul

  13. macart763 says:

    They’ve been paid well for their service to the state, because it certainly wasn’t for service to the electorate.

    They’ll take their coin too. I can’t see a single one of them turning their ‘honour’ down, not a one.

    As they put on their robes, I wonder if, even for a second, they’ll feel any sense of how they are viewed by those they stepped on to gain their new apparel? If not, they’d be foolish in every sense of the word. We know why they have been granted their titles and they should know that the Scottish electorate are fully aware.

    2016 is not far off and I’m sure we can provide them with a reminder of what high esteem we hold them in. Conservative, Labour and Liberal – sell outs one and all. They haven’t sold out their parties, oh no. They haven’t sold out the state and its machinery, heaven forfend. No, what they did was much worse. They sold out their electorates.

    With the possible exception of the conservatives, the other two sold out their ideologies, the very thing that gave their parties meaning and the people who gave them purpose. Labour sold out the poor and the dispossessed, the low paid worker and their families. The Liberals? The middle ground experts, the proponents of the ‘federal solution’, fairness for all? How many chances over the past five years did they have to put their money where their mouth was? Voting reform, Lords reform, the independence referendum, all of it complete and utter bullshit top to bottom. Most especially the last one. A golden opportunity for the federalists to propose their federal solution, to support home rule, devo max. Even in the aftermath, the Smith Commission, the Scotland Bill debates, simply dire.

    2010 brought them their one sniff at significant power in a century and they sold every value they had down the river. To end their tenure in coalition power they will be remembered, in Scotland especially, as the party who attempted to undermine the democratic process and used high office in a conspiracy to defame Scotland’s first minister. They even managed to involve an overseas visiting embassador no less. Quite some epitaph for the party of fairness and the middle way.

    Still, the pay was good eh?

  14. arthur thomson says:

    Please God that Curran and others are similarly ‘honoured’. The decent people of Scotland will see this for what it is – the reward for selling out Scotland. More grist to the mill. The money they will extort would have been spent on something equally offensive. It would never have reached Scotland.

    Another brilliant piece Paul. Thank you.

  15. Luigi says:

    Excellent as ever, Paul.

    However, I would say that “Phase 1”, although well on the way, still has quite a bit to go yet. The red tories are down but not out. The 2016 Holyrood and 2017 council elections will provide an opportunity to do away with them once and for all, leaving perhaps a wee rump of rosette monkeys for entertainment, but no power, no status, no credibility, and, crucially, no influence whatsoever during IndyRef2. Like a bad smell, they may linger for a while. The next two years will be an excellent chance for political fumigation and red tory pest control. I hope the people of Scotland are still up for it and finish off the excellent work they started. šŸ™‚

  16. JBS says:

    The announcement that Michelle Mone was to be appointed as the Tories’ business czar was embargoed till 1:00 am on Tuesday 11 August 2015. Mone herself broke the embargo by posting an image of the announcement on Twitter one hour earlier.

    And she is now to give inspirational advice to young entrepreneurs on how to start a business?

  17. says:

    Reblogged this on Bampots Utd.

  18. Jimmy The Pict says:

    Arise Dame Stairheid of Rammie

  19. seanair says:

    Would Alistair Darling be the first Trotskyist to become a Lord, and how would he justify his elevation?

  20. Jan Cowan says:

    Well, the infamous BBC employee had the inscription “It was good while it lasted” carved on his now-destroyed tomb stone. No doubt it’s time for these “honoured ” characters to mull over the words of their fellow citizen.

  21. Andimac says:

    I’ve always agreed with the old saying, “You can’t polish a turd.” It appears, however, that you can “ennoble” them!

  22. artyHetty says:

    Excellent once again. It’s quite sinister that these people still continue to inhabit the halls of the creepy establishment, like things have never moved into the 21st century as far as they are concerned.

    However, they can no longer silence Scotland while stripping all the assets cart blanche.

    Looking forward to the campaign for our elections next year, but we will have to get active and knock on doors, again, as well as being very visible, it’s what the unionists hate!

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