Bye bye Jim

Bye bye Jim Murphy, he shall coyote no more and shall be sadly missed by a couple of dozen parody accounts on Twitter. Jim has finally given up the leadership of the Labour party in Scotland, or to be more accurate, it was clawed out of the cold dead hands of his extinct career by the sheer and utter ignominy of the deep dark chasm into which he’s thrown the party. It’s a defeat from which Labour may never recover, and Jim has secured himself a small footnote in the annals of Scottish political history as the man who made Michael Forsyth look like he was competent.

Forward thinking, dignified and statesmanlike, analytic in his searing political insights, and generous and magnanimous in spirit – these are just a few of the descriptions that no one would ever use with reference to Jim. He won’t be missed by the punters, although he will be missed by the SNP. His resignation is the first major setback that Nicola Sturgeon has faced. Jim’s most notable, and indeed only, achievement was being the greatest recruiting tool that the SNP have ever known.

Jim’s a political magician, he made the Labour party disappear. He clawed his way into the leadership after briefing against and undermining Johann Lamont in private, combined with pious and sanctimonious statements in public condemning Labour infighting. It was the aftermath of the referendum and Labour was staring disaster in the face. But Jim had stood on an Irn Bru crate and bravely faced down an egg, and he was confident that he could turn around the party’s fortunes. True to his word Jim did exactly that, he turned the party round. Unfortunately he turned them round so that they were staring at an apocalypse and an extinction level event. Asteroids hurtling to the ground at 60,000 mph have been less destructive to the survival prospects of dinosaurs, and Jim managed an almost total wipe out of Labour’s expensaurus wrecks. It really would be fitting if, in tribute to Jim’s service to dinosaur extinction, an airless barren rock orbiting in the cold dark lonely depths of space where no one ever visits and no life is to be found was to be named after him. After all, that’s a pretty accurate description of Labour’s Scottish headquarters now that Jim has worked his magic.

Jim’s resignation speech was notable mainly for its digs at Alicsammin. Jim slated the former First Minister for not shutting up and going away and crawling under a rock, but of course there isn’t enough space there what with all the former Labour MPs scurrying out of the light. And of course there is also the consideration that whereas Alicsammin is universally hailed as one of the most competent and capable politicians in the UK, most Labour MPs from Scotland were never capable of joined up sentences, or indeed joined up thinking, to begin with.

That’s what I will miss most about Jim. Alicsammin is an arrogant politician, but he’s an arrogant politician who has got a great deal to be arrogant about. Jim matched him in arrogance but there was nothing behind it except Jim’s estimation of himself and the vacuous bubble of media hype. That’s the mismatch that makes Jim God’s gift to satire. The media was convinced that Jim was going to put the fear of Gord into the SNP, and the howls of derisory laughter from independence supporters were really an attempt to hide how afraid we were of Jim’s galactic abilities. But in fact they were just howls of derisory laughter.

Ostensibly the resignation speech was a speech about the way forward for the Labour party. After losing the party all but one of its seats in what was formerly regarded as its homeland and impregnable stronghold, for some bizarre reason Labour thinks that the guy who threw the party off a cliff is the best person to develop a strategy for them to move forward. It’s a bit like trusting a financial advisor who bet all your money on a blind three legged horse to restore your fortunes because this time round a drunk journalist in the pub has told him about a three legged horse with one eye. But then you really shouldn’t believe anything you read in the Daily Mail, believing what the Daily Mail says has been Labour’s downfall.

Jim does have a bright idea. He’s used the past month well and scribbled down a few ideas that a GCSE politics student could have come up with on the bus into school after spending the night out on the town instead of doing their homework. And appropriately enough a GCSE is also Jim’s highest educational qualification.

Now, because he believes the Daily Mail, he’s spotted a one-eyed three legged horse with its snout firmly ensconced in the trough. The bright idea is for Labour to open up the party list for Holyrood MSPs so the MPs who lost their seats in May can get back on the gravy train again. Because what Labour really needs right now is a bunch of discredited politicians that the voters kicked out of office just a few weeks ago. Jim managed to screw up the pitiful remnants of the Labour party, and he’s determined to ensure that it continues along the same miserable path.

He’s set his face against Labour in Scotland becoming a Scottish Labour party, ensuring that it will continue to ride on the coat tails of a UK party that is drifting ever rightwards in search of votes in leafy constituencies in Toryshire. But then Jim always did approve of Labour’s drift to the right, his great mistake was to imagine that he could take the rest of us with him.

It’s really very simple what Labour’s plan ought to be in Scotland. They should study very carefully what Jim has done. They should look upon his tenure in office and examine it in detail. They should list each of his actions and policy announcements. And then they should do the exact opposite.

Bye bye Jim. You won’t be missed.

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60 comments on “Bye bye Jim

  1. I lament the extent of Labour’s defeat, because any dominant party needs an effective opposition; if you fondly imagine SNP to be above such things, read this relflective essay (not my own):

    • weegingerdug says:

      Oh I don’t fondly imagine any such thing. I’ve read that article – makes a couple of good points, but reading it is like mining for nuggets amidst the nuggetry.

    • daviddynamo says:

      Stephen Daisley is Labour to the core. However he is an intelligent man, so there is still hope that he can be rehabilitated, and his red-rose-tinted specs done away with..

    • David Agnew says:

      By all means there should be opposition but not opposition for the sake of it. That was part of labours fall from grace. They became the party that said no to far too many things that it really should have been supporting. By trying to pack holyrood with defeated MPs who could not even keep their own seats, simply shows that Scottish labour are going to keep doubling down on failure. These people simply reek of failure, Murphy has now ensured that Scottish labour will lose badly in 2016. Whats next? Five will get you 20, that they’re going to run and hide in their council wards and try to get these MPs elected as councilors.

      Murphy was the wrong man to be leader. Who he picked to lead his campaign hold as much responsibility as he did. But what is more important. He should not have been allowed to decide on their plan of action for recovery.

      Politics, like nature abhors a vacuum. An opposition party will emerge but there is no law written that says it must be labour. If they want to be that party, labour will have to work for it. To work for it, it has to split from UK labour, get its head from out of its arse and grow up.

    • Saor Alba says:

      There are others who will form the opposition. Labour have demonstrated quite clearly, and continue to demonstrate quite clearly, that they are not fit for purpose.

  2. punklin says:

    Labour est mort.

  3. Papadox says:

    Anybody want to start a crowdfund for “poor” dim Jim’s retirement fund. Thanks for all your efforts Jim, don’t think Nicola could have done it without you. Again thanks Jim,

  4. So long Jim and thanks for aw the pish!

  5. arthur thomson says:

    I feel blessed to have witnessed the rise and fall of a BBC political superstar in just six months. I observe that he was elected leader on 13 December and today is 13 June. Maybe SLAB and Jim were just unlucky. It’s as good an explanation as anyone in the Labour party has come up with.

  6. The Scottish Play says:

    He was a gentleman on whom I built an absolute trust. There was no beginning to his talents.

  7. mogabee says:

    Laugh? I nearly died!

    Poor Murphy taking advice from the usual suspects, or spin-doctors. We know who they are and salute them.

    Jim isn’t even in line for a gong…!

  8. Jim Murphy

    The only guy in history to dent Irn Bru sales


    • True. I can’t buy Irn Bru anymore as everytime I reach for the Irn Bru is the supermarket, I see Jim Murphy’s face so I then buy anything else. Last time, I bought the store’s own brand cream soda. It was lovely and no ugly PTS flashbacks to egg stained shirts, broken vows etc.

  9. dennis mclaughlin says:

    Haw youse!…whit aboot the superb backroom support staff Smurphy had all these long 6 months?…McTiernan & McDougall…these forgotten heroes if Scottish political history need an epitaph as stoatin as the Glaikit One sorely? 😱.

  10. Whitburnsfinest says:

    Heh. Cheerie-bye then Jim. Don’t let the door hit you in the face…er, @rse on the way out. Lol.

  11. Norman says:

    Surely a peerage will save his bank account.

    • hektorsmum says:

      Well not if the Milibands have to recommend him for one. I could be wrong but somehow I think he will be waiting a while for one.

  12. Brian Powell says:

    It’s Labour’s tactic tactic. When a tactic fails Labour’s tactic is to try another tactic (with no content, as was so in all the previous tactics).

  13. George S Gordon says:

    I see his Twitter moniker has changed – look out Glasgow here be comes for the list vote?

    Do you think he’s that daft?

  14. macart763 says:

    Labour is just a name.

    A name given to need, aspiration and a movement a purpose. The need and aspiration? Social justice, a common weal for all from the poorest and least fortunate, to the wealthiest. The purpose of the movement, to give that need and aspiration a voice, to fight an unjust, uncaring establishment and seek to provide better life chances for all.

    The need and the purpose remain. The people who gave birth to this remain. They haven’t gone anywhere, their former advocates did that when they booked their one way ticket on the gravy train. No, the people have simply found a new home and a new champion. Now there’s a lesson for all politicians and their parties in there somewhere. Do as you are bid, not as you please. Represent, don’t manipulate. Serve, don’t dictate.

    No rocket science, honest.

    As for Jimbo?

    Ahbidee, ahbidee, ahbidee, dats all folks! 🙂

  15. Michael Neil says:

    Jim who ?

  16. Jan Cowan says:

    What a relief. I sincerely hope I never hear that pseudo religious voice again.
    Thank you, WGD.

  17. It’s amazing though – they still don’t get it!

    There still ploughing the “field of fear” but all they’re coming up with is turnips. The problem is they no longer have the cattle to feed them to.

    And if they elect Kezia in Jim’s place the recent 60% SNP poll prediction for May 2016 might not be far off the mark.

  18. They’re not there! Sorry for typo

  19. Bill Hume says:

    I’m sorry to see him go……he was good value for the money. Still, let’s not be downbeat. There will be another blinkered Labour idiot along in a few minutes…..they have lots to choose from.

  20. GAvin C Barrie says:

    Food for Thought:

    Gray trapped in a Sandwich Bar; Murphy egged on an Irn Bru crate, now we are back to Gray, something fishy about Labour.

  21. Albawoman says:

    Life can be sweet and the departure of J Murphy is one of these times. What a disgrace to Scotland was Mr. M and all his cohorts. Our children so deserve better. They are our pieces of gold.

    • kevin says:

      I like your comment, Albawoman, I agree with you, Murphy doesn’t deserve ‘Ha-ha’ comments upon his departure, he deserves utter derision and continuing criticism. His type have possibly cost Scotland and her weans a wonderful future. I wanted independence so much, was bereft when we were cheated out of it, wonder if we’ll ever take that final, beautiful step.
      Yes, torn from our grasp and – remember – we were goaded and made fun of by the Unionist parties on our defeat.
      Grown men cried.

      No, damn him, damn him to hell for his self-serving stance.

  22. daibhidhdeux says:

    Ach, Hamish Murphy:) I could hug you for your hubris: Truly death embracing for your Unionist party and WM party animals kicked out on their sorry rectums.

    Is La Dugette’s sphincter now nipping and squeezing given she is your template image? How faireth JaBa’s bahookie and the other Unionist erses currently planked as Unionist party (-ies) planks on the Holyrood opposition planks?

    Nipping, too, in anticipation of an electoral emetic coming soon?

    Ach, Hamish, you ungallous bastard you, you will be sorely missed chust like Cromwell and the dead Duke of Cumberland.

    You and Forsyth and all the rest of you nameless Unionist ungallants.

  23. ronruth2013 says:

    ‘It really would be fitting if, in tribute to Jim’s service to dinosaur extinction, an airless barren rock orbiting in the cold dark lonely depths of space where no one ever visits and no life is to be found was to be named after him.’

    Sorry, couldn’t resist…

    Having dropped so many, which Clanger would Jim be?

  24. Calum says:

    So long Jim, thanks for all the fishiness.

  25. Scot in Sweden says:

    After a broken rib from a game of rugby yesterday I have to applaud the pain your “expensaurus wrecks” brought. It literally felt like my sides (more like left front chest) were splitting.
    Keep it up WGD

  26. Philip Allan says:

    “Bye bye Jim. You won’t be missed.” Excellent piece, WeeGingerDug! Apart from that last sentence! I’m missing Dim Jim already (or mendacious Murphy, as I prefer to call him). When will we see his like again? A comedian, of that, let there be no doubt. His skill at the avoidance of straight answers; his 180 degree reversals, and denials of any reversal; his invention of the hilarious catchphrase, “SNPBAD! No! Hang on and let me finish! SNP BAAAD, Bad! Alicsamin BAD, Niclasturgin BAD!” Said again and again. All signs of a true comedic genius! Already politics is less entertaining!

    Oh and I DID enjoy his latest reversal, from “Under my leadership, Scottish Labour will be a separate entity, I don’t take my orders from Labour in England”, to the recently reported, “If the Scottish Labour branch breaks away from the British Labour movement, I will quit my membership.”

    And let’s not forget his amazing talent as chief recruitment officer for the Scottish National Party!

    Come back, Jim! We’d LOVE to have you as leader of the wee Scottish junior sub-branch part-time sub-office (fifth division – relegated) of the Liebour Party! Forever!

    • gerry parker says:

      “Come back, Jim!”

      Quite, and think of all the resentment it would create from the Holyrood Labour MSP’s and the Labour party supporters who worked loyally for their local candidate only to have Dim Jim and his two accomplices piss on their chances and preside over the massive defeat that occurred due to their GE 2015 strategy.

      Jim riding into Holyrood on a list place and behaving the way he can’t help behaving would be a godsend for the SNP.

  27. hektorsmum says:

    Well Jim is gone, he will I am sure be unlamented by many in his own party, as for Nicola, well she never had to demolish him which I expect is something she mourns. Kezia is not much of a challenge and I do wish she had held to the view that the Leadership (leadership?) was not for her. She destroys my enjoyment of FMQ’s to the point I have started wearing earphones and humming loudly.
    HEll will freeze over before Labour actually work out what has gone wrong with their party.

  28. hektorsmum says:

    Oh Hell, I meant hell not HEll.

  29. chicmac says:

    Another good one. Wee bit cruel but fair.

    Regarding his anointed successor, Kezia and your recent suggestion in the National that there should be a musical, how about:

    “My Fair Malady”

    The story of a young(ish) woman, Kezia Doolittle, thrust into a new social environment where her natural speech characteristics become a barrier to communication and threaten her success.
    However, help is at hand in the form of Professor Henry Terndougal who attempts to correct her main problem of speaking way to fast.
    To do this, he has her repeat various remedial phrases over and over…

    “How now Brown Vow?”

    “In Hertford, Hereford and Hampshire her inanities hardly ever register.”

    “Around the ragged SLAB the ragged rascal span.”

  30. dennis mclaughlin says:

    “Jim’s a political magician, he made the Labour party disappear.”,just one of the wee gems in this lovingly crafted epitaph for our Smurphy.
    Enjoy your hols Paul,you’ve put in a very good innings!.

  31. David McDowell says:

    I for one won’t miss Murphy’s shouty, agressive “debating” style or his fake “street rallies” that were designed purely to provoke independence supporters who then promptly found themselves demonised in the media as “thugs” and “cybernats”.
    I also loathed Murphy’s seedy, manipulative use of BBC Scotland sock puppets to put out whatever line he needed to boost Labour’s election campaign.
    It felt like Murphy had his own dedicated team at BBC Scotland trying to convince us all he was “Saint Jim”: Scotland’s saviour ((jogging outside Pacific Quay in a Scotland top, anyone?).
    In fact, if I’d seen one more photograph of a grinning Jim Murphy I would have puked. “The National” was just as bad as the rest of them.
    Jim Murphy was a peddler of the same old Labour spin that the Scottish public has now seen through and, hopefully, rejected once and for all.

  32. allan sayerd says:

    enjoy your trip to Boston. I have told a pal of mine you are coming over. What e mail address can I send his details to so you can meet up.

  33. Just heard Jim on R4 this morning being indulged by Naughtie liken the GE debates with the SNP to a ‘quasi religious sect rock concert’ oblivious to whatever truths were put before them.
    Oh right then Jim, that would be the groundswell of the vast majority of the Scottish people, who had weighed you and your party from head to toe and found you seriously wanting then?
    You dickhead.

    • Val says:

      He seriously wanted to be FM. The leadership was supposed to lead to the pinnacle of his career. Beware a warmonger scorned…. there will be more bile from that man’s mouth before he implodes.

  34. Reblogged this on Kilted Splendour and commented:
    Can’t resist reblogging this from the excellent Wee Ginger Dug

  35. Cag-does-thinking says:

    Another gem WGD, Jim the Magic Dinosaur could make a best selling childrens book. Funniest thing is that the man himself believes himself to be the saviour of the Labour party which can look forward to wipe out in 2016/7 in Scotland.

  36. Luigi says:

    It will be interesting to see if any of those recently deposed Scottish Labour MP names appear on the lists for Holyrood next year. Sure, it would take some brass neck after last month’s drubbing, but this is Scottish Labour, so don’t be surprised. Most of them are not exactly employable (or qualified!) to do anything else, after all.

  37. morvenm2014 says:

    Great cartoon by Greg Moodie in The National today – “Murphy’s Last Stand”.

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