Malkied by Malkie and primed by Primula

So Aliestair’s still there, clinging onto the face of Scottish politics like a particularly obstinate plook despite the increasingly intense squeezing of ordinary Scottish punters who are not enamoured that one of our elected representatives got his comfy well padded seat into a comfy and well padded seat on the basis of lies and smears. In Scotland the conduct of the Unionist parties, their sense of entitlement, their arrogance, their self-interestedness, was the real issue of the recent General Election, and Scotland squeezed them out of office and wiped its face with the Clearasil of electoral oblivion. One spot was out of reach, and it was only after the election that we discovered just how pustuliferous it is.

The urge to squeeze it is overwhelming, and we’re not resisting the urge. Scotland’s voters set out to clean up Scotland’s politics, only now we discover that a nasty smell remains because it was disguising itself behind a delayed release air freshener. One of those expensive ones it bought with our money.

But opening the windows to clear out the smell is a witch hunt, because it’s the punters who are doing the pursuing, and that makes it borderline fascist and the harbinger of a one party state. However when pretty much the entire UK media hound an SNP politician, it’s investigative journalism and evidence of the robust good health of British democracy. Just so we’re clear on the hierarchy of hounding, they’re a press pack, we’re the hounds of hell and the curse of the curs. We’re the self righteous priggish pugs of Michael White’s disapproving tuts.

The story refuses to die, despite the news breaking on a Friday before a bank holiday when it was hoped that attentions would be diverted by diversions, despite the disapproval of the Guardian’s Michael White. It was kept alive over the holidays by social media, up against the rapidly waning interest of most of the traditional media. It was only a little lie, not a big lie. A little lie is of no concern to the big men, little lies only bother little people. How dare we be bothered, we should look at their faces. Are they bovvered? They’re not bovvered.

The on Tuesday the Lib Dem’s Malcolm Bruce attempted to put the story to rest by ramming a rocket up its arse and sprinkling it with the sparkly dust of incomprehension. We should forgive and forget because all politicians tell lies, said Malcolm, smoothing down the ruffled feathers of public trust by walloping them with a ball pin hammer and rubbing them with sandpaper. Why, he said like it was a bad thing, if we got rid of every politician who had told a lie then there would be no one left in Westminster. You don’t say, said the public, as it gazed upon the Westminster seats that were once occupied by Danny Alexander, Magrit Curran and Jim Murphy.

And now, Malkie harrumphed, the SNP are trying to bully poor Aliestair out of office, because the poor wee lambie abused his position of power to act like a bully. It’s just so terribly unfair. How dare ordinary people express an opinion. How dare they say they don’t want to be represented by a liar and a smear merchant. The next thing you know they’ll be demanding that their MPs are accountable – and where would we be then. We’d be living in a democracy, perhaps.

It has seemingly passed Malkie by that the reason we malkied his colleagues in the recent General Election was because we had discovered that they’d been telling us lies, and we’re fed up with it. Lib Dems more than any party ought to realise the electoral consequences of telling lies to the electorate. It’s a lesson that’s flown over the top of Malkie’s head. He can’t even blame the ruinous cost of student fees for his inability to grasp the lesson, even though it’s one we’ve given his party for free.

Malkie’s maulications have reignited the story. Aliestair must be grateful that he’s got such helpful friends. But then, coming over the hill like the Seventh Cavalry comes Michael White of the Guardian, bewailing the prigs of the SNP. Not being a middle class southern English person, I’ve never been entirely sure what a prig is, so it’s a strange insult to hurl at working class Scottish people. The first rule of invective is to make sure that your barbs are felt by their recipients and they are duly wounded by them. I always thought a prig was someone who was excessively prim and proper, clearly not. But then Michael is only a little prim, he’s Primula – because he’s White, cheesy, and smeary.

In a jaw dropping opinion piece, the supposed bastion of liberal Britain allowed Primula to defend the right of politicians to lie to the public. From his lofty position floating above the little people in his Westminster bubble, Primula know that we’re all Lt Kaffees in Westminster world, we can’t handle the truth. In Primula’s universe it’s more important to protect the lying Lib Dems from the electorate than it is to protect the electorate from lying Lib Dems. The only people who should judge Aliestair should be the people of Orkney and Shetland, said Primula primly, but without allowing them any mechanism for doing so. Out in the real world in the Northern Isles, a campaign is underway to raise funds to start a court case to force a byelection. So that the people of Orkney and Shetland can judge Aliestair for themselves. If you haven’t donated yet, it’s well worth giving a quid or two.

But mainly Primula defends the lie because the lie is better than the alternative – at least when the alternative is the SNP. Aliestair must be allowed to remain as a point of principle, and that principle is SNP bad, SNP very very bad. Bad SNP bad. Primula knows that the SNP is bad because everyone who is anyone in the Westminster bubble says so. Westminster’s definitions are the only definitions allowed. We’re not allowed to think for ourselves, we’re not allowed to define ourselves. And we’re certainly not allowed to hold liars and dissemblers to account.

Aliestair must be crapping himself as he wonders who is going to stand up for him next.

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41 comments on “Malkied by Malkie and primed by Primula

  1. andygm1 says:

    Telling you that you’re wonderful is getting a little repetitive.

  2. Mammy says:

    Go get him Ginger dug

  3. […] Malkied by Malkie and primed by Primula […]

  4. Aye, that’ll dae fir me.

  5. Bamstick says:

    They just don’t seem to get it. It’s not because he’s a Lib Dem. It’s because he’s part of what we, in Scotland, don’t want anymore. We want honest MP’s who do the job they are very well paid to do. And they are answerable to us, the people who allow them to have that position. They don’t get to chose the punishment for their lies. they don’t get to take us for granted anymore. They are there to serve us, we do not serve them.

  6. sheena godley says:

    Donated, wish it could be more .
    On another note..what the heck was up with Michael White’s moustache ? It was neither one thing nor another,all the time he was pontificating to us lesser mortals ( commonly known as the people of Scotland )..I couldn’t keep my eyes off it…it was mesmerising , perhaps we should be donating to save it as well , for it’s fairly obvious that Michael White doesn’t know what to do with it .Dearie me , what a state !

    • fionan says:

      Lol, well said – I found that ‘tache extremely distracting, wanted to rip it off to see if it was real. Whatever does White see when he looks in the mirror?

  7. Indeed Paul. And on the cheesy comestible front, considering all that is going on in memogate, I give you Stilton Dave; blue veined with a distinctive whiff about him.

    But as you hint at; there is most definitely a case of deck-chair re-organising going on with the various spokespeople from the political and MSM worlds; anything but facing reality.

    Our Michael White is like many from the Establishment; he cannot accept that the political players, the electorate and the speed at which a mutter turns into hurricane of chatter is the new way. And now, it’s even being backed up with hard cash to build up a battle-chest for whatever the cause. Folks are ‘putting their money where there mouth is’

    (What an exciting time. When in history have people ever been so engaged and united under different colours?)

    For Michael White and the rest of the old Empire; they are so used to being the controllers for setting the agenda and tone. ‘His Master’s Voice’ was less a commercial trademark and more an edict passed down through generations of who shall be obeyed.

    Where once ‘they’ had their obedient clique of followers, now they are dealing with a spirited youthful thinking populace.

    In modern parlance to our Mr White: “suck it up and deal with it…man”

  8. Alan says:

    In addition to White’s opinion piece, the Guardian has an editorial: The Guardian view on Alistair Carmichael: he should stay – for now.

    The comments in response was a tidal wave of outrage against the Guardian. After 294 comments “This discussion is closed for comments” and a comment from the moderator “Comments on this thread are soon to close for the night and will reopen in the morning (UK time). Thanks for your contributions.”


  9. Rhisiart Gwilym says:

    The word I use for Westminster these days – repeatedly, to burnish in the understanding of the still-unlanced pustulating boil that it is – is Paedominster. No copyright claimed. Please use as y’all wish.

  10. Johnny come lately says:

    There is a good article over on Newsnet by Derek Mateman which I must agree with. Carmichael should have resigned but he hasn’t. Let that be to his eternal shame. This will only serve to diminish the Libdems even further in Scotland. Hounding a person looks like bullying and could do the wider SNP and yes movment harm over the longer term. It is beginning to look a little vindictive.
    As for the memo itself. There are serious questions which have to be answered and I am sure that the proper and various avenues will be exploited. One minister from the Welsh parliament has vowed to pursue this matter to the bitter end with regards to the role of the civilservice in this matter and the SNP in Westminster will make sure that the matter, with regards to Carmichael is pursued in Westminster.
    I can’t help but feel that the MSM will use this campaign to oust carmichael as a pretext for more vile cybernat and nazi hyperbole.

    • Sorry JCL, but its a sad day when even we (those whom i count as progressives), put forward the MSMs contrived arguments for them, as a reason for not doing the right thing! After all, a lie, is a lie, is a lie.
      It is also a striking illuminating point that has been made that if Carmichael was a claimant then he’d be on his way to collecting groceries by now.
      Can’t be doing with this one law for them and one for others.

    • Helena says:

      Indeed, was not the memo, ie lie, a little vindictive? It may have steered the people to vote for a party/person, even against a party, ie the SNP, and all based on a huge lie. Not representative of any decent democracy and it is a disgrace.

      I am of the belief that people in England may well have fallen for the huge lie against N Sturgeon, how that affected the vote who knows, but it came on the back of her becoming hugely popular South of the border.

      It was the three parties in wm way of attempting to demonise her, it has backfired. They were all in together, but it does mean that Carmichael gained his seat under false pretences and why should the people not expect very high standards in politics, just like in any profession.

      • Saor Alba says:

        The memo lie was carried out, I believe, precisely because our First Minister was becoming so popular in other parts of the UK, due to being able to speak directly to them. Many were won over by her strength, honesty, integrity, vision, self-control, democratic instinct and reasoning powers, which put all the Unionist party leaders to shame. This struck fear into them, especially since the leaders of Plaid and the Greens displayed similar characteristics and solidarity with her. So they decided to get together and generate a smear campaign. More than Carmichael were involved. It was most likely cross party.

        This is how they work and many if us in Scotland have woken up to the constant lying and corruption. What the ‘Establishment’ are afraid of is the rest of the populace waking up as well, especially in England and Wales. It is high time they did wake up, however, and stopped swallowing the lies. Only then will we be able to move forward and achieve an honest democracy which serves us all well.

        For my part, this democracy would be best centred for us in an Independent Scotland. Until then, we have to achieve what we can in present circumstances.

        Once again WGD, thanks for the post, which I always look forward to. Maybe some day we can meet up so I can pat that dug of yours and buy you a pint.

  11. deiseach says:

    Michael White has previously said it was acceptable for agents of the state to conspire to commit murder ( so he probably thinks Nicola Sturgeon should be counting her blessings.

  12. macart763 says:

    You have to admire their consistency Paul. 😀

    Only the Libdems would pour petrol on a forest fire in the hopes of putting it out.

  13. […] and are making all the difference to the campaign- particular thanks to wingsoverscotland and the wee ginger dug. At the time of writing, 452 people from wings have raised over […]

  14. […] Malkied by Malkie and primed by Primula. […]

  15. The Vole says:

    Reblogged this on The Orkney Vole.

  16. Rod MacKay says:

    Thanks to Bruce we can now rename Westminster: the House of Liars and the House of Unelected Liars.

  17. Gavin C Barrie says:

    Two things Carmichael must do before Friday:
    resign and declare he will stand for re-election.

    spill the beans on the memo source and passage. He will feel better for it, and it may just win him the seat.

    Beyond Friday it’s the people vs Carmichael.

  18. david agnew says:

    I hope Carmichael is proud of himself. They are going to go down burning because of this. Do they really think if his lying backside is still sitting in Westminster, that we’re going to give his party a big wet sloppy kiss in 2016? Are they really going to surrender their council seats and MEP seats on the principle of love the sinner, love the sin.

    In the end it’s self defeating. Carmichael is a constant reminder of everything that is wrong with UK politics. He decided to smear a political opponent for short term party political advantage in the run up to the election. He committed a major breach of diplomatic protocol by involving a French diplomat. He breached the ministerial code and committed an act of gross professional misconduct. He presided over an inquiry known full well it would expose him as the source of the leak, that he had earlier denied having any knowledge of. And he did this on his own, Just him, with his gutter politics, and his idiotically conceited faith in his own importance.

    He has rendered the Office held as an object of mockery and not worthy of anything but contempt. Thus ensuring that Mr Mundell will not have a happy time in office. His continued presence will kill off his party in Scotland. Anyone associated with defending him will increasingly look like petty, petulant, pugnacious little pricks. The union is put under more strain and Britishness will become a byword for shit on the heel of your shoe.

    All that damage, just for one wretched little lying toerag that any sensible organisation would have kicked into the long grass by now.

  19. Graham Rae says:

    Just curious as to why my comment is awaiting moderation. I didn’t say anything abusive or controversial, and other comments have been posted after mine.

  20. John Russell says:

    I have just read that the local Lib Dem party of Shetland are backing Carmichael to stay on as MP for Shetlland and Orkney. The question we need an answer to is.


    Maybe Malcolm Bruce can tell the truth on this one. But he doesn’t need to we all know the answer

    John Russell

    • Sue de Nymme says:

      This is good. That fact that they want him to stay is proof that they are certain that, if he resigns and a new election is held, that there is no chance of a Lib Dumb candidate being elected. They need to hold onto what they have.

      The old song about ten green bottles is now stuck in my head.

  21. Andrew Brown says:

    You’ve some turn of phrase Paul, (“sparkly dust of incomprehension” LOL). You always make me laugh. With guys like you on our side we can’t lose.

  22. allan thomson says:

    Tavish and Wee Willie confirmed as latest members of Loose Bowel Club after imperious interventions from Bruce and White!

  23. gavin says:

    The Northern Isles were always the Britnat trump card, when they had run out of scary bedtime tales–as in “Orkney and Shetland will just stay with London”—- as if !
    So now they are petrified they will lose even that fig leaf, and be left with the MP for Morningside and a Panda impersonator as the reps of the Imperium.
    They so want blubbery-arse to stay, because, as Malkie let slip, the SNP will scutch them in the rerun..
    Its just a pity he wasn’t being touted for Lib Dumb Leader, as he was a few weeks ago. Blubbery-A stopped THAT speculation PDQ, knowing the merde express was coming down the line.
    Travesty and Wee Wullie are History.

  24. […] Malkied by Malkie and primed by Primula. […]

  25. Tinto Chiel says:

    Ah, Michael White, another great addition to the panoply of Shrill Shills who get wheeled out to put The Sweaties in their place.

    “Don’t interrupt, Lesley”? Who does he think he is, other than a condescending prat? He should work on shaving straight, which is clearly a problem for him.

    One of an increasing number of UKOK zoomers I’d love to bump into in the Gallowgate.

    Unlikely (sighs, shakes head ruefully).

    Thanks, Paul, for a great article, and Lesley Riddoch for your articulate restraint.

  26. Sue de Nymme says:

    It just gets more and more hilarious as this saga goes on. When Malkie was asked yesterday if lying was widespread in public life, he said: “No, well, yes. I think the answer is that lots of people have told lies and you know that to be perfectly true….”.

  27. Jan Cowan says:

    Exploded with laughter at your final sentence, Paul. Set the dogs barking!

  28. The Scottish Play says:

    Act 4 Scene 2:-

    Was my father a traitor, Mother?

    Ay, that he was.

    What is a traitor?

    Why, one that swears and lies.

    And be all traitors that do so?

    Every one that does so is a traitor and must be hanged.

    And must they all be hanged that swear and lie?

    Every one.

    Who must hang them?

    Why, the honest men.

    Then the liars and swearers are fools, for there are liars and swearers enough to beat the honest men and hang up them

    Now God help thee poor monkey – you’ve taken that too far.

  29. mixagemme says:

    Mosson, your knowledge of tools (proper items for doing manly stuff) is unsurprisingly pitiful. It’s a “ball peen” hammer. It’s got a hemisherical head.
    And just you leave my wife’s mate alone!

  30. mixagemme says:

    Hemispherical, sorry.

  31. Shiprex says:

    Brilliant WGD.
    I passed this story on to some bewildered Swedes here and they are amazed the media is so compliant about the indiscretions, crimes and lies pumped out through them from the ruling classes.

    But they are also impressed with the way Scots are dealing with this through humour and informed dialogue.
    It would be nice to join the Nordic countries they share so many traits with us Scots and are a far more compassionate group than some of our Americanized (intentional misspelling) nationals running the show down Westminster Way
    Keep it up

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