The dishonourable dissembler for porkies and scrote-lying

The Dishonourable Dissembler for Porkies and Scrotelying is still occupying his ill gotten seat, the one the representative for the Northern Isles got by misrepresenting himself to the Northern Islanders. Anyone with a shred of common decency would have resigned by now, but then anyone with a shred of common decency wouldn’t have abused a government position and created a diplomatic incident in a crude attempt to smear an opposing party during an election campaign. So we should take it as a given that Alistair’s title of “honourable” is meant ironically.

Apparently referring to a lying bastert as a lying bastert counts as unparliamentary language even when the lying bastert has admitted that he’s a lying bastert. So any SNP MP who has to refer to Aliestair or address him in the Commons in future should call him their “Cough cough honourable um friend – oh are you still here then?” And learn how to pronounce honourable in quotation marks. But they should cut him out and refuse to acknowledge his presence unless it’s absolutely necessary. He’s there on false premises and he is illegitimate as an elected representative. People in Orkney and Shetland didn’t know they were voting for a liar.

The Dishonourable Dissembler isn’t being faced with a barrage of calls for his resignation from certain persons who seemingly make a weekly call for someone to resign. Which is odd. The leader of the Lib Dem groupuscule Wullie Rennie doesn’t feel he’s done a week’s work unless he’s called for the head of someone or other, preferably during an interview on BBC Scotland. It’s the only way he can reassure himself that he’s still alive and still has some sort of purpose, just imagine how depressing and pointless it would be to be a Lib Dem politician otherwise. It’s as null pointery as a UK Eurovision entry, but without the self-knowing campery or the sparkly frocks. Mind you, Tavish Scott did once grow a beard, but no one was ever going to mistake him for Conchita Wurst.

Over the course of this Scottish Parliament, Wullie Rennie has called for the resignations of Alicsammin for being the head honcho of SNP badness, Justice Minister Kenny Macaskill also for assorted SNP badness, head of the Scottish Council for Voluntary Organisations Martin Sime for being – according to Wullie – too indulgent of SNP badness, and Chief of Police Scotland Stephen House for stopping and searching people who might not have been SNP supporters. He’s called on several other individuals to resign too, generally for SNP badness. You can probably spot the theme.

The only person Wullie hasn’t called on to resign so far is a man who has actually admitted to lying, admitted to abusing public office, and admitted to attempting to cover it all up so he could deceive the electorate. It’s entirely coincidental that that man is also a Lib Dem isn’t it. On Wullie Rennie’s bus if it’s not SNP badness it’s not sufficiently bad for him to tell you to get off.

But Wullie is keeping very quiet in case people ask him precisely what he knew about the leak and when he knew it. The chances that he didn’t know it originated from the office of the blubbering Scottish Secretary are about the same as the chances of the Lib Dems being wiped out if there’s a by-election in Orkney and Shetland. It would be interesting to know what senior Labour figures knew about the origin of the smear too, seeing as how they were suspiciously well prepared when the story first broke. But then they all lost their seats in the election, so no one cares any more. It’s just one more duplicity to add to the ones they’ve already been punished for. Aliestair however, is still clinging on. Maybe BBC Scotland will hound him until he resigns eh?

BBC Scotland is quite keen on calling for resignations too. The BBC hounded the former transport minister Stewart Stevenson to resign for SNP badness, too much SNP snow, and looking like a separatist version of Father Jack. But they don’t seem hugely bothered by the Koalamichael. The difference is that even though Stewart Stevenson wasn’t directly responsible for the snow it was SNP snow, whereas although Aliestair called up the blizzard of lies and deceit surrounding him all by himself it’s not SNP snow. In the Pacific Quay news management department that’s quite effective at clearing things up and they can ignore the heatwave of public protest that’s melting Aliestair’s career.

The snow storm clouds are gathering, despite the best efforts of the Lib Dems to hide under a snow blanket and make like they’re purer than the driven snow. According to the Guardian, the Parliamentary Commissioner for Standards is set to investigate. Apparently they do have standards at Westminster, news which comes as a great surprise to most of us. Clearly they are not very high standards, but even with the bar set so low that it exonerates the expenses fiddlers of the Commons, the Dishonourable Dissembler is unable to clear it.

The new rules against lying to voters, introduced during the last Parliament at the insistence of Nick Clegg – now there’s irony – state that if an MP is suspended from the House of Commons for longer than ten days then the electorate in his or her constituency can force a by-election. All it requires is for 10% of voters in the constituency to sign a petition to that effect and the MP in question can face the judgement of the voters even if he or she declines to do the honourable thing. So get collecting those signatures, Orkney and Shetland people.

The gravity of the offence committed by Aliestair is such that it’s considered highly likely that he would be suspended from the House for longer than ten days. If that happens, his career is as good as over. He won’t be missed.

But let’s give the last word to the Dishonourable Dissembler himself. In an article penned for the Shetland Times after Labour MP Phil Woolas was stripped of his victory and the courts ruled that there had to be a by-election because Woolas had smeared his opponents, the Koalamichael wrote:

“The right to freedom of speech is a fundamental one but it does bring a responsibility with it to tell the truth. The right to smear an opponent is not one we should be defending.”


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30 comments on “The dishonourable dissembler for porkies and scrote-lying

  1. Morag Frame says:


  2. Hector says:

    Brilliant, as always Paul and hits the nail on the head. A little off topic but I think many of us are still trying to assimilate the ramifications of the election outcome. If there was to be another referendum held in the very near future……..who exactly would articulate the case for a NO vote? Brown..discredited, gone. Darling discredited, gone. Lamont discredited, gone, Murphy….soon to be gone…. Danny Alexander, discredited and gone, Magrit Curran,,.gone, wee Dougie Alexander…gone,….Anas Sarwar (Whit aboot the nurses) ….gone…..Carmichael….if not gone, totally discredited…….Davidson (bayonet the wounded) gone……With no red tories to shield them,will we finally see those who are able and willing to support a NO vote step up to the mark? With 56 guns trained on them?

  3. macart763 says:

    Well said Paul.

    Whatever else happens the electorate won’t forget this whole sorry episode. Holyrood and council elections will be coming round soon enough. If the lesson doled out on May 7th didn’t serve enough notice to the establishment parties on how we wish our politics to be conducted, then perhaps another electoral clean out of these people will be required to drive the point home?

  4. Janis says:

    I find it a bit weird that a cabinet minister of the coalition government, which he was at the time, told these lies and the prime minister did not know about it? The same prime minister that is saying nothing. It was under his watch and still is. All thieves and liers together.

  5. WRH2 says:

    I think another question that needs to be raised is how on earth he could be so thick. Whichever way the election went, the LibDems were not going to be beneficiaries of this leak. They were always going to lose big time because of their coalition U-turns. I think this also had an element of trying to settle scores with Nicola because she thrashed him in the TV debate.

  6. Kenzie says:

    So nice to see that there is still honour and decency amongst the political class. I refer of course to the fulsome apologies issued or rather, about to be issued by the likes of Rennie, Fifi and Fluffy. Whadda ya mean, I’ll wait a long time?

  7. ronruth2013 says:

    My thoughts at the time. He’s just the kind of person to hold a grudge and want to ‘get his ain back’. Perhaps he should give Rona a call.

  8. It also lends to the air that these people universally believe that they can get away with anything at all, no matter how extreme and it will be swept under the carpet. Blair and Janner are proof enough of that.
    The 56 will need to be on constant guard whilst they move in that nest of vipers.

  9. johnp45 says:

    Notwithstanding the Bank Holiday prevarification, there are now plenty of SNP members in WM to be able to ‘keep this bubbling’, and plenty of opportunities in Holyrood to question the other ‘suspected’ gang members. Then, it’s only a matter of time until next May and there can be a proper clearout.

    Carmichael’s credibility is completely shot, both at WM and in his constituency. He may cling on – but he’s a dead man walking! (Albeit an embarrassing one at that!!).

  10. Mrs Topp says:

    There’s a picture of Carmichael on this site – worth a look!

  11. andygm1 says:

    I’m predicting a nine day suspension.

  12. Gavin C Barrie says:

    The media did for Stewart Stevenson over snow before social media got up to speed. It’s a different ball game now.

    Seems necessary electorate complaint signatures are building in Shetland and Orkney, and a formal complaint has been submitted to Westminster authorities.

    Mundell has a case to answer too.If he was totally uninvolved and unaware of this you would expect him to be complaining loud and hard via the media. Silence so far! If he had involvement, well looks like Ian Murray will be the lone Unionist MP.

    Should Carmichael and Mundell survive, we have the opportunity pass our judgement on Westminster and its corruption next year with the Holyrood elections.

  13. Sue Varley says:

    Just read on Peat Worrier that the recall legislation has not taken effect, so can’t be used against AC. There appears to be no legal way to turff him out – just by shaming him into it. He is a weak man, if enough people keep up the pressure I think he will cave. But we have no media to apply and report the pressure.

  14. hektorsmum says:

    I blew my Stack when Stewart Stevenson was forced out, today I am blowing my stack at the quietness of the MSM over Carmichael, blubber that he is, made of and it seems to be in his head as well. The disgraceful conduct of him, his minions and the press who could cause a diplomatic incident if the French were not so aware of the British Press. To call an Ambassador a liar which is what they are doing is reprehensible.
    Now David Cameron you promised the people of this country that they would be able to recall their MP, seems you have done nothing about this. Fox hunting more important or are you concerned your name will be trammelled in the mud, are you also involved in this man’s disgraceful conduct?
    Well said Paul as you normally do so well.

  15. grizzlepuss says:

    Nice one Paul.

    A whale of lie has floundered onto the beach of Orkney.

    Now the dilemma for the good Orcadian folks. Do they mass onto the beach in an attempt to re-float the beast? Will it be a fruitless and vain effort for this politico-mammal that should have taken notice of the guiding harbour lights that previously allowed it to sail around the islands without fear of crashing.

    The truth of the matter is that this particular beastie was far too pre-occupied spouting off to take notice of the safe chartered waters.

    Already the flocks are assembling to pick over the anticipated carcass, much to the inconvenience and embarrassment to the good island folks. This naturally places pressure upon the assembled to do the right thing; bury the maso-fisht or relaunch the deluded and mis-guided moby Dick?

    Meanwhile wee Wullie Rennie stays all out at sea in his rapidly sinking boat, wondering if he should continue his attempts at catching the great salmon or sturgeon that he hopes may stray unwittingly into his path.

    So far wee Wullie hasn’t quite switched onto the fact that trying to capture either of the two gracious & nimble fish is a tad futile in such a wide political expanse that he hunts in…using questionable tackle.

    (sorry for the aquatic theme Paul)

  16. Skip_NC says:

    Let him stay. He will be as useful to the SNP in 2016 as Jim Murphy was in 2015.

  17. Tinto Chiel says:

    There is something in Skip_NC’s comment. If Carmichael survives, he is a constant reminder of the mendacity of the LibDems/Unionists. If not, well done, Karma: such a lovely girl.

    I am still astonished that The Establishment blithely dragged the French Ambassador into this sordid affair. And now Chillaxing Cams goes to Europe for support for his “reforms”. Great strategy, Dave.

    I hope Mr Hosie keeps shaking this particular tree. Who knows who’ll fall out next: Mundell? Rennie? Call-Me-Dave?

    • Saor Alba says:

      The reputation of the British Establishment is now at an all-time low in Europe. This astonishing affair has just confirmed the views already held there.

  18. Phil says:

    The Koala’s cost $1.4M needlessly, thus far!

  19. Wee Jonny says:

    Ha – SNP snow.

  20. Gizmo says:

    This was a tri-party concoction, of that I have no doubt. Sturgeon’s popularity and the SNP surge scared the Unionist parties – and this poor smear attempt was all they had in the dirty tricks bag.

    Pity we knew – despite the curious muted MSM when it comes to other parties shenanigans – from the referendum how to smell a red herring a mile off. A switched on electorate would only now be taken in by a far more sophisticated ruse – and nothing seen in the unionist parties General Election campaigns suggest they are capable of joined-up thinking.

  21. Sue de Nymme says:

    They really are hilariously funny. Oor Wullie said yesterday, “As a liberal I believe that people deserve a second chance. I hope fair minded people would agree that Alistair Carmichael should be given that second chance.”

    What he failed to say was what the guilty party should have a second chance at doing. Maybe he meant giving Carmichael a second chance at smearing and lying, but this time without repercussions.

  22. macart763 says:

    Heh, Willie Rennie… The telegraph’s go to guy on this whole mess as I recall. Up to his hips in the muck and a man who’s never backward when it comes to asking for someone else to fall on their sword.

    I suspect wee Willie is feeling somewhat nervous of his own electoral chances aboot this time right now. The bad news for Willie is that his whole rotten dissembling party and the edifice of lies and liars they support have had more than their fair share of second chances. They’ve literally had decades worth of the things and a population who have shown not a little patience with all of this sorry system is done offering them.

    Your tea is oot Mr Rennie and if you think people will forget your part in this deception, I’d think again. 2016 and Karma will be back to finish the job at the ballot Willie.

  23. barpe4 says:

    Personally, I’ll take more than a little delight in keeping wee Willie’s name to the fore for the next year, in appreciation of what he’s doing for that dishonest scumbag Carmichael. Nighty night LibDems!

  24. allan thomson says:

    It was an “Aberration” didn’t you hear? – “mental irregularity or disorder especially of a MINOR or TEMPORARY nature, lapse from a sound mental state”
    There are a variety of dictionary definitions for “aberration” Is it possible that Willie Rennie just chose the one he was most familiar with??

  25. Albaman says:

    Well said Paul, but I hope you’ve kept plenty back for Thursday’s National!,
    I think “Fluffy” Mundel is being shielded by Carmichael, as part of a “deal”so that he’ll get off very lightly.
    Can you imagine the utter panic in the government if both were implicated?!.

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