The Dishonourable Dissembler for Porkies and Scrotelying is still occupying his ill gotten seat, the one the representative for the Northern Isles got by misrepresenting himself to the Northern Islanders. Anyone with a shred of common decency would have resigned by now, but then anyone with a shred of common decency wouldn’t have abused a government position and created a diplomatic incident in a crude attempt to smear an opposing party during an election campaign. So we should take it as a given that Alistair’s title of “honourable” is meant ironically.
Apparently referring to a lying bastert as a lying bastert counts as unparliamentary language even when the lying bastert has admitted that he’s a lying bastert. So any SNP MP who has to refer to Aliestair or address him in the Commons in future should call him their “Cough cough honourable um friend – oh are you still here then?” And learn how to pronounce honourable in quotation marks. But they should cut him out and refuse to acknowledge his presence unless it’s absolutely necessary. He’s there on false premises and he is illegitimate as an elected representative. People in Orkney and Shetland didn’t know they were voting for a liar.
The Dishonourable Dissembler isn’t being faced with a barrage of calls for his resignation from certain persons who seemingly make a weekly call for someone to resign. Which is odd. The leader of the Lib Dem groupuscule Wullie Rennie doesn’t feel he’s done a week’s work unless he’s called for the head of someone or other, preferably during an interview on BBC Scotland. It’s the only way he can reassure himself that he’s still alive and still has some sort of purpose, just imagine how depressing and pointless it would be to be a Lib Dem politician otherwise. It’s as null pointery as a UK Eurovision entry, but without the self-knowing campery or the sparkly frocks. Mind you, Tavish Scott did once grow a beard, but no one was ever going to mistake him for Conchita Wurst.
Over the course of this Scottish Parliament, Wullie Rennie has called for the resignations of Alicsammin for being the head honcho of SNP badness, Justice Minister Kenny Macaskill also for assorted SNP badness, head of the Scottish Council for Voluntary Organisations Martin Sime for being – according to Wullie – too indulgent of SNP badness, and Chief of Police Scotland Stephen House for stopping and searching people who might not have been SNP supporters. He’s called on several other individuals to resign too, generally for SNP badness. You can probably spot the theme.
The only person Wullie hasn’t called on to resign so far is a man who has actually admitted to lying, admitted to abusing public office, and admitted to attempting to cover it all up so he could deceive the electorate. It’s entirely coincidental that that man is also a Lib Dem isn’t it. On Wullie Rennie’s bus if it’s not SNP badness it’s not sufficiently bad for him to tell you to get off.
But Wullie is keeping very quiet in case people ask him precisely what he knew about the leak and when he knew it. The chances that he didn’t know it originated from the office of the blubbering Scottish Secretary are about the same as the chances of the Lib Dems being wiped out if there’s a by-election in Orkney and Shetland. It would be interesting to know what senior Labour figures knew about the origin of the smear too, seeing as how they were suspiciously well prepared when the story first broke. But then they all lost their seats in the election, so no one cares any more. It’s just one more duplicity to add to the ones they’ve already been punished for. Aliestair however, is still clinging on. Maybe BBC Scotland will hound him until he resigns eh?
BBC Scotland is quite keen on calling for resignations too. The BBC hounded the former transport minister Stewart Stevenson to resign for SNP badness, too much SNP snow, and looking like a separatist version of Father Jack. But they don’t seem hugely bothered by the Koalamichael. The difference is that even though Stewart Stevenson wasn’t directly responsible for the snow it was SNP snow, whereas although Aliestair called up the blizzard of lies and deceit surrounding him all by himself it’s not SNP snow. In the Pacific Quay news management department that’s quite effective at clearing things up and they can ignore the heatwave of public protest that’s melting Aliestair’s career.
The snow storm clouds are gathering, despite the best efforts of the Lib Dems to hide under a snow blanket and make like they’re purer than the driven snow. According to the Guardian, the Parliamentary Commissioner for Standards is set to investigate. Apparently they do have standards at Westminster, news which comes as a great surprise to most of us. Clearly they are not very high standards, but even with the bar set so low that it exonerates the expenses fiddlers of the Commons, the Dishonourable Dissembler is unable to clear it.
The new rules against lying to voters, introduced during the last Parliament at the insistence of Nick Clegg – now there’s irony – state that if an MP is suspended from the House of Commons for longer than ten days then the electorate in his or her constituency can force a by-election. All it requires is for 10% of voters in the constituency to sign a petition to that effect and the MP in question can face the judgement of the voters even if he or she declines to do the honourable thing. So get collecting those signatures, Orkney and Shetland people.
The gravity of the offence committed by Aliestair is such that it’s considered highly likely that he would be suspended from the House for longer than ten days. If that happens, his career is as good as over. He won’t be missed.
But let’s give the last word to the Dishonourable Dissembler himself. In an article penned for the Shetland Times after Labour MP Phil Woolas was stripped of his victory and the courts ruled that there had to be a by-election because Woolas had smeared his opponents, the Koalamichael wrote:
“The right to freedom of speech is a fundamental one but it does bring a responsibility with it to tell the truth. The right to smear an opponent is not one we should be defending.”
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