Skooshing away from the stuffed panda tea party

Davie Cameron has told us that we’re not going to be allowed to have another independence referendum. The wee sowel thinks it’s up to him to decide whether we can or not, bless. We’ll tell you when we’re going to have another indyref Davie son, we don’t need your permission. At a Scottish Parliament election, if Scotland votes for a party with an independence referendum in its manifesto, we’ll have an independence referendum. That’s how this democracy thing works, although you can appreciate that an upper class Etonian Tory might struggle with the concept.

Of course, we’re not going to have another independence referendum for the time being. That would be silly. We had one of those last year, and we lost it. Scotland’s voters know that. We also know that we won’t be having another indyref until we know we’re going to win independence, and the rate at Davie Cameron is getting up the collective nostrils of the Scottish public that could be next week. In fact if Iain Duncan Smith opens his gob before the end of the day, it could very well be tomorrow.

Oh but what about respecting the will of the 55% who voted No, the Unionists cry. Although in the case of the Labour party and the Lib Dems it’s hard to distinguish that crying from the crying they’re doing because they’ve been wiped out.

But that’s the point isn’t it – there will be no second independence referendum until the 55% is no longer a 55%, so there won’t be any 55% majority whose views demand respect. It’s arguable whether there is still a 55% in any case. According to opinion polls the 55% is now more like a 51%, which works out at a loss in Unionist support of 0.5% every month. If that rate of attrition is maintained by the time of the Scottish elections next year 57% of Scotland’s voters will be supporting independence. And that’s without the accelerant factor of a majority Tory government to piss us all off even more.

If there’s one thing we’ve learned about the clueless vicious ineptitude of majority Tory governments, they’re world class experts in pissing off people in Scotland. They’ve already done it some more with Cameron’s announcement about no more independence referendums. Cameron has no right to speak for Scotland, he hasn’t noticed that a Mundell isn’t a mandate. A mundell is a small stuffed toy bear, although that’s being terribly cruel to the intellectual capabilities of sawdust filled pandas, which are actually capable of attending a dolls’ tea party without adult supervision.

The sawdust filled panda is the new Secretary of State for Scotland, taking over from the sawdust filled koalamichael. And all of Scotland went “Ooooh that’s a surprise,” in a heavily sarcastic tone. This is the panda that said just a wee while back that the post of Secretary of State was “above his pay grade”. Asking Scotland if it wants to make that a supersized meal is above the stuffed panda’s pay grade. But it’s not like Davie Cameron was terribly spoiled for choice.

Meanwhile the funerals are in full swing over at Labour towers. Perhaps I should stop slagging off the Labour party in Scotland, because it’s wrong to speak ill of the dead, but Jim Murphy is still infesting the corpse. Just thought I’d put that out there, because Labour still isn’t putting Jim out. We need as many strong anti-Tory voices as we can get right now Labour party in Scotland – and you lot aren’t helping. Get your collective finger out of your collective arse, and stop feeling sorry for yourselves. Try and remember that the reason we all hate you is because you are a bunch of useless self serving wastes of space, and continuing to be a bunch of useless self serving wastes of space isn’t helping your case any.

Labour can start by getting rid of Jim, and then maybe, just maybe, they can start doing what they were supposed to be doing in the first place – being a voice for the people of Scotland. It should be too difficult, because SLab has only got one voice now, that would be Ian Murray the Shadow Secretary of State for Union Jackets. Labour isn’t terribly spoiled for choice either.

But Labour won’t be escaping popular ire any time soon. The party south of the border seems to have decided that it lost the election because it wasn’t blairite enough. Because what we really need in order to achieve social justice and equality is a party that’s in favour of Iraqi wars, sooking up to Kazakhstani dictators and being indistinguishable from the Tories. Now we’ve got the arch blairite Chuka Umunna making a pitch for the leadership, and rumours that the other Miliband will return from his self imposed exile. The prince over the watter who will lead the party to another Scottish defeat because he’ll speak down at us and not for us, not from amongst us.

And it’s this rapidly diminishing set of choices that is driving the 55% on its ever downwards spiral and leading to the inevitable end of an unloved union. Scotland has become the colour blind person with discerning taste buds in the UK’s political skoosh shop. Colour blind people can’t tell the difference between orange coloured orange skoosh and green coloured lemon skoosh, both are thickly cloying and kill the sensitive tongue, the only difference is the chemical colourant. The Unionist media complains that with the rise of the SNP that Scotland is turning into a one party state, but the truth is that the UK became a one party state a long time ago, and the punters are offered a choice that’s a non choice between austerity loving neo-liberals who are distinguished only by their chemical additives. The flavour remains the same, and both of them equally rot your teeth and are bad for your health as they fill the cups in the dolly tea set at the stuffed panda party.

It’s hardly surprising that Scotland is skooshing away after a different flavour of politics.

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