Are you still there Gordon?

I didn’t get up to watch the, ahem, debate on the Scottish Politics Show on Sunday morning. It was another of BBC Scotland’s sterling efforts to disengage punters from politics. A news announcer on Sky News called it “lively”, which is a bit like calling a lynch mob lively. I caught the debate on iplayer later in the day. Well I say debate, it was more three Unionist politicians in a tag team throwing buckets of shite at Nicla Sturgeon while Gordon Brewer polished his nails and wondered when it was all going to be over.

Calling it shouty is an unkindness to crazy people who scream delusional madness in the street. Shoutiness at least involves coherent words, sometimes even entire sentences. This was just inchoate screams from the grave that James Frances Murphy BA Politics (failed), the Action Krankie, and Wee Wullie the driver of the Number 17 to Kelty are collectively digging for the Union. And Gordon was happy for them to get on with it, when he wasn’t contributing to the screaming himself. At one point Jim Murphy asked him – are you still there Gordon? And he’d have been as well going off and making everyone a nice cup of tea for all the positive benefit he brought to the proceedings.

This is what happens when you start from the default position that politicans deserve respect, when in fact what they really need is to be yelled at – Haw you! Aye you! Ya rude bastert – shut yer geggie or leave the room. A’ll no be tellin ye a second time. Which is what I’d have said. And this is why I’ll never moderate a rammy on BBC Scotland. The reason our politicians behave so badly is because they are allowed to.

To be fair, Nicla did her share of shouting back, it was either that or drown under the torrent of dementia being poured on her by Jim and Ruth, although she did actually keep quiet at times when it was the others’ turns to speak. Something you can’t say for Jim Murphy, who brought smug creepiness to an entirely new pitch of demented shouting. It would appear that Jim thinks that high fiving the Tory representative and ganging up with her against the SNP is going to bring disaffected Labour voters back to the fold, and this brings us a lot closer to understanding why he’s a BA Politics (failed) and why most of his colleagues are soon going to be ex-MPs. Jim clearly has failed to internalise the fact that it was cosying up to the Tories that has reduced his party to the dire state it’s currently in – drowning in an onslaught of odium from ordinary punters.

Meanwhile I discovered, courtesy of a gloriously delusional article from Andrew Gilligan in the Telegraph, that I’m an evil bullying cybernat because I said unkind things about Magrit Curran. Or “Margrit” as the Telegraph puts it, twice. Of course you can’t really expect the Telegraph to copy things accurately, or to be familiar with the Glaswegian vernacular, or indeed Scottish politics, and all these instances of ignorance were fully on display in Andrew’s article, which was funnier than anything I’ve ever written. Only he didn’t do it on purpose.

Of course I’ve still got a very long way to go before I reach the dizzying heights of evil cybernatdom achieved by Stu Campbell of Wings over Scotland. Stu Campbell is so evil that even things that haven’t happened at all are still his fault. Stu Campbell was on the grassy knoll in Dallas and shot JFK with a kitten he’d infected with ebola and stuffed into a polonium laced teapot. And the kitten was English. True fact that. It will be coming to an SNPout hashtag near you very soon.

Anyway, apparently I’m a prominent SNP supporter. Gosh. I fully intend to put the word “prominent” in large letters on my gay dating profile as it will certainly increase my chances of finding a man to go out with. But the thrust – there’s another word I could put on my gay dating profile – of Andrew’s piece was to make out that I am part of some organised campaign directed by the SNP. Which is big bollocks. Oh there’s another phrase for the profile.

While it is true that I fully intend to vote for the SNP’s Natalie McGarry in Glasgow East – because unlike Andrew Gilligan I live there and actually know where Shettleston is and have seen at first hand how Labour has let it down for generations – I am not a member of the SNP, I do not receive directions, finance, or support from the SNP, and no one in the SNP has ever told me what to write or not to write. And if they ever did I’d tell them bugger off.

It suits the Telegraph’s narrative to depict Scottish working class people as sheep who need to be directed and told what to say and do – that’s how our Westminster masters see us after all. They are incapable of comprehending the truth – that I’m just an ordinary East End punter who calls things as he sees it, and I don’t see anything of merit in Magrit. I don’t prevent anyone else speaking. I don’t shout down those I oppose politically. I mock, I make fun, I slag off, I flyte. And I refuse to be patronised by morons with an agenda.

But then it’s bullying of me to point that out. What’s really scary for the Andrew Gilligans of this world is that I am far from being alone. There are thousands of opinionated lippy Scottish people, and we found our voices during the independence referendum. We scare the Telegraph columnists of this world. And we scare politicians who think they have a right to shout over the top of those they disagree with.

I fully intend to keep on scaring them. And I know there are thousands who are doing the same, with wit and with words and with humour. We are all still here, even if Gordon isn’t, holding them to account. We rewrote the rules last year. Welcome to the new Scotland.

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40 comments on “Are you still there Gordon?

  1. Brilliant as ever. I caught the show on catch up and was appalled by Smugmurphy rudeness. Dispicable and shameful presenter for his non voice.

  2. James Cassidy says:

    Paul, I actually got a bit of knot in my stomach with all that shouting and the snide comments coming from that poor excuse of a man. He was ejaculating vitriol everywhere. For sure, he had metamuphicised from an oily and creepy Jim to an adolescent school bully. And weren’t the Bitter Together people all enjoying their brief “love-in” with their common goal of undermining a fine lady who is erudite and compassionate. How uneducated the Metamurphicised one seemed. I was told the other day that he does actually have a BA in Politics. However, I was later told that the BA stood for Bugger All!

  3. “They are incapable of comprehending the truth – that I’m just an ordinary East End punter who calls things as he sees it”

    This is their continual mistake with Scotland. They don’t understand it. Don’t get the humour, the language, the political culture – nothing. And they don’t see normal Scottish voters, living their lives in Glasgow or Edinburgh, doing normal jobs and the like – they see some co-ordinated “mob” of cybernats, who must be getting orders from some cybercontroller in Bath, or the SNP, or Salmond channelling messages through a cybercontroller in Bath. That’s what they see because that’s all the know and understand of politics. And that says a lot about them.

  4. […] Are you still there Gordon?. […]

  5. handclapping says:

    Really disapointed. I was sure it was going to be one of your BroonieTunes specials. Nil desperandum, SLab are in the process of disintering him as Jim isnae man enough to hold his dick in the dyke against the onrushing waves of SNP

    • weegingerdug says:

      Never mind – I’m sure the other Gordon will be making another of his intervening-for-the-first-times very soon, and I’ll probably have something to say about it.

      • handclapping says:

        Probably! I mean really, honestly only probably? Has Ginger given up on sausage rolls?🙂

        No I’ve been worrying about my comment while microwaving the shepherds pie. It turns out its not apropriate atall atall. It was written by some Yankee woman in the 1860s about “Peter” of Haarlem and it is boy, finger, dike. Ooops😦 and Peter gets rescued. There’s no US Cavalry for Jim only his own Calvary on 8th May. Maybe I should have used Cnut.

  6. Bugger (the Panda) says:

    ” Of course I’ve still got a very long way to go before I reach the dizzying heights of evil cybernatdom achieved by Stu Campbell of Wings over Scotland. Stu Campbell is so evil that even things that haven’t happened at all are still his fault. Stu Campbell was on the grassy knoll in Dallas and shot JFK with a kitten he’d infected with ebola and stuffed into a polonium laced teapot. And the kitten was English. True fact that. It will be coming to an SNPout hashtag near you very soon. æ

    Into the record books.


  7. Bugger (the Panda) says:

    OK, it was simply a Gang Bang. One woman agin 4 men.

  8. farci says:

    What I saw today from three Scottish politicians probably derived from instructions from ‘darn sarf’ to oppose, er, whatever is going on in Scotchland. As exemplified by this clip from a recent interview with Old Tory Matthew Parris showing his complete bafflement about the General Election 2015-style:

  9. Jan Cowan says:

    Gordon B just not up to the job. (Also a bit strange with that upside-down smile of his.)
    A disgraceful episode. Nicola did well to manage her temper. It could not have been easy, being surrounded by so many chattering fools.
    Not a good advert for unionism!!

  10. Mikeyboy says:

    The BBC are quite capable of holding a civilised debate. The fact that they didn’t on this occasion can only be deliberate in order to present Scottish politicians as being incapable of a proper discussion.

  11. Alice Sharp says:

    Thanks Alastair. Leaky sinks fixing is of top priority! Hope you have a good week. Look after yourself. Alice

    Sent from my iPad


  12. J Galt says:

    I have it on good authority that Stagecoach are “quite concerned” regarding a sudden drop in the takings on the Kelty Omnibus.

    The management have investigated and have discovered that the punters have been put off travelling due to “the driver’s face tripping him”,

    The management are keen to get it sorted out before “MR S” himself gets to hear about it and heads roll.

  13. Brian McNeill says:

    Willie Rennie just sounds like Tam from Still Game to me tbh!

  14. Alexandra-M- says:

    Brilliant post as always!

  15. Hector says:

    Keep on, keeping on scaring them! You are doing a brilliant job! WGD and Wings Over Scotland…what a fantastic alternative voice you both bring …….But we supporters should still continue to “contribute” to the msm…..I first heard about Wee Ginger Dug and Wings on a Call Kay programme on Radio Scotland last year. Never looked back…..and you both get better and better! Two amazing journalists from different styles and perspectives.

  16. Thanks Paul. Another tenner on its way to you because I’d have lost my sanity by now if not for your writing.

  17. Saor Alba says:

    The behaviour of Murphy, Davidson and Rennie was absolutely shocking and disgusting this morning. They are totally incapable of debate or proper discussion and are completely and utterly childish.

    They most certainly are NOT leaders in any way, shape or form. Ms Sturgeon is most definitely a leader and can debate and discuss properly. She has proved this, both in Scotland and more recently in the rUK.

    The other 3 have proved nothing, except that they will sell their souls to Satan if it meant they could hold on to their positions and keep fooling the electorate.

  18. jacquescoleman says:

    Gilligan is the reporter who ‘resigned’ (kicked out of?) from BBC after Hutton of Hutton Inquiry questioned the reliability of Gilligan’s evidence re his part in the reporting of the “sexing up the infamous dossier”. He clearly learnt no lessons from that episode of his life.

    • Brian Fleming says:

      Actually, Jacques, i think he learned on what side his bread’s buttered. He’s just another once independent voice neutered by the Establishment.

  19. Ken Waldron says:

    Well at least that’s the third great plank of the Murphy “Policy for a new Scotland” unveiled:

    1. Legally knock back the lagers at the Football stadium
    2. Legally sing some Sectarian songs’
    3. Go home and dish out bad mannered bullying & abuse: preferably to a woman.

    Jim’s so dumb he probably thinks his three point plan will win the working class vote.

  20. macart763 says:

    Well said Paul.

    I know what I saw yesterday and it had nothing to do with political debate. In fact it had nothing to do with either reasoned or civilised discussion for that matter. No, what I saw was three people reading from the same hymn sheet publicly bullying another human being.

    Gut reaction? Well what is any normal human being’s reaction to watching a pack of thugs gang up on an individual? Revulsion, outrage and a real need to do something about it. To come to the aid of the person being bullied. As it happens their victim was not a person who views themselves as a victim and gave as good as she got, but that aside it was possibly the ugliest spectacle I’ve seen on any election programme in some time.

    I don’t like bullies and if ever I needed reminding of why these people need removed from office on May 7? Well, they provided ample evidence themselves.

    Unfit for purpose.

  21. david agnew says:

    You would think from that “debate” that there were only two parties in Scotland. The SNP and the UK Continuity Party. The UKCP is an odd little beastie. Its only function is to give the illusion of democracy in Scotland, by pretending to be three separate parties, that pretend to stand against each other. A convenient fiction that is intended to keep Scotland in the union. Then along comes the SNP who shatters that cozy little consensus, the mask slips and we see them for what they are.

    The above is fiction of course, but by working in concert against the SNP they inadvertently undermine their own party narratives. None of them can ever truly stand as independent parties with differing ideas and policies, not after this. The tories are hanging on to labours coattails as this is the first time since the late 90’s that they have ever felt this alive. The lib-dems still can’t see how untenable their position is; being in coalition with the conservatives, but expecting to be in coalition with labour in Holyrood. Then there’s poor old Scottish labour; hollowed out, swivel eyed with its problem solving mechanisms fundamentally broken. Even the name scottish labour is a fiction. They are the scottish branch of an english party. Holyrood was always going to throw this condition into sharp relief at some point. They have been losing votes since 2003 because no one knows what it is they are supposed to stand for.

    It wasn’t meant to be like this. We were supposed to be crushed and resigned to voting for labour again, so they could go back to pretending they hated the tories.

    maybe there is a UKCP after all.

  22. Cag-does-thinking says:

    Hey you must be getting to be a serious journalist when other journalists know your name, or at least the dugs name….

    Gilligan pretty much single handedly buggered the BBC for all time. I haven’t ever read anything actually interesting by him ever but I live in hope. You on the other hand make me laugh every day. I suspect much of Scotland has the same opinion!

  23. Pam McMahon says:

    Well spoken. I particularly liked “the Telegraph columnists of this world”. You reckon? I think they are being beamed in from some alternative dimension, and canny get home again because all their banks have gone bust, so their credit cards don’t work anymore and they are trapped in “this world”.
    Probably the alternative dimension they originally hail from has lost track of their bank bailout-in-chief, Geordie Broon, which is why they are getting their weird other-worldy beam-ins to keep wailing “Are you still there, Gordon?”

  24. ann says:

    Brilliant as usual.
    Just to be pedantic though. It’s the No. 19 to Kelty.

  25. Marconatrix says:

    Funny how memory works. A few lines from an Australian song I heard many years ago seem to have surfaced …

    “Now if governments think that it makes better sense,
    To save on education and spend on defence,
    Could easily be argued upon the same grounds,
    That elections should be, the best of ten rounds,
    And it’s on! All reason and logic are gone,
    Winning the fight won’t prove that you’re right,
    It’s sad, it’s true, but it’s on!”

    Well we’ve just about arrived at the point of trading blows it seems.

    [Note : “It’s on!” was apparently the cry that went up when a bar brawl started]

  26. Andrew Brown says:

    I can’t decide if the Unionists behave as they do because of desperation or if they have some devious, convoluted plan to debase every political discourse in Scotland to convince us that we aren’t genetically programmed to run our own affairs.

    Far better to let the people in a neighbouring country do that – because we all know how well that’s worked out every time it’s ever been tried, don’t we ?

  27. Sue de Nymme says:

    After the blood started running out of my ears, and my eyes clouded over, I stopped watching last night. I couldn’t believe it was as bad, so I viewed more today. I wish that I hadn’t done so.

    I have never, in 70 years on the planet, seen such an undignified, undisciplined, threatening rabble anywhere. A pub brawl would have more gentility. And as for the chairman, he was as much part of it as the three bullies so we can safely say that the Biased Broadcasting Company remains so.

  28. Whitburnsfinest says:

    Paul!!! *gasp* we can’t say stuff like that!

    You’re meant to be shutting up and slithering back into the Shortbread Tin Of Shame with the rest of us uppity Jocks from Jockistan. You’re meant to know your damn place, which is wherever our Westminster masters tell us to be, so that we can graciously receive the crumbs of whatever passes for democracy these days.

    We’re only mere Scots, too wee, to poor and too stupid, so we need the REAL upholders of morality and principle, those at Westminster to do our thinking for us. They know best of course. Silly you, thinking a country had some sort of *snigger* RIGHT to self governance and decision-making on his own behalf!

    I mean, really, man. What WERE you thinking?!

  29. Giesabrek says:

    I feel cheated, betrayed even! If the Torygraph printed that the sky was blue, I wouldn’t believe them given their track record for publishing the truth.

    Now they’ve printed a story claiming that Paul exists? That can only mean he doesn’t and must be the invention of someone’s fevered imagination, probably someone high up in the Scotland Office who knows someone who knows someone else who’s passed through Glasgow’s east end when they got lost in their way to Edinburgh and saw a wee ginger dug in the street…

    And to think I gave money to you “Paul”, or whatever your real name is!😉

    • weegingerdug says:

      I’m as shocked as you are. There was me, happily plodding along, bullying that poor Magrit and slagging off that nice Mr Murphy, and then I discover I’m merely a figment of my own imagination.

      Even worse is the realisation that I was leaked by Alistair Carmichael. I don’t think I’ll sleep tonight. In fact I don’t think I will sleep EVER AGAIN.

      • handclapping says:

        Och Paul, Paul, you’ll never make it into the National with journalism like this “… leaked by Alistair …”. We need to know the facts; were you the prior piddles to the main PISH or the inter-thigh evidence of inefficient willy waving after. These things matter to the readers of quality papers. Remember Who,What,Where and When.

        Seeing JFMBAP(f) on the telly should remind you that nightmares can happen when you are awake

  30. kat hamilton says:

    honestly one of the worst debate ive ever witnessed. felt totally demoralised after witnessing that spectacle. the very nerve of nicola not ruling out a further referendum in the future, our southern masters demand we throw that idea in to touch..decided for a generation at least…the three muskateers truly lack awareness of post indy scotland…they represent the past and its barriers and limitations which has held back our confidence and ability to run our own affairs. scots will decide their own destiny. not the unionist cabal who have no mandate on our aspirations.

  31. colin david mckerron says:

    You give the Establishment far too much credit when you tell us that they think we Scots are like sheep.
    Sheep are of a greater God, being much more productive on their miserable land. They put up with THEIR bleating knowing that they don’t answer back!

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