Scotland was blessed yesterday by a visit from Labour’s hydra headed leadership, the three monkeys who hear only evil, see only evil and say only evil. It was another of those invitation only Labour party events which have substituted for public meetings ever since the public abandoned the party in disgust. The SNP leadership goes out into the streets and meets with punters, Labour hides in closed rooms and meets with cameras. The star of the Labour puppet show was the three podiums of the Milibawrph, which appropriately sounds like a unit of measurement for the sickened revulsion Scotland feels for the Labour party. By May 7 the disgust dial is likely to have been ratcheted up to around 40 Milibawrphs, and they’ll lose almost all their seats.
Labour can’t make this an election about making the UK a better place, so they’re just going to attack the SNP again. I can summarise the contents of the Milibawrph speeches on Friday for you, to save you the bother of reading the news reports. They went like this: SNP SNP bad SNP SNP evil SNP SNP Full Fiscal Autonomy bad SNP pensions scary! SNP SNP bad bad SNP boo! SNP SNP Nicla Sturgeon evil SNP SNP boo! SNP. Oh, and Jim Murphy made a fitba reference.
The visit came the day after an opinion poll showed that the frantic spinning of the Murph E Coyote was unable to resist the crushing gravity of Scottish opinion, and Labour is now plummeting into a very deep and dark Scottish chasm which it will never claw its way out of no matter what shiny new rocket sled policies they send off for from McTernan’s Acme catalogue of Tory inspired spin. Labour politicians who have never before been seen in their constituencies are having to go round the doors and beg for votes. And they’re getting the doors slammed in their faces.
This wasn’t supposed to happen, just a few short months ago the UK press was full of articles explaining how a politician of Jim’s calibre would score goals against the SNP and knock them into the back of the net. The SNP had had it all its own way too long, they said, Labour’s talent was all in Westminster but that was about to change with the all-conquering James Francis Murphy BA Politics (failed). He wasn’t just going to keep all Labour’s seats, he was going to gain some from the Lib Dems. But the Smugurph’s softly spoken style of schmoozy bonhomie doesn’t have the attraction that the metrocommentariat thought it would, and now they’re struggling to explain why one of their football metaphorising big hitters is struggling at the bottom of the third division and looks set to be relegated to the amateur leagues.
Labour have spent the last few months promising various flavours of invisible jam, the vow plus marmalade, more nurses than there are people in the entire country, and constantly repeating the constitutionally illiterate lie that only the largest party can form the next government, Scotland has stopped listening to the Labour party. Scotland can’t trust Labour ever again after they cheated on us with the Tories. We were deafened by their lies and their promises last year and revolted by them standing shoulder to shoulder with George Osborne. Like the promise Ed Miliband made that was plastered all over the Daily Record to vote No and he’d introduce Home Rule in the first year of his government. We remember these things, the things Labour has forgotten. And like any relationship, once the trust has gone there’s nothing left.
But now the Milibawrph has come to Edinburgh to run through the independence referendum all over again. Forget about choosing what you want Scotland, you’re too wee and too poor and too stupid. Vote Labour or your pension will die. Vote Labour or die of cancer. Only this time Labour is telling us why we can’t have the things that they promised us during the independence referendum if only we voted No. They can’t understand why their message has no traction, but then slipperly lies and half truths delivered by oleaginous sleazeballs never do.
The bullshitters in the abattoir are screaming for Gordie to intervene and save them from their impending slaughter. He’s always intervening, usually for the first time, again and again. He’s already intervened in Glasgow East, coming to a secret location to speak before an invited audience of the last Labour party supporters in the birthplace of the party. It hasn’t made any difference to Magrit’s chances. But Labour can’t risk Gordie appearing in front of real people in case they ask him what happened to that Vow he was supposed to be personally supervising and he calls them a bigot. It’s much safer to keep him behind locked doors where the public can’t upset him with any of that troublesome real world and real life stuff.
Things are now so dire for Labour that the best they can hope for is that tactical voting might save a few of their seats. The same tactical voting might also lead to more Tory MPs in Scotland, but in their blind panic and hatred Labour doesn’t care. But there are many in the Labour party who think more Tories would be a price worth paying if it stopped Scotland derailing the cosy stitch up between the main Westminster parties.
The tactical voting campaign is being backed by the Telegraph, that same bastion of journalistic standards that brought up Nickileaks and smeargate. But Labour is so desperate that many of them are happily going along with a Tory backed scheme to sneak a few extra Conservative MPs through the back door of the hole in the back of Labour’s head – the one that has lost its buttons.
We’re going to get a lot more of this over the new few weeks, and it’s likely to get increasingly hysterical. Since we’re already at defcon full blown hysteria that doesn’t leave much space for the rhetoric to go, but it’s still not likely to save the Labour party’s sorry arses. Because you don’t win back the trust of the public by going back on promises you made just a few months ago.
Labour has already lost this election in Scotland and all the Milibawrphing in the world won’t save it.
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