The attack of the Milibawrph

Scotland was blessed yesterday by a visit from Labour’s hydra headed leadership, the three monkeys who hear only evil, see only evil and say only evil. It was another of those invitation only Labour party events which have substituted for public meetings ever since the public abandoned the party in disgust. The SNP leadership goes out into the streets and meets with punters, Labour hides in closed rooms and meets with cameras. The star of the Labour puppet show was the three podiums of the Milibawrph, which appropriately sounds like a unit of measurement for the sickened revulsion Scotland feels for the Labour party. By May 7 the disgust dial is likely to have been ratcheted up to around 40 Milibawrphs, and they’ll lose almost all their seats.

Labour can’t make this an election about making the UK a better place, so they’re just going to attack the SNP again. I can summarise the contents of the Milibawrph speeches on Friday for you, to save you the bother of reading the news reports. They went like this: SNP SNP bad SNP SNP evil SNP SNP Full Fiscal Autonomy bad SNP pensions scary! SNP SNP bad bad SNP boo! SNP SNP Nicla Sturgeon evil SNP SNP boo! SNP. Oh, and Jim Murphy made a fitba reference.

The visit came the day after an opinion poll showed that the frantic spinning of the Murph E Coyote was unable to resist the crushing gravity of Scottish opinion, and Labour is now plummeting into a very deep and dark Scottish chasm which it will never claw its way out of no matter what shiny new rocket sled policies they send off for from McTernan’s Acme catalogue of Tory inspired spin. Labour politicians who have never before been seen in their constituencies are having to go round the doors and beg for votes. And they’re getting the doors slammed in their faces.

This wasn’t supposed to happen, just a few short months ago the UK press was full of articles explaining how a politician of Jim’s calibre would score goals against the SNP and knock them into the back of the net. The SNP had had it all its own way too long, they said, Labour’s talent was all in Westminster but that was about to change with the all-conquering James Francis Murphy BA Politics (failed). He wasn’t just going to keep all Labour’s seats, he was going to gain some from the Lib Dems. But the Smugurph’s softly spoken style of schmoozy bonhomie doesn’t have the attraction that the metrocommentariat thought it would, and now they’re struggling to explain why one of their football metaphorising big hitters is struggling at the bottom of the third division and looks set to be relegated to the amateur leagues.

Labour have spent the last few months promising various flavours of invisible jam, the vow plus marmalade, more nurses than there are people in the entire country, and constantly repeating the constitutionally illiterate lie that only the largest party can form the next government, Scotland has stopped listening to the Labour party. Scotland can’t trust Labour ever again after they cheated on us with the Tories. We were deafened by their lies and their promises last year and revolted by them standing shoulder to shoulder with George Osborne. Like the promise Ed Miliband made that was plastered all over the Daily Record to vote No and he’d introduce Home Rule in the first year of his government. We remember these things, the things Labour has forgotten. And like any relationship, once the trust has gone there’s nothing left.

But now the Milibawrph has come to Edinburgh to run through the independence referendum all over again. Forget about choosing what you want Scotland, you’re too wee and too poor and too stupid. Vote Labour or your pension will die. Vote Labour or die of cancer. Only this time Labour is telling us why we can’t have the things that they promised us during the independence referendum if only we voted No. They can’t understand why their message has no traction, but then slipperly lies and half truths delivered by oleaginous sleazeballs never do.

The bullshitters in the abattoir are screaming for Gordie to intervene and save them from their impending slaughter. He’s always intervening, usually for the first time, again and again. He’s already intervened in Glasgow East, coming to a secret location to speak before an invited audience of the last Labour party supporters in the birthplace of the party. It hasn’t made any difference to Magrit’s chances. But Labour can’t risk Gordie appearing in front of real people in case they ask him what happened to that Vow he was supposed to be personally supervising and he calls them a bigot. It’s much safer to keep him behind locked doors where the public can’t upset him with any of that troublesome real world and real life stuff.

Things are now so dire for Labour that the best they can hope for is that tactical voting might save a few of their seats. The same tactical voting might also lead to more Tory MPs in Scotland, but in their blind panic and hatred Labour doesn’t care. But there are many in the Labour party who think more Tories would be a price worth paying if it stopped Scotland derailing the cosy stitch up between the main Westminster parties.

The tactical voting campaign is being backed by the Telegraph, that same bastion of journalistic standards that brought up Nickileaks and smeargate. But Labour is so desperate that many of them are happily going along with a Tory backed scheme to sneak a few extra Conservative MPs through the back door of the hole in the back of Labour’s head – the one that has lost its buttons.

We’re going to get a lot more of this over the new few weeks, and it’s likely to get increasingly hysterical. Since we’re already at defcon full blown hysteria that doesn’t leave much space for the rhetoric to go, but it’s still not likely to save the Labour party’s sorry arses. Because you don’t win back the trust of the public by going back on promises you made just a few months ago.

Labour has already lost this election in Scotland and all the Milibawrphing in the world won’t save it.

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19 comments on “The attack of the Milibawrph

  1. mogabee says:

    There’s a morbid fascination watching Labour at the present. No matter how crazy the speak, people have insulated themselves from the toxins that the Labour “masters” keep spewing.

    Like a volcano, I’m just waiting for the eruption…!

  2. Marie Clark says:

    Milibawrph – a unit of measurement of sickened revulsion. That’s a keeper Paul. I like that very much. LOL.

  3. diabloandco says:

    It is utterly unbelievable that the 3 parties have nothing to give to anyone other than “stop the SNP”
    I cannot come to terms with the fact that they are tying themselves together, like a 5 legged race of drunks which can only end in a pile of yon stuff.
    Are they all completely stupid ? I need no answer.

  4. ‘beautiful, beautiful, beautiful truth’: ‘They can’t understand why their message has no traction, but then slipperly lies and half truths delivered by oleaginous sleazeballs never do.’
    It’s just a gorgeous, sumptuous read. paul, like feasting on a watermelon! 🙂

  5. macart763 says:

    Yeah, he’ll block further referendums, step on FFA and show Nicla who’s boss…

    … Bwahahahahahahaha. 😀

    Don’t you love it when he tries to talk tough?

    Oh h – h – hell yes! 😀

  6. Deedee says:

    The Labour Party I knew of growing up would have been doing cartwheels at the prospect of a Tory free Scotland. Instead they are possibly facilitating a rise in their numbers with their tactical voting message because of nothing more than their hatred of the SNP. And still they wonder why they are finished in Scotland!

  7. Albawoman says:

    Thanks so much Paul. Your writing is pure dead brilliant. God do we need a laugh.

    Looked at the various headlines in the papers today. It seems so obvious that the Fear Attacks are a planned, concerted effort by the unionist politicians and the MSM.

    Onwards and forwards Scotland.

    • Sue de Nymme says:

      It’s obvious to those who read this blog, but we need to get out in the streets and talk to those who don’t question things. There remain people who will vote the way they always have. Or, indeed, refrain from voting because they haven’t seen the point for decades. We must work, complacency is not an option.

  8. benmadigan says:

    Great article as usual paul. Always a pleasure to read as the wee ginger dug sniffs out the truth!!. I don’t know if you’ve seen this film about James Francis Murphy, the Great British Hero – well worth a watch

  9. Jan Cowan says:

    I like the way you keep labouring “James Francis Murphy BA Politics (failed)”. I just can’t get over the fact that he used our free educational system for nine years then went on to deny future students the self same opportunity. I find that behaviour unacceptable.
    Thank you, Paul.

  10. Gary says:

    The same old story. To ‘take the temperature’ of Labour opinion outside Scotland I often read the ‘Vox Political’ blog and ‘Left Foot Forward’. The consensus of opinion among Labour supporters in England, Wales and Scotland is that the dramatic loss of support is not their own fault!

    The fault lies with the dangerous spread of ‘nationalism’ and the SNP lying to the public etc.

    This blindness to the possibility that they could have caused their own downfall is the major part of their downfall. They are not interested in representing the people anymore..

  11. David Agnew says:

    The penny still hasn’t dropped.

    The reason the party lost so much support was because of this sort of behavior. But they are going to double down on it, as they have deluded themselves into thinking, they didn’t do enough of it last time. Now they are backtracking on the vow by claiming Scotland simply can’t cope with power. It wasn’t the SNP who invented the Vow – it was invented by Murray foote of the daily record, but labour won’t admit that. Why that would leave the clunking fist looking like a damned liar.

    Now its tactical voting – they hate the SNP so much that they can’t see how idiotic they actually look. “Vote tory” they say to the labour voter. “We need to keep out the SNP as they want the Tories to win” One wonders how far up your own arse your head has to be to think crap like this, let alone say it. They are admitting that they have lost. They want the Tories to win, not the SNP. But only they can keep the Tories out? And they need to post this keech through peoples letterboxes, they don’t have anyone willing to put them through letterboxes for them. They don’t have anyone willing to go out on the streets and campaign for them. They meet in secret and talk shit in public.

    Deep down I think one of the issues with labour, is their collective guilt at having done the dirty on Callaghan back in 78. They are just projecting their own self loathing at the SNP.

    You know, I used to be a labour voter and member back in the day. I used to think labour was a decent party. Now after all i have learned in from 2001 on, I went from being a jaded voter who felt he had no choice but to vote labour, to a person who regards labour with the same contempt I usually reserved for the conservatives.

  12. Calgacus says:

    Thanks WGD, your articles make my day. I am beginning to think the referendum was a vaccination for labour lies and the whole of Scotland is now immune:-D

  13. A Meringue says:

    Is that the Dug that I see quoted in the Telegraph by Andrew Gilligan?

    “Margrit [Margaret Curran] is about to give her name to a foodstuff, like peach Melba or Pavlova pudding,” wrote one prominent SNP supporter last week. “Margrit’s toast is dry, stale, mouldy, and spread with invisible Labour jam. It’s difficult to swallow, and even harder to keep down. Her career is about to be regurgitated by the electorate of the East End, and a bit like Linda Blair in The Exorcist doing her revolving head thing, projected forcefully into far distant corners.”

    Congratulations are in order!

    • hektorsmum says:

      Seems that Mr Gilligan is terrified to death that if he doesn’t do his masters bidding he will end up on the streets or worse still. What a load of tosh he writes, I doubt he has even crossed the Border that Mr Miliband was keen to put border guards on.
      Good though that he used a bit of Paul’s work, though it will be taken the wrong way in the South.

    • weegingerdug says:

      Oh the shame, the perfidy, the disgrace – the balloon cannae even spell Magrit.

      • Andrew Brown says:

        One would’ve thought that Mr Gilligan of all people would be somewhat less than supportive of the establishment and their anti Scottish (or indeed any other) agenda given what he suffered at their hands. Perhaps it’s a textbook example of Stockholm syndrome or maybe just good old fashioned crawling ?

        Sad really. Seems you can treat some people like crap and they still come back for more.

        I wonder sometimes if the cyber abuse these people talk about isn’t what they receive directly but is what they read about themselves on others online postings. They do say eavesdroppers never hear anything good about themselves. Wee tip for Unionists, don’t read blogs, twitter or Facebook. Problem solved.

        • weegingerdug says:

          It’s a classic case of psychological projection, they bang on about “cybernat bullying” in order to deflect from the very real bullying of the entire electorate by the UK establishment.

  14. mo Mhorag says:

    Still trying to get my head around “vote Tory to keep the SNP out : only Labour can keep the Tories out”

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