Jim Murphy BA Politics (failed)

The fallout from the Nicileaks saga is still falling on the benighted heids of the Unionist parties. The forces of the British Establishment ganged up to keep the Most Dangerous Woman in Britain at bay, only they didn’t do it very well, which is only to be expected when your lead conspirator is Alistair Carmichael, a man who can’t even conspire to take a leak without it dribbling all down his leg. These things happen, don’t they Alistair. Well we don’t know for certain it was Alistair who was responsible for the leakage, but then I’m adopting Daily Telegraph standards of journalistic integrity. So that makes it all just fine, and we can expect Ed Miliband to take everything in this blog as gospel truth.

The Most Dangerous Woman in Britain has turned their attacks against them. She’s battering them on the head with rolled up copy of the Telegraph, slapping them on their lardy arses with a papier maché bat made from Daily Mail slur stories, and treading them into dust with those tartan high heels of hers. She’s laid down a challenge to the wide open eyes of Ed Miliband to join with her in opposing the Tories – and now we know he’s staring like that because he’s looking directly into the headlights of an oncoming Caledonian Express. The happy warrior is not a happy Easter bunny.

Meanwhile Alistair himself has, according to the Daily Record, “fingered the civil servant responsible” for creating the big stain down the front of the Koalamichael’s troosers, and there was you thinking that sexual harrassment was illegal in modern Scotland. However Alistair’s not for saying who the person is, and far less is he going to take any action against them. Which means that either Alistair is a terribly understanding and indulgent employer, or the leaker had good reason to believe that Alistair was giving them the nod on the quiet. We’ll have to wait for the inquiry to find out which is the case, but not to worry, British government enquiries always clear things up to everyone’s satisfaction, don’t they.

Conveniently the enquiry won’t report back until after the election and after everyone involved is brain dead, which in Alistair’s case happened quite some time ago. But for those of us who aren’t brain dead, that only leaves us with truthiness. Which of those two scenarios seems more plausible to you? Are Alistair’s pants on fire, or is he just looking a bit sweaty? Alistair Koalamichael is doing his very best to keep out of the limelight, and that’s not hard for a man who is so far up himself that it takes a colonoscopy to find him. My money is on the inflammable underwear.

It’s odd that the actual Tories in Scotland, those few that remain, were not contacted by the Torygraph so they could be outraged by the news that Nicla supposedly wants them to remain in power. The paper contacted Labour and Wullie Rennie. Because when there’s an important national story breaking which looks like it might have an immediate and decisive impact on a national election, Wullie Rennie is the first person you turn to. At least it is if you’re Alistair Carmichael.

The Labour party was fully involved in the production of this wee wheeze and thought they could get Nicla bang to rights – look she’s to rights like the Tories, they screamed in orchestrated unison, in time to the beat of the Tory press. Oooooh, pursed lipped Smugurphy said, aren’t the SNP the Tories’ little helpers just like I said in that press release John McTernan wrote for me just a few days ago. But the story fell apart even before any ink had smeared itself on the Telegraph’s printing press and Jim was covered in it looking like the opportunistic clown that we all know he really is.

Then Ed Miliband, with that masterful sense of timing and nose for the political zeitgeist which typifies the modern Labour party, managed to leap onto a bandwagon which had already careened off a cliff. Way to go to look statesmanlike and prime ministerial Ed. And it’s entirely his own fault for listening to the Smugurph. Come the next election, it’s going to be Scotland that superglues Ed’s wavy fingers and sticks it to him.

The BBC and the rest of the discredited media are still trotting out the allegations in the memo, even though the allegations have been killed, cremated, and their ashes scattered on the grave of the Labour party in Scotland. They know that it’s untrue, they know it’s a lie, but are determined to keep playing what if, in the vain hope that there might be someone somewhere in Scotland who is going to have their mind changed. But our minds are already made up, and we’ve decided that we’re pissed off at being patronised by idiots.

These are, let us remember, the same people who are always telling us that there needs to be more respect and decorum in politics. Politics are dragged into disrepute by working class people using working class language to slag off duplicitous lying basterts, they tell us while they play their infantile games. We must be respectful and stop saying childish things like Morphy Jim or the Smugurph and call Mr Murphy by his proper name and full title – so that would be: Jim Murphy BA Politics (failed).

And he’s fully living up to the name, having failed quite spectacularly this time. It hasn’t even taken him nine years. He’s only been the leader of the Labour party Scottish accounting unit for a few short months. That’s as close as Jim Murphy BA Politics (failed) is ever going to get to providing value for money. Jim and Labour in Scotland are, in the words of a Labour MP quoted in today’s Herald, at defcon fucked.

Today Jim Murphy BA Politics (failed) is in the Guardian, reduced to begging Scotland not to vote SNP out of anger at Labour. We are angry Jim, we’re angry with you, and we’re voting to get rid of you because your politics are the politics of abasement, the politics of the gutter, the politics of despair, the politics of cynical lies. We’re going to vote for the Scottish branch of the Occupy Westminster Movement, and we will make the changes that Jim will never implement himself.

We’re voting Jim, for a future that doesn’t have you and your style of cynical politics in it.

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26 comments on “Jim Murphy BA Politics (failed)

  1. Bugger (the Panda) says:

    Milliband weighed into the cluster fuck after it was falling apart.

    Now, maybe I am wrong but surely somebody with political nous should have to told him that this one was going south and so would he if he was aboard. Jump aboard he did and verily a day late and a dollar short.

    Maybe that memo had been written at some seance and Nicola’s opinion of Milliband was really that of Keir Hardie, or his opinion of what any real socialist would think? Live mimicking fiction?

    The MSM are doing what a failed military campaign would be doing, fight a rearguard action get tae fuck out with minimal casualties, which would be at least one SO decoy sacrifice.

    I suspect that Carmichael may be fucked as well, which would both heartening and otherwise damn near impossible. The Northern isles have their own internet and I am sure they are thinking, do we want this invader from another island, talking shite for us, and ruining the cod quotas.

    If they had any brains, they could be dangerous this lot.

    I hope Carmichael is bombed out and the SNP winner, in his acceptance speech says, it was just one of those things.

  2. Robert Graham says:

    if you have time check out the comments by a lot of Australians on the news McTernan was leaving them f/off -turd-scum-don’t let the door hit you on the arse on the way out are about the gist of them they seemed a little annoyed at his brand of bile filth and generally crap brand shit stirring this guy poisons everything and as a few of the Australians pointed out he isn’t even that clever now him and Jimbob McDougall dugdale Curran what a line up looking forward to the election night massacre watch them fall one by one and the stewards shouting –Bins Full –need another trash bin over here

  3. SCED300 says:

    Odd, and I thought for the investigation to take place all the head of the Civil Service had to do was call Carmichael ask him who it was, sack him, then Cameron to sack Carmichael.
    That should take from now until tomorrow morning.
    As it is we will need to make our own minds that they are a bunch of lying, conniving, witless morons.

  4. Hallelujah! Bro! Hallelujah! And that is the TRUTH, bro,THE TRUTH!!!

  5. Marconatrix says:

    So Britain’s MDW opposes WMD’s. Perhaps someone could run with that?

  6. macart763 says:

    Well said Paul.

    Strangely I’m for less respect in politics, less decorum and far more outright bloody rage. What the lich king forgot to mention in his Guardian whine is that people have every right to be enraged with Labour, they have every right to be enraged with all of the establishment parties and their antics at the weekend are a perfect example of why we’re ready to kick their sorry, duplicitous, conniving, manipulative arses out of office.

    With more slime in evidence than an out take from Ghost Busters the meeja and establishment parties contrived to smear someone for having the audacity to upstage them on their big debate. Worse that person received rave reviews, not just from the lady’s own growing fan club, but from electorate across the UK. They hit the panic button and project smear went into full catastrophic flow.

    Respect? Decorum is it? I’m waiting right behind my front door for the first fecker wearing a red, blue or gold rosette to come a knocking. They will receive an earful of contempt and derision. I fully intend to bray like a demented donkey on crack right into their faces.

    The simple logic which escapes Mr Murphy and the rest of our establishment figures is twofold.

    Firstly, you earn respect and none of you self seeking, self interested, arrogant condescending pricks in suits have done that in my lifetime.

    Secondly, a government doesn’t define an electorate, an electorate defines its government.

    We have realised this in Scotland, just as we have realised that our current UK government and party system reflects our needs and aspirations in no way at all. Its too fucking busy telling us how rude and disrespectful we are whilst robbing us blind, fucking up our economy and looking for scapegoats.

    Don’t vote out of anger????

    How about disgust, contempt and cold determination?

    • Wee Jonny says:

      Wooooooo Hoooooooo.

      Now that is a reply.

      For a the pish that’s been thrown at us over the last few years including being telt not to use the 45 logo in case it upsets and excludes the arseholes who shat it, this is the kinda language I want to see.

      I love being Yes.

    • adam591 says:

      Few of the Wastemonster politicians are respectable.

    • Sooz says:

      With you all the way on that, macart763. We should be bloody angry and how dare they demand respect when they haven’t earned a single ounce of it. Sick of the whole sorry lot of them, playing games and telling lies. Sick to death of them.

  7. Marconatrix says:

    Let us sincerely hope that this pathetic attempt at a smear will have immunised the electorate against whatever vile pestilence they come up with next. Still, once they overplay their hand and we begin laughing at them, then they’re finished.

  8. mary docherty says:

    Jings Macart ye didnae miss an hit the wa’ !!!!

    • macart763 says:

      The stroke they attempted to pull over the weekend Mary was brutal, manipulative, divisive and intended to cause harm. Not just to our FM either, but to us and any who intend to change our system of politics. It ticked all of the establishment boxes and then some. THIS and many actions just like it over the years is why they are not fit to administer our governance any more.

      Leaders lead, they care for those they lead and are seen to do so. That loyalty is returned in kind. I haven’t seen a leader perform a duty of care on these islands for almost all of my lifetime. In fact I can think of only two to date and one stepped down mere months ago only to be replaced by the other. So when thieves, gangsters, users and abusers attempt to project their vile character traits on to others. When they use the most underhanded methods to spread fear, alarm, mistrust and harm amongst their own people, then those fuckers need skelped big time.

      Our turn in a few short weeks. Steady in the line.

      • Jan Cowan says:

        Macart, I agree with every word and it’s good to these people and their corrupt antics so aptly described. Now we must laugh at their obvious alarm at the potential loss of power.

  9. Mr Murphy, in the Guardian, seems to be getting his excuses in early – please don’t vote SNP out of anger at Labour. This is leading up to his 8th May excuse of .. it was a protest vote.

    So Mr Murphy, to be clear I’m voting SNP and campaigning against Labour at every opportunity.
    Not only out of anger, but because you’re a warmongering, complacent, right wing, corrupt liar.

    If British politics were the animal kingdom, you’re the slime a slug leaves.

  10. Wee Jonny says:

    Ha – “Jim Murphy BA Politics (failed)”.
    Another nail skelped we a sledgehammer Paul.

    They dinna like it up thum.

  11. Jan Cowan says:

    Paul, I just love the “Jim Murphy BA Politics (failed)” title for the man……especially when it took him nine years to achieve failure. Spectacular indeed! Labour in Scotland is certainly at a low ebb.

  12. Brilliant. Gie the dug a clap from me.

  13. Albaman says:

    Hope this is featured in “the national”, in its entirety!, on the FRONT PAGE.

  14. Robert Llewellyn Tyler says:

    And Lo, there was great deleting of tweets in the Valleys of Wales…

  15. Adrian Farquhar says:

    Has anyone noticed the uncanny similarity between Jim Murphy/ ‘scottish’ Labour and Mr. Clamp/ his offices in the film classic Gremlins 2. From start to finish the fit is near perfect. Enjoy.

  16. Chist gonna no dey that yer a Wee Ginger Dug fur christ sake, yer showing DimJim up for lack of Intellectual superiority,& furbye that yer ah Furriner. & yer keepers ney sae bad eithers.

  17. macart763 says:

    Jinkies, that’s a nice one in the National. 🙂

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