The triangulation dance

Alicsammin’s memoir of the referendum campaign is now in the shops, and it promises to be infinitely more readable than Alan Cockring’s self-serving reminisces, although that’s not difficult. The Japanese language instructions for setting up a Unix based server dedicated to accountacy programs and paint timing sequences are more readable than anything that issues from the poison pen of the Cockring. And a whole lot wittier. I mean seriously Alan, if you want to do a character assassination, attack a person’s character – making snide references to personal appearance just doesn’t cut it ya overweight beardie fashion disaster with a bad haircut.

Onieweys, according to Alicsammin, it was the Labour party which turned his dad into an SNP voter. Samminsenior’s not alone there. The SNP looks like it’s going to receive the votes of almost two million people on Scotland’s electoral register and about 1,999,999 of them were turned into SNP voters by the Labour party. In Samminsenior’s case, the conversion was achieved many years ago by a Labour canvasser possessed of the wit and charm of Alan Cockring, who referred to the SNP as the Scottish Nose Pickers. Samminsenior was so offended by the childish bile that he’s voted SNP ever since.

For many of the rest of the almost two million, the conversion was also achieved by Labour bile and spite. It wasn’t always as overtly childish as the Nose Pickers line, for many it was the Bain Principle. It was accidently revealed in some Labour emails by Glasgow MP Wee Wullie Ah Stey Wi Ma Maw Bain that the Parliamentary Labour party has a policy of not backing or supporting any SNP motion in the House of Commons – even if it’s one that Labour does otherwise agree with. The fact it was put forward by the SNP is enough for Labour to act like the political equivalent of a nine year old school kid with a grudge against a more popular girl, although that’s being terribly unfair to the emotional maturity of nine year olds. The SNP’s just ugly, and it smells, and it’s not all that. Who does it think it is eh?

There’s only so much of it a sane grown up person can take before insisting that the biliousness one buggers off to its bedroom with no telly or mobile phone or tablet until it shuts up and learns the meaning of the phrase good grace. The SNP just has more friends than Labour does, and until Labour learns to accept that that’s Labour’s own fault, Labour will not succeed in winning any of its friends back. Now its left solely with the sympathy of people like the Tory Alan Cockring and John McTernan, who isn’t actually a Tory but might as well be. By your friends shall ye be known, or some such 1940s homespun philosophy. Labour has some very unattractive friends.

Many modern SNP supporters have not altered their political principles. In this fact alone they are alienated from a Labour party which doesn’t have any principles. They still believe in equality, fairness, and looking after the poor and the weak in society. Labour doesn’t seem to believe in any of that any more. In an interview with the Guardian on Tuesday Labour’s Rachel Reeves, the party’s work and pensions spokesperson, said something worth quoting in full: “We are not the party of people on benefits. We don’t want to be seen, and we’re not, the party to represent those who are out of work. Labour are a party of working people, formed for and by working people.”

So if you’re unlucky enough to be out of work, Labour won’t even pretend to represent you. This quote came in an article ostensibly about how Ms Reeves would implement measures to reduce dependency on foodbanks. But she’s not going to do that by representing people who are out of work. She won’t do it by listening to them and seeking to ensure that their voices are heard at the highest levels of government. Labour will merely look upon them charitably, after first having judged whether they are suitable recipients of charity.

That attitude is precisely why so many in Scotland have turned their backs on the Labour party. Labour has become the party of the haves, the party of those who jealously hold on to what they have themselves. Labour has become the party of those who, when asked to think about the future of their country, thought about the price of their car insurance and told themselves that they were merely being realistic and level headed. Labour is the party of those whose horizons stretch no further than the nearest shopping centre, whose aspirations go no higher than an economy flight to New York for a weekend’s break. Labour’s aspirations are those of a supersucker cylinder vacuum cleaner. Labour’s vision is the vision of a designer specs store and its dreams are those of a mattress shop. Labour has no poetry in its soul. It has no soul. But we still do.

That’s why hundreds of thousands of voters in this country have abandoned Labour. They have no nobility, nothing to be proud of, no hope, no future. Labour offers the same materialistic future as the Tories, where things only have value and worth if they can be denominated in pounds and pence. It dances in a triangulation dance with the Tories, calculated steps that take it ever rightwards, off the edge of our souls. So ordinary voters with love in the hearts and spirit in their songs say to the Labour party – triangulate my arse.

We don’t want to be told that it’s wrong to dream. We don’t want to hear those who tell us there is no hope. We will not leave behind those who are worse off than ourselves and consign them to the charity of the uncharitable.

It’s not so much that the SNP has won Scotland’s heart – it’s that Labour has lost it. And it’s lost it for good.

The Dug goes National

The dug had a meeting today with the editor of the National – and as of this Thursday will be writing a weekly column in your Scottish national newspaper in addition to the monthly column in iScot magazine. And of course this blog! I’d just like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who has donated to the blog over the past few weeks. It means I’m now able to dedicate myself to writing for a living – and will continue to make sure that the blog is my first priority!

Donate to the Dug

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104 comments on “The triangulation dance

  1. bobsinclair2014 says:

    Delighted to hear you’re getting the National gig. You (and we) deserve it.

  2. heathermclean19 says:

    That’s great news about The National – just love your blog – an oasis of hilarity amongst all the doom and gloom of politics! Keep up the excellent work!

  3. Albawoman says:

    So pleased that life has become sweeter for you. Just love your writings.

  4. Well done , I’m looking forward to your National and iScot scribes .
    I’m 100 % iScottish . Voted Yes in ’79 and again ’14 ,seams I must be a rare breed as I have NEVER and now never will vote for Labour .

    Onywies Good luck and thank you for your every post.

  5. […] The triangulation dance […]

  6. liz says:

    Well done WGD, The National needs a bit of satire and that plus greg Moodie’s brliiant cartoon on a Monday will giveThe National more scope.
    When I compare Greg Moodie to Steve Bell, it’s like the latter is past it

  7. Amy says:

    Great news about the National. I’ll look forward to that as much as I do your blog.

  8. That’s fabulous news about the National Paul! For you & them.
    I do trust you’ll not let them water down your output, as it were.
    Scotland expects full-on, rabid gingerness in its purest form!

  9. MoJo says:

    Congratulations on getting the National gig -you will undoubtedly boost the circulation!

  10. It is the scandal of our times that politicians from all sides have abandoned the unemployed to food banks and fear. We can easily afford to pay basic benefits so no-one ever has to go hungry.

  11. INDEPENDENT says:

    Great news Paul power to your pen, obviously delighted that the dug will be able to get some treats.
    Mind nae Tunnocks!!!

  12. F1dddler says:

    Fantastic news about The National. About bloody time. Good luck, you deserve it.

  13. Fiona says:

    I, too, am pleased that you are to write for the National; not before time.

  14. WRH2 says:

    Great news about the National column. Only bought the paper now and again but will be buying it on a regular basis now, especially Thursdays.
    And of course, another great blog today.

  15. Mary Vasey says:

    Terrific news Paul, so glad they have finally seen what we all see and love. More power to you wehey

  16. lazy git says:

    Had to say congrats on the news,i am very pleased.
    Hope they let you use your letter to magrit in
    election week,ha ha.

  17. lazy git says:

    Damn, i will have to sign up for an online subscription now as well as
    buy it at the shop…a promise to myself if they saw sense.

    • carthannas says:

      When The National started you could buy a subscription for a number (I think 20) editions that weren’t time limited (edition based subscription in their jargon). This was brilliant for someone like me that lives a fair distance from a newsagent because I could buy a paper copy when I was in the village but use one of my digital subscription copies when I wasn’t. Now they don’t do that, you either have to buy individual digital copies (a bit of a pain which doesn’t give access to the website) or buy a time limited subscription – which if you’re also buying paper copies on occasion means your paying twice for the same editions. I was told that they have no intention of changing this. Tbe end result is that I now only buy paper copies when I can and don’t bother with a digital sub at all. Apart from wanting to read the paper, I also wanted to support it but when I’m trying to make modest donations to indy websites as well I can’t afford to pay twice for the same newspaper. Maybe you’ll find yourself in a similar position.

  18. jimnarlene says:

    The wee ginger dug, a “National” treasure.

  19. Janis says:

    The national has now got more attractive. Great news. Smashing blog again. Thanks for making a dull life a bit better.

  20. Jeannie says:

    Excellent piece thank you – congrats and good luck with your new job – look forward to reading yr column and hope the Dugs getting a special celebratory bone !

  21. dougiekdy says:

    Great news on the National! Got to love the Wee Ginger Dug:-)

  22. jdman says:

    yeeha I am so pleased the National has finally seen the light, that’s another few thousand reader they’ll attract at a stroke.

  23. aitchbee says:

    Congratulations onThe National gig – will look forward to your column🙂

  24. Brian Mckenna says:

    Look forward to reading your column in the National .

  25. Johnny come lately says:

    Congratulations on your appointment at the national, well deserved:)

  26. bjsalba says:

    Well done! Good for you, and good for the National. It seems to be getting better all the time and I’m sure your contribution will rack it up another notch.

  27. thoughtsofascot says:

    Congrats on the National gig! As others have said, its well deserved!

  28. That’s great news I look forward to reading your column. Good luck

  29. Nigel Mace says:

    Congratulations, Paul. Now a double recognition – and a third read for you supporters; well done and best wishes.

  30. diabloandco says:

    Most excellent! Many congratulations to the National for at last recognising your talent!

    Brilliant , just brilliant!

  31. Sooz says:

    EXCELLENT! Our wee dug is in the Nashnul! That’s really made my day. Great stuff!

    Fab article of course, as ever. That rapier wit of yours is sliding through many a stuffed Tory shirt and Labour spleen.

  32. mumsyhugs says:

    Fantastic news! So glad you’re getting to make a living at the thing you love – and that we love reading! Hugs tae the dug xxx

  33. david says:

    Paul, thrilled that you will be getting a column in the National. This lends credibility to that newspaper.

  34. macart763 says:

    Well said Paul, on every level.

    We care.

    Its as simple and clear a statement of intent, as it is profound. We care one for the other, for our families, communities, our country and those who need our aid in other countries. Its the core of who we are. They won’t snuff that candle out easily, not ever. And every time they do? 2 million souls and growing will queue up to offer a match. I still see the butterfly in that poster trying to catch up to the others.

    On the National? You’ve earned it and then some.

    Go get em fella.🙂

  35. Nana says:

    Very pleased for you Paul, about time the National took you on. Looking forward to many more chuckles!

  36. Congrats Paul, well deserved.
    Your ability to understand Labour’s demise is far more accurate than Douglas Alexander.

  37. Jan Cowan says:

    Congratulations to The National and naturally, to WGD. I read the paper on-line when I’m nowhere near a shop. (Nearest one miles away!) Also have the iScot magazine sent by mail. So, Paul, happy days ahead for us all……atlast!

  38. Fantastic!!!!!!!! Beaming from head to toe for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well well done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Brilliantissimmo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  39. Kenzie says:

    Well done. A thoroughly deserved appointment. You are already an island of sanity in a sea of hysteria. More people will now see what they have been missing.

  40. hossmackintosh says:

    Well Done Paul,

    Great to see you have got your column in the National.

    Perseverance pays off!

  41. Stoops says:

    Well done Paul, you deserve it. Great piece of work b.t.w., as always.

  42. amanda mcginley says:

    thats great wee ging, looking forward to seeing it🙂

  43. Excellent post as usual Paul. Many congratulations for a long and successful stint at The National.

  44. Congratulations on getting the column in the National

  45. Brilliant news you are to get a column in the National Paul. Certainly made my day. Off out to get todays edition.

  46. Michael Housman says:

    Fantastic about The National, I have pestered them a few times about this, made my day:)

  47. Isabel Cooney says:

    Pleased to hear The National appreciate your wit and insight!

  48. Bill Hume says:

    I suspect I’m not alone in feeling we have been priviliged to share a wee part of your life, through this blog. Through bad times and good, you have inspired many thousands of us. So, congratulations on the National gig and looking forward to reading it.

  49. xsticks says:

    Great news about the National, Paul. Couldn’t happen to a better man. So pleased things are working out for you. Hope to see you at the Wings bash in May.

  50. ecapella says:

    Not much to add but congratulations! Will buy a copy of the National on Thursday as well as my online version and leave it somewhere to make sure other people get a chance to read it. Onwards and upwards!

  51. Mosstrooper says:

    Now that you are working will you vote for me please.

    Rachel Reeves

  52. Aucheorn says:

    Well done Paul, we all knew that eventually your talent, wit and humour would get National recognition.

  53. Congratulations and well done Paul, where iScot leads others follow🙂

    May I take this opportunity to respectfully remind your loyal readers that iScot magazine is a genuine grass roots independent publication and needs the support of those o’ independent minds just as much as the National…if not more so…. Thank you !


  54. carthannas says:

    Meall do naidheachd air An National is tu an airidh!

  55. Fantastic – looking forward to reading you in the National 😄

  56. Jim Arnott says:

    That’s great news for your goodself Paul and just as good for The National. If everyone who buys the Thursday edition of The National leaves it in public places, circulation will inevitably soar. Of course every edition should be left in public so it can inform the uninformed. Soar Alba

  57. Well done, Paul, on getting yourself National-ized. Richly deserved. And, as others have said, it shows the power of perseverance!

  58. Maureen says:

    Those of us who told the Herald a number of times that engaging you would prove most popular and a money spinner,are really delighted that they have listened. Congratulations Paul. I’ll be going to work this afternoon with a massive spring in my step. Well deserved and take care.

  59. Adam Rodger says:

    Congratulations. You maintain a high standard and this blog is valued. I enjoy reading ‘Can you smell the fear?’ out loud. Have you considered public readings?

  60. John Hamilton says:

    All the above ! and wish you more success in your writings and Thank you for giving us a laugh . You Paul are a gold thread in life’s tapestry .

  61. Gavin.C.Barrie says:

    Great news that you will be on the National. They will let you comment on sport too won’t they? International rugby rules and referees are just waiting for your observations. Don’t be concerned over whether you are up to speed on the rules, they are mostly incomprehensible which is why I …

    Then there’s football, in the middle of the season the rules allow a club to purchase the best players from a rival team! A sort of monopoly with a ball rather than a dice.

  62. Looking forward to reading you in the National. At last! Congrats to you & the National for finally realising they were missing out on the wittiest, sharpest political commentator in Scotland (& rUK) today.

    When I signed up for the National online, (about a month ago, as I was sick of not finding it in the shops), they asked me in a short survey, what I’d like to see more of, in the National. I told them, first & foremost, I wanted to see articles from the Wee Ginger Dug!

    Now away and sharpen your pencils, boyo, and get stuck into, in your own inimitable way, thon lyin’, red-tory, labour bastardos.

  63. Steve Bowers says:

    Outstanding news Paul, congrats

  64. Quinie frae Angus says:

    Great news, Paul.

  65. mogabee says:

    Thursdays will seem so much brighter now! Thousands of copies of the Wee Ginger Dug doing the rounds is no bad thing…

  66. Ya dancer! Weel done Cutty Sark!

    Paul, noo that yie hiv a larger circulation, get right inta the Bastards.

  67. kat hamilton says:

    so chuffed for you paul and ginger…made my day to read of your news…woo hoo…glad your skills will be spread even wide now…you some up labour so well, out of ideas and morally/socially bankrupt, like the uk and the poll ratings in scotland have given me a spring in my step, onwards and upwards..

  68. Calgacus says:

    Well done WGD, seems the National is open to suggestions after all

  69. Richard says:

    Fantastic new about the National!

  70. arthur thomson says:

    A brilliant post Paul and brilliant news. Like all the rest of your readers I am elated. I so want the world – and every Scots child – to know and love the wee ginger dug. The very name is inspiring.

  71. Jan C says:

    Love your blog. Brilliant news re The National column. Bet loads of people wrote in and suggested you as a columnist…I know I certainly did! Looking forward to reading it.

  72. Ken Waldron says:

    “the dug had a meeting today with the editor of the National – and as of this Thursday will be writing a weekly column in your Scottish national newspaper…”

    At long bloody last! Well done!

  73. hektorsmum says:

    Just noticed you getting a plug in today’s National and now this wonderful news, Husband Andrew and I are delighted for you and well done, if anyone deserves it is you.
    Another cracking post by the way.

  74. Hazel Smith says:

    So happy for you Paul getting the gig with the National. I enjoy the National, but this will just be the icing on the cake for me. Thursdays will be so much brighter now!

  75. Dinna_fash says:

    Ah, poetic justice at last.
    Will look out for you in the National, will certainly brighten the place up a bit.

    Great news.

  76. Albaman says:

    Mr Editor must have read your blog after all, or, has been informed about your style of writing.
    No matter Paul, we, who kept banging on to The National about you,now feel chuffed that you’ve been recognised,
    “Aww the best wee dug”

  77. purplebadger says:

    Congratulations to you and the dug.

    Andy would be proud.🙂

  78. terry says:

    I’m so delighted for you! Your writing is absolutely brilliant on every level. Maybe it also means the National listens as I filled in their online survey monkey thingy (or whatever it was called) and for the suggestions bit I said that it would be great to have you write for the paper. I bet I was far from alone in saying so. Hurrah! I’m smiling!

  79. hopper69 says:

    Well done getting the National gig at last.

    Now you are working I wonder if Labour will represent you even though you rip the pish out of them.

  80. Morag Frame says:

    Great form! looking forward with you, WGD.

  81. Auld Granny says:

    Yet another of your blogs that had me in tears. Most of them bring tears of laughter but some, like this, really strike to the heart.

    I’m so glad that you now have a weekly paid gig, and that you might finally get the recognition that you so richly deserve.

  82. Great news, Paul. So glad for you – and it is totally deserved. Now let’s get Curran what she deserves!

  83. A Meringue says:

    I`m late to the party again!

    Anyhow I read that as “The Dug does National” and I thought well I knew he was hard up and that but…

    Seriously congratulations on the gainful employment. Well deserved.

  84. Susan says:

    Congratulations, well deserved.

  85. Paul says:

    Congratulations Paul,

    Been reading/loving/sharing your stuff for some time now. Delighted to see it in print, you deserve a wider audience.

  86. david agnew says:

    quite happy to give this article another shout. – – the book referenced in the article is worth a look.

  87. Mary Sutherland says:

    On leafing through (no, clicking through) my digital copy of the National this morning I was surprised and delighted to come across your column. Couldn’t believe my eyes! Great news for all concerned and about time too! WOW.


  88. Pam McMahon says:

    Just read your article in the National (it takes a wee while to get hold of, up here in the Far Beyond) and thought it was an excellent first foot in the door.
    I have bought the National from day 1, except for when delivery did not materialise because the van was stuck in a snowdrift/RTA/Cosmic Event on the A9, and have always thought it needed an injection of humour to leaven the dough.
    Greg Moodie’s insightful contributions were very welcome, and now, so are yours.

  89. Steve Asaneilean says:

    Just back from couple of days away. Good news all round Paul and glad National finally recognised your undoubted talent.
    I would also like to add my support for iScot – I subscribe to the print edition and it’s such a lovely thing to get through the post (even though my wife thought the cover photo of Jim Murphy on the last edition made him look handsome! )

  90. M says:

    Hurray, by the way, for the National.

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