And I mean that most sincerely

On Tuesday we witnessed yet another dust raising policy announcement from the Murph E Coyote to disguise the fact he’s run off the cliff and is frantically trying to gain purchase on thin air, and yet again it’s a policy that’s got bugger all to do with the powers of Westminster MPs. With no apparent sense of irony, or indeed shame, the Smugurph one announced that Labour is committed to keeping the Scottish Government’s policy of opposition to university tuition fees. Jim appeared on the BBC talking about it in that soft voice of his – the one that is soft like quicksand into which principles disappear and vanish without trace. Jim’s a wannabe Hughie Green of the 21st century, he’s desperate to find a means of faking sincerity convincingly.

Labour’s Accounting Unit branch manager prefaced his announcement with a note he said he’d been given by a wummin he met on the train, which – he claimed – telt him to shut it about the fitba and start doing his bloody job. I paraphrase of course. I’d like to slip Jim a note on the train telling him to stop making out that people slip him notes on the train, even Hughie Green didn’t think his audience was that gullible. Hughie could teach Jim a thing or three about faking sincerity. Mind you, to be fair, Hughie wore his right wing politics on his sleeve and never pretended he was a socialist. Opportunity isn’t knocking at the door for Jim Murphy though, the sound he’s hearing is a death rattle. And I mean that most sincerely.

This is probably as close to an acknowledgement that we’re ever going to get that Jim’s cunning plan to campaign for the right of fitba fans to get pished while singing the Sash as they smoke a fag beside a petrol pump in a hospital probably wasn’t, on reflection, such a vote catcher after all. I’d say mature reflection there, but this is Labour we’re talking about. They’re mature in the same way that a three year old lump of dried up cheddar that’s been crapped on by a scrofulous sewer rat is ‘mature’. Sadly for Labour, the Scottish voting public are more likely to swallow the three year old lump of dried up cheddar than they are anything that’s issued by McTernan’s spin-department.

It was Labour of course who introduced student fees to begin with. Jim Murphy knows all about that as he was formerly the leader of the National Union of Students, and was instrumental in ensuring that the union’s opposition to Labour’s policy was muted. Which is another way of saying strangled at birth. Jim achieved this by means of “intolerant and dictatorial behaviour” – the words used by Labour MPs who voted for a Commons resolution to condemn Jim. For his pains, or rather for the pains of thousands of students who were left with debt, the arch-Blairite Jim – who didn’t have to pay student fees or get lumbered with all that debt himself – was rewarded with a Labour candidacy.

We’re still waiting for this supposedly “Scottish Labour” to come up with a policy which achieves two things – firstly to be relevant to the Westminster election and not the Holyrood ones we’re not having yet, and secondly to differ from the equivalent policy espoused by Labour south of the border. If Labour in Scotland wants to establish itself as a party which really is a Scottish party, then it’s up to them to prove it. Asserting it proves nothing. Earlier this week Jim Murphy asserted that he’s not a Westminster politician. That would be the Jim who is a member of the Westminster Parliament where he is a representative of a UK political party. Fair enough Jim – now put your actions where that softly spoken gob of your is, and prove it. You could start by not standing for election in East Renfrew in May, and announce that you’re going to seek election to Holyrood. Show some baws Jim, not milibaws.

But we all know he’ll never do that. He’s just going to keep on asserting things to a media that never examines his utterances critically, in the hope that if he keeps on saying it it will magically turn into the truth. He also hopes that the media won’t highlight the potential get out clauses which are a notable feature of all Jim’s commitments. He promised recently to abolish “exploitative zero hours contracts”, but wasn’t asked how expoitative was being defined. Normal people like you or me might imagine that zero hours contracts are exploitative by definition, but that’s not likely to be the case with anthropomurphic types like the Labour party leadership. Which zero hours contracts would they not ban? We’re not being told, and our media isn’t asking.

It’s the same with Tuesday’s tuition fees announcement, as the Wings Over Scotland website pointed out, the announcement is silent on the question of student fees by the back door – a graduate tax.

The tuition fees announcement is yet another policy splash which has nothing to do with Westminster, it’s a devolved matter. Labour’s constant spewing of Holyrood policies in the run up to a Westminster election is not because the Labour leadership is ignorant about which powers are devolved and which remain with Westminster. Labour fought tooth and claw to ensure that as many powers as possible remained with Westminster, so you’d think they’d know what they were. Jim Murphy and his spinmeister John McTernan may be narrow nebbit, parochial, and just plain nasty, but they’re not that stupid.

The reason we’re seeing all these Holyrood policies is because Labour in Scotland can’t produce any Westminster policies which are different from those of UK Labour, for all that they’re trying to make out that they’re more than just a branch office accounting unit which is entirely answerable to the twin heads of the Labour party – the Milibaws, which entirely coincidentally is also a unit of measurement for testosterone deficiency. All we’ve got is a pretend party led by a man who makes an oleaginous 1970s TV games show presenter seem like a model of sincerity. And I mean that most sincerely.

63 days until the clapometer gives its score for Jim.

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26 comments on “And I mean that most sincerely

  1. […] And I mean that most sincerely […]

  2. macart763 says:

    Opportunity knocks on May 7 to ditch these gangsters Paul.

    Front door or back, if Labour get voted into any position of authority in Scotland next year we’ll have a two tier society. Those kids who can afford higher education and those who can’t. No amount of semantics can hide the fact that for those who could afford higher education, bank balances will get lighter by some thousands of pounds per year and for those who can’t? Well for those who can’t a door will be closed on their kid’s future.

    How many kids from under privileged backgrounds will be unable to realise potential for lack qualifications and cash. I wonder if the Tory parties have quantified that loss? Young people unable to compete for that vital first step on a career path, not because they lack ability or intelligence, but because maw and paw didn’t have the readies and their kids couldn’t risk the debt?

  3. punklin says:

    Your writing just gets better and better. Thank you. “Ozymandius? Not even Ozzie Osborne.” had me laughing out loud. And evoking Murphy as Hughie Green so wickedly. Love it – warms me up after all the canvassing in the pissing rain.

  4. Deedee says:

    My daughter is probably one of those who wouldn’t have gone to uni if there were fees to pay. She graduated last summer and is now doing her teacher training. She wants to give something back and help the kids make the most of their lives. If Murphy has his way these same kids will have even less of a chance than they have now. I thanked Alex and the SNP in the wee speech I did at my daughter’s graduation dinner because without them it would not have been possible. Thanks Paul for keeping it real.

  5. davidmccann24 says:

    Great post Paul.
    And still the media donโ€™t call him out. The syrupy voice has them mesmerised. Last night I thought Sarah Smith was beginning to catch on, when she drew attention to his previous pronouncements on tuition fees.

  6. Aye. They don’t want “Oor sort” getting into higher education, high office etc; they prefere their own little incestuous cult of elitism where only people wi money have any kind of right to anything.

    Nice invocation of Hughie Green though.
    Murphy and McTernan fair make me ‘hughie’ anyway!

    • Jan Cowan says:

      Don’t forget Murphy claims to have been reared in a drawer…….or something. So he knows – cough – all about poverty. The man uses a jumble of bygone anecdotes to create a persona with which (he reckons) the “ordinary” working person will have empathy. He’s a poor soul – but unfortunately not a very nice one.

  7. Truly truly observational – of that whole not speaking plainly, of that whole tiresome, tedious and ultimately insulting Machiavellian approach to politics. There was all of that and with a humungous dollop of dripping insincerity to go with it, I’d say you captured it perfectly there Paul especially with the Hughie Green comparison. The smugurph has made me sick ever since he’s been about.
    By the by, i read a snippet of Ian Bell yesterday and he said interestingly that Smugurph wasn’t the problem he was the symptom. Now that i thought was an interesting viewpoint, given little skanktimonious dougie and all the other squirming toads. So if the truly despicable smugurph (who is not to be pitied in any way) is merely a symptom, what is the disease?
    Bring on the bleach. I’ll need to get a paypal account.

  8. Bill Hume says:

    paulgmccormack59….you don’t need a paypal account to contribute. On which subject…..I decided to make small donations to this blog, every time I found it uplifting, funny and informative. I gave up and set up a standing payment instead.
    Wee Ginger Dug, when I see your name in my email, telling of yet another incisive and humourous posting waiting to be read, my heart lifts.
    Please NEVER give up.

  9. smiling vulture says:

    Jim Murphy and Labour are now feenats

  10. There’s sarcasm, there’s Blackadder, and then there’s WGD. Top marks!

  11. hektorsmum says:

    I wish I had your way with words Paul, Mr Smurphy should be very afraid his party is heading South and I think Ms Lamont who I could never stand should be laughing like a drain.

  12. Dear Bill at 10.55. Thank you. I persevered and got my microscope out and there it was, that wee bit to click on. – i had missed it the 1st time round. Don’t spend it all on the Ferrari, paul.

  13. kat hamilton says:

    i remember hughie green first time round, showing my age here but murphy is the pits when it comes to the sincere politician who wants to be all patriotic, caledonian and anti westminster to pull the wool over some naive natives who have voted for this sham of a party for decades and probably will to some extent in may. wish he would disappear to westminster and join the elite, curran and alexander, both varieties, red and yellow but his ego refuses to do the decent thing.

  14. gerry parker says:

    Ashcroft polls looking interesting.

    Keep at it folks, do anything you can, it all counts.

  15. Albaman says:

    “Interesting ” is a bloody understatement !!, looks like Paul’s wishes(and ours) will be granted, just a wee extra push in Smurphs patch would see him oot as well!, got to keep the pressure up though, no slacking untill May the 10th.( way past the final whistle).

    • gerry parker says:

      Couple of good letters in the local Airdrie and Coatbridge Advertizer. Labour being called up on a number of issues.
      Keeping up the pressure out here in the sticks, I see Glasgow East is looking good too.


      Agree with you re keeping up the pressure, we’ve still to see Broon being wheeled out again and promising the earth.

  16. diabloandco says:

    Lovely to meet you yesterday – I will resist the temptation to write ” and I mean that most sincerely folks”!
    Hope wee Ginger enjoys the chews and please never give up your brilliant blog – we all need you.

  17. Wee Jonny says:

    Ha. As soon as I read aboot Main Stream Murphy gettin handed a note on a train I instantly thought one of thee bestest movies ever – Snake On A Train starring Jim Plissken, where Jim is tasked with saving Sco”ish Laybir fay oblivion.

    Oblivion otherwise known as Nic O La.

    Jim’s task is to not only drev said train but to release as much pish as possible all over Sco’lind before May 7th or else he will die.

    Snake On A Train 2 Escape Fay L.A.ybir is showing in a sinima nay warr neer yoo fay Se’irday.

  18. Melvin says:

    Paul your capability to entertain and support the cause in your prophetic prose is boundless. Fantastic as usual.

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