Big lies and wee lies

I got a Labour election leaflet through the door yesterday, it’s been popping through doors all over Scotland this week. It would appear that Jim Murphy’s Accounting Unit wants us to vote for them in May’s Westminster General Election in order to protect Scotland’s NHS. On the interwebbies there’s been a considerable amount of hoo and a great deal of ha about the identity of the nurse pictured on the leaflet, and whether she is in fact a nurse or is really a jobbing actress – or indeed whether she’s really an ordinary carer and Labour party activist who isn’t related to a former Lord Provost of Glasgow. Oh my God I’m a monstering cybernat.

Of course it could be that like Malkie Rifkind, who told us we’d be surprised at just how much free time he had from his full time job as an MP, the person in the leaflet was really working on the side as a highly paid advisor and is entitled to a standard of living commensurate with her status as an international statesperson. The truth is that it really doesn’t matter, just like it really doesn’t matter whether the other supposed member of the public pictured in the leaflet really is a mother with three weans or whether she’d never seen the kids before they were all hired by central casting and herded together for a photo shoot. Political parties are under no obligation to tell the truth in their election materials. They can use actors. They can tell you any auld guff that they like, and as long as it’s not racist or abusive or an exhortation to break the law, there’s nothing anyone can do about it.

Advertising standards do not apply to political material. Labour knows this, as they complained about the Tories’ infamous “Labour isn’t working” poster campaign in the 1979 General Election which showed a long dole queue – only it turned out that the people in the queue were actually Conservative party workers who’d taken off the pinstripes in order to pose as unemployed working class types.

Maybe the nurse isn’t really a nurse. Maybe she really is a jobbing actress who’s looking for that big break that will catapult her into stardom, in which case she’s received an inordinate amount of attention just with a wee photo shoot for a Labour leaflet. Just like the Patronising Better Together Lady. That would be a small lie. However it is not beyond the bounds of possibility that amongst Labour’s Scottish membership there is actually a nurse who shares the sentiments expressed in the leaflet and who would express them in a leaflet if it didn’t mean that she might lose her job – because unlike Malkie Rifkind full time NHS staff aren’t allowed to take on jobbing advisory roles willy-nilly. Much less are they allowed to pose in NHS uniforms and like Labour’s Jack Straw take on advisory jobs supporting and aiding dictators from Kazakhstan for a very fat fee.

Mind you, it’s getting less and less likely that Labour has any nurse members, as Labour’s real membership has been plummeting and is now widely believed to be less than that of the Greens. And given the behaviour of Jack Straw and his erstwhile boss Tony Blair it is entirely possible that Labour now has stronger and more friendly connections with dictators in former Soviet Central Asian republics than they do with ordinary working class people in Scotland. Statistically speaking it’s probable that Labour in Scotland has no members or supporters except Jim Murphy and his spinning staff and the news managers at Reporting Scotland. It is of course entirely coincidental that all this week Reporting Scotland has been banging on about the issues in Labour’s election leaflet.

More likely it is quite possible that the Labour party Accounting Unit in Scotland has a membership consisting entirely of Labour party elected representatives and their relatives. Jim Murphy regularly claims the party has a membership in Scotland of “about” 20,000. That would be “about” in the same sense that the distance between Glasgow and Edinburgh is “about” the same as the distance between the Earth and Pluto. It is when you compare both distances with the distance between Earth and a galaxy that’s 13 billion light years away. It’s all relative you see. So it’s not that Jim is a liar, he’s just a devotee of Albert Einstein. Honest. It will be on a Labour party leaflet soon. The other interesting thing about a galaxy that’s 13 billion light years away is that what we see now is actually what happened in that galaxy 13 billion years ago and we have no way of knowing what is happening there at this present moment, nor indeed whether it still even exists. So very much like the Labour party in Scotland then.

Anyway, there’s a far bigger lie lurking in the leaflet. Not so much lurking in it as hiding in full sight. And it’s a big lie that risks being overlooked in the shock horror of cybernats monstering a working mum who may or may not really be a nurse. This is monstering in the sense of “pointing out that the Labour party is lying”, of course. The big lie is the headline on the leaflet: “A plan to protect our NHS – 1000 more nurses, reduce cancer waiting times, £100m Frontline Fund targeting A&E”. There is no plan, and there can be no plan. It’s a big lie.

It makes no difference whether we elect one Labour MP in Scotland in May, or whether we elect 59. Health is a devolved matter, and how the NHS in Scotland is run is a matter for Holyrood, not Westminster. Labour MPs have no influence on how many nurses are employed by NHS Scotland, never mind the power to magic up 1000 more of them than whatever number has been promised by the SNP. Labour MPs can do nothing to reduce NHS waiting times, and neither can they provide a fund of a tenner – never mind £100 million – to target A&E waiting times.

But Labour is desperate for us to believe that its Scottish MPs can actually do something useful. In fact their sole purpose is to act as lobby fodder for the party. That doesn’t take up very much of their highly paid time, and so leaves plenty time left over for earning extra income from their second, third and fourth jobs. For all Ed Miliband’s sanctimonious hand wringing about ensuring that MPs only have one job, the job of representing their constituencies, the MP who made most in outside earnings over the past year was Ed’s old boss. Gordie Broon topped the list of MPs with extra earnings, accruing £1,300,000 in the past year in extra-curricular activities. But you won’t see that on a Labour party leaflet.

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24 comments on “Big lies and wee lies

  1. Steve Bowers says:

    Well spotted Paul, I’d missed that one too !

  2. macart763 says:

    Labour are desperate to create crises where none exist. The only threat to the NHS is Westminster and its intent to privatise an essential service, its austerity cuts, slashing of block grants and available monies and of course the ongoing car crash that is Mr Osborne’s/Finance sector’s economic model.

    Was it not Mr Ed who stated an intention to ‘weaponise’ the NHS?

    However in order to create such crises, they have to slander and politicise every SNHS worker in the country. They also have to create mistrust between the public and the SNHS. All institutions can and should work to constantly improve, but to act as Labour and the media have, to needlessly alienate so many over such a crucial issue isn’t just politics, it’s downright reckless.

  3. diabloandco says:

    It’s not just reckless , it’s a big ,fat feckin’ LIE and a shameless media continues to promote the LIE.

    Paul ,have had a lurgy but am recovering . At some point convenient to both could we meet in the Counting house so that I can pass over a wee bit filthy lucre?

    • macart763 says:

      Throughout all of Labour’s campaigns, over the past eight years especially, one thing above all else sticks out like a sore thumb.

      Basically how crap they consider everything to be. Doesn’t matter which service, which institution, which group or individual. If they are not in charge then these people are basically dust beneath their chariot wheels, untrustworthy, unfit for purpose and an utter car crash. Oh and only Labour can make them righteous and effective again.

      Spooky, but true.

  4. robert graham says:

    well written and as usual very topical and as if we didn’t notice its Labour the scottish branches bright idea to try and target and so far its been making a total arse of itself doing it the NHS the NHS who bright young things in party HQ thought would be a good idea to open up to privatisation in the first place ,yep labour not the nasty party along with the other brainwaves are Atos- the bedroom tax -PPI this is amongst the best ones ,a total out of this world partnership Private & Public Project -Private profit public money profits for years to come locked in contracts with a return unheard of in financial circles spending squillions of pounds building Hospitals -Schools that we will never own on land we gave away i say we i mean them – them who are never questioned never cross examined as you will note over the past weeks free promo for labour scottish sub branch , the mainstream media are playing a blinder headed up by our very own BBC blinding everyone to the true facts as usual we saw it before in September remember that one ? its INDY REF- part 2 the return of the shitt shifters here we go again

  5. Jan Cowan says:

    Yes, Paul, even the Tories didn’t highlight that one. Why not? There must be a reason. Are they really hoping to hook up together? That would certainly finish off the British “Union”.

  6. Nana says:

    Just think of all the lies we don’t yet know off. Let’s face it, Westminster governments have always lied to Scots and will continue to do so. Slab must be worried about what the snp will uncover soon I hope.

    Donation sent Paul.

  7. Alexandra-M- says:

    Well done Wee Dug, another fantastic blog post. They really do believe that the Scottish electorate are as thick as mince. If people aren’t turned off by their out and out lies, maybe their insulting campaign strategy (if you could call it that) will.

  8. les hunter says:

    Sent you a tenner to be going on with. Keep up this excellent work. Is there a problem if I print some of your articles for distribution to the technically illiterate? Les Hunter

  9. fillofficer says:

    we really are thick cos none of us know what they really are up to. we just assume that they are a shambolic mess of a party, but that cant possibly be true, could it ?

  10. hektorsmum says:

    We received this as has everyone else along with the one for Domino’s Pizza, one was useful if I wanted to pay the earth for a Pizza, the other was a complete waste of time. Why are Labour campaigning on anything to do with the Scottish National Health Service which as they so conveniently told everyone was controlled by the Scottish Government, and that body has an other year to run.
    So what are they offering the Scottish People for the General Election. Do they think they are working on the old Councils when there were things like Strathclyde and the City of Glasgow and one did the roads and the other did the buckets? I know then that many people could not get that straight but I think 12 years of the Scottish Parliament, most know what they do, well except for Labour, Scottish Branch.

  11. Papadox says:


    McTernan, Dim Jim, Daily Retard and ENGLISH propaganda unit for the colonies at PQ.

    What a parcel of rogues in the one sewer. Certainly a lot of methane gas in that pile of zeros.

    I feel sorry for the rats and I don’t like rats.

  12. Dear Paul, pay day again soon. I would really miss the voice of WGD if it were not there. Have you tried contacting (just a thought) I have no idea how it all works or doesn’t as the case may be. Scottish ‘culture’ (horror!) needs an individual voice like yours, a narrator of the times we live in, an authentic voice among all this doublespeak and overly-analytical-up-its-own- arse-bellacaledonia-national collective-whatever. Just keep writing the way you do. It’s spot on. I have no idea why you ain’t been snapped up yet? Oh… right…. would class have something to do with it? i wonder. Not quite one of us darling?….. Via con Dios.

  13. Aucheorn says:

    I saw Scottish Accounting Unit’s Election broadcast last night. I’m confused, Holyrood elections are next year aren’t they?
    Everyone except the SAU is fighting a Westminister GE, have we all got it wrong again……….?

  14. david agnew says:

    I have gotten to the point where I can no longer bring myself to comment on the unfolding farce that is Scottish Labour. I simply cannot stomach trying to wade through the keech that issues forth from the prophets of Bullshit mountain. To paraphrase John Stewart here:

    “The biggest problem with the denizens of Bullshit Mountain is they act like their shit don’t stink. If they have success, they built it. If they failed, the SNP ruined it for ’em. If they get a break, they deserve it. If the SNP a break, it’s a handout and an entitlement. It’s a baffling, willfully blind cognitive dissonance best summed up by constant screeching about how only a labour vote in Scotland can ensure a Labour victory in England.”

    I have had enough of it. I have had a bellyful infact. I am beginning to feel like a broken record. I am going to cut out Scottish labour from my diet. I suggest you do the same

  15. Lewis Thomson says:

    Thank you for another insightful piece. Your posts always give me a smile, and even, on occasion, a laugh. I slipped you a tenner as well. It’s money well spent.

  16. kat hamilton says:

    thank you for bringing a bit of sanity to our lives, in sharp contrast to wastmonster fraud and outright shafting of the great british public..the only hope we have is the 55% naysayers can review their loyalty to this worn out and corrupt system and recognise there is an alternative for scotia. i live in hope and will send some dosh to you love your writing and makes my day

  17. arthur thomson says:

    Thanks Paul. SLAB and their accomplices are hell bent on undermining the popularity of the Scottish Government, with no regard to the consequences. The ‘nurse’ referred to has chosen to be part of that process. If you fly with the craws you get shot with the craws. I respect her right to express her political opinions but I have no sympathy for her when people express incredulity that a real nurse would front the attempt at deception which you have described.

  18. Bibbit says:

    Why doesn’t SLAB, in this GE campaign period, electioneer on the powers it submitted to the Smith Commission, instead of NHS Scotland? (which as the Dug says, is devolved, & always has been, since 1945). Could it be because SLAB, as ordered by its UK masters, submitted the least amount of new powers to the Smith Commission? The reason Labour will fight tooth and nail against any new powers for Scotland is, of course, very simple. The more power Scotland has, the less power Labour has at Westminster, under proposed new English Votes For English Laws. Not only that no powers have as yet been devolved per the Smith Commission. It’s all talk to date. We’ll see just how keen Westminster is to give Scotland any new powers only when the new govt is in place. That is why we need as many as possible new SNP MPs to fight Scotland’s corner for each and every new power; otherwise it’ll be the same old same old, the Smith Commission will be put on a shelf to gather dust …. and Milliband & Cameron will be laughing all the way to the Treasury. The only way to avoid being conned again is to vote SNP. Not Green and not SSP as that is just a wasted vote. Vote for them next year for the Scots Parly. Vote SNP or suffer for 5 years, yet again…

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