Magrit fracks with the truth

Magrit Curran, my lovely MP, has a tangential relationship to truth, reality, and indeed her electorate. On Monday the fragrant one – she reeks of hypocrisy and stinks of the rot of a socialism that died a long time ago – tweeted that she had voted to stop fracking. She had of course done no such thing, Magrit had abstained on an SNP and Green backed motion to have a moritorium on fracking. She had voted for a Labour motion to allow fracking, subject to a few minor qualifications that will not unduly trouble the energy companies. It’s a bit like claiming you’ve voted to ban television when you’ve supported a small increase in the licence fee, or saying that you’ve voted to ban smoking when you’ve abstained on a measure to introduce plain packaging.

But that’s Magrit for you, she tells you she lives in the East End when she means she lives in a posh hoose in Newlands over the river. When questioned on the discrepancy between the facts and what actually come out of her gob, Magrit claims she represented the aspirations of East Enders – who apparently aspire to live somewhere else. Or possibly, like Magrit, we aspire not to remember where we live. Life in the East End after decades of Labour misrule is so depressing that the best we can hope for is amnesia. Thankfully Magrit has amnesia by the bucketload. She constantly rewrites her own past so she can live with herself in the present. This would appear to be her sole qualification for the job as local MP.

Magrit also accused Alicsammin of being the only person who posed a threat to the Barnett Formula just a few short weeks after she herself said it ought to be scrapped.  She claimed she “wasn’t around” back when the Labour government of Wilson and Healey deliberately mislead Scotland on the true worth of North Sea oil, yet at the time she was in fact the heid bummer of Glasgow University Labour club and constantly name-dropping her close association with Labour’s senior figures and hobbing with Labour’s nobs.

During the independence referendum campaign, Magrit expended considerable time and energy – far more time and energy than she’s ever devoted to the interests of her constituents – telling anyone who would listen that if Scotland became independent her son in London would become a foreigner to her. Admittedly, “anyone who would listen” consisted of the Daily Record and much of the Scottish media, but that’s simply another illustration of the problem Scotland faces. None of the outlets which were so very keen to publish Magrit’s opinings on the foreignness of her adult son have been very keen to question her on her statement on fracking. But then that’s scarcely surprising as Magrit’s statement about her son being furren was of course complete and utter bollocks, as in the event of independence Magrit’s Scottish born son would still be a Scottish citizen even if he lived in outer space. And it would appear to be in the vacuum of the space between her ears that Magrit forms her opinions.

Of course, even if it were the case that Magrit’s offspring would have a different citizenship and a different passport from her in the event of Scottish independence and so she’d be alienated from them and unable to love them just the same, this is not an argument against Scottish independence. It’s an argument that Magrit is sorely in need of psychotherapy and counselling. Or more likely it’s an illustration of the fact that Magrit will utter any auld pish that she thinks bolsters her position without considering whether it’s logically rigorous, or indeed true. Which is another way of saying that she takes the rest of us for mugs.

Magrit is Labour royalty, and like members of the royal family suffers from sycophancy syndrome, which is what happens when a person of somewhat lower than average intelligence spends their adult life surrounded by Labour party hacks, and lackeys. Or in the case of Prince Charles, posh inbred dummies with long titles, and lackeys. Labour in Scotland is now also seriously at risk of inbreeding, as there are now too few of them to ensure enough variety in their rapidly evaporating gene pool. This is why Labour did not reveal the number of members who voted in their recent branch manager election – because the number is embarrassingly small.

Being patronised by Magrit Curran is like being lectured by a person who thinks they are an expert on the work of Steven Hawking because they read the star signs column in the Daily Record. But don’t expect that organ to investigate Magrit’s problems with accuracy, the paper is happy to inform its readers that Labour voted for a moritorium on fracking. But then the Daily Record thinks that fracking is a sexual activity indulged in by Tory MPs with orange segments and fishnet tights. Labour’s against that sort of thing, but only because they don’t get an invite to the party, and the Daily Record is against it, but only because it gives them an excuse to publish outraged editorials.

What galls me the most about Magrit Curran is that this creature supposedly represents me in the Westminster Parliament. The only person Magrit has ever knowingly represented is herself. Tell lies all the time, and no one believes you even when you tell the truth. With Magrit the trust deficiency has got so bad that if she had a pet dog she’d have to get someone else to call it for its dinner.

There are only 100 days until the General Election. 100 days left for Magrit’s political career. 100 more days of expenses claims. 100 more days of lying and being patronised. 100 more days of the Daily Record not noticing. I hope they enjoy them while they last, because the clock is ticking and the countdown has begun.

I told myself when I gave up the fags that I could have a cigar on a special occasion. There’s not been one yet, but when Magrit’s career gets well and truly fracked by the electorate of Glasgow East in May, I’ll puff away on a big fat cigar in celebration.  Frack you Magrit.



45 comments on “Magrit fracks with the truth

  1. Bugger (the Panda) says:

    God I have missed you WGD. Like the small of napalm in the morning, your words set me up for the day.

    Labour in Scotland is suffering from terminal inbreeding! Verbal cartoon!!

    Hows the job front doing?

  2. Bugger (the Panda) says:

    smell of Napalm it corrects my typing when I am not looking.

  3. This depth of feeling portrayed is rare. It is time we listened to the visceral. It chimes with and informs us of the political class like a decaying rotten apple in another bowl of rotten apples. It reminded me of the end of Ceaucescu. The people just said, oh fuck it – enough. Only we have to wait for another 99 days for a verdict for the whole lying lot of them. I love your writing, paul. It is the best heartfelt and wise commentary on the whole shenanigens. Power to your pen. Never, ever give up! It would be a sin if you were to do so.

  4. Janis says:

    Thank you for your honesty and wit. I laughed out loud at the last paragraph. She will be gone come May along with my unless red tory mp Douglas Alexander.

  5. James Kay says:

    Do MPs still receive pay and expenses after the dissolution of Parliament? If not, then less than 80 days of perks!

    • diabloandco says:

      If they have been at it long enough do they not get a humongous pension?
      Has the fragrant one been “at it “long enough?

      • hektorsmum says:

        Well Gordon is leaving because this is the last of the Final Salary Scheme, you may remember them, he got rid of them for the masses. Hypocrites everyone. I told them they were lying and that they would be found out on the Labour List Scottish Branch yesterday, well it was left up for a wee bit.
        Another excellent offering, Paul. I think the Magrit Curran’s of this world are living in Cloud Cuckoo land, it seems they think that people only read the offerings of the Daily Retard and listen to BBC Labour Scottish Branch, never really got into the mobile internet and the digital age yet have they.

  6. Stan Drews says:

    “Tell lies all the time, and no one believes you even when you tell the truth. With Magrit the trust deficiency has got so bad that if she had a pet dog she’d have to get someone else to call it for its dinner.”
    Absolute genius!!

  7. macart763 says:

    Love it when you’ve got a mad on.

    Well said.🙂

  8. autonomyscotland says:

    Reblogged this on Common Weal.

  9. Morag says:

    Great article Paul.

  10. Couldn’t have described Mags better myself! Watching her lies getting worse on twitter it beggars belief why no one on political programmes pick her up on this. I myself live in East End of Glasgow and have watched for years how the locals have fawned over her as if she was someone akin to the Queen, personally I never understood why, except that she changes the way she talks depending who’s eyes she’s trying to pull the wool over. Time this traitor to Scotland retired for she is of no use to us….who, in fact, psy her wages!

  11. Dave Thomson says:

    Brilliant as always. Eloquent, Humorous, and a Barb that Eviscerates

  12. Bamstick says:

    Just what I needed too.

  13. Jan Cowan says:

    Great, Paul! After seeing Magrit’s twittering lies, along with Jackie B’s, it’s just wonderful to see her being described exactly as she is. Thanks again.

  14. Albawoman says:

    I have had a lovely morning wee ginger dug! What a good laugh and so true. Looks like the ‘intellectual’ of SLAB Mr. Greatrex ,has removed his political gloves and is going for a bare knuckle fight.

  15. liz says:

    Thanks Paul, normally I raise at least a smile whilst reading your column but I am so angry at the likes of Mags getting away with her blatant lies that I feel like crying.

    What can be done if the BBC/MSM wont even mention it?

    I’ve got the other eejit as my MP, Murphy who was playing football in Aberdeen when the vote was happening whilst claiming he would prevent fracking if he was FM.

    The think they are untouchable, I really do fear that folk who get all their info from the MSM will fall for it.

  16. HelenEarth says:

    The east end to Newlands, now that is a leap. A bit like describing yourself as a Cockney from Belgravia. Great blog.

  17. I was astonished with one of her recent blatantly-false tweets – there were about 100 replies when I looked, and every single one was either calling her out for lying, or using horrible language while calling her out for lying. Not one voice in support that I could see! Not one sockpuppet, not one activist, no Blair McDougall or Effie Deans. Just Magrit alone with a large crowd of angry voices. I felt briefly sorry for her actually.

  18. david agnew says:

    The problem is not so much with Curran, but what the labour party in Scotland has turned into. The end justifies the means, so the hoary old bromide goes. But its important to remember that the means, will in time come to define what they achieved.

    They got Scotland to stay in the union – just and no more – but did so on a campaign built on solid bullshit. From day one they decided to flat out lie about anything. the trouble with being that dishonest, is that from that day on, you can’t be truthful about anything. Because they bullshit they vomited up on a day to day basis, seems to have worked. They think they can apply that to anything. Even when they trip over themselves and the lying about the lies, they just brazen it out.
    With a free pass from the Scottish MSM, who can stop them?

    “Events, dear boy, Events” A statement attributed to Harold MacMillan.

    Labour failed utterly to stop fracking. They failed utterly to gain a moratorium on fracking. Once again, labour blows both its own feet off in a debate, but this time they puff themselves up like strutting blowhards and claim an historic victory. Within hours of doing so, the all too obvious reality was picking away at the loose threads of this narrative. Labour have achieved the exact opposite. Fracking will continue, but the tories have promised to put super tough regulations in. The tories – a party that labour say cannot be trusted, is to be trusted on this. This is what passes for a victory in labour. And they want us to thank them for it.

    The tory press are already tearing into labour over this. Hell, even the moderate press are giving labour a kicking. Miliband is down in the polls against Cameron. Once again talk of crisis with labour. Whats labour in Scotland doing. Congratulating itself for doing nothing.

    Events, dear boy, Events.

    The general election is coming. The press Scottish labour have relied on, will not treat labour with kid gloves.( with the exception of the daily record it seems)

    Labour have signed up to an austerity charter, but no one seems to have told Murphy, or anyone else in Scottish labour.

    Curran thinks having stopped fracking in the UK, the planning laws in Scotland can effectively stop what she actually failed to stop.

    Murphy hired McTernan, who told him the only reason we voted yes, is because we are English hating racists. So Murphy has to pretend to be anti-English and anti-union.

    Murphy is pretending not to be an MP and creating doubts as to whether he will stand as one in 2015. The truth is, he absolutely has to do so, but doesn’t want to admit to the electorate that his intention is stand down as MP, before the Holyrood elections in 2016. Murphy’s real fear is that the voter will not appreciate this and vote him out, effectively ending his political career, right there, right then. This leaves Kezia Dugdale becoming Scottish leader of the Scottish Branch of labour.

    Events are moving quicker than labour can lie about them. The only response of Scottish labour is keep talking shite.

    There are fortunes to be made writing the history of these events.

  19. Pam McMahon says:

    Unfortunately the demographic who elected her are used to having the wool pulled over their eyes, and already view the real world through a sheepskin blanket. They don’t WANT somebody burning holes in their wooly heid-covering, because that would allow the truth to leak in, and many of them can’t deal with the fact that they have been voting for years for people who couldn’t give a shit about them.

  20. Steve Bowers says:

    Excellent stuff Paul, Bring on May

  21. Joe Baxter says:

    Another belter, gaun yersel’ sir.

  22. Steve Mitchell says:

    Every time I read “Magrit” I was picturing the Little Britain shop owner invariably called upon to shout upstairs to his missus to see if they had a certain product in their shop…..but then again, our Magrit has nothing upstairs…….

  23. I suspect the son that Magrit cared so much about might well be wishing he was in fact a foreigner and didn’t have to acknowledge the woman as his mother. But perhaps I’m being unkind!

  24. Steve Asaneilean says:

    Spot on Paul – nothing more to say (except her lies on fracking were getting a good “fracking” on Twitter I believe – hell hath no fury like the Twitterati being lied to)

  25. johnmcgurk66 says:

    Great article Paul I will make it short and sweet the old saying is give some people enough rope and they will hang themselves.

  26. SteveB says:

    Superb Paul
    I wouldn’t even follow her out of curiosity……

  27. Mark Potter-Irwin says:

    Please let Margrit’s political demise be celebration enough….not the cigar. I know from bitter experience that one cigar,ie the nicotine, is enough to get you smoking again. This time I have made 4 years and I will not touch nicotine again in any form and for any reason or excuse. If you have managed this far there can be no reason to blow it even in celebration.
    Great article as usual, thanks.

  28. One wee mistake in the text. Nobody voted on the labour ammendment. No vote was necessary as the government accepted it. My equally horrible MP Cathy Jamieson told me this in her reply to my question to her. Don’t call me cynical but does this not smack of labour/government collusion?!

  29. kat hamilton says:

    everything thats wrong with labour is coming to the fore and the voters arent being fooled.cant wait to see jimmy five bellies hood getting his just desserts in may. we need a new approach and labours sense of entitlement beggars beliefs…when can the foot soldiers start to help with the red tories demise.

  30. Thanks Paul your blog always hits the spot….A wee mention about smoking…one way to look at it is instead of givin up the fags….you have become a non smoker!

  31. Julie Aitken says:

    Love your writing!

  32. Bibbit says:

    Well said that man. (And thanks for the belly laughs)!

  33. Hector says:

    Brilliant article, you really have Magrit, her personality, her values and her competence shredded as she well deserves, from the perspective of her own (alleged) political viewpoint. What a gift you have for exposing for what lies beneath the veneer!! To think that this woman trained and lectured as a community development worker at Jordanhill College beggars belief. She clearly has moved miles from the value base she tried to inculcate in her students. ps is the “furriner” son the Yes voting one?

  34. colin mccartney says:

    Another excellent article – they are “a must read”. keep up the good work and biting humour.

  35. Tackety Beets says:

    Excellent Paul . Enjoy the fat cigar in May . I will happily supply a Boax o cigars for you when the next ” Event” happens . Good luck an keep up the great work . Thank you .

  36. Hoss Mackintosh says:

    I am counting the days.

    Not long now till we rid our country of these parasites for ever.

  37. carthannas says:

    Math dha rìribh Paul! Your combination of fact, humour and invective is brilliant. I really hope somebody in msm or tv (the BBC – yeah right!) will take you on board. Charlie Brooker are you there? You really deserve a wide audience – and we need your views spread far and wide.

  38. Lollysmum says:

    Brilliant once again Paul. Oh & bit of info for you -Magrit has deleted the tweet about fracking. Guess she was getting more flak from her lies than she could handle. Don’t worry though-several of the twitterati saved it for posterity before she disappeared it🙂

  39. Eddie says:

    If there’s one thing that were good at in this part of the world it’s giving someone a right good slagging; the Dug at his best!
    This kind of blog can serve to get the message across better than most media. I’ve shown this about my workplace under the guise that it’s just a good bit of writing but it’s achieving the purpose of making folk think.
    Most of the guys that I work with, like too many of us, go along with the crap that’s served up in the MSN but they think again when they read stuff presented in a way that they’re comfortable with.

  40. Will says:

    I don’t read much! but must say I enjoyed reading this.

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