It’s been another fun week for the Union. The independence movement is definitely absolutely positively not making any more ground and is equally definitely absolutely positively losing support. No really, Yougov said so, and they’re the pollster who hates Alicsammin more than any other pollster, so they must be the most accurate. No gained support in one of their polls by a whole margin of error thingy. So it’s pure dead significant and a blow to Alicsammin. Not had one of those for a while. Must have been at least 15 minutes.

Meanwhile when I was out walking the dug, a neighbour who had previously been a confirmed No voter told me she was now going around telling everyone that she hates Alicsammin but everyone needs to vote Yes. She’s one of those friendly dogwalkers who will stop to chat with just about any passer-by whether they’ve got a dog or not. She said what made her change her mind was the realisation that with independence, Scotland will only have Tory governments if we’re stupid enough to vote them in ourselves. Who needs Yougov when you have puppy power. That’s probably a blow to Alicsammin as well.

We’ve had Naziphotiegate and the world’s shortest political career. Kathy Wiles was the Labour party candidate for Angus for all of fifteen minutes before self-destructing in a photie of Nazi weans, which she’d likened to some kids at last weekend’s anti BBC bias demo. Calling supporters of independence Nazis is the theme du jour, having been started by Alistair Darling and enthusiastically picked up on by everyone’s favourite Slovenian, Jezerna Roza, whose twitter account description says Pred nacisti. Reci NE Škotska. [Facing the nazis. Say NO Scotland.] There’s another blow for Alicsammin then.

Then we had Davie Cameron pleading with us not to vote No because it would break his heart. This came as news to most, who were unaware that he had a heart, and who pondered why his heart wasn’t broken by the same things that break our hearts – like joblessness, disabled people facing benefits cuts, families having to resort to foodbanks, young people having to emigrate to find work, widening inequality, and the epidemic of hopelessness and despair which has characterised Scotland’s industrial heartlands since the 1970s. This is a blow to Alicsammin, in case you were wondering.

Davie promised to spend squillions of money in Glasgow, and hinted that he might ask his wife and her pals to do lunch in Buchanan Street one afternoon and boost the local economy. However the other funding he promised turned out to be our money anyway, and the Scottish government has already committed far more. It’s another major blow to Alicsammin, in case you’d missed that bit.

Rory the Etonian Tory who’s Scottish you know, the Conservative MP for Penrith – has he mentioned that he’s Scottish – has sadly had to cancel his plan to show Scotland how much England loves us. Rory the Tory – did you know he was Scottish? – wanted to organise a human chain of 100,000 people bearing lit torches the length of Hadrian’s Wall in a show of love. The last time that happened it was Roman legions trying to fend Scottish people off. However Rory the Tory, I didn’t know he was Scottish, only managed to solicit the support of four members of Penrith Conservative Club, and a small flock of sheep. The human chain was a bust, due to lack of interest and the widespread opinion amongst people south of the border that they really don’t give a toss whether Scotland becomes independent or not. But all is not lost, the ovine opposition to independence is a major blow to Alicsammin.

After conducting a scientific and completely representative poll of my own, consisting of me, the other half, and a dug who’ll do pretty much anything for a doggy chew, it has been announced that the Yes campaign has a new anthem to celebrate Diver-yes-ity, at least in this house and in the comments section of the Guardian. (Thank you MrSvejk for the inspiration.) So the tune of Gloria Gaynor’s disco anthem I Will Survive …

You wanted us afraid
froze and terrified
So we’d think we could never live
unless we’re subsidised
But then we read so far and wide
seeing the figures prove you wrong
We grew strong
We learned to sing a different song
We won’t go back
into the box
that you kept Scotland in for decades
’cause we’ve unpicked all the locks
We’re looking to the future
We’re going to set this country free
We’re reclaiming independence
We are diver-yes-ity

Go on now go! Trident no more!
 Take it away now
’cause it’s not welcome anymore.
Weren’t you the ones who tried to smear us with your lies
you thought we’d crumble
but we didn’t lay down and die
Scotland’s alive
Scotland will thrive
as long as we know how to love
we know we’ll take the prize
The wounds the Tories caused will heal
and we’ll build our commonweal
and we will thrive
Scotland will thrive (hey hey)


33 comments on “Diver-yes-ity

  1. Those lyrics are the most beautiful thing I’ve seen all day 😀

  2. macart763 says:

    I didn’t know he was Scottish either. 😮

    I wonder if they’ll ever run out of naff ideas?

    • Eilean says:

      And here was me fair lookin forward to the video tae!

      Never mind Rory “I can’t believe its not Scottish” the Tory might come up with another spiffing ruse to entertain us with.

      • macart763 says:

        Just loved the reason. ‘Lack of interest’. 😀

        I was looking forward to blagging a T shirt or some such. It would have been fun for a few of us to have met them at the wall, passing oot bovril and YES stickers. 😀

        • Eilean says:

          I was thinking along the lines of one of those “Slow TV” programs that they have in Norway. You know the ones where they stick a camera on the front of a ferry and live-stream it for eight days. I believe they even had one program that was just some auld wifeys knitting that lasted seventy two hours or suchlike.

          I have a vision of Rory (He’s Scottish you know!) traipsing along the wall, camera round his neck. Perhaps meeting up with a union supporter every couple of hours or so. Well it would be more entertaining than Xfactor. Only just mind!

        • We were going to go along too and outnumber them five to one as usual.


  3. I gie it a couple of hours and it will be up on youtube!

  4. JimnArlene says:

    A vast improvement to the original, disco was never my “theme du jour”.
    Is he Scottish? Really? Well that’s another blow to Alicsammin.

  5. Nan Rattray says:

    Love the song. Can you record it and put it on youtube??

  6. Carol Jardine says:

    The tears o’ laughter are runnin’ doon my cheeks. On a slow Friday efternin, thank you, Paul, (and the WGD tae). Mair pow’r tae yer elbow.

  7. Thanks again, Paul. When the rampant stupidity and bullying tactics of the No Thanksers get me down, you’re always guaranteed to lift my spirits.

  8. YESGUY says:

    bang on the button Paul

    Love the song . 10x better than the original and you’ve popped the words over to Yew Choob. It’s one i will look for .jock does a good Gloria G ye know.

    As for Rory , i know he’s a nob but Scottish ,really?? who would have thought.

    Thanks for the laugh.

    i’m off to try and memorise the song so i can sing it when i get drunk near No voters.

  9. Love the lyrics! You should make sure Citizen Smart gets a copy of them. Take a listen to “Word of Mouth” by Mike and the Mechanics. Although it’s 20+ years old it could hve been written for the Indy campaign today. It’s lyrics are pretty much bang on without any changes.

  10. Illy says:

    If I call that a fantastic filk, will anyone know what I mean? Probably not, but it is one anyway.

    I still maintain that the best way to get rid of Trident is to claim it as Scotlands, then dispose of it ourselves. If for no other reason than I don’t trust the rUK to do a decent job of it (remember Dalgety Bay?), so we might as well save ourselves the hassle of cleaning up after them and do it right ourselves. Taking that as our default position could also get it out of Scotland far quicker than otherwise, as if Westminster want to keep it, then they’d have to move it before 2016, rather than delaying and faffing about afterwards.

    And I don’t buy any of the crap about nuclear non-proliferation treaties not letting us. We’d be taking it with the *blatent* aim of decommissioning it, no-one who cares about the spirit of those treaties would object, and we can quote Cameron that we’re not a signitory to them by default, so we can delay signing up to them until after we’ve claimed the nukes, then we’re not proliferating, just mantaining, and that’s been getting the USA by for decades.

    (I personally think that a nuclear deterrent is a viable option for national defence for small nations who don’t want a large standing army (look what happened to Iraq, or Ukraine, or Syria, or… which *didn’t* have a nuclear deterrent, and compare to North Korea, which does), as long as it’s under the nation’s control. Trident doesn’t qualify, as the UK can’t fire them without Washinton’s approval. I know I’m in a minority on this one, and there are certainly other means of national defence that are probably cheaper and just as effective, I personally lean towards Switzerland’s militia as an option we should consider, as not having a standing army makes it hard to go on military “adventures”)

  11. arthur thomson says:

    All these proud Scots coming out of the closet. It will be just a little less crowded in there. What exactly are they proud of? The poverty? The weapons of mass murder? The fact that Scotland was a dying backwater until the SNP got the chance to try to reverse the trend? These proud Scots think they are a cut above the rest, not so much proud as conceited, They made it so everyone else can if they just put in the hard work. They have done very well for themselves – therein lies the key – FOR THEMSELVES. They fit well into the greed culture and they are happy to advocate on its behalf.

    Anyway – a great post dug. I look forward to everything you write. Thank you.

  12. Weegiewarbler says:

    OMG …… had to run oot an pit on ma spandex and sequinned leggins tae read the lyrics!!
    Excellent – as ever.

  13. JGedd says:

    Another nasal passage lavage with hot tea. Thank you Paul.
    Will be looking out for the song by Yewchoob. Didn’t know the original at all until I saw Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. Just a thought – how about Lady Alba performing it, in one of those outrageously surreal stage outfits à la Priscilla?
    Yes, also surprised that Cameron claims to have a heart when everyone knows it’s just a swinging brick.

  14. Alex Smith says:

    Love the lyrics – and I AM a disco fan (my kids know that if the Trammps “Disco Inferno” isn’t playing while I disappear into the fire, I’ll haunt them for the rest of their lives!). Glad you’ve given the lyrics to Jock, I’m sure he’ll make an awfy guid fist o’ it!

  15. […] It's been another fun week for the Union. The independence movement is definitely absolutely positively not making any more ground and is equally definitely absolutely positively losing support. No…  […]

  16. All this equating of pro independence with Nazism has made me confused. So in the Second World War the Nazis invaded other countries. They were fought by resistance, fighting to keep their countries independent. We helped these countries regain their independence.

    So in the war, Nazis fought Nazis and we helped the Nazis?

  17. MolliBlum says:

    Great lyrics! Can’t wait to hear the YewChoob version 🙂

  18. Jim Bo says:

    Brilliant as always Paul! Will have to learn the lyrics so I can sing it the next time It comes on!

  19. It is such a joy to read your blogs Paul, you fair make me smile, good and bad day I know but still a must read every time. Thank you

  20. WRH2 says:

    Love the new version of the song. But you’ve ruined my day with the news that Rory has called off his Hadrian’s Wall whatever thingy. I live pretty close to the border (thats the one that currently doesn’t exist but will with knobs on if we vote Yes) so I was looking forward to watching all those twinkling lights along the wall. And now you tell me its not happening. Rory, who is also Scottish, must be gutted. Sorry I can’t keep this up any longer, I’m having difficulty seeing the screen for tears of laughter.

  21. Lorna Craig says:

    Fabulous 😀
    As one of the parents from naziphotiegate, this has really cheered me up! Brilliant.

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