Burst offences

Fresh from an all out assault on Stu Campbell of Wings over Scotland, which succeeded in, eh, making people laugh at them, Better Whatever They‘re Called have now turned their sights on Newsnet Scotland and the Dougie Dug video series voiced by actor Brian Cox. The video is embedded above, so you can see for yourselves the full horror of the attack that poor Johann Lamont is subjected to. It’s even worse than being accused of being related to a former Labour Lord Provost of Glasgow by marriage. Just make sure you watch it behind closed curtains with the front door firmly bolted, and please check under any rocks in your garden for Daily Mail reporters, slugs, or Labour MSPs who’ve recently had to turn down a gig with BBC Scotland.

This referendum plumbs new depths. Of arsewipit faux outrage and pretentiously feigned fouque-moi, if nothing else. After this referendum is over there’s a whole new career awaiting Bedder Tea Gazers. They can give classes to ham actors who’re seeking roles in daytime soap operas that end in a cliffhanger with horrified expressions on the actors’ faces. The students will have to supply the wasps for the chewing class themselves though. That’s privatised education for you. Labour jealously guard their own wasps. A number of Unionist MSPs supported the Pedal on Parliament initiative, so obviously there’s open support within the No campaign for bringing bikes to Holyrood. It’s all starting to make sense you know.

So back to the abuse. The female animator of a video published in an online newspaper with a female editor quite sexistly chose to abuse Johann by showing her in a distopian post-Naw future where she’d been rewarded with a seat in the House of Lords for services to hypocrisy and finding things to accuse Alicsammin of.

Is it maybe not just a tiny wee tad sexist not to notice that the publication you’re attacking for sexism has a woman editor? As far as I am aware, Newsnet Scotland is the only widely read news provider in this referendum campaign which has a female editor. Women are also well represented amongst its writers. Newsnet has a zero-tolerance policy when it comes to sexism, and to racism and homophobia too. None of the papers with male editors which carried the story thought to point that out. Funny that. Newsnet are doing something about gender equality within Scotland’s media, and would be the very last people to infantilise the serious issue of gender equality and women’s rights by seizing on a trivial non-gender specific criticism of a female politician and claiming it’s an attack on all women. Johann’s contribution to the cause of gender equality is to conflate her own self importance with women’s rights.

Is it not equally sexist to assume that an animator and video director has to have a wullie? While that does make it easier to write your name in the snow, it’s not a necessary qualification for making an cartoon, unless you’re proposing to make one by the snow writing method. Weren’t some of the actors, sorry, ordinary people, in one of thae Gaunnie Vote Naw Please Please Gaunnie videos eating suspiciously yellow looking ice cream in one scene? There’s life under Westminster for you. Being forced to consume pish instead of a steady decent paying job.

Anyway, in the video Johann is shown with a badge saying “Vermine in Ermine” – a non-gender specific phrase which wasn’t invented by a social misfit independence supporter typing away in his living room in the middle of the night. Or in other words, it wasn’t me. The phrase was invented by Labour grandee John Prescott to describe the troughers and placepersons of House of Lords when John was calling for its abolition, as Labour periodically does when it’s in opposition. That would be the John Prescott who’s now Lord John Prescott Baron of Kingston upon Hull.

But it was still all the fault of Alicsammin. Because. It just is, right. Don’t ask. Or you’ll get sent to your bed without any Barnett Formula.

At least you can say one thing about Bathe Her Tacky Fur, they spend way more on their complaints department than your average budget airline, and they deal with a similar volume of complaints. Admittedly Batter Twee Gaffer’s complaints department is devoted to making complaints. They’re deaf to complaints about their own behaviour, so are already making a good start in the world of budget airlines. And they don’t even have a baggage limit either. There’s no end to their baggage. Pity none of it will fly though.

Sometimes I feel uncomfortable for Bother Tug Rotters. You know, like that feeling you get when you want to do a fart but aren’t sure whether it’s going to be a wet one. So you hold it in despite the stomach cramp while searching for an excuse to run away somewhere private. That’s the feeling Bit Her Toe Raggers ought to get every time they feel like complaining that they’re being abused, but they don’t get it. They get very little at all, like they really don’t get just how big a joke they’ve become. And they’re quite happy to splatter it all over the carpet in public. Still, at least the Record, the Mail, and the Scotsman are there to soak up the drips.

But I need to be careful here, because implying that the female representatives of Butter Dug Rougher ever fart or suffer from loose bowels is obviously sexist. Any criticism of Johann Lamont is an attack on all women and not what passes for regular criticism of a party apparatchik in the British politics Johann has sworn to defend with her witty barbs and eloquent opinions. We must thank Johann for her contribution to feminist thought, just as soon as she’s got that expression off her face, the one that looks like she needs to fart, not the wasp one.

Oh god … I called her an apparatchik. The last syllable sounds like chick. That’s sexist that is. I shall desist forwith and go and beat myself on the bottom with a copy of the Female Eunuch and the collected works of Andrea Dworkin.

But but oh my god oh my god oh my god. I’m gay. I won’t have sex with women. That makes me sexist to the core. But then it would also mean that Johann Lamont thinks that all gay men need to have sex with women so we stop being such sexists. So she’s attacking all gay men. And by her own logic that makes her homophobic. And in the week of Pride Scotia too. Shame on you Johann.

See, we can all play the I’m Offended game. It’s not hard. It’s just a nakedly transparent attempt to distract from the real issues on the referendum campaign, like getting rid of Trident, like reindustrialisation, like building a common weal, like land reform, like media reform. Like the future that’s in store for us if we vote no.

Those issues are so big, and the lack of answers from Bugger I Haven’t A Clue so glaringly obvious, that no amount of silly and childish distraction techniques are going to make us forget about them when we go to vote in September.

See more from Duggy Dug at http://duggydug.com


21 comments on “Burst offences

  1. macart763 says:

    RIGHT Paul jaikets aff. They’re having a go at a wee Scottie and that’s a step too far!

    BTVNOBNTUKOK are also really not very subtle are they? The animation simply hit too close to home on every front. They know it. We know it and so will everyone who watches it. Oh and they know that too.🙂

    They’re spending so much time on fear, smear and damage control there simply isn’t enough hours in the day for the poor dears.😀

  2. Dougie Brawls says:

    J L a woman ???.my god theres a surprise if ever there was one..too much for me at this unearthly time of the morning…xxx

  3. WRH2 says:

    See thaim dugs, the trouble they cause is just no real. Whatever next? And here was me thinking that Alecsammin was controlling a thaim cybernats and noo ye tell me its no. Its twa dugs and a wummin.

  4. Margaret W says:

    Poor John had to resort to blaming his wife when he accepted his ermine He did it because she wanted to be a lady and married to him I suppose that would be the only way she ever had a chance of being thought of as such

    His interview at the time when he was reminded of his remark about vermine in ermine was memorable

  5. Wee Jonny says:

    Ha. I’m wondering how long it took you to think of all your takes on Better Together? I’m now trying to think of some now……… I’ll get back to you on that.

  6. Wee Duggie Dug, Wee Ginger Dug, make mair sence than JoLo n Co fur neither the TWA DUGS


    Great read Paul mair power tae yer keyboard.

  7. andrew>reid says:

    This is the week that “no thanks” moved from being project fear to become project smear and shifted from the gutter to the sewer – what next and where next? What can be below the bottom of the barrel?

  8. Brilliant Paul, one of your funniest yet.
    The chances are the other Indy Dug is going to get loads of extra viewers thanks to their mock outrage and more people will see the dystopian future that would result from a no vote. Bat Her Toga constantly shooting their own feet.

  9. Capella says:

    I’m astonished. Their talent for advertising the great coups of the YES campaign is astonishing. I hadn’t even noticed the vermin in ermine in the cartoon until the NO campaign pointed it out. How clever.
    And clever of WGD to expose the original source of that remark. A palpable hit!

  10. David G. says:

    Better Together’s tactics are working , just not the way they intended. I’ve just sent a donation to

    I’m trying to give up smoking. Most advice sites say you should spend the money you’d normally spend on cigarettes on something useful so I’m intending spending my usual cigarette costs on helping to fund Wings, newsnet, WGD etc.

    Apart from personal health benefits it’s less money in the the UKgov’s coffers and I should live longer to spend more of my life in an independent Scotland.

  11. Helena Brown says:

    Never thought that Ms Lamont was much o’ a dug lover. These stair heid bullies never are. Loved the blog this morning, you better watch or you too will be a target.
    Mind I have never known an Aberdeen Terrier/Scottie who couldn’t look after itself in a fight, one bit my Mum and therefore we never had one, not allowed.

  12. […] Fresh from an all out assault on Stu Campbell of Wings over Scotland, which succeeded in, eh, making people laugh at them, Better Whatever They're Called have now turned their sights on Newsnet Sco…  […]

  13. What we are in danger of doing is falling into the No campaign trap. Trivia, any trivia, will do for them, and their allies in the M.S.M. Ignore them, and their ludicrous attempts to take our attention away from the positive campaign that Yes are running, Must go. Out on the streets once again delivering a real message of hope.

  14. Sasha Distel says:

    Margaret, I believe John also blamed his wife for not wanting her hairstyle ruined and that’s why he had 3 cars-classy eh?
    Anyway, I see the 50,000 who marched on London against austerity have had wall to wall coverage again by our honest to the core media?
    Maybe someone should ask our Unionist friends, why Scotland wants to run its own affairs, why 50,000 are protesting in London and why they are wasting time, chasing shadows rather than address the real issues?
    So Johann, Wullie and Ruth, you have big problems, the public are rather unhappy with your leaders policies-what are you going to do about it- blame the dug?

  15. YESGUY says:

    Is this wee dug week.

    Another victorious chapter in project Fear campaign, the fact is these idiots are supposed to represent us. I can’t take anything the NO side say anymore. Completely indifferent , blind,deaf and it;s nice . once you tune yourself to ignore it all , life feels better , much nicer.

    We can’t lose. The BT/NT/UKOK whatever are non entities . Scrambling for a sinking boat whilst drowning in their own drivel. Now every No voter i meet will have to handled with Kid gloves. It is going to be so hard not to burst our laughing and saying AYE RIGHT .

    Wakey wakey no voters you are looking more and more like the duped fools you are.

    Laughed my socks off Paul. Thanks again.

    Off to put ,my socks back on and wipe the screen

    Oh eerr wiz that sexist ????

    I might get put on a list , cue panic , run around the living room chewing my fingers to the bone.. “i don’t read Wings ..honest” pant pant.

    Folk are starving here and the Slab mob are worried about name calling. oops laughing again.


  16. Helena Brown says:

    A wee warning, seems the Independence Blogs are getting infiltrated by Unionists, both Dave the Cybernat, and Bruce the Grumpy Old Scottishman have attracted Trolls. You know not one of them has any humour, if they had it wouldn’t be so dire.

  17. David Agnew says:

    They wouldn’t be reacting this way if they thought they were winning. They’re going to lose and you can smell the panic with every smear.

  18. Conan_the_Librarian says:

    To be fair, there is a lot of Cox in the video.

  19. Weegiewarbler says:

    Nice one Conan!

    Oh, and byraway, has anyone ever seen Doug the Dug and WGD in the same room ….. ever? I’m jist askin like.

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