The Kezia Dugdale Show

I wasn’t going to do another post today – youse have had two already within the past 24 hours, and there are other things which need to be done. But then I made the mistake of having a wee look at Bella Caledonia’s take on the BBCrisis, my jaw hit the floor, then continued on its downward trajectory and at the time of writing is passing through the central core of the planet on its way to the Antipodean Islands.

It was already rumoured that BBC management had decided to axe the popular Headlines programme on Radio Scotland, presented by Ken McDonald carefully avoiding any references to Swiss Tony. Today Bella Caledonia have inside information that the BBC managers in their immense wisdom, and with their sensitivities towards accusations of arseduppery at the McCorporation finely honed after a week of disasters, are going to replace Headlines with the Kezia Dugdale and Andrew Wilson Show. That Kezia Dugdale. Labour MSP for listseatshire, former aide de camp of George Foulkes, Lord of the Dance with Polis.

You’d think Kezia would be far too busy to take on a new gig at the Beeb. She’s already got a job as an MSP representing her constituents from under the Scotsman’s troll bridge. Kezia is widely believed to have had a previous career as Fifi la Bonbon, licenced troll on the pages of the Scotsman who devoted much of her time to lecturing anyone who cared to listen of the evils of homophobic nationalism and accusing everyone who disagreed with her of homophobia or racism, or both simultaneously.  When she’s not trolling for Labour, Kezia burns the midnight candle writing articles for that stout supporter of the Labour party and resolute campaigner against the evils of homophobia and racism, the Daily Mail.

On the talk page of her Wikipedia entry it helpfuls informs us that the article about Kezia is of “low importance”. So’s Kezia, and if her public profile was in any way commensurate with her talents that’s how she would remain. BBC management and the Daily Mail beg to differ.

After all the ordure BBC management have caused to fall upon Pacific Quay over the past few years, and at the end of a week when they’ve sunk so low that even Nick Clegg could lecture them from the moral high ground, facing strike action and on the brink of institutional collapse, at the very time they need to do something, anything, that might just start to stuff toilet paper into the gaping chasms that are sinking the ship of the national broadcaster – they get rid of another experienced Scottish broadcaster and give us Kezia Dugdale.

In the surreal imaginings of BBC managers, Kezia is going to be a new, neutral and totally unbiased presenter during a referendum campaign. Wrap your head around that. Go on, I dare you. So in the words of the BBC’s last remaining icon, the brand new Doctor Who, the Time Lord from Planet Thick of It – What. The. Fucked. Fucking. Fuckety. Fuck.

At the very time the BBC in Scotland is crying out for responsible in-depth reporting of the referendum by competent journalists, they’re replacing the last remaining Radio Scotland programme which enjoys a modicum of respect with the semi-articulate Labour MSP Kezia Dugdale as its amateur journo.

But the new show is being balanced by Andrew Wilson, the former SNP MSP who is decidedly on the right of the party. So that makes it all OK then. And won’t create the impression in any potential voter’s mind that a vote for indy equates to a vote for the right. Or that the referendum is just another political party ding-dong. It really is all about alicsammin then.  Let’s turn the programme into an audio book version of the Scotsman’s comment pages, that will really interest the listeners.

Imagine thinking BBC managers would countenance such a thing.  Evil cybernats.

Actually they probably didn’t countenance it, because that would imply they exercised a degree of thought that would have passed through “Kezia Dugdale you’ve got to be joking” long before it had got as far as page one in the introduction to the Machiavellian playbook of radio scheduling. They just didn’t think at all, except to note that by axing the Ken show they’d save money on expensive staff salaries which is better spent massaging Jim Naughtie’s ego.  They just didn’t care about anything much else.  Public perceptions?  They’re not paid to consider what the little people think.

When faced between possible explanations for a disastrous series of events, it’s invariably the case that it’s going to be a cock-up and not a conspiracy. BBC management’s lack of management skills are such that they’ve managed to transform a cock-up into something that is indistinguishable from a conspiracy. You have to start off with a natural talent for incompetence and then go and take special remedial classes in order to get that bad. But they are effectively unaccountable.

We didn’t need any more evidence that BBC management do not give a toss about public opinion. But just so we get the message we’ve now been presented with the splattered corpse of the BBC’s reputation, fairness dripping into the gutter amidst bloody gore, with a smoking gun and Ken MacQuarrie and John Boothman standing there holding the trigger, the brains of BBC viewers and listeners splattered over their suits.  And in an expensively tailored pocket is a handwritten statement saying “We done it, it was us, and we don’t care” signed by the pair of them in their own excrement.  They’re just taking the piss now.

Sack them. Sack them now.

But they won’t be sacked.  So instead ponder this.  This is the broadcasting system that the Unionist parties tell us is us getting the best of both worlds.  Which is utter nonsense.  Catalonia has several tv networks and numerous radio channels, including a 24 hour news channel of its own.

I’ve made this point several times before, but it needs to be shouted from the rooftops – Gagauzia has its own national broadcaster – and no-one even knows where it is.  Gagauzia is a tiny self-governing scrap of territory in the poorest corner Moldova, the poorest country in Europe.  It’s the homeland of the Gagauz people, a small community of Turkish speaking Orthodox Christians about 150,000 strong.  Gagauzia has fewer people than Aberdeenshire.  But unlike Scotland, the Gagauzians are allowed to decide their broadcasting policies for themselves.

The parlous state of BBC Scotland has little to do with not enough money being available – the money is available, but it sure as hell isn’t being spent on Scottish broadcasting.  Scottish broadcasting has been reduced so low entirely because of political decisions made by the Westminster parties.  They like to keep us ill-informed and stupid.

All three Unionist parties have now revealed their devolution plans, and every single one of them has explicitly ruled out giving Scotland the same degree of political control over its own broadcast media as is enjoyed by the Autonomous Territory of Gagauzia.

There’s only one way that the state broadcaster in Scotland can ever be held to account, and the smoking gun held to the head of senior management to force them to improve their Scottish output – and that’s to vote Yes and get a Scottish national broadcaster.  This embarrassing farce has gone on too long.


Update:  In the interests of fairness and balance, because I’m not BBC Scotland management, it should be pointed out that Kezia Dugdale denies that she was Fifi la Bonbon.  Not that that makes the BBC’s decision to give her a gig on the radio during a national referendum campaign any less gob-smackingly intelligence insulting.


33 comments on “The Kezia Dugdale Show

  1. Capella says:

    Totally agree. It’s gone way beyond farce. The journalists should come out and bring the whole sorry circus to a halt.

  2. JGedd says:

    I could hardly believe it when I heard about Kezia Dugdale. This is too much. But sometimes with institutions you get group-think and the group will act as one. I get the impression, that just as the bully will become more outrageous to prove their power and your powerlessness to do anything about it, that this might be what is going on at BBC management. This could be deliberately provocative stuff and we are getting the two-finger salute!

  3. mary vasey says:

    I have not watched or listened to any of Bloody Bewildering Crap output for a long time. Got so angry at all their biased drivel. Unfortunately I can’t withhold my licence fee as I’m now retired. At least it’s quiet here now, no rants- mine swearing at the atrocious biased slant they put out. Goddamn them and all their london masters. We will gain independence, no thanks to them- or should it be thanks to them! Anyway big thanks to you WGD for bringing sanity and some laughs in an insane world

    • MBC says:

      Yes you can withold your license fee. Just phone them up and say you’re getting rid of your telly as you no longer support the BBC. That’s what I did. If you watch anything on iPlayer it is legal as long as it is not live.

      • Alba4Eva says:

        You don’t need to get rid of your telly. The licence is for watching TV live… not owning a telly.

        I use mine as a big monitor for my PC. Just remove the aerial connection and watch catchup as you say.

  4. Bigbricks says:

    I don’t have faith in the BBC to report anything truthfully and without bias now, whether it be domestic or international news. I’ve pretty much given up watching or listening to any of their channels.
    I can’t really work out what the Hell is going on here. During a year which is as important as any other in the past 300 odd for Scotland (and the only years I might grudgingly grant equivalence are the years of the Second World War), “BBC Scotland” seems determined to do everything in its power to switch viewers off. Someone is pulling their chain, and I think its a very long chain stretching from London.
    We’ve had “heavyweights” like James Naughtie parachuted in to savage anyone in favour of a Yes vote, and roll over to have his belly tickled by any establishment figure. He couldn’t have his eyes fixed on either a peerage or a promoted BBC post could he? Gary Robertson is dumped from GMS (which is only listenable when Mr Naughtie isn’t there). I’ve always thought Gary was No through and through, but he was professional enough to ask the obvious questions (Naughtie take heed).
    Any programme reporting on the referendum seems to be either getting watered down, folded up, or being given rank amateurs to front it. This is a supposedly national broadcaster, whose coverage of the most momentous national political event in over three centuries is thin to the point of transparency. They’ve given up, and they don’t even seem to be bothering to pretend any longer. I’ve no need to go to BBC Scotlandshire for parody. I’m so tired with complaining and getting nowhere (still waiting for anything other than an acknowledgement of my last complaint of over a month ago that I’ve given up on it). We can see coverage of the BBC Pacific Quay demo on Russia Today, and coverage of events in Spain on Al-Jazeera. Not on the BBC, however. Does anyone else find this a mite chilling?
    As an aside, Paul, I echo the sentiments of your other commenters – I read WoS and the wee dug every day. Wings gives me forensic dissection, you give me humanity, the sharpest tongue I’ve ever heard on anyone other than my granny (no, actually it’s sharper if I’m honest), and a regular and hugely satisfying laugh. Keep barking wee dug!

    • weegingerdug says:

      the sharpest tongue I’ve ever heard on anyone other than my granny (no, actually it’s sharper if I’m honest)

      Outgrannying your granny – that’s the greatest compliment I’ve ever been paid in my entire life. Cheers.

  5. jamie macdonald says:

    Here, here, I always preferred the BBC output in the past, radio mostly, ignorant surely, but have had my eyes opened on this and many other things in this campaign, (regular walks with the dug help) I have noticed the changes on radio and the rise of ads for ‘british’ this or that on tv, the latest efforts with ‘scotland’ in the title are just a big bumper pack of the toilet paper you mention for ‘stuffing the gaping chasms’ except it’s that really cheap stuff which is why I will frequently not give them airtime,- little other choice on radio in rural south west though, another reason for voting YES!
    like that Mary -Bloody Bewildering Crap -I’m going to use that now!

  6. scotsgeoff says:

    Keza Dugdale aka Fifi is one of the main reasons I gave up commenting on newspaper forums. It is beyond belief she has been enlisted onto the BBC.

    Thankfully, I gave up watching the Beeb yonks ago as watching it always left me feeling unclean and felt like I had just allowed some undesirable into my living room to take a dump on the carpet.

  7. macart763 says:

    “What. The. Fucked. Fucking. Fuckety. Fuck.”

    Well quite.

    Although may I add a ‘fer fuggsake’.

    They seem to be wilfully setting about destroying their own reputation. What little of it remains that is. The BBC are now moving dangerously into laughing stock territory.

  8. diabloandco says:

    Biting wit.

    Can BBBC Scotland get any worse?

  9. Maggie Craig says:

    Absolutely agree with all the comments on here. You couldn’t make this up. Paul, you and the dug are national treasures!

  10. Sooz says:

    It’s often said that Orwell’s 1984 is being used as a government instruction manual rather than viewed as the warning it was meant to be. If by any slender chance this ends up as a No vote, just don’t go telling anyone what your worst fears are, that’s all.

    Roll on 18th September.

    Fantastic writing, WGD. Always a pleasure to crack open the page and drink it in.

  11. Helena Brown says:

    You are definitely on fire these days Paul, never a wrong word written.
    My thoughts on this matter were that Fifi la Bonbon is maybe being trailed to see the reaction and it may never happen but who would want to be a poodle in the care of a certain Lardie, I would think a proper poodle would have bitten him, well she is certainly not show quality.
    On the subject of Boothman and MacQuarrie, I think the First Minister alluded to them also being poodles when David Dimbleby suggested that any complaints be sent to Pacific Quay, Glasgow and the First Minister said that was the trouble that they had no power there.

  12. faolie says:

    Too bloody true Paul. The BBC is a government organisation. It is an organ of the state, and the state is in peril, and the BBC is doing its bit to save the state. And so it will do whatever it needs to do to save the state. And no one from the state is going to say anything against it. Because that’s what state broadcasters are for and is why control of broadcasting is never going to be devolved in this country.

    Vote Yes, get rid of state broadcasters!

  13. Devereux says:

    On Radio 5 yesterday (can’t bear Scottish output any more) Peter Allen asked wee Ruthie a (1) sceptical question along the lines of you really think I am buying that? – almost cried. Almost ran 360 miles down the road to hug him. That’s what a drought in decent journalism does to folk! Was at the Pacific Quay protest – really do believe a bigger one would have an impact…..Thanks as ever WGD for lifting the spirits.

  14. Eilean says:

    Im a bit out of the loop right now. This is the first that I have heard of this.

    In the name of fuck what is going on? Dugdale must be one of the most rabid naysayers on the fucking planet and the BBC give her a job.

    This could be straight out of “BBC Scotlandshires greatest hits. Volume 1”

    Words fail me!

  15. Ronald Henderson. says:

    When is the next protest outside Pacific Quay? I want to be there.

  16. Tris says:

    I remember her being cross when I questioned if it shouldn’t be Fifi LE Bonbon. Bonbon being masculine and all…

    • weegingerdug says:

      Ha! When I first wrote this article I’d put le bonbon, then checked and found that the gender was wrong in the ID, so had to “correct” my correct French back to bad French. Et moi, je parle le français comme une vache espagnole moue.

  17. michael says:

    If any of you are still paying or the BBC’s crap then you need to get some self-respect and some courage right now. Stop paying, cancel your direct debit, standing order or whatever, you’ll get some letters, they’ll maybe call you. Say nothing, don’t answer them and put the letters in the recycling.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s